‘Could you tell her I have an emergency?’ he said. ‘I’ll be back as soon as I can.’
‘Yeah, right,’ Ben said, definite sarcasm in his voice.
Realising he’d ended the call without saying goodbye, Jake’s heart plummeted to the pit of his stomach. Emily had spoken to them, he guessed. What had she told them? If his kids thought he was anything like his own father, Jake knew from bitter experience that they would despise him. He didn’t think he could bear that.
Seeing the front door open as he pulled up, he parked the car askew on the pavement and raced to the house. ‘Steve?’ he called, going straight in.
‘In the lounge,’ Steve shouted.
Jake went through, his gut twisting as the man turned his anguished gaze towards him. He was on the sofa, his arms around his wife. She was slumped against his shoulder, close to unconsciousness. ‘Jennifer,’ he said, dropping his bag and crouching down in front of her. ‘It’s Jake. Jake Merriden.’
She lifted her head, looked drowsily towards him as he took hold of her hand, moving his fingers to her wrist to feel her pulse. It was rapid, her cardiac rhythm escalated to dangerous levels. Her pupils were dilated. Even the temperature of her skin told him she was running a fever.
‘Jake,’ she murmured, attempting to focus. ‘I’m sorry. So …’
‘We need to get her on her side. Now,’ Jake instructed, as her hand went limp in his.
Jake had never been so glad in his life to see an ambulance arrive. He prayed fervently as he followed it that Jennifer didn’t have a seizure before it reached the hospital. Why hadn’t he seen this? She’d been doing well, sounding so positive when she’d last come in, as if she’d thought life was worth living again. Clearly she hadn’t. He thought back to her most recent appointment. She’d been in a rush, she’d said, due to take the kids she taught on a nature trail through the park. He thought now that maybe she’d been putting on a front, feeling down and ashamed and reluctant to talk about it. Why the hell hadn’t he picked up the signs?
He found Steve outside the resuscitation unit while his wife was being attended to inside. Jake should be at home with his own wife, but there was no way he could simply just leave him. There wasn’t anybody else to support him – Steve’s family wasn’t local and Jennifer had lost her mother at around the same time they’d lost the baby she’d finally conceived through IVF treatment. As far as Jake knew, she had no other family.
‘Do you want to tell me what happened?’ he asked gently, thinking the man might need someone to talk to.
Steve swiped a hand over his eyes, sucked in a tight breath and reached inside his jacket pocket. ‘This happened,’ he seethed, handing Jake a letter. ‘There’s some sick fucker in this village in serious need of medication, or locking up.’
Jake swallowed back the constriction in his throat. He knew what it was before he read it. When he did, his blood froze.
Do the parents know their children’s teacher is a suicidal criminal reliant on antidepressants?
‘Her job is her life,’ Steve said, choking back his emotion. ‘She’s been terrified she’ll lose it since she was arrested for shoplifting.’
Jake knew all about it. Jennifer had been so lost in her grief, she’d walked out of the baby shop with a pram. That was when she’d reached her lowest ebb, unable to see a future where life seemed worth living.
Twenty-Six
Finding Emily curled up on the sofa in her pyjamas, her eyes fixed on her tablet, Jake walked across to her. She didn’t look up. He hesitated to sit down next to her. He doubted she would want him anywhere near her considering how they’d parted, thanks to his damn idiocy. ‘Browsing anything interesting?’ he asked, and held his breath.
‘Sixties tribute bands,’ she answered with a shrug. ‘I wanted to hire one for Edward Simpson’s birthday party.’
He furrowed his brow. ‘I hadn’t realised you were still organising that,’ he said, surprised. He recalled her mentioning it, but it seemed like aeons ago now. She’d discussed bands with Sally, he remembered. He’d forgotten all about it since. He’d imagined Emily might have too, with all that had happened.
‘I thought I would, despite everything.’ She looked up at last. Her eyes, skimming his, were filled with soul-crushing disillusionment, which pierced his heart like a knife. Was he losing her? The woman who’d been there for him, supported him even when he’d questioned his own ability? The person he wouldn’t know how to be without?
‘I don’t appear to be able to do anything to stop my family falling apart,’ she went on, ‘but I thought, with all that’s going on, this might be a way to try to keep the community together.’
