‘Would you mind if I had a shower while you’re here?’ she said, using the first excuse that came to mind. Ross had only been touching her hair but he might have been making love to her from the way her heart was pounding!
‘I didn’t want to run the risk of the boys waking up while I was in the bathroom and not hearing them. They might be frightened if they wake up in a strange place.’
‘Of course I don’t mind. But are you sure it wouldn’t be easier if I took them home?’
‘No. Let them sleep a bit longer.’ She summoned a smile but it was hard to ignore the way the blood was beating inside her veins. ‘Why don’t you make yourself another cup of tea and take it into the sitting-room? It will be more comfortable in there.’
‘Sounds very tempting,’ he conceded. ‘If I’m honest, I have to admit that I could do with catching my breath. My feet don’t seem to have touched the ground for the past twelve hours. OK, you’ve convinced me. You go and have your shower, Heather, and I’ll have another cup of tea before I drive the boys home.’
He got up to switch on the kettle and Heather quickly moved out of his way. She went straight to the bathroom and turned on the shower, adjusting the dials until a steady stream of hot water flowed from the jets. Stripping off her nightclothes, she stepped under the spray and took a bottle of shower gel off the rack.
She smoothed a handful of scented gel over her wet skin, shivering when her fingers brushed her nipples. Her hand quickly moved on while she spread the gel over her ribs, her waist, the swell of her stomach, and she felt her breathing quicken. All of a sudden she was so deeply aware of her own body that it shocked her. She couldn’t recall ever feeling like that before, couldn’t remember being conscious of every cell and sinew, every pulse and pleasure point—not even when Stewart had been making love to her.
The plastic bottle slid from her fingers and landed in the shower tray with a noisy thud. Heather didn’t even notice. Stewart had been a gentle and considerate lover but he had never really aroused her passion. She had enjoyed their love-making but she hadn’t really missed it since he’d died. She had missed their closeness, of course, the love and friendship they had shared, but her body had never ached because it had been denied the fulfilment only Stewart could have given her. She hadn’t really understood what passion truly felt like until Ross had come into her life.
‘Heather, are you OK?’
She jumped when Ross rapped on the bathroom door. She quickly turned off the shower and wound a towel around herself. Her hair was dripping down her back, cold rivulets of water trickling down her heated skin and she started shivering as she opened the door a crack.
‘I’m fine. Why? What’s the matter?’
‘I heard a thud and thought you might have slipped….’
His voice tailed off and she heard him swallow. Heather felt her breath catch when she saw his eyes skim from the top of her wet head to the tips of her equally wet feet. She closed her own eyes because the expression on his face was too much to deal with on top of what she’d been thinking moments earlier. Ross wanted her. She could tell that from the lines of strain that were etched on his face, just as she could hear it in the grating sound of his voice as he repeated the question.
‘Are you quite sure you’re all right, Heather?’
‘No. I’m not sure about anything any more, if you want the truth.’
She hadn’t meant to say that but the words had slipped out before she could stop them. Her eyes flew open and she stared at him in dismay. She couldn’t get involved with Ross! It would be a terrible mistake. So why had she said that to him?
‘It’s all right. There’s no need to be scared, sweetheart. There’s nothing to be frightened of.’
He gently pushed open the door. Heather knew she should protest as he stepped into the room but she couldn’t find the strength. She backed away as he slowly advanced until she was forced to stop when she felt the coldness of the tiled wall behind her.
‘I would never hurt you, Heather,’ he said softly as he came to a halt just inches away from her. Reaching out, he tucked a wet strand of her hair behind her ear. ‘You know that, don’t you?’
Heather shuddered when she felt his fingers brush her cheek. She could feel the heat from them soaking into her skin and was struck by a sudden, desperate yearning to feel that heat in other parts of her body. And in some strange, inexplicable way her need must have communicated itself to him.
Her heart started to race when she felt his fingers glide from her cheek to her jaw. Everywhere Ross touched, Heather could feel her skin burning yet the rest of her felt so cold that there were goose-bumps forming all over her body. She shivered and felt his fingers pause on the throbbing pulse beneath her jaw.
‘You can tell me to stop any time you want to, Heather.’
His voice was as deep and as warm as velvet and Heather’s senses swam with delight. There was not only his touch to enjoy now but the sound of his voice as well. She let the vibrations from it ripple through her like a musician finely tuning an instrument before a performance, and sighed with pleasure.
‘I’ll take it that you don’t want me to stop, then?’
This time there was tender amusement in his voice as well as velvet and Heather felt a smile tilt up the corners of her mouth.
‘Not yet,’ she agreed, staring up at him with dreamy grey eyes. She heard him groan deep in his throat and felt a spasm shoot through her when she realised that Ross was every bit as affected by what was happening as she was.
She took a deep breath because the thought had made her head reel and all of a sudden became aware of the delicious mixture of aromas in the steamy bathroom. There was the scent of the shower gel she had used, of course, but its delicate floral fragrance was overlaid by a muskiness that immediately made her drink in another deep lungful of air. She recognised it immediately as Ross’s own—the heady, sensual aroma of virile man.
‘Pheromones,’ she murmured, and heard him laugh softly.
