by Nicole Casey
I couldn’t resist pressing my mouth to the saline flesh, inhaling his scent as he withdrew from me. My heart was still pounding because I knew it was my opportunity to tell him everything but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to do it.
He deserves to know. Cheyenne and Wyatt deserve their father and he’s not who you thought he was.
“Are you okay?” he asked when he saw I wasn’t moving.
“Yeah,” I replied, sitting up. “That was…unexpected.”
He grinned and shook his head and I looked at him closely for the first time, without emotions clouding me, without biases blurring my vision.
He was thinner than he had been and he looked exhausted.
I’d looked like that once and I’d look like that again when Ashleigh was finished with me. I wondered if Jude was regretting his choice but I didn’t ask.
Even if he was, he wouldn’t tell me.
“You sold out,” he said and my back jammed upward like there was a rod stuck in it.
“What?”
“You’re Juniper June. I thought that was why you got out when you did.”
I pursed my lips together.
“Circumstances changed,” I replied. “Suddenly it didn’t seem so bad.”
He zipped up his pants and looked at me.
“Yeah? Then why do you look so unhappy?”
I blinked at the observation. Even after all that time, did he still know me or was that just a lucky guess?
My heart knew the answer; he’d always known me, even though we’d only been together a short time.
We’d written together, slept together, performed together and now we had children together. He knew me better than anyone knew me.
“I don’t much care for being a blonde. Or the name Juniper,” I replied lightly, leaning back against the counter to stare at him.
“I’ll have to agree with you on both points,” he laughed.
Stepping toward me, he gathered me in his arms and kissed the top of my head.
“I’m sorry we’ve lost so much time but we can make it up, Gen. I’ve been so lost without you these past years and I don’t know what you’ve been up to but – ”
“No.”
I blurted it out before I had a chance to stop myself.
“No?” he echoed in confusion. “No what?”
“No, this was good. Thank you.”
I turned to leave, wondering what the hell was wrong with me but I quickly realized that I couldn’t spring the news about his secret twins on him inside a bathroom.
Why not? That’s how I learned about them, I reasoned.
“Thank you?” he repeated. “Seriously? You’re going to do this again?”
I turned to look at him, a bemused expression on his face but I could sense an underlying anger there too.
“I’m at a weird place in my life right now, Jude and – ”
“You’re always at a fucking weird place, Gen. You’re never settled, you’re never sure. You call me impulsive but you’re indecisive as fuck.”
My mouth parted slightly at the accusation but I suddenly saw that he was right.
Everything I’d ever done in my life was wishy-washy. I couldn’t decide. I couldn’t see anything through.
Except the twins. That was the only thing I’d committed to and stuck through from beginning to end.
“Don’t walk out of here without some guarantee that I’m going to hear from you, Gen, please?”
He was pleading with me to do the right thing and I was on the fence. What was wrong with me? How could this even be a question?
“Do you want to get out of here?” I asked suddenly and his face exploded in relief.
“Yeah,” he said. “I really do.”
I nodded.
“Me too.”
I’d been to Drake’s cottage one time before and I remembered there was a fleet of random boats at the dock.
We found ourselves in a rowboat, under the moon and I peered up at the sky, a soft smile on my face.
“Do you miss the star living in LA?” I asked.
“You know I’m living in LA?”
I was embarrassed at being caught.
“I’ve heard bits and pieces about you,” I answered softly, glad that despite the bright stars, my face was still hidden in the shadows.
We paddled far enough out that the party was barely noticeable and stopped to drift.
“Where did you go?”
“I was staying with my brother in Lafayette until two weeks ago. Now we’re in Nashville.”
“We’re? Your brother moved there too?”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“No. Not my brother.”
“Then who are we? You did say we, didn’t you?” he pressed.
I didn’t reply, thinking of how I was going to tell him what I wanted to say.
“Yes.”
It wasn’t necessary to look at his face. The disappointment emanating from him was palpable.
“You’re married,” he sighed, reaching for a paddle. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know or I certainly wouldn’t have pursued you, Gen. I hope you know that.”
“I’m not married.”
“And I’m not arguing semantics with you,” he snapped. “Married or boyfriend who is expecting you home, it’s all the same to me.”
“I don’t have a boyfriend expecting me home. I have two kids.”
He dropped the paddle and it almost slipped into the lake but I dipped forward to catch it.
“Oh…wow…” he blubbered. “Uh, congratulations. How old? Boys or girls?”
He was doing rote questioning, digging into his list of platitude inquiries when delivered baby news.
“They are three. Twins.”
I waited for him to do the math but he still seemed stunned by the revelation.
“Wow,” he said again, apparently grasping for something else to say. “Wow.”
I continued to stare at him but his mind wasn’t going there, not yet.
“Jude,” I sighed, sick of waiting for him.
“Hm?”
“They’re yours.”
“What?”
“The twins. They’re yours. Their names are Cheyenne and Wyatt. They look exactly like you.”
