“But that doesn’t make any sense,” Tallie protested. “Why would he tell me that if it wasn’t true?”
“I don’t know.”
“Spider’s not going to believe it,” Tallie breathed. “He loved you like a brother. He misses you almost as much as I did.”
Gonzo drew in his breath and let it out in a rush. He had just realized that he was going to do this. There was no turning back now; he was going to come back from the dead. Turning to Tallie, he said, “Maybe it would be easier on him if he heard this on his own turf. How about if I come over to your house later when you’re both home?”
Tallie’s eyes flickered with an emotion he couldn’t read. She looked away and refused to meet his gaze for a moment. “Spider’s… been staying at the clubhouse a lot lately. Lots of club business to attend to. It might be easier to find him there.”
Gonzo wanted to ask what was troubling her – it was clear something was – but decided not to press it. “Um, okay,” he said. “Not sure going to the clubhouse right away is the best idea, though.”
“There’s gonna be no easy way to do this,” Chig murmured. “Just rip the bandaid off, see what happens.”
Gonzo nodded. “All right.” Rising, he said, “I better get back to Brenna for now. Tell her everything that’s happened so far.” He turned to Tallie. “She’s gonna want to meet you soon,” he said with a smile. “She’s heard an awful lot about you.”
Tallie had finally regained a semblance of calm, and she grinned at him now. In a teasing tone, she said, “Sure, she’s heard about me as a ten year-old kid. Who knows what kind of untrue stuff you’ve told her about me? I’m not afraid of snakes anymore, after all!”
Gonzo grinned back at her, and a lump suddenly formed in his throat. Swallowing, he put an arm around her. “It’s good to see you again, Tallie,” he said, fighting the tears that threatened to come.
“It’s good to see you again, too, brother,” she murmured with a suddenly shy grin. “Now go see your wife.”
Chapter Seven
Spider banged the gavel on the table and spoke to the men assembled around the table. “Okay. Last order of business is discussion of the proposal by the Six to enter into an agreement to move some of their product for them.” His tone was as neutral as he could make it, but an undertone of disgust was just barely perceptible, for anyone who was listening for it.
Dime Bag was one of those people. “This is a good deal for us,” he challenged immediately. “We got a revenue problem, they got a revenue solution.”
Mack spoke up. “I dunno. We got enough heat already with our Vipers situation. I don’t know if this is the right time to be taking on a new business. We don’t know that much about dealing drugs.”
“Distributing,” Dime Bag corrected with a feral grin.
“Dime’s right. We need the cash. We can handle this. I say we do it.” Rumble slapped his hand down on the table.
Spider spoke up. “If we need the cash, there’s other ways of doing it. We already got a lot on our plates right now. My main concern is us spreading ourselves too thin.”
“Come on, we ain’t a bunch of little pussies,” Dime sneered. “Or are we?”
Spider’s expression hardened. “It’s not a question of being pussies. It’s a question of being smart.”
The men argued about the issue for close to twenty minutes, with Dime Bag and his allies advocating strongly for his position. Eventually, people began repeating themselves, and Spider called the question. “Okay, I think we’ve all made our positions clear on this. Let’s vote it. I vote nay.”
“Aye,” growled Dime Bag.
Around the table, each man voiced his vote. When they had finished, the vote was 6 to 6. “Chig gave me his vote by proxy,” Spider said. “He votes nay. The motion fails. We stay away from dealing… distributing… for the Six.”
Dime leaned back in his chair. His eyes narrowed as he looked at Spider, but he said nothing. Spider knew as he looked at the other man that Dime would be talking about this vote later with his allies. A challenge would be coming soon, he could feel it. But not today.
As the men filed out after church, Spider stayed seated at the large table in the chapel. The door closed after Mack, the last one to file out. Spider watched him go, and then, hearing the latch catch on the door, rubbed his tired eyes with his the heels of his hands. Chig had not yet decided to step down as president, a fact that was both good and bad. Spider needed the authority of the older man behind him now. He knew that once Chig vacated the spot, Dime Bag would make a play to be president. Spider knew that if he himself didn’t run, as well, the club would have no one else to vote for. Dime Bag as the leader of the Fugitives was a prospect that worried both Spider and Chig greatly. If Dime was in charge, with his own picks for VP and Sergeant at Arms, Spider wasn’t sure the club would survive. He himself wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle staying around to watch the demise.