Jake felt the guilt he’d been carrying since he’d accused her of sending the letters weigh heavily in his chest. This was who Emily was: thoughtful, caring. Now that he knew she was taking Ritalin, he couldn’t be sure she hadn’t been distracted and inadvertently leaked information that someone else had used, but she wasn’t capable of causing the unbearable suffering that whoever was sending these letters was clearly intent on. That was born of pure evil.
Unfurling herself, Emily rose from the sofa. Barefoot, she was a head shorter than he was, and looked so small and vulnerable right now, he just wanted to hold her. He didn’t think she’d allow him to. Why in God’s name had he said the things he had? He hadn’t meant to. Why hadn’t she shown him the email she claimed to have seen? She’d said she’d deleted it. Had she? Jake wondered if it had even existed, but it would certainly explain her paranoia, her unshakeable belief that he was having sex with every woman in the vicinity.
‘Emily …’ He moved towards her, searching for a way to begin to talk to her, to apologise. ‘We need to—’
‘You managed to make it home then?’ she asked.
Hearing the facetiousness in her voice, he prayed they weren’t heading for another argument. ‘I had a call-out,’ he said guardedly.
‘Gosh, now there’s a surprise.’ Glancing at him with a mixture of disdain and hurt, Emily turned away, heading for the kitchen.
Jake followed, a chill of trepidation running through him as he noticed the open wine bottle and a half-filled glass on the island. The effects of Ritalin were similar to those of speed when taken by people who didn’t need it. Mixed with alcohol, those effects were intensified, masking the impact of alcohol on the system, which made it a dangerous combination. He needed to talk to her, but first he had to convince her she could talk to him.
Bracing himself, he tugged in a breath. ‘It was Steve Wheeler. His wife took an overdose.’ He said it bluntly, disclosing information he shouldn’t, particularly under the circumstances, because he needed her to know why he’d had no choice but to go. He hated himself for it, but he also needed to see her reaction.
‘Jenny?’ About to fill up her glass, Emily stopped. ‘But … why?’ She shook her head, as if not quite comprehending. ‘She was doing so well.’
‘She received a letter threatening to reveal her medical history,’ Jake answered, watching her carefully.
‘Oh my God, no.’ Pressing a hand to her mouth, she stared at him, horrified. He felt his heart clunk shakily back into its moorings as he saw the tears in her eyes, which confirmed how wrong he’d been. Emily was aware of all that Jennifer Wheeler had gone through. She’d looked after her when the woman had come broken and bereft to the surgery. She would never be involved in something as despicable as this. He knew her. She was the only person he’d ever felt safe confiding in. What the hell had he been thinking?
‘Is she …?’ Faltering, she locked her eyes on his, her fear palpable.
‘She’s out of the woods,’ he answered, gathering what she meant. ‘They’ll monitor her for twenty-four hours. Run ECGs. Hopefully there’ll be no lasting physical damage. The emotional damage, though …’
Tears sliding down her cheeks, Emily wrapped her arms around herself. ‘Why would someone do such a terrible thing? If they’re aware of her medical history, they would k
now that she might try to take her life again, wouldn’t they?’ She blinked bewilderedly at him. ‘It’s as if they were driving her to it, pushing her.’
Jake stepped forward as a shiver ran through her. Wrapping his arms tentatively around her, he eased her to him. He felt his heart breaking as she cried hard into his shoulder. How he wished they could stay like this, safe in each other’s embrace, lie together without this cold ocean between them and find some comfort in each other.
‘I’m all right,’ she said, pulling away from him as her sobs slowed to a stop. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, apologising, as if she shouldn’t have given in to her emotion.
‘Tears are allowed, Emily,’ he assured her softly. ‘They’re therapeutic.’ She didn’t know it, but he’d cried a few of his own once he’d left the hospital and got back to his car. Tears of frustration and anger. For Jenny and Steve. Zoe and Dean. Natasha and Michael. For himself. He’d only ever felt this lonely once before, years ago, when his life had been blown apart. He wasn’t sure he would survive if he lost everything that mattered to him all over again.
Emily nodded and reached for some kitchen towel. ‘I was feeling upset anyway,’ she said, dabbing her eyes. ‘Millie stormed out again.’
