by Zoey Gong
Of course I don’t, I want to say, but I hold my tongue. I am at a complete loss for what to do next. It is fine and easy for the emperor to name me empress. But how to fill that role is something he cannot teach me.
I hear voices and footsteps and see Yanmei and Wangli step into the garden. I nearly jump to my feet as I rush over to greet them. They drop down to their knees before me.
“Greetings, empress,” they say.
“Please stand,” I say, touching them lightly on the shoulders. They do, but they keep their eyes downcast, not looking at me. I step closer to them and speak in a low voice. “Please, I need my friends. I am so lost! Do not treat me like a stranger.”
Yanmei and Wangli look at each other and seem to have a conversation with their eyes that I am not privy to.
“Very well,” Yanmei says, and a cautious smile crosses her face. “It is good to see you, my lady.”
I take her hands in mine. “Call me Lihua when we are in private, I beg you.” It is not my name, but at least it is less formal than “empress” or “lady.”
“I am surprised you did not change your name,” Wangli says as we all walk back to the table and sit while maids bring tea and sweet and savory treats.
“What?” I ask.
“You know, it is tradition for a person to take a new name when elevated to a higher position,” she explains.
I blink dumbly. This must be a Manchu tradition. One I had no way of knowing since no one asked if I wished to change my name before the ceremony. I wish I had known! I would have changed my name from Lihua back to Daiyu. How I long to hear someone use my real name!
“I…I was so overwhelmed with everything, I didn’t think of it,” I say.
“No matter,” Yanmei says. “Lihua is a beautiful name.”
I hate the name Lihua, but I smile and nod. I hate that Lihua—the real Lihua—stole my life from me. She and her mother, Mingxia, lied to me to get me to take Lihua’s place at the consort selection. They said I wouldn’t be chosen. That I would certainly fail the examination process. But that is not what happened at all. They knew that Lihua would advance to the final round easily since she has a birth date that is auspicious when compared to the emperor’s birth chart. Still, the fact that I was chosen in the end was by mere chance. My name drawn from a bowl. But the chance that I would be selected was much higher than I was led to believe. While I thought that I would quickly fail the examination and then be allowed to return home, Mingxia knew with a fair amount of certainty that when I entered the Forbidden City, I would never leave.
I try to push my anger and resentment aside—at least for now. There is nothing I can do about it. I must keep my true identity a secret. But one day I hope I will have the opportunity to confront Mingxia and Lihua for their lies.
“I have a gift for each of you,” I tell Yanmei and Wangli, trying to turn my thoughts to happier subjects. “I have decided to elevate you both to rank-three consorts.” They gasp and look at me, then each other, and then back to me again.
“Why?” Yanmei asks.
“Can you do that?” Wangli asks.
“I believe it is in my authority,” I say. “I would like each of you to serve as my ladies-in-waiting, so you deserve higher ranks.”
“But…rank three?” Yanmei asks. “Is that not reserved for the mothers of Emperor Guozhi’s children?”
“Well, as rank-three consorts, perhaps you will both become mothers soon,” I say. “A higher rank means that you will be called to his bed more often.”
“What a blessing that would be!” Yanmei says, but Wangli’s reaction is a bit more reserved.
“This is very kind of you,” she says. “Especially…. Well, especially considering how Yanmei and I have treated you ever since you were elevated.”
I reach out and take Wangli’s hand. “It is forgotten, I promise you. This has been a strange time for all of us. I did not reach out to you as much as I should have either. But now that I am empress, I cannot do this alone. I need help from my friends.”
“I am not sure how much help we will be to you,” Yanmei says, filling our teacups with fresh, hot tea. “We don’t know anything about being empress.”
“You might have a large palace, countless servants, and chests of gold,” Wangli says, “but I would not want to be in your position.”
“Oh?” I ask. This surprises me. Of course, the first time I met Wangli, she was crying in the garden. She told me then that she didn’t want to be here. But I had assumed that her views on the matter had changed. After all, don’t all Manchu girls dream of one day becoming empress? Of bearing the emperor a son and being the mother of the next emperor? If she wasn’t jealous of me, why did she turn so cold after I was elevated?
She nibbles in a sweet, steamed bun for a moment before speaking. “The way the other ladies talk about you…” She shakes her head. “It is not kind.”
I nod. “I expected as much,” I say. As I said, most Manchu girls dream of being empress. Since I am in that role, and very young, the other ladies will never have that chance—unless I die. The thought sours my stomach and I put down the fried, spicy tofu I had been eating. My biggest fear had been dying in childbirth, like Empress Caihong. But a new worry settles over me. What if I am murdered? What if someone tries to poison me or sends an assassin? Caihong was well-liked and respected by the other harem ladies, but someone still sent an assassin to kill her. He was unsuccessful, thank Heaven, but I do not believe Lady An was behind the plot. The real killer is still out there. And what if she comes for me next?
“The ladies would be jealous no matter who the empress was,” Yanmei says. “You surely heard the cruel talk about Caihong before she died.”
I shake my head. “Other than the two of you, I have not had any friends, so I was not familiar with much gossip. I can hardly imagine what they must think of me. Caihong was a princess, so beautiful and elegant. And she was so kind! I can never live up to her.”
