by Zoey Gong
“Leave me,” he says, closing his eyes. “I am tired and do not wish to see your face again. You will be taken to the abbey immediately. Your life here is finished.”
I get to my feet, my knees weak and my hip sore, but I do not complain as I back out of the room, thanking him with every step. He closes his eyes and sleeps before I am out the door.
In the courtyard, Fiyanggu is speaking to Honghui. Honghui is chewing on his thumb and nodding. When he sees me, he looks up, and I see relief on his face. He walks over to me and I am so relieved and weak I must lean on his arm for assistance.
“Fiyanggu has told me what your sentence is,” Honghui says when I reach him. “You are quite fortunate.”
“I know,” I say. “I am so grateful.”
“Come,” Honghui says. “I will escort you to the temple.”
“Please,” I say, tugging on his arm, “may I say goodbye to my friends, my servants? To Dongmei and Jingfei?” Honghui hesitates and looks to Fiyanggu. Fiyanggu gives a small nod and then backs away out of the courtyard.
“Fine,” Honghui says. “But you must be quick about it. You should not linger lest my brother change his mind.”
“He told me about the terms of the treaty,” I say as we leave the emperor’s courtyard. “I feel like such a fool. I had meant to save China, save my people, but I have only condemned them to a much worse life.”
“Guozhi exaggerates,” Honghui says. “The treaty is absurd, yes. But I agree with you that war would be worse. Treaties can always be renegotiated. But the damage done in war cannot be undone.”
I let out a sigh of relief. “So, you are not angry with me? You think I did the right thing?”
He is quiet for a moment, looking at me with his deep, dark eyes. He shakes his head and shrugs. “Who can say? What is done is done. You are alive, and the war is at an end. I could not have hoped for a better outcome.”
Relief washes over me and I feel a little lightheaded. Honghui places his hand on my back to steady me, then he cups my cheek, rubbing the side of my face with his thumb. His hand drops when we hear voices approaching.
Dongmei and Jingfei run toward me. I drop down and hold them in my arms. “My darlings,” I say. My heart breaks to leave them. They will once again be motherless. That will be my biggest regret for the rest of my life, I believe.
“Must you leave?” Dongmei asks.
“Please stay!” Jingfei cries.
“I am sorry,” I say. “But I must go. It is your father’s will.”
“Can we visit you?” Dongmei asks.
I do not know the answer, but I nod. I cannot leave them without some hope. “Someday.” I hug them again, kissing them on their cheeks. I stand and hug Yanmei.
“Take care of them,” I tell her, “and of yourself.”
“I will,” she says. “I will miss you so much.”
“And I you,” I say, squeezing her hands. I then turn to my faithful servants, Suyin and Jinhai. I hug each of them in turn, thanking them for taking such good care of me.
“I will come with you,” Suyin says.
I shake my head. “No, you cannot. You should leave this place. Don’t ask for a reassignment. You have plenty of money saved. You must leave here and return to your family. Use the money as a dowry. Marry and have lots of children. I’ll not let your life come to an end for me.”
Her eyes water and she nods. I give her another hug. Suyin holds me so tightly, I can’t let go of her, and she nods. “I will do as you say, your majesty.” I smile and pat her cheek.
I then turn to Jinhai. His gentle face is streaked with tears. I pull him to me and whisper in his ear. “You and Suyin know where the money and jewels are hidden. Divide them among you and then go live happy lives far away from this place.”
He nods, crying so hard he cannot speak. I back away, taking one long last look at the people who have become my family. To leave my family a second time hurts more than I can put into words.
A eunuch announces that the empress dowager has approached. Everyone turns to face her and kneels, even me. I am no longer the empress, so I must bow before her once again. There is a satisfied smile on her face as she approaches me, Euhmeh by her side.
“I told you that you would not be empress for long,” Fenfeng says. “Though, I never imagined you would sabotage yourself so spectacularly.”
I rise to my feet and stand before her, my chin held high. “I sacrificed everything for the people of this country. Could you ever say the same?”
Everyone gasps and the smile falls from Fenfeng’s face. She steps even closer to me until we are nearly chest to chest.
“How dare you, you insolent little bug,” she hisses.
“Insult me all you want, Mother,” I say. “You can’t hurt me anymore.”
As heartbroken as I am to be leaving, I suppose there is one advantage to no longer being empress—I am no longer under the thumb of the empress dowager.
I expect her rage to grow. For her to scream and stomp her feet. But she doesn’t. Instead, she chuckles as she bends close to my ear and whispers so that only I can hear her.
“Caihong once thought that too,” she says.
Her words nearly knock me off balance as my mind whirls. “What…what did you do to Caihong?”
“Thanks to you, nothing,” Fenfeng says. “If only poor Lady An hadn’t gotten the blame, everything would have been set to right. But you had to get in the way, didn’t you?”
Panic grips my chest. Lady An? Caihong? The assassin! Fenfeng was the one behind it all? I don’t understand. I look around, hoping that someone else is hearing what she’s saying, but there is no one in earshot.
“Why?” I ask her, so confused.