‘Bless you! I take it that was the medical equivalent of a sneeze?’
‘You could be right.’ Heather chuckled, although she couldn’t help feeling shocked that they could joke at a time like this. In her admittedly limited experience there was a time for love-making and a time for laughter and the two had never been combined before. But it didn’t feel odd when Ross counterbalanced the highly charged atmosphere with lightness. If anything, it enhanced what she was feeling….
A spasm shot through her when Ross’s fingers suddenly arrived at her collar-bone and began exploring. Heather felt every single pulse spring to life as he began drawing delicate patterns on her skin, as though he was tattooing her with pleasure. She closed her eyes so that she could better savour the experience by focusing on the feel of his fingers. Sight, hearing and smell were all very well but touch was so much better….
She gasped when he suddenly bent and she felt the warm roughness of his tongue licking the moisture from her skin. Nothing she’d experienced before had prepared her for how deliciously erotic it felt. She tipped back her head to give him even more licence and he took immediate advantage.
His tongue delicately lapped the moisture from her skin from one shoulder to the other then travelled all the way back, sipping, tasting, savouring her flesh as though it was the rarest delicacy. Heather could feel his warm breath cloud on the upper curve of her breasts for a moment before he slowly straightened.
She opened her eyes then and looked at him, knowing she would remember this moment for the rest of her life. It was as though she had finally been initiated into the delights of being a woman. It should have been a ridiculous idea in view of the fact that she had a child, but it was true. For the first time in her life she felt wonderfully, marvellously alive and the realisation filled her with guilt because it seemed like a denial of everything she’d ever felt for Stewart.
Tears filled her eyes and she saw Ross frown in concern. ‘What is it? What have I done?’
‘You haven’t done anything.’ It was hard to get the words out but Heather couldn’t let him take responsibility when he wasn’t at fault. ‘It’s not you, Ross. It’s me. I should never have let things reach this point.’
‘How can you say that?’ he exclaimed, trying to draw her into his arms.
Heather pushed him away, not because she hated the thought of him holding her but for the opposite reason. She ached to have his arms around her, to feel his hands caressing her and enjoy the pleasure only Ross could give her, but admitting it only made her feel worse. She’d loved Stewart, she really had, but she couldn’t lie to herself and pretend that she’d ever felt this way when Stewart had made love to her!
‘Please, don’t. I’m sorry, Ross…’
‘For God’s sake, Heather, stop it! Don’t do this to yourself or to me.’
He didn’t try to touch her again but the pain in his voice was more than enough to gain her attention. Heather’s heart ached afresh because it was all her fault that he was suffering.
‘Don’t push me away again, Heather. Talk to me. Tell me what the problem is and then maybe we can find a solution. I…I know this has something to do with Grace’s father and I swear that I’ll understand.’
His eyes met hers and she saw the desperation they held. ‘Just give me a chance, Heather. That’s all I’m asking for—a chance to make you see that your life isn’t over.’
CHAPTER TEN
ROSS could feel beads of sweat breaking out on his forehead as he waited for Heather to answer. He knew that he might have ruined everything by asking her to tell him about her past, but he’d had no choice. He couldn’t keep on letting her shut him out all the time! They had to confront this issue once and for all—no matter what the outcome might be.
A spasm of terror gripped him at the prospect of never seeing Heather again. In that moment Ross knew there was no way that he could pretend about his feeling any longer. He loved Heather! He wanted her in his life and in his heart from here to eternity, but he had to prepare himself for the fact that she might send him away.
‘Heather, please. I know it’s a lot to ask but we need to talk about what happened—you need to talk about it.’
His tone was as gentle and as reassuring as he could make it, even though his frustration was growing with every second that she remained silent. He wanted to shake her, kiss her, hold her or hug her—do anything it took to make her respond—but he couldn’t do any of those things. This had to be Heather’s decision and he mustn’t try to coerce her when she was so vulnerable.
‘I…I want to tell you, Ross. It’s just that I’m…afraid.’
Her voice was so low that he had to strain to hear her and he frowned as he tried to make sense of what she’d said. ‘You mean you’re afraid of how I might react, that I might be angry?’ he queried, unable to keep the hurt out of his voice. Didn’t she realise that he would happily lay down his life rather than hurt her? Apparently not.
‘No! I’m afraid of what it will do to me.’ She looked up at him and his heart ached when he saw that her eyes were swimming with tears. ‘I don’t know if I can handle the pain again. That’s why I…I never talk about what happened to Stewart—because it’s easier.’
‘I understand how hard it must be to lose someone you love, sweetheart. But not talking about it doesn’t help.’ He couldn’t stop himself from touching her then because it broke his heart to see her looking so upset. He ran his hands gently down her bare arms and could have wept himself when he felt her flinch.
His hands fell to his sides and it was all he could do to contain his anguish because having her rebuff him seemed like an omen of what was to come. Heather was going to send him away and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it….
‘I know I was wrong not to talk about Stewart’s death or go for counselling afterwards, but there was Grace to think about. I…I didn’t want to run the risk of upsetting her.’