Spider was sitting in the president’s chair lost in thought when a soft knock came at the door. “Yeah,” Spider called out. The door opened and Tallie appeared in the threshold.
Shit. Tallie almost never bothered him at the club these days. He opened his mouth to ask her what she wanted, but she began talking before he could say anything.
“Spider,” she said carefully. “I brought someone to see you.” Her eyes were hesitant but hopeful.
“Tallie, you know chapel is only for club members. You should have waited for me outside.”
“I know. But he is a club member.” Smiling tremulously, she stepped aside to let the visitor through the doorway. Spider looked up to see a ghost. A ghost with the same green eyes as Tallie.
Spider’s brain went off-line for a few moments as he stared dumbly at a man who couldn’t be there.
“Jesus Christ,” he breathed at last. “What the fuck is going on?”
“Um…” Gonzo explained, “I’m not dead.”
“How in the hell…” Spider simply continued to gape in astonishment. The man who couldn’t be there, his dead brother, had just spoken. “What in the fuck is going on?” he repeated.
Kyle “Gonzo” Hendricks blew out a sigh. “It’s a long story, brother.”
Spider looked from Gonzo to Tallie and then back again. His eyes narrowed for a moment in confusion and sudden mistrust. “Well, then, maybe you better get started telling it.”
Tallie looked at the two men and made a choice. “I think I’m going to leave the two of you to talk.” Meeting her brother’s gaze, she said, “Please call me when you’re free. I’d like to meet Brenna, whenever you’re comfortable with that.”
“Jesus Christ, Brenna’s here, too?” Spider exploded. “God damnit, what the hell is going on?”
Tallie looked at her man. “This is all a shock to me, too, Spider. I just found out about it myself. But please give Kyle a chance. It sounds like there’s a lot more behind his disappearance than we thought.” She stopped speaking then, and held his gaze for a long moment. A mix of sadness and longing swept through Spider as he looked at her. Finally, her eyes left his and returned to her brother. She briefly touched his arm, then turned away, closing the door behind her.
“Can I sit?” Gonzo asked. Spider said nothing, but cut his eyes briefly to a chair and shrugged. Gonzo smiled slightly and eased down into it. “So, do you want me to just start talking, or do you want to ask me questions?”
“Why don’t you start by telling me why the fuck you decided to show your face back here in Crystal?” Spider snarled.
“Your dad wrote me a letter asking me to come back.”
“Chig knew where you were? Jesus fuck, has everyone been lying to me?” Spider exploded.
“He tracked me down,” Gonzo said calmly. “But yeah, obviously he knew I wasn’t dead.”
“Tell me the fucking truth: Did Tallie know you were alive?” Spider didn’t think he could take it if she had lied to him about this.
“No. She came to the hospital and found m
e in Chig’s room talking to him. She was just as shocked as you are. More, maybe.”
“There is no fucking way she could be more shocked, brother.” Spider’s emotions were a tight, volatile mix that he was fighting to control with everything he had. Primary among them was rage.
Gonzo smiled tightly. “Okay. I get that. So, next question?”
“Why don’t you just tell me why the fuck you’re here?”
And so, Gonzo explained, as calmly as he could, about receiving Chig’s letter and how he had debated whether to come back to Crystal. Spider, he could tell, was angry, and Gonzo knew he had every right to be, so he just let it be. “Chig thinks I can help the situation that’s developing with Jesse Porter. I’m not sure there’s anything I could do, even if you wanted me to, but I figured that I could at least honor a dying man’s wish and come see him.”
Spider flinched almost imperceptibly at the words “dying man,” Gonzo noticed. “Why the hell didn’t Chig talk to me about this first?” Spider demanded. “Why the fuck didn’t he tell me he knew you weren’t dead?”
