It’s not unusual for a normal man to want to pick up a few prostitutes and have a wild night before returning to his family. Most of them end up too caned to even trouble the women for sex. They pay, guilty men always do.
‘Fifty now, and fifty when you leave. The drugs are included.’
The see-through plastic bag of narcotics he waves in the air seals the deal. She would have gone anyway. Hell, the warmth from the car was so enticing, she'd have sucked him off for nothing if he let her sit in it for half an hour afterwards.
‘Hey. You want to party with my girl, it will cost more than that.’
Trust Damon to be greedy. It’s past eleven now and there’d be little more trade. His face is interested though. He’s clocked the others in the rear seats. He is jealous. The man notices.
‘You can come too, buddy.’
‘You not some kinda faggot, are you?’
‘All are welcome in the House of the Lord.’
Carly misses the strange statement as she smirks at Damon’s bravado. He is already climbing in the front seat. She climbs in the back and they pull away. The driver has a baseball cap on, so it’s hard to see his face. He isn't nervous which means he’s done this before. That’s good news as he’ll know the score. She smiles as he tries to give her the money. Damon takes that and holds the zip-loc bag of drugs up to the windscreen. All eyes are on the large stash. The journey is ten silent minutes, their minds full of anticipation.
They pull up in a quiet street. Carly remembers a young teenager and her best friend going to a house party. Her dad getting out and opening the door for them like a chauffeur. They ran off giggling. She wished now she had gone back. Told him she loved him. Maybe he had the blood clot floating around his body then, biding its time before it killed him. She will never recover from that shock. Her mother certainly hadn’t.
The house is sweltering. She feels as though she’s walking into a baker’s oven. It’s heavenly. He guides them into a room with two sofas facing a large flat screen television. She fails to consider the doyleys and Toby Jugs. They ignore the family pictures which don’t include their host. Their focus is on the prize, and they get stuck in.
***
The first thing she notices as her eyes struggle to open is the sour taste. A slow breath pulls fetid air into her lungs. Her heavy head sways to regard her co-workers. They all snooze, lined up on the sofa. For a few seconds, it’s a Christmas scene from years ago. Damon could be her father, gently snoring in the armchair. Tears slide off her chin. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She didn’t deserve this.
Carly can’t summon the energy to rise out of her seat, but instinct tells her she must. Rolling off, she crawls out of the room. The hall is quiet save for the tick of an unseen clock, the floor hard to her bony knees. It's as if she’s fainted, but remains conscious. There’s a mewling sound coming through a closed door. It swings open at a gentle push. A smashed window and ripped curtain allows the moonlight to display an old lady, duct taped to a recliner. She sobs in silence.
A wave of overwhelming drug euphoria causes Carly to rest her head on the parquet flooring. Blasts of icy air grab her attention but can’t prize her eyelids apart. Despite her confusion, everything that is wrong with the scene registers. This isn’t the home of a forty-year-old man. It shouldn't smell of petrol here. She doesn’t need sight to know Abel has opened the front door.
The click of a zippo lighter opening becomes her world. She prays for oblivion, before she burns.
Chapter 64
Olivia
A week later
The traffic to the airport is light, and with extra time I park in the short stay and enter the terminal building. Rachel checks in and I buy coffee from Starbucks. Even I smart at the cost. Dan would have had a heart attack. We sit and have a last chat.
‘How’s Herman?’
Rachel beams. ‘Excellent. Coming out in a month to see me. I almost daren’t say it, but he’s proving lovable.’
‘That’s good to hear. I’m pleased for you. I hope he’s the special one.’
‘So, have you decided to take Dan with you? You said you’ve half moved back in. I can see you’re happier. God only knows what you see in that eejit, but you love him. Your pizazz has returned.’
‘My pizazz?’
‘Yeah, you know. Your kaboom!’
‘I will miss you, you know.’
‘Well, it won’t be too long now. It’ll be great, even if you bring Dan Dan the domestic man. Although I still can’t rate him as a househusband.’