The shock on his face was unlike anything I’d ever seen, not even in the movies. His jaw had dropped so far that I was surprised it didn’t touch the bottom of the boat.
“Is this a joke?” he asked. “Some sick way of getting back at me for not telling you about Kristy?”
I shook my head miserably. This was going worse than I had initially envisioned.
“No,” I whispered. “There are twins and they are yours.”
I reached into my purse to pull out my phone, showing him the home screen where my children grinned toothily at the camera.
He was paler than the moonlight as he studied their small features, his fingers trailing over the case in awe.
Suddenly, he turned and hauled the phone into the lake.
“You’re a twisted bitch, Gen. This is wrong, no matter how mad you are. If you’re looking for a payout, you’re barking up the wrong tree.”
I gaped at him, certain I’d misunderstood him.
“You think that what? I tracked you to Canada to a party in order to blackmail you into a shitty payout?” I laughed but there was no mirth in my voice. I was madder than hell. In my wildest imagination, I never would have thought he would think I was that pathetic.
“I don’t know what your game is,” he snarled, grabbing for the oars and starting back to the pier. “But I don’t want any part of it.”
“You don’t want any part of your children?”
“They aren’t my children!” He howled, his voice carrying across the lake and suddenly I realized he was still in shock.
I reached forward and grabbed his forearm.
“They are.”
His eyes shifted to me and he stared at me blankly.
“They are,” I said again. “Wyatt and Cheyenne. They ar
e your twins.”
A long, devastating silence ensued and all the fire abruptly faded from his eyes.
“You kept my children from me for three years?”
I felt like I’d been stabbed and I swallowed the boulder in my throat.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry, Jude.”
He jerked his arm back and continued to row, his jaw locking with determination.
“Yeah,” he spat. “So am I.”
Chapter Fifteen
Jude
Trevor smashed the drum, cuing my entrance and I flew onto the stage, twanging my guitar as I moved.
I had earplugs but they did nothing to alleviate the din of the crowd who screamed until their faces were crimson, waving wildly to capture my attention.
“I made a mistake, it’s been all I can take but you’re gone again…”
The cheering was defeating but I kept on with the song, trying not to feel the burn of tears threatening me as I sang.
Every time No Excuse performed this song, I could see Gen smiling at me in the Fontaine, staring into my eyes as she waited for her part.
“You begged me to go, but now I know that you wanted me near and we’re bound till the end.”
This was the first time I’d sung it since her soul-crushing confession in Toronto.
“And I’m leaving…leaving this time…leaving this time to stay,” I crooned. “And you can’t…you can’t…you can’t keep me away.”
It was taking every fiber of my being not to turn and run for the wings, yet another place which always reminded me of the girl, of the first night we’d performed at JoJo’s together to a packed house.
I wanted to find her, to find my kids and bury my head in their heads, inhaling the smell of them. I wanted to bolt from that sold-out show and hop on the first plane to Nashville, say screw my contract and screw the band and screw everything.
But of course, I couldn’t.
I had commitments and I wouldn’t be able to meet my kids for another three weeks. What would I do then? What would I say to Gen?
I knew I had to shove them all from my mind, to forget about them until I was at least alone. Performing in front of fifteen thousand people was not the place to lose control, no matter how on the edge I was.
Even as I thought it, I realized I’d missed a cue but my adoring fans didn’t seem to care.
Hal will care.
Now was not the time to throw everything away.
Once again, I had to put Geneva on the back burner. And with her, my children.
“I’m not sticking around,” I told Trevor. “I’m tired.”
“Yeah, you sang like ass tonight,” the drummer agreed. “Lay off the sauce the night before. You sound like you’ve been crying.”
I chewed on the insides of my cheeks and fought my way through the crowds with my security detail, pausing to sign some autographs on the way out but my heart wasn’t in it, not anymore.
My heart wasn’t in anything.
“Your car is out back, Mr. Crowe,” Hank told me, maneuvering me out of the busy amphitheater.
I followed him out through the alleyway and to my relief, I saw that there was only a small crowd gathered there. It wasn’t as bad as some of the places I’d been.
“Step aside, please,” my linebacker detail intoned, his arms out.
“Is that him, mama?”
My head jerked at the sound of such a small voice in an alleyway at that hour of the night. It was after eleven o’clock.
“Ma’am, please step aside.”
Suddenly she appeared, ducking under Hank’s extended arms.
“Are you Jude?”
I was taken aback by the toddler’s face staring up defiantly at me but my heart stopped as I instantly recognized her.
“Lady, is this your kid?” Hank yelled.
“It’s okay,” I choked, dropping to my knees. “Are you Cheyenne?”
She cocked her head to the side and studied me with skepticism.
“Maybe. But I asked you first.”
“I’m Jude,” I told her, extending my hand. Suddenly, another tiny face appeared, a boy who was undoubtedly her twin.
