by Nicole Casey
I gave him a wan smile.
“I lied,” I said. “I wasn’t visiting anyone. I just lost my way.”
His eyes narrowed and I could see he wasn’t buying that as an excuse but I didn’t give Brad another chance to ask me anything.
Instead, I jumped from the Jeep and made my way to the front doors, praying that I wouldn’t have to wait for the ranger to unlock them.
It opened without effort, the wind whipping around me, adding to the cold that had already permeated my bones.
I just wanted heat and maybe an herbal tea.
“Barkley, you need to keep your damned radio on! How many times do I have to tell you? Especially when the weather’s like this?”
I froze in my tracks. I knew that voice. I’d heard it nightly when I was trying to sleep, whispering into my ear that I was beautiful, tight, wet.
Shockingly, I felt a rush of heat surge through my body.
“Barkley?”
There was nowhere to go. I had Brad behind me and Laz about to raise his head over the cubicle partition where he sat.
I was trapped.
The door opened and Brad came in behind me. Laz’s dark eyes appeared and it took him several seconds to register I was there.
“This lady ran out of gas, Payne,” Barkley muttered. “Won’t tell me what she was doing up along the side of the mountain, though.”
I felt Brad’s eyes on me but I couldn’t pull my own away from Laz who slowly ambled around his desk to stare at me in shock.
“Ayla?” he murmured. “Are you okay?”
“You know her?” Barkley demanded.
“Yeah. I’ve got this, Brad. Thanks.”
I looked toward the other ranger desperately but Brad seemed happy to be relieved of his duties.
“You’re going to need to call— “Brad started to say but Laz waved him away.
“I’ve got this. You can head home.”
The ranger eyed us both but didn’t argue. He bid us goodnight and turned back out to brave the storm, leaving me alone with Laz in the office.
As he moved closer, I pulled my coat tighter around my stomach and stood against the counter, praying he wouldn’t see my stomach.
I hadn’t been expecting to see him and now I didn’t know what to do.
“Ayla, are you here for me?”
The bluntness of the inquiry made me scowl. Of all the arrogant assumptions to make…
And yet, how could I lie to him? He could see right through me.
“Are you okay?” he asked and I read the familiar concern on his face, his eyes studying me in that way I’d longed to see for months.
I’m not his problem. We’re not his problem.
“I came here looking for you,” I confessed before I could stop myself. “But I made a mistake.”
His brow furrowed in confusion.
“Why? How did you make a mistake?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I replied. “I’m leaving when the weather clears up.”
I wanted my baby. I didn’t want to ask for his signature on the adoption forms. I just wanted to run away from his penetrating eyes before I melted into the puddle of desire he so easily turned me into.
He knew I was pregnant. He got the email and ignored it…didn’t he?
But judging by the way he looked at me, I couldn’t possibly believe that. I saw nothing but the same expression of yearning he’d given me when we’d been together.
His frown deepened.
“I don’t understand,” he said but what could I say without telling him the truth? “Ayla, I can’t tell you how many times I’d thought about you over these last few months. I thought about…”
He trailed off, his face shadowing with some embarrassment.
“I thought about friending you on Facebook but…”
Again, he paused.
“But what?”
“But I knew you were angry when we last saw one another. I…I really wasn’t sure I could handle the rejection.”
The words made my brow arch in shock.
“I emailed you!” I exploded. “And you never emailed me back!”
The confusion on his face was genuine.
“I swear, I never got an email from you,” he promised and I believed him. I so desperately wanted to believe him. I had missed him so much more than I could believe.
“Oh,” I mumbled and I was reminded of the first night we’d met, the night when all I could think to say was “oh” to everything he’d said.
“I’m really glad to see you. I went back to the resort the morning after and you were already gone,” Laz continued and I felt dizzy.
“You did?” I whispered. “The next morning?”
“Of course,” he chuckled. “I owed you a date, remember?”
If only I had waited a day, maybe I wouldn’t be drowning in the sea of uncertainty I was at that moment.
“Is something wrong?” Laz asked, reaching toward me, his hands outstretched. I inhaled deeply and stepped back, carefully unzipping my jacket to show him the bulge beneath my sweater. For a long moment, he stared at me, uncomprehendingly but very slowly, understanding lit his inky irises.
“Oh,” he choked. “You’re…you’re pregnant!”
It wasn’t the reaction I’d expected but then again, I knew my expectations had been skewed from the start.
“I-I don’t want anything from you,” I told him quickly. “I just thought I should let you know.”
“It’s mine?”
I gaped at him, wondering if he was deliberately playing dumb but I knew in my heart he wasn’t.
“He’s yours, yes.”
To my amazement, a beam exploded over Laz’s face and before I could stop him, he’d scaled the counter, wrapping me up in his arms.
I knew I should resist, back away but the feel of his arms around me seemed to be everything I’d wanted in my entire life.
How could I feel this way about a guy I didn’t know, one whom I had spent barely a full day with?