“And you shouldn’t try to,” Wangli says. “You are not Caihong. You are Lihua. You will be a wonderful empress. It will just take time for you to figure out what you are doing.”
“We saw Dowager Empress Fenfeng leaving as we arrived,” Yanmei says. “She will surely help you.”
“Yes,” I say. “That is why she was here, or at least why she said she was here. She said she is willing to guide me, but I think she wants to control me.” The girls nod thoughtfully.
“I can see why she would want to be in charge of the harem,” Yanmei says. “What else is she going to do with herself? Being a dowager, with her children grown and a new empress in her place, must be a terribly boring life. But, surely she would want you to succeed. Does she not want the emperor to finally have a son?”
“She wants to keep Guozhi’s children from me,” I say. “I’m not exactly sure why. If I have a son, do you suppose she will want to take him from me as well?”
“She might,” Wangli says. “She could control the throne itself if she controlled the emperor’s heir.”
I have a feeling we are wading into dangerous territory with such talk, and my palace is full of servants I do not yet know. I cannot risk my words getting back to the dowager.
“Well, I need her help—for now. I will have to do as she tells me.”
Yanmei and Wangli nod and sip their tea while we sit in awkward silence for a moment.
“You will both be moved to larger palaces,” I say. “As befitting your station.”
“It will be so nice not to have to share space with other ladies,” Yanmei says.
“And you will have more servants and larger allowances.”
“My family will certainly be glad of that,” Wangli says.
“As will mine,” Yanmei adds in.
“Good,” I say, standing. “Well, I will need to inform Fiyanggu about your promotions. I should let you return home to prepare for moving.”
They both stand and then kneel before me. I hate it, but I cannot stop them. The
y cannot appear above the rules in front of others.
“We will see you at morning audiences,” Wangli says as I walk them to the gate.
“I will talk to Suyin and find out what duties a lady-in-waiting will actually have,” I say. “I don’t really know. I just want to have you both close to me.”
We all hug and kiss goodbye. As I watch them leave, my heart feels a little lighter. At least I won’t be going through this completely alone.
3
Hosting my first morning greeting as empress goes smoothly, but I keep it very short. After everyone kneels and waves their handkerchiefs at me and then Dowager Empress Fenfeng, I announce that Yanmei and Wangli have been promoted. I then single out Lady Euhmeh, one of the girls I shared a palace with when I first arrived at the Forbidden City.
“You helped Lady An and Empress Caihong manage the harem, including the accounts, correct?” I say.
“Yes, my lady,” she responds, looking at the floor.
“I hope you will do the same for me. Please, call on me this afternoon and we can discuss your new duties.”
“Yes, my lady,” she says with a small bow before sinking back into her seat.
“That is all. Dismissed.” I let out a sigh of relief as the women all file out of the room.
“Did I do well, Mother?” I ask Fenfeng. I don’t really care what she thinks, but I believe she will feel flattered if she thinks that I do care.
Fenfeng sits up a little straighter and I see a smirk quickly cross her face. “I suppose. Send for me when Lady Euhmeh arrives at your palace. I should be there to discuss her duties. And make sure your ladies-in-waiting are there as well.”
“I will, Mother. Thank you.”
She nods and is then escorted out of the audience hall by her ladies and eunuchs. Suyin helps me stand, but as I walk to the door, I hear a voice behind me.
“Empress?”
I turn around and see Lady Chunhua kneeling. I don’t know her, other than the fact that we were selected at random to be consorts at the same time. There are several other ladies with her, but I do not yet know their names.
“Yes?” I ask. Chunhua stands, but keeps her eyes down.
“I wanted to tell you that I think you will make an excellent empress.”
“Really?” I ask. None of the other girls have reached out to me before, even those I used to share a house with. No one has ever said as much as a kind word to me. Though, that was how I preferred it. I did not reach out to anyone because I was afraid that if I got too close to anyone, my secrets might be discovered.
Chunhua looks at me directly and takes my hand in hers. “Of course! I knew it the moment you gave a birthday gift to the emperor’s brother that you were a kind and thoughtful person.”
“Thank you,” I say, feeling a little more at ease. “I thought… Well, I was afraid that everyone hated me.”
The gathered girls all stand and gather around me, releasing a chorus of reassurance.
“Of course not!”
“We think you are wonderful.”
“Such a good empress.”
I have to take a step back to keep from being crushed. “Umm… Thank you. Would you all like to come over for tea?”
The girls all screech in excitement and clap their hands. Then they gather around me again to express their thanks.
“Okay,” I say. “Let’s go, then. I’m already hungry.”
“Are you pregnant already?” one lady asks.
“Oh! Is the empress pregnant?” another asks.
“Congratulations!” another says.
“No!” I try to say quickly, but not before the rumor spreads through the little crowd. “No, I’m not pregnant. At least, I don’t think so.”
“I’m sure you will be soon.”
“You are so lucky to get to spend so many nights with the emperor.”
The girls chatter all around me, so much so that I can hardly follow the conversations. When we arrive at the palace, though, they immediately scatter. They explore the gardens, the kitchen, and I see a few try to enter my bedroom, but a maid stops them and guards the door.