Jake’s heart jolted. He’d heard Ben on his phone upstairs when he’d come in, but he hadn’t even asked where Millie was. He’d assumed she was in her bedroom; that both kids were less than happy with him and therefore avoiding him. ‘What happened?’ he asked warily.
‘We argued,’ she said with a rueful sigh. ‘I knew Millie would be emotional, thinking we were breaking up. She was really trying to be there for me, but I managed to put my foot in it again.’
Jake felt the foundations of his world shift another inch. ‘Are we?’ he asked throatily.
She took an agonising minute to reply. ‘I don’t know,’ she said eventually, going back to the island to pick up her wine glass. She didn’t take a drink, contemplating the contents distractedly instead. ‘I can’t see how we can work things out when you clearly hate me.’
She couldn’t think that that was how he felt, surely? ‘I don’t hate you, Emily.’ Guilt wrenching his stomach, he walked across to her.
‘No?’ She emitted a hollow laugh. ‘It feels that way, Jake.’
‘Christ, Emily, I could never feel that way about you. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I fell in love with you approximately ten seconds after I saw you.’
He was exaggerating, but not by much. She’d made him smile, something he hadn’t done for a while. It had felt good. A switch had flicked inside him that day. He’d felt something other than a need to work, to keep studying to stop himself from thinking. He’d felt hope. She’d saved him. She must know that.
‘Please believe I’m sorry,’ he begged her. ‘I should never have said the things I did. I have no idea what was going on in my head. I thought, after what you accused me of with Natasha, that …’ Struggling to explain, he trailed off hopelessly.
‘That I’d sent that vile letter to her? And then another to Zoe to shift suspicion from myself?’ Emily searched his face long and hard.
‘I was wrong. I’m sorry,’ Jake reiterated.
She nodded. ‘And Sally? Are you sorry about her?’
Jake glanced awkwardly down. ‘I should have mentioned it,’ he admitted. ‘It just …’ He was about to add that it hadn’t occurred to him it wasn’t common knowledge by now when Emily spoke over him.
‘It’s her, isn’t it? Sally? It’s her you’re seeing?’
His gaze snapped back to her. ‘What?’ He looked at her, stunned.
‘She obviously hates me. She must, to be doing what she’s doing,’ Emily continued, confounding him.
She actually believed that … Jesus. ‘She’s not doing anything, Emily,’ Jake said, his heart plummeting all over again.
‘Oh, I see.’ She drew in a breath. ‘So you think I’m quite capable of the evil you accused me of, but not her? I think that sums up how you really feel about me, don’t you?’
‘You mean you think it’s Sally who’s sending the letters out?’ Jake searched her eyes, saw the conviction in them, and felt trepidation run the length of his spine.
‘She knows I check your email,’ Emily pointed out. ‘It was the perfect way to cause trouble between us. And she would definitely have wanted to warn Natasha off if there were some basis in it, wouldn’t she?’
‘And the letters to Zoe and Jennifer?’ He tried very hard to keep his voice calm.
‘To deflect suspicion from herself. Isn’t that what you thought I was doing?’
He felt hopelessness wash through him. ‘I don’t believe that, Emily,’ he said quietly. ‘I’ve known her for some years and—’
‘Evidently.’ Sweeping a disappointed gaze over him, she planted her glass back on the island and turned away. ‘I rest my case.’
‘Emily …’ Jake caught hold of her arm. ‘I was confused back at the surgery. Devastated for Zoe. I said some cruel things and I’m truly sorry. I can’t say I think Sally’s involved, though. I can’t imagine her doing something like this.’
Emily pulled away from him. ‘You need to talk to Millie,’ she said, changing the subject. ‘Assuming you have time in your busy schedule.’
Jake sighed in utter despair. ‘I will,’ he said, guessing that Millie must have been considerably upset when she’d left. ‘Is she at Anna’s?’ he asked, glancing at the wall clock, wondering whether he should call her.
‘No. I’ve spoken to Anna’s mother,’ Emily said, her tone flat. ‘Millie’s seeing someone. Someone unsuitable. Someone older than her. She refused to tell me anything more about him.’