Ross could barely hide his relief when he realised what she’d said. He’d been so afraid that she would tell him to leave. He glanced around the bathroom and spotted her robe hanging on a hook behind the door. Lifting it down, he held it out to her.
‘Why don’t you put this on then we can go into the sitting-room while we talk?’ he suggested, knowing it would be hard to hold a proper conversation while they were standing in the bathroom. ‘It will be more comfortable in there.’
‘All right.’
Obediently, she unhooked the damp towel from around her and let it fall to the floor so she could slide her arms into the robe. Ross felt a shaft of desire shoot through him when he saw her naked for the very first time. Even the glimpses he’d had so far hadn’t fully prepared him for her true beauty.
Her skin had a pearly sheen, the delicate tracery of blue veins across her full breasts simply emphasising how fine it was. Ross was unable to stop himself as his gaze skimmed hungrily down over the neat tuck of her waist, the gentle swell of her hips and belly to the cloud of dark curls nestling between her thighs. He could feel his body responding to her beauty but he knew that he couldn’t do a thing about it. It would be wrong to allow his desire to surface when he needed to remain calm. Heather was going to tell him about her relationship with Grace’s father and he must focus on that, but it was hard when his body was clamouring about its needs.
‘Let’s go into the sitting-room,’ he said thickly once she had fastened the belt around her waist. He stepped aside so that she could lead the way, drawing in several deep breaths in the hope that they would calm him down. They worked to a point but he could still feel the throbbing in his groin as he sat down and quickly crossed his legs. He had to put his feelings aside and concentrate on Heather.
‘How long ago did Stewart die?’ he asked gently once she had settled herself on the sofa with her feet tucked beneath her.
‘It’s almost three years now.’
‘You told me that he’d died before Grace was born,’ he prompted when she fell silent.
‘That’s right. I was six weeks pregnant when Stewart was killed. I’d been to see my GP that very day, in fact, and had had it confirmed.’ She sighed. ‘I’d done a home pregnancy test but I wanted to be sure before I told Stewart.’
‘I expect he was delighted,’ Ross said calmly, even though the thought made him feel all churned up. It wasn’t hard to imagine his delight if Heather announced she was expecting their baby, and it was difficult to deal with the thought that it was unlikely to happen.
‘Stewart had no idea that I was expecting his child and that’s one of the things I regret most of all. I should have told him as soon as I suspected that I was pregnant, instead of waiting!’
Ross could barely hide his dismay when he heard the anguish in her voice. It was obvious how painful Heather found it to talk about the past and he found himself wondering if he’d been right to press her.
‘You mean that Stewart died before you could tell him about the baby?’ he asked quietly, because it was too late to have second thoughts.
‘Yes. Do you remember that fire that broke out in St Leonard’s Hospital?’
‘Of course. I was one of the officers who attended.’
Ross frowned as he thought back to what had happened. It had been a major incident, involving crews from a number of fire stations in the Greater London area. He’d been promoted to Station Officer just a few weeks previously and it had been his first real test. He’d been commended for his part in the proceedings, although he had never considered it to be a complete success because there had been one fatality.
‘One of the doctors was killed when he was trapped inside the building after rescuing a patient…’ He broke off and stared at her in dismay. ‘That was your fiancé?’
‘Yes. I should have been at work as well but I’d booked the morning off to see my GP. By the time I arrived at the hospital the fire had really taken hold. I just set to and helped out wherever I could. There were hundreds of patients who had to be evacuated and I was kept
busy attending to them.
‘I’d seen Stewart a couple of times so I knew he was all right, although we hadn’t had a chance to speak because it was so chaotic. I had no idea that he’d gone back inside until one of the nurses came to fetch me….’
She stopped and swallowed. ‘The firemen found him in the casualty department. He…he was very badly burnt and never regained consciousness.’
Ross didn’t know what to say. He’d seen enough burns victims to imagine how traumatic it must have been for her. He cleared his throat. ‘I believe your fiancé was awarded a medal for his bravery. If he hadn’t gone back inside then the old lady he rescued would have died.’
‘That’s right. There was a huge fuss made at the time. Everyone said that Stewart was a hero and that I should be proud of what he’d done, but I couldn’t see it that way.’
She ran her hands over her face to wipe away the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. ‘All I could think about was that I hadn’t told him about the baby and that now he would never know. He wanted a family so much, you see, and I knew he would have been thrilled….’
Her voice broke and she buried her face in her hands. Ross saw her body heave with sobs and got to his feet. Crossing the room, he crouched in front of her and pulled her into his arms, hating himself for putting her through such an ordeal.
‘Shh, darling, it’s all right. It’s going to be fine, Heather. I’m here and I’ll take care of you. I love you so much.’
He rocked her from side to side as he whispered reassurances to her. He had no idea what he was saying but it didn’t matter. He just wanted to comfort her and try to make amends for making her relive the nightmare. He had never intended to put her through this kind of torment!
‘What did you say?’
The shock in her voice cut through his thoughts and Ross abruptly released her. His stomach lurched as he hastily backtracked over what he’d said and he bit back a groan of dismay. He’d just told Heather that he loved her. Now what was he going to do?
Saving Dr. Cooper Page 14