I tried to blame it on the hormones, on my inherent loneliness but I knew that wasn’t true. I’d been smitten with Lazaro Payne from the moment I’d laid eyes on those full lips, lips that were inches from mine again.
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” He asked huskily in my ear, sending a thousand goosebumps through my body. “Why did you wait so long?”
I had no real answer for him, not when in that moment, I had none. All my doubts dissipated in that moment and I realized I’d been foolish not have reached out to him harder. I knew Laz—he was decent, good. He was not the kind of man who would ignore the woman he’d made pregnant. How could I have thought that? He was happy to see me, happy about this baby. I had been clinging to this idea that he was a cheat, someone who didn’t care about me.
I’d almost given my baby up under that pretense. There was no way this guy was married—what married man would be thrilled to learn about his booty call being pregnant?
But I had never just been that to Laz. It showed all over his face.
Tears streamed down my cheeks before I even knew I was crying and he wiped them away with his kisses.
“It’s all right,” he told me. “Everything is going to be fine now, Ayla. I’m glad you’re here.”
I parted my head back and stared at him, my eyes wide and hopeful but before I could utter a word, the radio on his shirt crackled.
“Payne, are you there?”
It was Brad’s voice.
Reluctantly, Laz pulled back and pressed the button to respond.
“I read you.”
“I’m by your cabin and Helena is freaking out,” Brad said. A peculiar feeling inched its way down my spine, brought on more by the expression on Laz’s face than by the words spoken.
“Thank you, Barkley.”
“What should I tell her?” Brad insisted. “She wants to know when you’ll be home.”
And just like that, the feeling of security broke away from me and I was back to the same
confused and devastated place I’d been all along.
12
Laz
“I’ll call her,” I grumbled into the radio as Ayla whirled away from me. Brad said something back but I didn’t hear it as I went after Ayla who had pushed her way back out into the storm.
“Ayla!” I yelled after her. “Ayla, wait!”
But she trudged through the mounting snow, her ankle-length boots no match for the blizzard unfolding around us. She seemed to realize she couldn’t go much further either and she stopped abruptly, spinning to glare at me.
“You lied to me!” she spat. “I asked you if you were married and you said no!”
I balked at her accusation.
“I’m not married,” I told her flatly. “Helena is my ex-wife.”
Ayla laughed mirthlessly and despite her unending ire, I couldn’t help but be taken aback by the way the snow dumped over her golden skin. She suited the weather, even if she was from Miami.
“You must think I’m an idiot!” she huffed, her breaths escaping in hot puffs against the frigid air.
“No,” I told her honestly. “I don’t think you’re an idiot at all. If I were you, I probably would be looking at it the same way you are but I’m trying to tell you that things aren’t exactly how they seem.”
A strange look crossed over her eyes, like she was having a bout of déjà vu but just as quickly as it came, it was gone, indignation replacing her expression.
“Are you denying that your wife is living with you? The same woman whose picture I saw on your dresser?”
I hadn’t realized that Ayla had seen the picture of Helena but that was hardly the matter at hand.
“Helena and I aren’t married anymore,” I told her patiently. “We’ve been divorced two and half, going on three years now.”
She looked at me uncertainly and I could see she wanted to believe me.
“It’s the truth, Ayla. Let’s go inside and talk about this,” I insisted. “Think of the baby.”
The words seemed to resonate with her and she allowed me to guide her back against the driving snow toward the office. We took shelter again and Ayla stood against the counter, water dripping off her long lashes.
“You’re wrong about Helena and why she’s staying with me,” I told her when we were situated.
“Staying with you?” Ayla echoed, laughing hollowly. “Is that what you’re calling it?”
I knew there was nothing I could say to her that would make her believe what I was saying was the truth and I ground my teeth together.
How could I really blame her? I hadn’t been kidding when I said if the roles were reversed, I’d be just as skeptical.
“Let me find you a blanket and some coffee,” I sighed, giving up the fight for now. She needed some time to cool down and I needed to gather my thoughts before explaining the entire sordid story to her.
“Tea,” she corrected quickly and I nodded.
“Of course. Something herbal.” She didn’t meet my eyes but she begrudgingly followed me toward the back.
I found myself stealing glances as her when she sat at Brad’s desk, her hands folded protectively over the swell before her. God, I wanted to reach out and touch her but I didn’t dare.
She’s so stubborn, just like she was when I met her but something’s changed. I can see it in her face.
But that vulnerability was still there. The reason I’d been so drawn to her.
I made my way to the coffee station, studying her in my peripheral vision. Pregnancy suited Ayla. She had a glow about her that hadn’t been there before.
“You look amazing,” I told her sincerely and she eyed me warily but her expressive eyes told me she was grateful for the compliment. God, how many times had I wished Ayla back on my doorstep, amidst the ex-wife I had squatting in my house. It had never been Ayla I was worried about—it was about Helena learning about Ayla that had concerned me.
If there was something I’d come to realize in the past few months, it was that medicated or not, Helena was a pain in the ass. She thrived off drama and while her violent outbursts had been curbed, she still went out of her way to be a diva.