“I don’t know,” Gonzo shrugged. “Like I said, I just got the letter. When I came to Crystal, I went straight to the hospital to see him. Then Tallie walked in on us and recognized me. Then I came here. Nobody else knows I’m here. What happens next is up to you. You want me gone, I’m gone.”
“Well, I’ve gotten pretty fuckin’ used to you being gone in the last ten years, Gonzo,” Spider growled. “Chig sure as hell isn’t the only one who could have told me you weren’t dead. Why don’t you tell me why you disappeared and abandoned the club?”
“If you remember, the club was getting ready to abandon me,” Gonzo said, the first hint of bitterness creeping into his voice. “Brenna and I were trying to help the Fugitives, and no one would fucking believe a word we said. You know it was only a matter of time before I got voted out. And would you have stood by me if that happened?”
Spider didn’t respond. He looked away briefly, his eyes locking on the banner with the Fugitives colors hanging on the wall. Gonzo continued. “Chig didn’t trust me, either, but he gave me a choice. Either I got voted out of the club, or I could take another way out. A way that would at least leave me with some of my honor intact.” The bitter tone crept back in again. “Since it seemed like leaving was something I was good at, I chose that. Chig set it up so I’d go on that gun run to the Vipers by myself. It wasn’t like anyone was gonna fall all over themselves to go with me, anyway, so it was an easy rig. From there, I just threw some blood around that Bren got from the vet clinic and abandoned the van. Chig knew none of the Fugitives were gonna push very hard for revenge on whoever killed me. Everyone was gonna be glad to get rid of me so easy. Then he ordered the van to be torched, and that was that. Easy.” He had been staring off into the unseen past as he talked, but he looked at Spider now. “Admit it. It was the easiest thing. And everyone was glad I was out of the picture.”
Spider said nothing, but Gonzo was right. Even Spider himself, consumed with grief at the loss of his best friend, had felt a thin beat of relief thrumming under the throb of guilt that he had not been in that van with Gonzo. It was that shameful thought that had plagued him in the months following Gonzo’s death, when he realized that he and the club had misjudged his friend. That was the shame that continued to plague him, all these years later, in the form of his nightmares. Now, here before him, was Gonzo, alive. And the bubbling rage he felt toward the lie of his death had its source in Spider’s deep shame. If Tallie’s daily presence in his life had been a reminder of that terrible day, Gonzo’s reappearance, far from providing relief, if anything only made his guilt more acute.
Suddenly, Spider wanted nothing more than to be left alone – to escape this baffling and painful collision of past and present. “I think this conversation is over, Gonzo. I got some business to attend to.”
Gonzo nodded and stood up. “Okay. Tallie has my phone number if you need me.”
Spider watched his formerly dead, former best friend walk out of the room and close the door. A lump rose in his throat – a cry, a sob, a curse? – and he stuffed it down. Swiveling in his seat, he turned to stare out the window, his eyes unblinking and bright.
Chapter Eight
Tallie stared at the little plastic indicator in shock. Without warning, a bark of hysterical laughter escaped her. Of course, I get pregnant now, part of her brain said as wild panic rose up inside her. How fucking stereotypical.
She had been chalking up her recent out-of-control emotions to all the crazy changes in her life – Spider’s pulling away from her, Chig’s hospitalization, and now Gonzo’s unexpected return. But as she gazed at the plus sign indicating her pregnancy, she realized that in less stressful times she probably would have noticed the physical changes sooner. She had been feeling extremely tired lately, but thought this was simply because her sleep had been troubled by bad dreams. She had been having headaches, too, which was extremely unusual for her.
How could this have happened? She and Spider had only had sex once that she could remember in the past two months. Spider had come home one night from some club business silent and tense; in the middle of the night, he had woken her in the dark and taken her, quickly and wordlessly. Remembering their last intimate contact, Tallie fought back the urge to cry. A year ago, even six months ago, she might have greeted this news with excitement. But of course, her body had to betray her now, when Spider could barely stand to be in the same room with her. What was worse, it was Deanie who had figured it out before her.
