“No, I mean, of course I want to see you again, and often. So much. It’s just...” He stood and walked away from his half-eaten meal, no longer hungry.
“This is about Rosa, isn’t it?”
More guilt. She must think he was leading her on—which he wasn’t. At least, he didn’t think so. He liked her a lot. Maybe more than liked her. He couldn’t answer, clueless as to the right words to use.
At the silence, she said, “I see. Well, I guess that answers that question. I ought to go. I’ll talk to you later.” She hung up before he could even say goodbye.
Carter tossed the phone onto the couch, harder than he should have. Things between him and Mara were only supposed to have been temporary—a chance to ease back into dating, not have a real relationship right away—but he felt a stronger pull to her as the weeks passed. What was he doing going out with someone long distance, anyway? He didn’t actually think that a woman as wonderful as Mara would be willing to be friends forever, did he?
He turned to the wedding picture. “What do I do now, honey? How do I put you away and give someone else a real chance?”
Rosa didn’t respond—not that he’d expected her to. He rubbed his forehead. Had he blown things with the only woman he’d connected with in over two years, one he thought he might love, because he was afraid to try again?
Chapter Seven
The school year was winding down, and Carter was already getting requests from different parts of campus as staff asked for updated equipment for the following semester. The rush seemed to start earlier every spring.
A virus had rampaged through the south computer lab, so he’d spent the better part of the weekend getting it cleared up so students could work on their term papers. His eyes were gritty, his temper frayed, and he hadn’t heard from Mara in nearly a week. When he called, she found excuses not to talk long—when she answered at all. He’d hurt her, though he hadn’t intended to. And he missed her more every day.
His phone rang, and he answered it eagerly, hoping it would be her this time, but instead it was Paolo.
“How are you tonight?” Paolo asked.
“Staying busy, problems with the school computers. How about you?” Carter didn’t want to talk about his own life right now, or his love life. He had told Paolo about the time he spent with Mara, and that they were still in contact, but he didn’t want to discuss it now.
“Can’t complain.” Paolo went on to talk about the great experience he’d had the previous day while selling his miracle supplements. At the end he slipped in a question. “And how are things with Mara?” As if it had been part of the discussion and not an unrelated subject at all.
Carter stood from the computer where he was working—he needed a break before he got to the point where he couldn’t see straight anymore. “Fine, I guess. We haven’t been in touch much this week. You know how these vacation flirtations go.” His voice was flat.
Paolo apparently picked up on it, because he made a tsking sound. “Why are you playing games with your heart, Carter? Have you told her how you feel?”
“How can I when I’m not sure?” He strode past rows of computers, desperately wishing he could get away from the conversation.
“I thought you were crazy about her,” Paolo said.
“I was. I am.” He sighed. “It’s not that simple.”
“Yes, it is.” Paolo paused. “You loved my Rosa, and you always will, but it’s past time to let her go. Move on. Making a new life with someone else doesn’t mean you never loved Rosa She would want you to be happy. I think Mara might be just the woman for you.”
“You’ve never even met her.”
“No, but the woman’s soul shines brightly when she sings. I saw your face and awe. I’ve heard the smile in your voice when you speak of her. If you love her, go for it. Love is not so plentiful that you can choose to ignore it.”
Carter’s heart confirmed what Paolo was saying. He had fallen in love with Mara, hard. Taking that leap, though, was terrifying. He missed her, and the part of himself that loved her warred with the part that was afraid to take the risk.
He turned and headed back down the row of computers. She was special to him, more important than she’d realized, but how was she supposed to know that if he didn’t tell her? With a sense of peace, he realized it was time he put away the things of the past and focused on what could be instead of what was. “Thank you, Paolo. I always appreciate your advice.”
“I’m glad one of my children does.”
* * *
A storm was coming on as Carter pulled through the cemetery gates. It wouldn’t hit for another hour at least, so he wouldn’t be lingering, which was fine with him. He took the familiar route around the east side, past mausoleums and cracking tombstones, to the familiar area of the cemetery with newer graves.
Flowers dotted the cemetery grounds, along with teddy bears, balloons and even a plastic violin joining them, decorating the graves. He pulled off to the side and parked under a tree, then picked up the mixed flowers he’d bought a few minutes before.
He hadn’t visited Rosa’s grave since his vacation, though not a day went by that he didn’t think about her. The wind ruffled his hair, and he could smell rain on the air. It reminded him of the day she died. The rain had lashed against the windshield as he’d driven to the hospital. The phone call from the police had sent adrenalin rushing through his veins and worry filling his head.
Today’s storm wasn’t supposed to be as big, but the dark clouds overhead still made him nervous. Carter set his bundle of flowers in front of the grave marker, creating a slash of multi-colored brightness Rosa would have loved. He sat on the grass beside the grave to talk, as he often did.
“Hey, honey. I know it’s been a while, but I’ve been trying to move on. I hate it, though. I miss you so much. Work is going well, I guess. I stay busy running around fixing computers for all of the professors. The other day a kid hacked into the system just to see if he could then left me a message where I would be sure to find it. He was pretty ingenious, but thankfully didn’t mess up anything.”
