The prince rubbed the back of his neck. “Yes. That way we can be crowned at the same time.”
“The last time I thought we had a good match, it turned out to break my daughter’s heart.”
She couldn’t believe her father had just said that, no matter how true it may be. If only she could crawl under the chair and hide from Kerdan’s scrutiny. But why did she care?
“I understand,” the prince said. “But this time, your daughter’s heart is not involved.”
Darmik sighed, turning to Allyssa. “Well? What do you want to do?”
“Can I have some time to think on the matter?” She couldn’t decide right then and there if she wanted to marry Kerdan. There was so much to consider.
“While I am more than willing to give you time to think, there are two reasons for making a quick decision. One, it will send a clear message to Jana and the people of Russek that Emperion is backing Kerdan. And two, Odar will be here soon and I’d like to have this matter settled before he sees you.”
“Whatever for?” she asked. Odar had nothing to do with this.
“Kerdan, may I please have a moment alone with my daughter?”
“Of course.” He stood. “I will be with Brookfel and your men. I’d like to start going over some ideas on how we can kill Jana.”
Darmik nodded. After Kerdan left the room, her father’s shoulders hunched forward and he rubbed his temples. “You seem to be okay, but occasionally, your eyes widen as if you’re lost and they flash with a darkness that wasn’t there before.”
“I’m not ready to talk about it,” she whispered. Her father’s fury and pain would break her fragile heart. Right now, she wanted to focus on the tasks at hand—killing Jana, deciding if she could marry Kerdan, and seeing Odar again. Everything else could be dealt with later.
He scooted his chair closer to hers. “I’m furious with Odar,” he said, keeping his voice low. “I trusted him, and he violated that trust by breaking off the marriage.”
She was about to explain Odar’s reasoning when Darmik held up his hand, stopping her. “Don’t make excuses or justify his behavior. Neco told me everything. I understand that what the two of you went through was a great ordeal and he is afraid you’ll be used against him. However, life doesn’t work that way. You can’t live in fear of your future, of what may or may not come to pass. There is nothing that could have kept me away from your mother. Nothing.”
“Not even your beloved Emperion?” she asked, trying to reconcile duty, love, and kingdom.
“You can’t live life without love.”
Blinking, she willed away tears. If there was no life without love, what did that mean in regard to Kerdan? She needed time to think this through. “Why do you want me to decide before Odar arrives?”
“He needs to understand the ramifications of his actions. He will not change his mind, win you back, or hurt you again. While Emperion will work with him to kill Jana, that is all he or Fren can ever hope to have from us again. Honestly, I’d prefer to not work with him now. However, events are already set in motion, and we must play the cards we are dealt.” He scooted to the edge of his seat. “You do not have to marry Kerdan. There are many other suitable matches. We do not need Russek politically, financially, or militarily. At first, I wasn’t going to even consider you marrying him. After I met him, I began to realize there are some advantages to such a match. Now that I’ve seen the two of you together, I understand.”
“What do you mean?” The fire crackled.
Darmik smiled and patted her hands. “You don’t know?” She shook her head, having no idea what he was referring to. He stood and moved closer to the hearth, placing his hands against the wooden mantle, his back to her. “I can see the two of you working well together,” he finally answered. “Do you consider him a friend?”
“Yes.” Without hesitation or reservation. Kerdan had done so much for her that she had come to respect and value him.
“Is he a good enough friend to marry?”
Considering that question meant thinking about the future, something she’d been avoiding.
Darmik glanced over his shoulder at her. “Didn’t I just chide Odar for living in fear?”
Her facial expressions always gave her thoughts away. Especially to her father, who knew her so well. Taking a deep breath, she allowed herself to consider the possibility of marrying Kerdan. She certainly enjoyed talking to him, she trusted him, he made her feel like an equal, and he was an intelligent man. All things she valued and admired. Was she attracted to him?
Someone knocked on the door, and Neco stepped into the room. “Kerdan is leaving with his squad to do some scouting. I’m going with them.”
“Has trouble been spotted?” Darmik asked.
“There is a lot of movement at Jontis. He wants to see what’s going on.”
“Fine.” When Neco left, Darmik turned to Allyssa. “I want to speak with Nathenek to make sure he’s staying here. Security will need to be heightened now that you’ve arrived. We’ll finish this discussion tonight.”
***
Allyssa sat on the window seat, gazing outside the duke’s home. The barn was situated next to the vegetable garden, both surrounded by vibrant green pastures. Her room was quaint and cozy with a single bed, armoire, and fireplace.
Much to her chagrin, Darmik had brought a few things for Allyssa to wear. One of the servants had hung the clothes in the small dressing closet. If only her father had enough sense to bring Madelin and Mayra with him. Although they were safer in Emperion, she missed her friends dearly. And Marek. She still needed to apologize to him for sending him away that fateful day Soma kidnapped her.
A knock resounded through the room. “Enter,” she called out.
Nathenek poked his head in. “How are you?”
“Fine.” Always fine. She wished everyone would stop asking her that question.
“Did your father bring you up to speed?”