I’m a bit disappointed. I thought that they all—or at least some of them—wanted to be my friends. But it seems that they only wanted to see how an empress lives. I can’t fault them for being curious, though, so I say nothing. Nuwa goes to the kitchen to tell the cook to prepare tea for the large crowd. I motion Yanmei and Wangli to me.
“I’m starting to think that inviting them all here was a mistake.”
“Starting to?” Wangli says, raising an eyebrow. “They don’t want to be your friend. They only want whatever they think they can get from you.”
“You promoted us to rank-three consorts,” Yanmei says. “They are all certain to be looking for similar favors.”
“Empress?”
I turn around and see one of the “guests,” but I don’t know her name. She is a small, thin girl with a sweet face. I would swear the girl is too young to be of child-bearing age if I didn’t know better. She must have been chosen during the same selection process that I was, but I don’t remember her.
“Yes?”
“I brought these for you.” She holds out a basket of small oranges. “They grow outside my palace and I thought you would enjoy them.”
“Thank you,” I say as I accept the basket. I, of course, have no shortage of whatever fruits I want. But to be given fruit as a gift… Well, that’s never happened before, so I am quite touched. I hand the basket to Suyin.
“Have these included among the snacks the cook is preparing.”
“Yes, my lady.”
“What is your name?” I ask the girl.
“Shulan, my lady,” she says with a bow.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” I hear splashing and look over to see that some ladies are sitting with their feet in my pond. I grimace at that. Of course, on a hot day, putting my feet in the pond is quite refreshing. But I would not be so brazen as to put my feet into the empress’s pond without permission! And the way they are splashing around, I’m sure they will frighten my fish. I want to tell them to stop, but I don’t want to appear rude or cruel. I want all of the ladies to like me if possible, so I don’t say anything for now. But later, I will let the maids know that they should stop any girls who attempt to take such liberties.
As my eyes rove around the courtyard, I see one young woman staring at a painting on one of the walls, one that I painted. I walk over and ask her what she thinks of it.
“Did you paint this?” she asks.
“Yes.”
“Then I suppose I should say that it is wonderful.”
I chuckle. “And if I didn’t paint it?”
“In that case, it’s rather terrible.” I’m shocked at her candor, but then she looks at me with a wide smile and we burst out laughing.
“I am only teasing you,” she says. “It’s not good. But you do have some talent. If you keep practicing, I’m sure you will improve quickly.”
“I only practice painting when my eyes or fingers are too tired from embroidery,” I say. “That is where my true talent lies. My mother taught me, and she was quite skilled.”
This girl looks older than me by some years. I think she looks to be about the deceased empress’s age, so I think she must have been here for some time. She was probably one of the first concubines selected for Guozhi.
“Forgive me,” I say. “But I have not learned everyone’s names. Who are you?”
“Huiyin, my lady,” she says with a bow.
“And I suppose you know a lot about painting, considering your strong opinions on the matter.”
“I enjoy it, certainly,” she says. “My father was a calligrapher, so he taught me to write and paint.”
“That’s wonderful,” I say. “Perhaps you and I could paint together and you could help me.”
Her face brightens. “I would enjoy that, my lady.”
I see the cook and several of her helpers bring tra
ys of tea and snacks into the courtyard, placing them on the several small tables scattered about. There is no single table large enough for everyone. The girls all look at the snacks appreciatively, but no one takes a seat. I realize they are all waiting for me.
I go to the center table and sit down. The other girls all rush to the other seats, pushing each other aside in hopes of snagging a place. One girl cries out in pain when she topples off her shoes and hits the ground. I jump back to my feet.
“Stop this!” I yell, more forcefully than I intended. Everyone goes silent and then drops to their knees. They all begin uttering a hundred apologies.
“No, please don’t do that,” I say, but I am not sure they can hear me over their blubbering. I look helplessly to Suyin, who mimes clapping her hands together. I nod and then clap my hands loud enough to be heard.
“Stop this!” I say again, and this time the girls go quiet. “My ladies-in-waiting shall sit with me. As will…” I look around at the expectant faces, but I have no idea who to choose, so I just say the few names I have learned today. “Chunhua, Huiyin, and Shulan.”
The five lucky chosen ones step from the crowd and take their seats at the table. I follow suit, and the remaining ladies all sigh in disappointment as they find seats elsewhere.
“That was rather a mess,” I say, more to myself than anyone else, but Shulan responds.
“They only want the chance to be near you,” she says.
“They can’t all be near her at the same time,” Wangli grumbles.
I nod. “Yes, I should have planned better, I suppose. I shouldn’t have invited everyone at once. I was just so surprised that anyone wanted to be near me at all.”
“You are the empress,” Yanmei says. “Whether they like you or not, they are going to want to be near you for all the gifts you can bestow on them.”
I stare at her for a moment. “Gifts? Am I supposed to give everyone a gift?”
“Well, not necessarily to everyone right now,” Chunhua says, her words careful. “But just as you reward your servants, you should also reward your ladies. But you can do much more for everyone than give them gifts.”