He shifted the conversation to his brother. “Carson is getting married in three weeks. He’s so happy; he’s like a totally different person when he’s with Trista. They remind me of us when we got married, all bright eyes and hope for the future. She’s already talking about kids.” He choked up when he thought of his unborn son—they’d only learned the baby’s gender the week before the accident. “How can I feel so lost when everything looks like it ought to be fine?”
He moved and crossed his legs. “I met someone last month. She has me all twisted up in knots.” He told her about meeting Mara outside the condo when she arrived, of hearing her sing. He talked about all of the time they had spent together that weekend and how their friendship had grown since. “I know your father is right, that you would be fine with me moving on. Mara’s important to me, so I’m going to take a chance and see what happens—if I haven’t screwed everything up already. She makes me happier than I’ve been since you died.”
Tears threatened, and he let them fall. “I love you, Rosa. Part of me always will. I hope you know that.”
* * *
Mara got her acceptance to UNT quickly, even though she’d have to wait until January to start the program. She gave notice at work that she’d be moving to Texas during the summer to get established. Then she started sorting through all of her belongings. She had savings if she couldn’t find a job right away, but hopefully she’d find something when she moved.
When the papers had first come, she’d still been smarting from the terrible phone call with Carter. She seriously considered declining and applying to another school, but her better judgment had taken over. The program was only a year, and surely it wouldn’t be hard to stay out of Carter’s way if he didn’t want her in his life. It was time she took her future by the horns and charged forward.
Within a week of her acceptance, she had phone interviews for a coupl
e of jobs in the Fort Worth area and was making arrangements for the move.
Sorting through her stuff was a bigger task than she’d expected. Her winter parka wouldn’t see much use, but there was no point leaving it behind; she’d need it eventually.
The fate of other things were harder to decide. The little rosette her mother had tucked in her hair at her junior prom brought back memories. She found her photo album, planning to tuck the silk flower inside. Then she got caught up in the pictures of herself as a child, her parents laughing together at a family reunion, her mom helping her decorate cookies for a fundraiser.
Tears slid onto Mara’s cheeks as she saw her mother’s smiling face. What she wouldn’t give to talk to her about what was going on now, to get the kind of advice her mother had been best at. Mara had tried to talk to Jo, but her sister said to walk away and find someone who didn’t have a ton of hang-ups like a dead wife.
Mara wiped her face and spoke to the decade-old image. “I don’t know what’s going to happen with Carter. Maybe nothing, but I’m not ready to walk away yet.” She touched the photo. The plastic curled a little at the corners of the album, but it was still protected for now. She needed to get it into an acid-free binder. Maybe this summer. She packed the album with the things she would take to Texas.
She tucked away her favorite girlhood treasures to be stored in her father’s basement until she had somewhere of her own to keep them, then stopped when her hand came to the duck ornament.
She vividly remembered that first kiss, on the paddleboat, and all of the others they’d shared—there had been so few—but more than that, she remembered the sense of belonging, the rightness of being in his arms. Carter had been so easy to talk to, and they’d seen eye-to-eye on so many issues. She choked up again as she fought to stay in control of her emotions. The past couple of weeks had seemed lonely without their regular conversations.
He had sent a few half-hearted texts, called in the early days, and she’d replied with brief responses. She couldn’t hold onto this uncertainty forever. Either they decided to be a couple, or they had to end things.
When she reached Texas, maybe she could find him and see if he felt any different standing in front of him than she did now. Hope rose inside her every time the thought of being near him crossed her mind. She wanted things to work out for them.
Chapter Eight
There was the sound of wheels on gravel, and since Mara wanted to talk to her sister about Dad’s upcoming doctor appointment—preferably not within his hearing—she stepped outside.
A red four-door sedan had stopped in front her house. Not Jo.
Mara’s heart skipped a few beats when she saw the driver; her eyes couldn’t be working right. The door opened, and Carter got out, his gaze riveted on her.
She took a few steps across the green spring grass, still unable to believe what she was seeing. “Carter? How?”
He closed the door and stuck his hands in his pockets, sauntering in her direction. “I decided I could use another spring vacation, and Texas is well into summer, so I thought I’d go somewhere where it’s still spring. Couldn’t imagine spending my vacation without you.”
She stared at him for a long moment. “But you haven’t called me in almost a week.” It was an inane thing to say, but her brain wasn’t processing right.
“I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to see you in person—see if you were as pretty as my memories said you were.” He reached out and flicked a lock of her hair back over her shoulder. “Apparently my memory is faulty. You’re far prettier.”
She felt her face heat in the cool spring air. The sun would be going down soon, and she could already feel the chill starting. It didn’t seem to bother him, even though he wasn’t wearing a jacket.
“Maybe you should come in.” She didn’t know what else to say or how to respond. Did he think he could show up out of the blue and pick back up where they left off? Yet she had to hold herself back from leaping into his arms. He had come to see her. That meant something, didn’t it?