I had to start sleeping with the Jeep keys under my pillow so that she wouldn’t steal the vehicle to sneak back to Knoxville and see Gary.
In turn, Gary would show up drunk, begging her to come back with him and sometimes she would go, only to return with her tail between her legs, begging me for another chance.
I wanted to throw her onto the street, especially when she made no effort to find a job or save any money. I suspected she was drinking but El was clever enough to keep it from me.
I’d been sleeping on my couch while she took my bedroom and I still let her stay. And how was I supposed to explain this mess to Ayla now?
Before I could even attempt, she spoke again.
“Like I said, I don’t want anything from you. If you want to see him, you can come to Miami. I won’t put up a fuss.”
She was making up the rules as she went along but instead of being irritated, I found my heart filling with affection for her.
“It’s a he? A son?”
She cast me a sidelong look before nodding, light filling her eyes. I could see she was truly excited by the upcoming birth, even if she was scared.
“He’s going to be beautiful,” I murmured, my pulse quickening. I couldn’t get the idea of my child out of my head, despite the challenges we might face. In that moment, with the wind whipping around us outside, I felt like we were the only ones left in the world and God, I loved that feeling.
“I know it’s a lot to handle right now,” Ayla blurted out. “But I seriously did send you an email. I don’t want to interfere with whatever is going on with you and your wi—ex-wife.”
At least she’d caught herself.
“There is absolutely nothing going on between Helena and me,” I assured her.
“But she’s staying with you, right? A baby visiting might complicate things.” She was trying desperately to sound matter-of-fact but I didn’t miss the hurt in her tone.
“The situation is…complicated,” I sighed, unsure of how else to describe it. She looked at me and I read the willingness to listen, possibly now that she was warmer and not being pelted with snow.
I tried again.
“Helena and I had a tumultuous marriage,” I explained. “I always knew that she had mental problems and I did what I could about getting her the help she needed but she…”
I inhaled.
“She needed more than I could give her and eventually, she was sent to a hospital which could care for her.”
Ayla’s eyes widened.
“You divorced your mentally unstable wife?” She choked in shock. I laughed shortly.
“No, I didn’t. She divorced me.”
The look of shock on Ayla’s face became one of sympathy and then embarrassment.
“Oh,” she mumbled. “I’m sorry.”
“I wasn’t,” I confessed, realizing this was the first time I’d ever told the entire story aloud. No one had ever been particularly interested in my side of what had happened. The doctors had been rightfully concerned with Helena’s health and the cops had been worried about their own asses when I was falling apart. Anyone who had asked for details back then had only been prying.
“I was relieved because I probably would have never walked away from her. I believed in my wedding vows—all of them.”
Ayla looked down at her hands and I exhaled in a rush of words.
“She was released from the hospital about seven or eight months ago. I had no idea—I hadn’t seen her since signing the papers. I came to realize that she had been having an affair with one of the other patient’s husband and he’d kept her for a while—until his wife was released.”
“Holy shit!” Ayla cursed. “Seriously?”
I shrugged, like it didn’t still bother me but I would be lying if I said it didn’t. There was so much wrong with everything that had happe
ned and yet I still couldn’t turn my back on Helena.
And she had taken full advantage of that.
“She came to me, the weekend you were here,” I continued, offering her a wan smile. “I guess Labor Day weekend is always going to have a bittersweet connotation to me going forward.”
“I saw her!” Ayla gasped and I looked at her.
“What?”
“I…” It was Ayla’s turn to collect her thoughts and she eyed me, shame coloring her face. “I was coming back to you that night and I saw her driving by. I recognized her from her picture on your dresser.”
I frowned. Why had I ever kept that picture? It was supposed to be a reminder of how quickly things could turn, how you never really knew anyone. Instead, the damn photo had managed to alienate the one person I had wanted to keep close.
“You saw her…” I said, realizing the implication of what she was saying.
Ayla sighed.
“I was coming back to you that night. I hated how we left things too and I wanted to make it right.”
“Jesus,” I muttered, silently cursing Helena yet again but what was done was done. All that mattered was that Ayla was back now and I was going to be a father.
“Doesn’t really matter, does it?” I said, sliding my chair closer to her.
Slowly, I reached for her hand and she let me take it, her eyes meeting mine.
“We’ll figure this out,” I promised her. “For our son’s sake. For our sakes.”
I had hoped that the words would give her a semblance of comfort but if anything, she looked more distressed.
“How?” she muttered. “I’ve been thinking about this for six months, but I can’t think of one way to make this happen. Even less so now that you have a roommate.”
I smiled patiently.
“Then we’ll just have to get married and meet in the middle, won’t we?”
Her mouth gaped.
“What?” she sputtered, her face etched in shock. “Y-you’re…proposing?”
I think I was as shocked to hear the words come out of my own mouth as she was to hear them but I didn’t regret asking them at all.
“I guess I am,” I laughed, dropping to one knee before her, squeezing her hand gently. “Do you think your father will approve of me?”
