He rolls onto his back, taking me with him in his arms and holding me snugly against the side of his body. “I love you, Jade.”
“I love you, too.”
Our first time together and it was better than I could’ve imagined. I’m proud of myself for not freaking out. For not hearing my mother’s voice in my head. For not worrying that I didn’t know what I was doing. I just went with it and let myself be happy.
And I’m definitely happy. I finally know what sex is supposed to feel like. If I’d known that, I wouldn’t have waited so long to do this with Garret.
We lie quietly for a moment and I glance around and notice the high school trophies on his bookshelf.
“Did I just make 15-year-old Garret’s fantasy come true? A girl sneaking into his room at night?”
He drops a kiss on my cheek. “You made 19-year-old Garret’s fantasy come true. And you did more than sneak in my room.”
“Hey, it’s not like I intended to do that.”
“I don’t know, Jade. It seemed kind of intentional to me. You wake me up, then start kissing me, then rub up against me, and strip me naked. I think you might’ve taken advantage of me just now.”
His serious tone makes me laugh. “Well, I couldn’t sleep over there all alone in that big bed. What did you expect me to do?”
“So can I look forward to you taking advantage of me tomorrow night? And maybe the night after that?”
“I was thinking of taking advantage of you after I get a few hours of sleep.”
“Well, shit. Then let’s go to sleep.” He gives me a kiss. “Goodnight, Jade.”
“Goodnight.” I laugh as I say it.
We wake up around 7 and as promised, I take advantage of him. I have a feeling we’ll be doing this a lot now.
I go back to my room to shower, then meet him downstairs for breakfast.
“How did you sleep?” Garret asks me as Charles pours us some orange juice.
“Good. Great, actually.” We’re staring at each other across the table. I know we just did it but when I see his sparkly blue eyes and that sexy smile, I’m ready to do it again.
“Jade, I made some donuts for you.”
The words “donuts” and “made” wake me from my Garret-induced sex haze and I realize Charles is talking to me. “Did you just say you made donuts? Like made them from scratch?”
“Yes. I’ll go get them.” He disappears into the kitchen.
“He made freaking donuts, Garret! That guy is incredible!”
“Hey, I thought I was incredible.” He leans across the table. “At least that’s what you said—”
“So we have glazed, sprinkled, powdered.” Charles returns with a tray full of donuts. “I made an assortment.”
“I need to try one of each.” I turn to Charles. “How do you make these? Do you have a machine or something?”
He laughs. “No. They’re not that hard to make.”
I bite into the powdered one. “These are sooo good.”
“What time is dinner?” Garret asks him.
“I was thinking 2. Does that work?”
“Works for me. What do you think, Jade?”
I can’t answer. My mouth is full of donuts. I notice that I now have powdered sugar all over my hands.
Garret shakes his head, laughing at me as he takes a donut. “Never mind. We’ll eat at 2, Charles.”
After breakfast, Garret insists we watch the parade. We go to the game room with the massive TV on the wall and lie on the couch. I’m cold so he grabs some blankets and puts them over us. We lie there together, being completely lazy.
When the parade ends we check on Charles in the kitchen and offer to help, but he kicks us out. I’m sure we’d only get in his way. We go back to the game room and play some arcade games.
I feel like I’m living in a movie. Staying in this fancy estate. Having a cook make all my food. Dating this super hot guy. None of this even seems real.
At 2, we sit down for dinner. Charles brings out a turkey that looks like something you’d see in a magazine. It’s golden brown on top and has garnishes all around it on the tray. The side dishes are already out; the traditional classics that Garret insisted I have at my first “real” Thanksgiving.
“Would you like to carve the turkey, Garret?” Charles asks him.
“Sure.” Garret goes over to it and Charles shows him how to carve it. As they’re carving the turkey, I take in the scene, again feeling like it’s not real. But it is real. I’m sitting at a table eating Thanksgiving dinner. At a house. Not a restaurant. With the person I love.
17
All three of us completely stuff ourselves. Garret and I offer to help clean up, but Charles won’t let us. But we at least carry all the dishes back to the kitchen.
“Can we go for a walk or something?” I ask Garret. “I’ll fall asleep if I sit down.”
He agrees and we grab our coats and go out back by the pool. “There’s not much to see in the winter.” He points to an area behind the pool. “But in the summer there’s a flower garden back there.”
“Where does this lead to?” I point to a crushed stone path near where I’m standing.
“It just goes to the edge of the woods and hooks up with the start of the trail.”
“Let’s go on the trail.”
“It’s pretty cold. Are you sure you can handle it?”
I punch him. “Yeah, I can handle it.”
He leads the way into the woods. His parents must own acres of land behind their house. The trail seems to go on forever.
Garret stops before we reach the end of it. “We should turn back. It’s getting dark.”
“Are you afraid to be alone with me in the woods?” I put my arms around him and look up at him, smiling.
“Yeah. You might attack me again like last night.” He kisses me. “And this morning.” He kisses me again.
“Sorry about that. I’ll never do it again.” I try not to laugh.