She followed his gaze, glancing over her shoulder. Her father stood in the doorway to the house. She bit back a groan. She wasn’t ready to make introductions. Not until she and Carter said what he’d come for.
Another car pulled into the drive—this time it was her sister’s banana-yellow Toyota with its green hood.
Jo got out and walked over, taking her time as she studied the two of them. A smile crept onto her face as she offered her hand for a shake. “You must be Carter. I recognize you from your pictures. You’re better looking in person.” She gave his hand a squeeze and winked.
She turned to Mara with a disapproving, “You didn’t mention how tall he is.” She turned to Carter again. “We’re having dinner soon—Mara’s famous spaghetti and some cookies for dessert. She’s a great cook. You should stay and join us.” She took off for the house, calling over her shoulder. “Five minutes—that’s all I can promise you before Dad charges out and demands an introduction.”
“Nice to meet you,” Carter said as it if were an afterthought.
“Don’t worry,” Mara said once her sister had closed the door behind her. “She runs roughshod over everyone. She’s a school teacher, so she’s been honing that skill.”
He focused on Mara again. “I do feel a bit like I’ve been bulldozed.”
“You should be able to bounce back. The effect is rarely permanent.” Mara forced herself to stick her hands in her back pockets so she wouldn’t reach out to touch Carter. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
“I thought you might not see me. You’ve kind of been brushing me off lately.”
“I wasn’t the one who did the brush-off.” She knew that wasn’t entirely true, but it felt good to say. “When I called... well, you know how that went.”
He touched her elbow. “I know. I didn’t mean it like that. You caught me by surprise. I’ve been tied up inside ever since.”
“Feeling better now?” she asked, though she tried to appear disinterested.
“Some. But there’s one more thing I need before I’ll feel right again.” He took her shoulders, pulling her close and kissing her firmly, tipping his head to seal their mouths together.
Relief and joy rushed over her. She felt as if she had come home again as she melted into his kiss, shifting closer and putting her hands on his hard chest. His body heat radiated to her, and she moved into him in the evening chill, melding her body against his. She’d dreamed of kissing him again, but the real thing was definitely better.
“I missed you so much,” he whispered against her lips. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. Please say you’ll give me another chance.”
“You want another chance?” Her heart soared.
“More than anything. I was confused about moving on and taking risks with a relationship, but I’ve got it figured out now. Please tell me it’s not too late for us.”
She slid her hands around his neck. “It’s not too late.”
“Say you’ll still move to Texas so we can give this a real shot.”
Mara grinned. “I’m already packing.”
“Say you love me as much as I love you,” he said in a whisper. “I do love you, you know.”
It seemed impossible that he’d said the words she’d been longing to hear. She let out a little laugh of joy. “I love you too. Being away from you has been terrible.”
He held her tight, running one hand up her spine then running his fingers through her hair. “Then I have everything I need.”
“Make me a promise?” she asked.
“What?”
“That you’ll take me to feed the ducks often. And to dance at flea markets.”
“You got it.” He kissed her again, lingering over it until Jo came out.
“Hey, stop putting on a show for the whole neighborhood and bring him in to meet Dad.”
Mara giggled and buried her face in his shirt, happier than ever that she let Anna talk her into that spring
vacation.
About Heather Justesen
Heather Justesen earned a BA in English Literature from Southern Utah University, where she met her husband, Bill. She worked in newspaper for several years, and they spent two years as foster parents. They now live in the little town where she grew up in Central Utah, work on their local ambulance as Advanced EMTs, and raise a cat, two dogs, and a whole slew of chickens, geese, ducks, guineas, and a tom turkey, which is very vain. When she can squeeze in the time, she gardens and bakes. She also writes serial stories for BigWorldNetwork.com, available in e-book and audio book formats.
You can learn more about Heather on her blog: http://heatherjustesen.blogspot.com/
Or her website: http://www.heatherjustesen.com/
Or contact her via email at [email protected]
Other Works by Heather Justesen
The Ball’s in Her Court
http://www.amazon.com/The-Balls-Her-Court-ebook/dp/B004A90DFY/
Rebound
http://www.amazon.com/Rebound-ebook/dp/B004AM5OEQ/
Family by Design
http://www.amazon.com/Family-by-Design-ebook/dp/B007Y15WTM/
Shear Luck
http://www.amazon.com/Shear-Luck-a-Novella-ebook/dp/B006WH9C3Q/
Blank Slate
http://www.amazon.com/Blank-Slate-ebook/dp/B004YDSXTO/
The Switch
http://www.amazon.com/The-Switch-Blank-Slate-ebook/dp/B007VWX2T6/
Brownies & Betrayal
http://www.amazon.com/Brownies-Betrayal-Sweet-Mysteries-ebook/dp/B009NI6VT4/
Homecoming
http://www.amazon.com/Homecoming-ebook/dp/B008E95MYI/
Homecoming: Second Chances
A Timeless Romance Anthology: Spring Vacation Collection (A Timeless Romance Anthology) Page 13