‘He is trying, but he’s by no means a natural. We call it man cleaning. He does the hoovering and tidies the kitchen. Then I go behind him and do it properly. It’s not a perfect system but I get it done much quicker. I blame his mother. How did he not learn how to iron?’
‘Ironing is for people with too much free time. You know that.’
‘He’s always been brilliant with the washing machine though. He rarely wears anything more than once before he cleans it. Although God knows where him and Bailey get to, because they’re often covered in mud.’
‘Enough about domestic chores. Are you looking forward to getting stuck into your new job?’
‘It’s a great opportunity. And great money.’
‘I’d say you are delighted for yourself.’
‘I am that.’
‘Perhaps you could get Beau to give Dan a job. They’ll need someone to clean the bogs at the new office.’
‘Stop it. You’re terrible. Now you mention it, that’s not a terrible idea.’
‘I’m joking.’
‘I know, but Dan has skills. Beau might be keen as it would make me happier.’
‘That fooker better not end up sitting next to me. I can do without being surrounded by his beer farts all day long.’
‘He’s getting fit as it goes. Running, weights at home. I even saw my Davina McCall DVD out on the side.’
‘I suspect he’s been doing a different pump to that.’
‘Ha ha. He told me that Charlie spilt a yoghurt on the TV.’
‘You always take it too far.’
‘To be fair, Dan’s a changed man. He’s stopped drinking, and the weight is sliding off him. Dan actually wants to do things. We’re having fun, even when it’s boring, if that makes any sense. We’re going somewhere tomorrow morning as a secret treat.’
‘You don’t say? Are strip joints open in the morning?’
‘Give him a chance, Rachel. He’s not all bad.’
‘I still need convincing. I was beginning to think he was Abel with all his weird behaviour.’
‘Can you imagine? Him and Ian. A deadly duo wreaking death and destruction.’
‘Perhaps the criminal genius will take you to a football match.’
‘Dan’s smarter than that. I think. I suspect he’s taking me to a…wait for it. Car boot sale!’
‘The sneaky little gombeen. He is pulling out the stops.’
There was a flyer next to the computer and with minimal cyberstalking, I found the website on his browsing history. I love car boot sales, and it’s a huge one tomorrow. I experience a strange thrill when I arrive. There are bargains to be had there. You can get strange quirky items you wouldn’t even think of buying. I’ve found fantastic ornaments in them.
‘It’s exciting. I can’t wait.’
‘I’m glad I don’t live with you anymore. Every time you found one of those markets, we’d end up with a flat full of shite.’
‘Oi, cheeky. We had loads of good stuff.’
The tannoy announcements always rattle Rachel in airports. She’s paranoid she’ll develop narcolepsy, thereby missing her plane. She likes to reach the boarding gate first and sit right at the front, her thinking being that if she drops off, they will see and wake her. And there’s me thinking airport seats are designed specifically so you couldn’t fall asleep on them. We all have our foibles.
‘I better get going.’
I check my watch and
smile. She has two hours.
‘Give me a hug. Keep in touch.’
She holds my arms and squeezes them hard. ‘Be careful. It feels a bit like I’m escaping from this place.’
I watch her walk away with her little pull-along suitcase. That Herman has tightened up her arse. She worries too much, maybe things are coming together. Can life be simple after all?
Chapter 65
Dan
I chuck Bailey a handful of gravy bones and walk towards our waiting shit-mobile. Olivia is in good spirits and waves like a crazy person. I climb in next to her and kiss her on the cheek even though she only left to drop the kids off half an hour ago. She has her denim dungarees on as I told her to dress casually. It’s weird that I find them her sexiest item. Possibly hotter than the purple dress. It’s confirmation I’m straight, as Super Mario never did much for me.
‘I’ll drive if you want?’
‘That’s okay. You always drive. Now, where to my little munchkin?’