“It doesn’t matter now,” she says as she reaches up and dusts something invisible from my shoulder. “I’m only glad I lived long enough to see this. And don’t worry about his majesty. He will find comfort in someone far more worthy.” She looks over at Euhmeh, a smirk on her face.
I’m nearly sick with rage, but there is nothing I can do! I can’t accuse the emperor’s mother of such a heinous crime without evidence. She tried to kill Caihong! Lady An died because of her. And she’s gotten away with it all.
I take a step back from her, eager to get away. Away from her. Away from this place. Away from such malice and hatred and betrayal. There is a stabbing sensation in my stomach and I turn to Honghui. I give him a nod and he leads me out of the Winter Palace for the last time.
“What did she say?” he asks me.
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter now.” I hardly comprehend what Fenfeng has done, what her words truly mean. I can only hope that one day I will be able to sort them out and somehow get justice for Caihong and Lady An.
There is still a crowd of people outside, and when they see me, they cheer.
“May the empress live ten-thousand years! May the empress live ten-thousand years!”
“Someone will have to tell them that I am no longer the empress,” I mutter to Honghui.
“Not today,” he says. He opens the flap to the donkey cart and I climb back inside.
The cart rocks this way and that as it lumbers down an eastern path away from the Winter Palace and the cheering slowly fades into the distance.
27
We travel for several days at a sedate pace. The evenings are quiet as Honghui and I and the two guards who accompanied us sit around the fire. There is so much unsaid between myself and Honghui, but we are not alone. I wrestle in my mind with telling him the truth of my existence. I want to tell him. I long to tell him. But if this is the last time I will ever see him, I do not want him to leave thinking ill of me. Thinking me a liar and deceiver.
We travel far to the north and east, up into the mountains where leafy trees turn to spruce and the ground is littered with brown pine needles. The smell is divine for trees so ugly.
The villages we pass and quiet and peaceful. The war seems not to have touched this area at all. I imagin
e most of the country has no idea how close we came to war. “Heaven is high above and the emperor is far away,” so they say. Do these people even know who the emperor is? They certainly take no notice of us as we pass through except to sell us food.
The road becomes more rough the farther we travel, the ruts deep, jostling me around. I fear my teeth will be shaken right out of my head. I am so thankful when we finally stop. I poke my head out of the cart, expecting to see the abbey, but there is nothing around us except trees.
“Why have we stopped?” I ask.
“We will have to take the horse from here,” Honghui says. One of the guards helps me out of the cart and I see that the road is so uneven and covered with stones the donkey could not hope to pull the cart any further.
“Looks like there have been heavy rains recently, making the road impassable,” Honghui explains.
I nod, but I am nervous about spending time alone with Honghui. He offers me his hand and pulls me up onto the horse so that I sit sideways in front of him. In my condition, I could not hope to sit on a saddle properly.
“Head back,” Honghui tells the guards. “I will catch back up with you soon.” The guards nod and turn the cart about, heading back down the mountain.
Honghui urges his horse up the path, but it is slow going. The horse must step carefully to avoid tripping in the ruts or on errant stones. Riding on the horse is barely more comfortable than riding in the cart. I wrap my arms around Honghui’s waist to keep from falling off and lean my head into his chest.
“You are lucky,” Honghui finally says. “I truly thought Guozhi was going to order your death.”
“So did I,” I say. “I was prepared to face death.”
Honghui seems surprised to hear me say this. “I wasn’t prepared for you to die.”
“Could you have stopped it?”
“I am glad it didn’t come to that,” he says. “If I’d had to choose between you or my brother…I don’t know who would have won out.”
I am glad that Honghui didn’t have to make that choice. Equally am I glad that I didn’t have to face the executioner. I like to think that I would have been strong. Brave. But who can know until the moment of death arrives?
Honghui’s body tenses and he brings the horse to a stop. “I don’t have to take you to the abbey.”
I sit up. “What?”
He turns around in the saddle to face me. “I could take you somewhere else. Or just leave you here and you could find your way to the nearest village.”
My mouth gapes. I look back down the road and see that the guards and donkey cart are long gone. He’s right. I could get off this horse and run away into the woods and then go…anywhere.
But where would I go?
I don’t know where I am. And I don’t know where my parents are. I don’t have any money or extra clothes or food. I’m sure Honghui could give me some money, but that would run out eventually. I don’t particularly want to live in a nunnery. But for now, at least, I will have somewhere to sleep and food to eat.
I shake my head. “I don’t have anywhere to go.”
He looks confused and thinks about this for a moment. “What about your mother? Aren’t you the daughter of a general?”
I look at him for a long time. Long enough for him to realize the truth, at least partly. He doesn’t ask for more information, and the words are stuck in my chest. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Honghui pulls my head to his chest as he urges the horse to continue.
“Will Guozhi die?” I ask. He looked so ill, so weak, it makes me wonder how he is even still alive. Will he be dead by the time Honghui returns?
“I don’t know,” Honghui says. “The doctor says that he could die, but also that there is an equal chance he will live. Pray for him when you reach the abbey.”