“I was kidding. You don’t really think—”
I kiss him, not letting him finish. I love feeling his warm lips on mine as the cold air circles around us.
Garret pulls away slightly and points at the sky. “Jade, look.”
Tiny snowflakes are falling, melting as soon as they hit the ground. I look up through the trees and watch as more flakes gently fall. The snow is even whiter against the dark woods. It’s beautiful. I notice how quiet it is. And how amazingly happy I feel standing here in Garret’s arms. Everything is perfect. Beyond perfect.
Good things never last, Jade. Good things never last. I whip my head around as if my mother is really there beside me. Her words haven’t haunted me for weeks and now here she is again, taking this magical moment away from me.
“Something bad is going to happen.” I whisper it to myself, but Garret hears me.
“Jade, why would you say something like that? Nothing bad is going to happen.”
Good things never last. I hear her again. It’s almost like she wants the good things to go away. Like she never wants me to be happy.
“What’s wrong?” He lifts my chin up to face him. “You love the snow.”
My mind snaps back to reality. “This day has been everything I could’ve ever wanted and more. It’s been perfect. And you’ve been perfect.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“It never lasts. Whenever good stuff happens, something ten times worse happens later.”
He brings me in for a hug. “Nothing bad is going to happen. So stop thinking that way and just be happy.”
I wish it were true, but I know it’s not. I’ve had too much experience that says otherwise. It’s just like my mom said. The good stuff is always followed by the bad. That’s why I try to never let myself get too happy. It just makes the bad stuff that follows that much worse.
But it’s too late with Garret. I’ve let myself go beyond happy with him. And now I’m afraid of what’s to come. It makes me wonder if Garret’s dad was just p
laying some kind of mind game with us. Making us think we can be together only to break us apart again.
Dammit! How did I get to this place? This place where I’m completely in love with a boy I’ll never be allowed to have. I should know better. I should know that it’s just a matter of time before his dad or someone else takes him away from me.
We walk back, the snow still falling above us. I keep quiet until we’re back at the start of the trail.
“Thanks for letting me come over for Thanksgiving, Garret.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I practically forced you to come. And I loved having Thanksgiving with you.” He squeezes my hand. “We’re going to do this again next year. And the year after that. It’ll be another one of our traditions.”
I break my hand away from his and walk faster toward the house. A lump is forming in my throat and my eyes are tearing up. I want that tradition more than anything. And I want him more than anything. And the feelings I have when I’m with him. But I know I’m not allowed to have any of it. Something will ruin it like it always does. Nothing good lasts.
The tears are now starting to stream down my cheek. I walk faster so Garret won’t see them.
“Why are you walking so fast?” He races to catch up, then sees my silent tears. “Jade, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
“I’m not.” I wipe my face as I walk even faster toward the house. “I should really get back to the dorms. I have some reading to catch up on. Could you drive me back?”
“No, I’m not driving you back. You’re here until Sunday.” He grabs my coat, forcing me to stop. “What the hell just happened here? We were having this great walk in the woods with the snow and now you want to go back to the dorms?”
I try to turn away from him but he won’t let me. “Talk to me, Jade. What’s going on?” He hesitates. “Did you hear her again?”
“Yes.” My tears slow. “I heard her telling me that good things never last. She used to say it all the time. And she’s right, Garret. This isn’t going to last. You. What we have together. It’s all going to end.”
“It will only end if you make it end.”
“It won’t be me. It’ll be someone else. Your dad. Or Katherine. Blake. Someone will take this away from me. They’ll take you away from me.”
“That’s not gonna happen. We’ve already been through this a hundred times. I can handle my dad. I can handle Katherine.” He wipes the remaining tears from my face. “I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me.”
The way he says it somehow makes me smile. “For how long?”
“For as long as you’ll have me.” He smiles back. “So if anyone should be worried about this not lasting, it should be me.”
Deep down, I know this won’t last. How could it? We’re only 19. But this thing between Garret and me just started and I’m not ready for it to end. So why do I have this feeling that it will?
“Let’s go inside,” he says. “It’s getting really cold out here.”
I don’t move but instead just look at him, feeling like he’s already gone. What is wrong with me? He’s not gone. He’s standing right here in front of me, holding his hand out for me. Nothing’s changed. He’s still my boyfriend. And my friend. The best friend I’ve ever had. I panic, remembering how his dad tried to take our friendship away, too.
“Promise me that if we break up you’ll still talk to me. That you’ll still be my friend.”
“We’re not breaking up, Jade.”
“Just promise me.”
“Fine. I promise. But we’re not breaking up.” He takes my hand and we walk back to the house.
“Are you ready for dinner?” he asks when we get inside. He hangs our coats up by the back door.
“Dinner? I’m still kind of full from lunch.” I slip my wet shoes off, knowing Katherine would kill me if I got the floor wet.
“You have to eat. It’s leftover time. Leftover turkey is the best. I’ll make you one of my turkey sandwiches.”
We go in the kitchen. Charles must’ve had the same idea because containers of leftovers are lined up on the kitchen island.
“I’ve got it all ready for you,” Charles says to Garret as if he was expecting this.