I nibble my lip. She’s a wonderful driver, in some respects. Way better than me, apart from one aspect. She is the clutch-killer extraordinaire. I must remain calm.
‘To the stadium near where you used to live?’
‘Eh?’
‘You know. Near the monument.’
‘Oh.’
I’m not sure why she looks annoyed. She pulls away and rides the clutch as though she wants to punish the car. I swear I hear a strand on the cable pinging. I can’t help myself.
‘Remember what we discussed?’
‘Can it, Dan. Do I tell you how to drive?’
‘No, but I haven’t gone through two clutches in three years.’
‘Don’t start. We’re having a nice day together. Focus on that. No bitching. Where are we going?’
‘There’s a big car boot sale on the stadium car park. Thousands of stalls. Full of lurking treasures.’
‘Brilliant. I thought for a minute I’d be forced to watch sport.’
‘Well, I know how you enjoy bargain hunting.’
She reaches over and squeezes my hand and gives me a cute look, hair up in a bun.
We pull up at the far end of the stadium where there are still spaces for parking. If Olivia was any more excited, she’d have her legs crossed. Tables fan out as far as I can see, but it doesn’t appear too busy. We’re reasonably early as she always reckons the best stuff goes first. Not too early though. I know it’s going to be a wearing experience.
Olivia kind of floats through the stalls. I’ve seen her do it on other occasions. It’s ethereal. She glides along with all the time in the world, a half-smile lighting up her face. As an accompanying man, it is terrible. You should go with a plan, get what you want, and come out. She’s looking for something she doesn’t need. Madness.
After an hour, we agree to hunt alone. She said I was ruining the experience by hanging around like a bodyguard. I find a sports memorabilia stall that’s interesting. It uses up a bit of time but I buy nothing.
We meet back at the car. She struggles with bags and carries an enormous fluffy rabbit.
‘Haven’t our kids grown out of big furry toys?’
‘What? No. You never grow out of them when they’re this big. I couldn’t resist him. He’s so cute, isn’t he? He’s for you. He likes you. A lot.’
She pushes me over the bonnet and simulates the rabbit giving me a rough ride. Olivia’s giggling so much she’s dribbling.
‘You want it, Dan. Don’t ya, don’t ya.’
It’s proof we live in a big city as no one says a word, despite many walking within a metre of us.
‘Very amusing. You fancy a burger?’
‘Aren’t you taking me and the rabbit for lunch?’
‘I suppose so. That was the best sex I’ve had in years. We can go for a meal next, but I’m starving now. Come on, we’ll share one. You love dirty burgers from filthy vans.’
She thinks for a minute and bursts into song.
‘I want a burger all of my own.
I ask my boyfriend, what will it be
Will it be bow wow?
Will it be roadkill, or maybe a rat?
You’ll have to wait and see.’
I leave Doris Day and Que Sera behind and join the queue. One minute later, I’m back and getting into the car. Without any burgers.
‘Where’s the food?’
‘He wanted ten for two burgers.’
‘That’s steep.’
‘Yes! That’s what I said. I asked him why it was so expensive.’
‘Was it wagyu?’
‘My comment exactly. He replied, "No mate. It’s beef, and that’s the going rate’’. He then said something about having to cover the costs of getting his van here and the customer pays for the convenience. I told him it was a boot sale in the car park of a city stadium, not Everest base camp.’
‘Ah, no way. I want a burger now. Can we still have one?’
‘No, I can’t go back.’
‘Why not?’
‘I insulted him. If he’s close to his mum, he’ll be upset.’
‘I see. Some things don’t change.’
‘Shall we get a pizza?’
‘Yes, let’s get out of here. It was closing up anyway. I reckon I have all the best stuff. Thanks for bringing me. I had a great time. It was perfect to wander without worrying about the kids.’
Chapter 66
Dan
We stop at a local pizza place. I have a Groupon voucher in preparation and swagger through the door. Groupons always make me think I’ve got one up on the restaurant. We skirt around the California paradox until the desserts arrive. Then, Olivia tells me the news I hoped not to hear.