“I will,” I say. Guozhi spared my life. I hope the gods will be equally merciful with him.
Finally, we came to the end of the road where stone steps led even further up the mountain. A stone, arched gateway stands sentinel at the bottom of the stairs. At the top of the arch is carved the characters for Temple of Grief, and blessings are etched down on each side. The archway is ornately engraved and painted in red and blue and yellow. It is not bland or stoic, as I expected a nunnery to be, but quite beautiful. Honghui climbs off the horse and then helps me slide down in front of him. He doesn’t let me go.
“This is where I leave you,” Honghui says and I feel a sudden pang in my heart.
I reach up and put my hand behind his neck. “Will I ever see you again?” I ask.
He cups my cheek. “I can only hope so. Men are not allowed inside the temple, but who knows where fate will lead us.”
I nod and sniff to keep from crying. He places his lips on mine, gently. The sensation is bittersweet. Joy mixed with tears.
“I love you,” he says. I can’t hold back the tears and bury my face in his chest.
“It’s not fair,” I say. “It’s not fair!”
“I know,” he says, rocking me. “But you are alive. That is the most important thing. This is not the end. Not the end of you; not the end of us. We will find our way back to each other, I am certain.”
We kiss again and hold each other tight. The longer I tarry, the harder it becomes to leave him. I let my arm slip from his shoulder and take a step back.
His eyes are red, but he refuses to cry. Instead, he bows.
“Farewell, empress.”
“I’m not the empress anymore,” I say.
“You will always be my empress.”
My heart feels as though it is being stabbed with a hundred needles, but I keep my feet firmly on the ground. If I go to him again, I’ll never let him go.
Honghui climbs up onto his horse and turns it away from me, walking back down the dangerous, rocky path. I watch as he disappears down the trail. He never looks back. I don’t think he can.
As soon as he is out of sight, I turn back to the long, winding staircase. I am surprised to see a woman coming down the stairs. She is older, her head is shaved, and she is wearing a loose-fitting, orange robe. I go up the stairs, through the archway, and meet her halfway. She has a smile on her face, and her cheeks are full and rosy. She seems happy and healthy. I suppose I had expected the women here to be miserable, starving creatures.
“Greetings, little sister,” she says with a bow. “What brings you here?”
“I was ordered to come here,” I say. “I was one of Emperor Guozhi’s consorts.”
The woman gasps, putting her hands to her mouth. “Has the emperor died?”
“No,” I say, putting my hand on her arm reassuringly. “No, the emperor is not dead.”
“Then why are you… Oh, I see.” She nods. “You are not the first concubine to be sent to us in disgrace.”
“I wasn’t a concubine,” I say. “Well, I started out as one. But before I was sent here, I was the empress.”
The woman raises an eyebrow. “This is a story I am looking forward to hearing.”
“I’d love to be able to tell you everything, if it is safe to do so,” I hedge.
The woman chuckles and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “You are quite young. You are going to be here a very long time. I am sure you will learn to trust me in time.”
Her kind and warm demeanor sets me at ease. Coming here might have been the best thing for me after all. I feel almost guilty that the emperor sent me here as a punishment. It feels more like a reward.
We take a few more steps up the stairs and the abbey starts to come into view. It looks almost like a palace. The building is gray, but the roof is ornately curled and painted bright colors. At the top of the stairs, a large courtyard sits within half a dozen buildings. In the middle of the courtyard stands a covered incense hearth from which smoke from smoldering joss sticks floats up into the sky. The courtyard is an exquisite garden with flowers of every color. There are ponds and rookeries and places to sit and meditate. Small cats and dogs run around playfully,
along with a few chickens.
But what is most amazing is that there are also dozens of women. They are all older than me, but some not by much. They all have shaved heads and wear matching orange robes. They are tending the flowers, painting, doing embroidery, all the usual feminine pastimes. But they are all so happy! They are chatting and laughing, working together, with genuine smiles on their faces.
From somewhere, a gong is struck, and at once, all the women stop what they are doing and walk to the back of the courtyard to a large building with a wide-open front. I can see several women kneeling and kowtowing to something deeper in the shadows of the building. An altar of some sort, I assume.
“I am the senior teacher here,” the woman I am with says. “You may call me Tao Fashi. What should I call you?”
“Daiyu,” I say without hesitation. “My name is Daiyu.”
Daiyu’s adventure continues in Empress in Danger, available for pre-order now at your favorite bookstore!
https://books2read.com/u/49l78k
* * *
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Empress in Danger
Empress in Disguise Book 3
https://books2read.com/u/49l78k
She thought that fate was finished with her. But it was only beginning…
* * *
After being banished to a remote abbey, Daiyu thinks the machinations of the inner court can no longer hurt her. But she is wrong. A ghost from the past emerges and threatens everything Daiyu has worked so hard to build for herself.
* * *
From the opulence of the inner court and the right hand of the emperor, Daiyu finds herself back at the beginning, back outside the imposing red walls of the Forbidden City. Daiyu discovers that she has the power to choose her future, but both futures carry a risk she is not sure she has the strength to face.