Jake buried another sigh. She’d obviously got Millie’s back up. He knew she was concerned about her. He was too. But she needed to back off a little, allow her some space. ‘We have to let her make her own mistakes, Emily,’ he said carefully. ‘We can’t dictate who she can and can’t see. That’s a sure-fire way to make sure she—’
‘I don’t want her making mistakes!’ Emily snapped. ‘The kind of mistakes she’ll regret for the rest of her life.’
‘Right.’ Jake plunged his hands in his pockets. ‘Like you, you mean?’ He’d heard her warning Millie. He’d dismissed it, telling himself she was referring to things she might have regretted doing before they were a couple. Now he wasn’t so sure. Did she regret marrying him? The life they’d had since?
Her cheeks flushing furiously, Emily’s gaze shot to the floor. Then, as if summoning her courage, she looked back at him. ‘I do have regrets, yes,’ she said. ‘But not about you, in case you’re wondering. I’ve never regretted a day I’ve been with you, Jake. Until now.’ The last was added with a heartbreaking smile. ‘The point here is that Millie could possibly be involved in a damaging relationship. Why else the evasiveness? She knows we’re in trouble. She’s emotional and vulnerable. So if you have time in between your own various relationships, could you please try to talk to her?’
‘For God’s sake!’ Jake couldn’t help himself. ‘When are you going to stop this, Emily? The only relationship I’m having is with you! Will you not just listen to me?’
‘I’m going to bed,’ Emily replied flatly. ‘It’s late.’
‘Are you taking medication?’ he demanded as she walked away. He hadn’t meant to blurt it out. He’d planned to broach the subject more carefully, proposing that they run another test to see if there had been a mistake somehow. But now … Her moods were all over the place, as was her reasoning. And he’d had enough.
She turned around. ‘What?’ she laughed.
‘Medication,’ he repeated, holding her gaze. ‘Are you taking anything? I need to know.’
Her gaze darkened. ‘So now you’re accusing me of stealing drugs from the surgery?’
‘You’re acting irrationally, Emily. You’re fixated, defensive, irritable, exhausted. I don’t know how to talk to you half the time.’
‘Well go and talk to bloody Sally then!
’ she snapped. ‘I’m sure you two have plenty to discuss. Driving me out of my mind, for one!’
Jake felt his heart free-falling into the vast space between them as she spun around again, storming into the hall.
‘Christ.’ Inhaling hard, he went back to the island, raked his hand through his hair in frustration, then snatched up the wine bottle, filled Emily’s glass and knocked it back.
‘Have you two finished?’ Ben said behind him.
Shit! Jake swung around. ‘Ben, I’m sorry. I—’
‘Full of fucking apologies, aren’t you?’ Ben drawled. ‘You know what, I don’t think we want to hear any more.’ He stopped as Emily reappeared, her face ashen.
‘You’ve had a text,’ she said, holding Jake’s phone out to him. ‘Apparently she’s pregnant.’
Twenty-Seven
Emily
Emily had never imagined there would come a time when she and Jake would sleep separately. He hadn’t come up to bed again. She’d lain awake most of the night worrying about where Millie was, what sort of man she was with; praying to God that her instincts were wrong and that he wasn’t treating her badly. She’d listened for sounds of Jake below her, wondering whether to go down to him, to try somehow to fix things, but how could she if he was lying to her?
He’d followed her upstairs when she’d raced from the kitchen, hammering on the bedroom door until she’d had no choice but to let him in. He’d been so angry, furious, his eyes thunderous. ‘Whatever this crap is,’ he’d seethed, practically thrusting the phone at her, ‘it has nothing to do with me. Or Sally, as far as I can see. It’s sent from a blocked number, for fuck’s sake. Check it.’
Emily hadn’t believed him. She was struggling to believe anything he told her, yet there was a part of her that did, that saw the desperation in his eyes begging her not to condemn him without real proof. But wasn’t the email, the fact that he and Sally had been in a relationship – were in a relationship – proof enough? She didn’t know what was happening any more. Why would he accuse her of the cruel things he had? Of taking drugs? She hadn’t been able to believe her ears. The only pills she took were the iron pills he’d prescribed her, along with her vitamins, and paracetamol for the headaches that followed the endless sleepless nights. She couldn’t understand why he would think she’d taken anything else. As in, stolen from the surgery. She didn’t doubt he’d meant that.
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