“You mean did he tell me you tricked me into coming here?”
“Trick is a strong word to use,” he mused. “And I half thought you figured it out. Anyway, they have a training room here. Want to spar?”
Did he even need to ask that question? “Of course.”
Nathenek led the way along the narrow hall, down the wide carpet-lined staircase, and to an empty room situated toward the back of the house. There weren’t any windows. Instead, the walls were lined with wooden practice swords, spears, and targets.
“Not much of a training room,” she commented.
Nathenek removed two wooden swords, handing one to her. She took it, feeling its weight. “In the north corner of this room is a hidden door. Pushing the third spear from the bottom will open it. It leads to an underground tunnel that will take you to the forest.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
He readjusted his grip and took a step away from her. “You need to always have a contingency plan in place. Haven’t you learned anything from your time with me?”
If the duke’s home wasn’t safe, her father would never allow her to remain here. She flew onto her back. What the bloody hell?
Nathenek laughed. “You are easily distracted. Focus.”
Clamoring to her feet, she prepared to attack. And found Nathenek’s arm wrapped around her upper body, his sword against her neck.
“If someone attempts to kidnap you, you need to be able to defend yourself,” he said.
Why did he constantly treat her like an inept child? She slammed her foot on top of his, trying to break his hold. He didn’t even budge.
“You have a sword. Use it.”
Her arms were pinned down so she couldn’t swing the weapon. Although, she could drop it. Angling the tip of the sword toward the ground, she let it go. It hit the top of his foot.
He released her. “Excellent. Then you run like your arse is on fire.”
She burst out laughing, hoping she never experienced that. They spent the next hour going over various mov
es, all revolving around her being taken hostage or kidnapped. Getting out of such situations was different than sparring, and she rather enjoyed the challenge of trying to outwit her opponent.
When her muscles were exhausted and sweat dripped down her forehead, Nathenek insisted it was time to stop. “Come on, I’ll walk you back to your room.”
She reluctantly agreed, not really wanting to face the nightmares that still plagued her.
“They’ll go away,” he said as they exited the room. “Working yourself into exhaustion won’t prevent them from coming.”
Admitting she couldn’t sleep was like accepting defeat. They went up the staircase. “Are you,” she wasn’t sure how to phrase this, “staying in the same wing as me?” Surely her father had set up some sort of protection. But who would be watching over her while she slept and was vulnerable? Who would hear her cry out in the night? Only a handful of Emperion soldiers had come with Darmik, and she didn’t want any of them to hear her.
Nathenek pulled her to a stop. “I will be in the room next to you, your father across the hall, and Kerdan next to him. There will be guards stationed in the hallway, throughout the home, and outside. There is nothing to fear.”
“We are in enemy territory,” she whispered. “There is plenty to be afraid of.”
Chapter Nine
A knock resounded on the door to Allyssa’s bedchamber. It was probably a servant coming to light a fire in the hearth. Wrapping the robe tightly around her body, she went over and pulled the door open.
Kerdan stood there. He took up the entire doorway with his giant stature. “Can I come in?” he asked.
She blinked several times, startled by his appearance. “I’m not dressed, it’s late at night, and proper decorum dictates we not be alone in such an intimate setting.” She raised her chin in the air, feigning confidence, pretending she wasn’t standing there wearing nothing but a robe with her hair dripping wet from her recent bath.
He raised a single eyebrow. “You are fully clothed, it is not that late, and I can request a guard come in and chaperone us if that would make you more comfortable.” He leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms. “Or I can stand here for this conversation.”
“And what conversation would that be?” Her hair wasn’t even combed. It was highly inappropriate for them to be so informal with one another, regardless of their past.
“I would like to discuss my marriage proposal and why you should accept it.”
She’d forgotten how arrogant he could be. “I’ll discuss the matter with you tomorrow, downstairs, in the sitting room.”
She went to close the door, but he stuck his foot out, stopping it. “Your father wants an answer.”
For her to formulate one, she needed time alone to think about it.
“He suggested I speak to you.”
“I doubt my father meant alone in my room.”
Kerdan scratched his head and stood upright. “I don’t see what the big deal is. You stayed with me in my room for weeks.”
Her face went flaming red. “Watch what you say!” Her reputation was on the line. If people knew she stayed in his room, her virtue would come into question. There had to be guards in the hallway overhearing this conversation. Why didn’t Kerdan realize or understand what he was implying?
Chuckling, he leaned forward. “I didn’t think such things mattered to you. Besides, we’re not at your castle or court where rumors will start.”
“There are plenty of servants here who will get the wrong idea.”
He entered her room, pushing around her and slamming the door shut. “Do you think I would allow someone to enter my uncle’s home who isn’t loyal? Who I don’t personally know?”
“How dare you barge in here.” And why hadn’t one of her father’s men stopped him?
Ignoring her, he said, “I take my own safety seriously.” His voice was laced with fury. She’d offended him. “Because your father, the emperor of Emperion, is here, I increased security measures. Then, when I learned you’d be here, I went and tightened it even more to ensure your safety. Do you know why?”
“Because you want to marry me?” It sounded more like a question than a statement.