“Lady, come and get your damned kids!” Hank howled and I glanced up to see Gen standing off to the side, watching the twins interact with me.
“Hank, it’s all right,” I called to him. “Put her and the kids in the limo. They’re coming with me.”
The security guard looked surprised by the request but it wasn’t his way to ask questions and he instantly obliged as I rose and offered the kids my hands.
“Can I hold yours?”
“Sure!” they chorused.
“Mama says you’re a friend,” Cheyenne added. “We don’t hold hands with strangers.”
“Your mama is a smart woman,” I choked as the door opened and we slid inside, Gen close behind. She still had not said a word but I could see she was fighting to show her true feelings on her face.
“We like you,” Wyatt volunteered and I couldn’t tear my eyes from their faces. God, they looked so much like me. I would be a fool to deny they were mine when anyone could see plain as day who they belonged to.
“Yeah. Mama says we could stay up to meet you tonight so we like you,” Cheyenne agreed and I could already see that she was the assertive one of the pair.
“I hope you like me for more than that later on,” I sighed, finally managing to tear my eyes away from them to look at their mother.
“Mama says you’re a rock star,” Cheyenne offered. “I like rocks.”
I laughed and blinked quickly, knowing I was about to cry.
“Where to, Mr. Crowe?” the driver asked.
I looked at Geneva and shrugged.
“Where are you staying?” I asked.
“At your place.”
“Back to the hotel, Pierre,” I told him.
We stared at each other for a long moment and I shook my head.
“I don’t understand,” I mumbled. “What are you even doing in Paris?”
“We followed you,” Gen replied quietly. “I thought about how unfair what I did to you was and I realized that you had to wait until you got home to meet the twins. So I brought the twins to you.”
I squinted as I looked at her.
“Juniper is allowed to be a brunette again?” I asked curiously, noting her new hairstyle.
“No. Juniper said screw it again,” she replied. “Geneva Rousseau is a brunette and it’s not much but her YouTube channel has enough followers to bring in something for now. Who knows? Maybe down the line, I’ll find someone who thinks that boring brunettes can make and sell music too.”
“There is nothing boring about you,” I reminded her, scooching in closer toward her but I stopped, remembering that I had two pairs of little green eyes following me.
“I’m proud of you, Gen,” I told her huskily, watching at the twins sleepily explored the inside of the limo. I could see they were getting ready to crash. “You’re amazing and I’m sorry about what I said about you being indecisive. You decided to be a mom and you are amazing. I don’t know how you did it for so long and I wish I’d known sooner.”
“You know now,” she replied, tilting my head toward hers. “And together, I think we can raise two amazing human beings.”
“Together?” I asked her sincerely. “Are we going to do this together?”
“Only if you want to,” she replied quickly, dropping her hand from my face. “I didn’t mean to be presumptuous. I just…”
“What?”
“I want us to be a family,” she said in a rush. “I want us to be together but not if we’re constantly wary of one another.”
I nodded, realizing how much just saying that was a major step for her. She had matured. Motherhood had matured her and she had matured me.
We both had a lot of growing up to do but we’d managed – together.
“A tour will be rough on them,” I murmured, pulling her into a hug. “They
’re so small.”
“I know,” she laughed. “I wasn’t really going to fly them around the world but I wanted to make some grand gesture so that you know I’m serious about this, about having you in their lives. And I want you to know how sorry I am about everything that’s happened.”
“That makes two of us,” I assured her, kissing the top of her head. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.”
“You’re kissing! Ew!” Cheyenne screeched and I guiltily dropped my arm from around Gen. She howled with laughter and embraced me.
“You better get used to seeing your mama and daddy hugging and kissing,” she told them. “You’re gonna see it a lot.”
The twins peered up at us with sleepy eyes and I could see they didn’t understand what was going on but that would take time.
“Would you like to come and snuggle?” Gen suggested, extending her arms out to the children.
Instantly, they scrambled onto our laps and I was filled with such a sense of peace, I almost sobbed.
Was this what I had wanted all along? A family? Children?
Nothing had ever felt as right to me as life did at that moment.
“I love you,” Geneva murmured, laying her head on my shoulder as our fingers swept through the blonde curls of the twins.
“I love you too,” the three of us breathed back.
Epilogue
Geneva
“You look terrified,” Jude whispered. “Take a deep breath.”
I shook my head and peered out onto the stage, inhaling sharply as he drew me into his arms, smiling that now-familiar grin at me. It should have steadied my nerves but if anything it made me more anxious.
“You do it,” I breathed. “I -I can’t.”
“What do you mean?” Jude demanded, peering down at my face in shock. “This is what we’ve been working toward for two years! Of course you can – and you will!”
I lowered my head mournfully, a thousand doubts flooding through me. They weren’t out there for me, they were out there for Jude. I wasn’t Juniper Jane anymore, I had no following of my own. Jude had gained notoriety in his own right, branching out from No Excuse to go solo while we raised the twins.