‘I’m sorry to say this, Dan. We’re going without you. I know you’ve been trying, but it’s early days. This job needs all my attention, and I want to start the job with no aggravation. I need to give it my best shot while I’m calm and settled.’
My tiramisu spoils in my mouth. I force it down with a frown.
‘Is there anything I can do to change your mind?’
‘Come and visit. After a month or so. It’ll give us both chance to breathe. We can see how we get on and take it from there.’
It’s a reasonable gesture. A sensible one. I try not to think of missing the children for that long. Getting cross wouldn’t help either. Should I blame her? They always say absence makes the heart grow fonder. What choice do I have? Or am I giving up too soon? She hasn’t gone yet.
‘Are you going to continue living at your parents’ house?’
‘Yes, if that’s fine with you. I think it’s good for both of us.’
I give her a smile I don’t feel. She gives me a sad look in reply, then remembers something.
‘Guess who I saw with a stall?’
‘Mad Mike, our neighbour, selling souvenirs from his murders? I can see him running a pickled finger stall.’
‘No, but close. Joseph Wickmeyer.’
‘Who is that?’
‘You know him as Pete the postman, or The Taekwondo Tapir.’
‘That numpty. What was he doing?’
‘He had a stall. Bric-à-brac mostly. He was selling Star Wars toys. I haven’t seen yours for a while. Did you let him have them?’
‘I gave him a couple. I thought you’d moved them?’
‘No, I didn’t. He was also selling second hand perfume. You know, half used stuff. Quite a few of them looked like the ones I had. Did you give him them as they’ve disappeared as well?’
‘No, I didn’t. The little stoat must have nicked them. Did you challenge him?’
‘I wasn’t sure to be honest. I said hello, but he wasn’t fazed. At least I couldn’t see him selling any of my underwear that disappeared.’
‘I should think he was wearing that, or he had them for breakfast with Nutella. How brazen though. I’m going to have a word with him. I’ll drop around on the way back to yours.’
‘It’s not worth it, Dan. It was a load of old rubbish.
Let’s not ruin today.’
‘That vermin has been in our house. That’s bang out of order. Besides, you’ve already ruined today.’
Chapter 67
Olivia
To my surprise, the postman lives in a reasonable neighbourhood. I don’t ask Dan how he knows this. By the strain in his jaw, his toes are over the edge. I suspect it’s nothing to do with this guy stealing our stuff, and more to do with my decision.
I tried long and hard to choose for us all to go together. Yet, a part of my being willed me to leave with just the kids. Almost as if my molecules were telling me it’s time to be on my own. Is my instinct begging me to get my head together so I can give it another shot, or is it imploring me to start again? Without him.
‘It’s nice around here.’
Dan ignores the high terraces and swept paths. He grunts as a cyclist nearly commits suicide on our bonnet, and stops outside a shabbier place than the others. He pops the compartment near my legs, reaches in, and pulls an orange hammer out. My eyes follow as he slips it into the inside of his jacket so smoothly, it’s like he’s pocketing someone’s business card.
‘Expecting trouble? Don’t be daft and put it back. In fact, why is there a bloody hammer in our car?’
‘It’s an emergency glass breaker. I’m not turning up swinging a mace.’
‘Why take it at all then?’
‘He’s The Taekwondo Tapir remember. What if he’s also Abel?’
‘The newspapers reckon that Abel is dead. They think he got caught up in that shootout in Chinatown. It was like something from the movies. The Chinese said a man had been terrorising them. He killed scores of dealers until they cornered him in a busy supermarket of all places. Thirty people died. One of them had a beard, a hoody, and a scarf.’
‘When was that?’
‘This morning’s news.’
‘Shit. Abel probably bumped into Malcolm ranting over them undercutting him on milk. Malcolm snapped and slayed everyone there, Abel included. So, it’s over?’
[2018] Abel's Revenge Page 21