He shot her a hard look. “No. It’s because I know what you went through in Clovek.”
She took a step back, away from him, wanting to hide in a hole.
He grabbed her arm, pulling her closer to him. “Allyssa,” he said softly. “I would never let anything happen to you. Jana is crazy and unpredictable. I know the Russek army, our tactics, who’s in charge, what they are likely to do. I can protect you.”
She glanced down at his hand on her arm. He released her.
“There are no servants in the duke’s house,” Kerdan said.
“What?”
“I sent them all away. The women who are here are spies. The men are in my army.”
She should have known he’d take such precautions. “I’m sorry. I was referring to everyone’s perception of our relationship and not a lack of security.”
“Did you just apologize?”
“No.” Never.
“I didn’t think you ever apologized. You’re so stubborn.” He turned and walked farther into the room.
“I apologize when necessary.” She wasn’t unreasonable. Wrapping her arms around her body, she tried to ward off the chill.
Kerdan knelt before the hearth, rearranging the logs inside. Grabbing the flint, he lit it and held it to the logs until the fire took. He stood and glanced about the room. “There’s nowhere to sit.”
She looked pointedly at him. He waved her off and picked up the fur rug beside her bed, placing it before the fire. “Sit.”
If her father had indeed suggested Kerdan speak to her, he would have assumed it would be in one of the rooms downstairs, not in her bedchamber late at night. Instead of arguing, she sat, curious to hear what he had to say.
Kerdan grabbed the blanket draped over the end of the bed and wrapped it around her shoulders before sitting next to her on the rug.
“Is everything okay in Jontis?” she asked.
He nodded. “I don’t wish to discuss that right now. But rest assured, everything is going according to plan.” Leaning to the side, he removed his sword and three daggers. “I’m going to be blunt. Even if we kill Jana, I will be challenged for the throne if you don’t agree to marry me. Without Emperion’s support, I won’t be able to convince the nobles to back me.”
“Once she’s dead, won’t you gain full control of the army?”
“No. There are three powerful nobles in the north who each control a large portion of the army. Together, they far outnumber me. I need them to support me. Then, once I am crowned and have control, I can gain their trust and loyalty. More or less.”
A log shifted in the fire. “Why Emperion? Why not some wealthy noble’s daughter?” Or was it her kingdom he needed? Wanted?
“I’ve considered it. However, Jana sold them on the idea that Emperion is worth conquering. Now that they share a common goal, they are eager to win. If we marry, I have Emperion. They will see it as a win instead of a loss.”
The room gradually warmed. Trying to think of what to say to this man beside her, she pulled her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and resting her cheek on her knees. He’d always been honest with her. He deserved the same courtesy from her. “I’m afraid,” she admitted.
“I’ve already assured you the house is safe.”
“No.” How to explain it so he understood? “I don’t want to have my heart broken again.”
He sucked in a breath. “Allyssa—”
“Wait,” she insisted. “Let me talk. I know you said you didn’t love me and this would be a political match. That we could even live separately. I understand that. However, that’s not the sort of marriage I want.” Admitting this to him was hard. Opening up, being vulnerable, trusting him. “If I’m going to marry, I want a partner. I recall you saying you’d like the same. Si
nce we are friends, we should get along and work well together.” Now for the difficult part. “But that’s not enough. I want more. The last time I fell in love, Odar broke my heart. He chose to put his kingdom before me.” What made it worse was that she understood his reasoning, respected it even.
“Are you saying you still love Odar and cannot move on?” he asked, his voice raspy and low.
“No.” Yes. Oh hell, she didn’t know. Articulating her feelings was near impossible when she wasn’t even sure how she felt. She’d never allowed herself to think about Kerdan as more than a friend. “What I’m saying is that I want to love again; only, I’m afraid to.” Had she scared him away with her honesty? Her feelings? This military man who always thought strategically and without emotions. “I’m sorry.” The blanket fell from her shoulders. She let go of her legs and pulled the blanket around her again. “We each oversee a kingdom and have a duty to protect our people. Does that mean our respective kingdoms always come first? Are we allowed to love?”
He abruptly stood and went to the window, leaning against the ledge and staring outside. “Do you think… with time… you could love me?” he asked, not facing her.
She hadn’t allowed herself to think about the possibility. Odar’s betrayal was still too fresh. It scared her to think of the future, especially with someone else.
“Because I know I… could… love you,” he said, still turned away.
His admission shocked her. “Really? Because I’m difficult, moody, and stubborn.” She also wasn’t like the women in Russek.
He turned around and looked at her, folding his arms across his chest and smirking at her. “I know.”
Removing the blanket, she stood and went over to him by the window. A steady rain fell outside, pinging against the glass. The fire cast a dark glow over his face, making the painted black lines look alive.
Kerdan hesitantly put his hand on her shoulder. “I—”
The door swung open, and Darmik entered. When he saw the two of them, he froze, his hand still on the door handle. He glanced at the hearth and then at Allyssa. “Did Kerdan light the fire for you?” he asked.
She nodded.
Cage of Destiny Page 8