“Thanks.” Garret grabs two plates, then gets to work making the sandwiches; white bread, butter, turkey, stuffing, and a drizzle of gravy. “My mom showed me how to make these. My dad never liked them, but my mom and I would each have at least two of these sandwiches on Thanksgiving night.”
Garret never said a word about his mom until that night he told me about the plane crash. Since then, he’s started to mention her more. I can tell it makes him happy to talk about her. I wonder if his dad told him never to mention her again and that’s why he avoided the topic the past nine years. Or maybe he just didn’t think anyone would listen.
Whenever Garret talks about his mom, I can’t help but think how different his life used to be. Living in a normal house in a normal neighborhood. He makes it sound like his dad was a totally different person back then. And that day after the break-in when his dad came to my room, it’s almost like I saw a part of that person. It’s like that part of his dad is still there, but he won’t let it come out.
Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t notice that Garret had finished making the sandwich and set it in front of me.
“Try it. What are you waiting for?” He’s so anxious it’s cute.
I pick up the sandwich. “It’s all smashed together. Who smashed it like this?”
He gives me an odd look. “I did. You just saw me do it. That’s the secret. You smash everything together so all the flavors get mixed in under the bread.”
I glance at Charles who looks both amused and disgusted at Garret’s concoction. I take a bite. It tastes much better than it looks.
“So? What do you think?” Garret sits back on a stool next to the kitchen island, crossing his arms over his chest like he’s pleased with himself.
“It’s, um, good,” I say, knowing his competitive nature won’t accept such a lame response.
“Good? That’s it?” He snatches the sandwich from my hands and takes a bite. He closes his eyes. “It’s freaking amazing.” He opens his eyes and hands it back to me. “Come on, Jade. Seriously? Good? That’s the best adjective you’ve got to describe the pure perfection I created there?’
Charles rolls his eyes, which makes me laugh. “Okay. It’s stupendous. It’s beyond amazing. It’s probably the absolute best sandwich I’ve ever tasted.”
He jumps off the stool and kisses my cheek. “That’s better. Sit down. I’ll get you something to drink.”
The three of us sit at the kitchen island eating our sandwiches along with the homemade potato chips. Charles turns on the small TV in the corner and finds a football game to watch. Soon he and Garret are yelling at the TV, scolding the ref over certain calls, as if the guy can somehow hear them. It’s like I’m back home with Frank and Ryan.
Later, Garret finds some cards and we all take a seat at the small table that’s in the kitchen. Garret and Charles teach me how to play poker and we play until midnight.
I realize once again that everything is going far too well. It only reminds me that it won’t last. When we go upstairs, I stop at my room.
“What are you doing?” Garret asks.
“Going to sleep.” I give him a peck on the cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He’s confused, as he should be. We just had this incredible day together and now I’m pushing him away. I’m a complete mess. A total head case. He deserves someone better.
“Are you serious? You don’t want to stay with me?”
“I don’t think I should sleep in your room tonight.”
He gets a mischievous grin on his face. “Who said anything about sleep?”
I punch his arm, kiddingly. “Go to bed, Garret.”
“Okay, but feel free to come down later and visit me.” He’s still giving me that grin.
“I don’t want to
wake you up.”
“In case you didn’t get my hint there, I’m pretty much begging you to wake me up.”
“Yeah, I got the hint,” I say, laughing. “Goodnight.”
He kisses me. “I love you, Jade.”
He waits for me to say it back but I can’t do it. I can’t keep getting closer to him. I need to start pulling away from him. I let myself get far too deep into this and now I need to get out, even though my heart is screaming at me not to.
I close the door, leaving him even more confused and most likely hurt by my lack of response. I run a bath in the giant soaking tub, then lie in the warm water trying not to think about Garret. But he’s all I can think about. Why did I let myself get so attached to him knowing it won’t last?
After an hour of soaking I get out and put on a t-shirt to sleep in. Garret must have turned up the heat earlier when I said I was cold because it’s much warmer in here now. I crawl into bed, noticing how big and empty it feels without Garret next to me. But I’m warm and tired and I eventually fall asleep.
“Jade.” I feel an arm wrap around me from behind.
“Garret? What are you doing here? I don’t feel like—”
“I’m not here for that. I just want to talk.”
A guy in bed with the half-naked girlfriend he’s finally had sex with just wants to talk? That’s a first.
“We can talk in the morning. Just go to sleep.”
“I can’t sleep until I figure out what’s going on with you.” He sits up on his side and turns me over so I’m lying on my back. I can see his face in the tiny glimmer of moonlight coming through the window. “Are you breaking up with me?”
“What? No. Of course not.” I act like I’m surprised by the question, but he knows me way too well.
“Why do you want to end this? We just started this. And it’s great. Really great.”
I keep quiet, noticing the desperation in his eyes as he tries to find a way past this giant wall I’ve now put up between us.
“You love me, right?”
“Yes,” I say just above a whisper.
“Then why are you doing this? Why are you acting this way? Pushing me away?”
Knowing You (The Jade Series #2) Page 14