“Honey, is there anything you want to talk about?” Deanie had asked her that morning as they sat in the hospital cafeteria.
“What do you mean?” Tallie asked, flushing. She had thought she and Spider had managed to keep their estrangement a secret from Spider’s parents. Turns out, she was right, and Deanie was talking about something else.
“You know, honey,” Deanie continued, a sparkle in her eye, “I know it might not seem like the right time to be telling us about a joyous event, given Chig’s condition. But believe me, that’s not true at all. It would give everybody something happy to focus on right now.”
Tallie was confused. “I… I’m not sure what you mean.”
Deanie’s eyes widened. “Oh, honey, you mean…? Oh.” She pursed her lips together, as if deciding whether to continue. Finally, she said, “Well, honey, I could be wrong, but… you might want to buy yourself a pregnancy test.”
And damned if Deanie hadn’t been right. Awesome, Tallie thought bitterly. Now, not only was she pregnant, but her mother-in-law knew. Which meant that soon Chig would know. Which meant… Tallie squeezed her eyes shut and groaned. She wouldn’t even have the time to decide what, if anything, she was going to do about this. “Shit, shit, shit!” she whispered, balling her hands into fists.
As she came out of the small bathroom at the end of the hospital corridor, she debated whether to go down to Chig’s room or to flee back home. She both wanted desperately to be alone and to be with someone she could talk to. Her mind went to Spider. If only, she thought tearfully. If only he wanted to be with me. If only he would want this baby.
In the end, she decided it would be rude to leave the hospital without at least stopping in to say goodbye to Chig and Deanie. She found them in his room, Chig dozing with the TV remote in his hand. When Deanie looked up and saw her, she immediately stood and led Tallie out of the room. “Well?” she asked.
Tallie could only nod dumbly. Deanie clapped her hands in excitement. “Oh, that’s wonderful!” she chirped. When in response, Tallie’s mouth twisted into a grimace and her eyes filled with tears, Deanie’s eyes widened in shock. “Oh, Tallie, come on, let’s go in here,” she said, leading Tallie into a family lounge. “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?” she said gently as she led Tallie to a chair.
There was a box of Kleenex on the side table next to Tallie, and she grabbed a tissue gratefully and dabbed her eyes with it. She had not intended
to tell Deanie about the troubles between her and Spider, but Deanie had always been so kind to her that Tallie found herself unable not to. “It’s just… Deanie, I’m sorry. Spider and I are having… some problems. I’m not sure this is a very good time for me to be…”
Deanie nodded. She didn’t know the full extent of what was going on between Tallie and Spider, but she had sensed that things weren’t perfect. “Honey, all relationships have problems. I know sometimes people try to have a baby to fix the issues they have and it doesn’t work. But I think this is different. I see the way Spider looks at you, baby. He loves you more than anything. He’s gonna step up and cross that distance between the two of you once he finds out you’re having his baby. I’m sure of it.”
“How can you be so sure?” Tallie asked tearfully.
Deanie grinned. “Because Chig did the same thing. When we were first together, we had a huge argument. I think Chig got some cold feet and was looking for excuses to tell himself that I wasn’t his old lady. Bikers are bikers because they love freedom, baby. It’s hard for them to settle down sometimes. Anyway, I happened to be pregnant already with Spider; I just didn’t know it yet. When Chig found out, it changed everything. He asked me to move in with him, started going to all the doctor appointments, everything. We’ve been solid ever since.”
Tallie smiled sadly. “I hope you’re right about Spider, but I don’t know. Whatever it is that’s coming between us, I don’t know what it is, and he won’t tell me.”
The older woman simply took Tallie’s hand and squeezed it. “He’ll come around.”
“I hope so.” Frowning slightly, Tallie asked: “Deanie, how come you and Chig never got married?”
“Oh, honey,” Deanie replied. “That’s just not our way. Institutions, they don’t mean jack to us. Love’s what matters. We don’t need a justice of the peace to tell us that I’m his old lady.”
Fugitives MC Page 21
