‘Window,’ Lucien said.
‘What if I wanted to sit in the private corner?’ Audrey said once they were seated with wine and mineral water and two bread rolls fresh from the oven in front of them. Well, one bread roll was left because she had already eaten hers.
His gaze met hers. ‘You’re not convinced Sibella and my father are in the village, are you?’
Audrey was glad the lighting in the restaurant was low because it would at least hide the way her cheeks were glowing. ‘They could be anywhere by now.’
‘Have you heard anything since that last text?’
She had to think for a minute which text he meant. ‘No. Nothing.’ She waited a beat before adding, ‘What makes you so convinced they’re here?’
He picked up the single glass of red wine he’d ordered and took a measured sip. He put the glass back down with a sigh. ‘My father came here for a month after their last break-up. After I got him back on his feet, that is. I think it was what saved him, actually—a month just pottering about the village being a normal person instead of a rock star. He came back looking refreshed and tanned and the healthiest I’d seen him in ages.’
Audrey pushed a crumb around her side plate with her finger. ‘My mother really struggled after that last divorce too.’ She stopped pushing the crumb and glanced at him. ‘I mean, really struggled.’
Concern entered his gaze. ‘What do you mean?’
She let out her breath on a long exhalation. Why shouldn’t she tell Lucien what she had gone through with her mother? He’d told her about the dramas he’d been through with his father. ‘She took a couple of overdoses when she was hiding out at my place. Not enough to require hospitalisation but enough to terrify the heck out of me.’
His expression communicated compassion as well as concern. ‘What a shock it must have been for you to find her like that. But why didn’t you insist on her going to hospital?’
‘I begged her to let me call an ambulance or even to drive her there myself, but she got all hysterical and weepy about her fans finding out so I relented,’ Audrey said. ‘I managed to get her to agree to let me call her doctor, who checked her out at home. He said she had only taken enough to be a bit sleepy and wobbly on her feet.’
His frown was so heavy it closed the distance between his eyes. ‘That was a big risk to take. What if she had taken more than she’d said?’
‘I know it was risky, but her doctor assessed the situation. And then I stayed home from work for the next few days until I was sure she was safe.’
‘You said she took a couple of overdoses,’ he said. ‘When did she take the other one?’
‘Actually, she took three in total,’ Audrey said. ‘One a week for three weeks.’
‘And you or the doctor still didn’t insist on her going into hospital?’
Audrey didn’t care for the note of criticism in his voice. ‘Look, I did my best, okay? Her doctor thought she would be worse off in hospital with fans trying to get in to see her. He thought it best for her to have some quiet supervision at home out of the spotlight. I didn’t want to break her trust, which I might add I’ve just done by telling you. She’s the only mother I’ve got—the only parent—and I didn’t want to damage our relationship by acting against her wishes. The overdoses were a cry for help so I gave that help and I continued to give it until she didn’t need it any more.’
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to criticise—’
‘Did I criticise you for not getting your father into rehab? No. I realise how hard it is with a difficult parent to get them to do what you think is best for them. But have you ever considered that maybe what we think is best for them isn’t always best for them?’
He looked at her for a moment with a quizzical look on his face. ‘What are you saying?’
Audrey wished she’d kept her mouth shut. ‘I don’t know... I guess if we can’t stop them remarrying then maybe we should just accept it. Who knows? If we stop criticising from the sidelines, this time their relationship might actually work.’
‘You can’t be serious?’
She forced herself to meet his incredulous gaze. ‘Have you ever said anything nice about my mother to your father? Something positive instead of negative?’
Lucien frowned as if mentally sorting through his compliments folder in his head. ‘Not that I can recall.’
‘Exactly my point, because I can’t think of a positive thing I’ve said about your father to my mother, either,’ Audrey said. ‘They’re not bad people, Lucien. They just make bad choices. And the more we fight their being together then the more they’ll want to prove us wrong.’
His forehead was creased in lines like isobars on a weather map. ‘So you’re saying we call off the hunt? Just let them get on with it and hope for the best? I can’t do it. I’m sorry but I’m not going to let your mother destroy him a third time.’
‘But what if she doesn’t destroy him?’ Audrey said. ‘What if she’s the best thing for him right now?’
Lucien’s expression went from frowning to suspicious. ‘What’s brought about this change of heart? You can’t stand my father any more than I can stand your mother.’
‘That’s not true,’ Audrey said. ‘I can think of heaps of positive things to say about your father.’
‘Go on.’
She chewed at her lip. ‘Well...he’s a fabulous musician for one thing.’
‘And?’
‘And he’s good-looking, or at least he was when he was younger.’
‘And?’
Audrey sighed. ‘Okay, so it’s a little hard to think of stuff, but I haven’t spent a lot of time with him. And I certainly haven’t made an effort to get to know him. I’ve always felt a little bit intimidated by him, to be perfectly honest.’
‘By his fame, you mean?’
‘That and because I always feel as if he’s comparing me to my mother.’ She gave another sigh. ‘The first time I met him he asked if I was adopted.’
Lucien reached for her hand across the table. ‘I’m sorry he hurt your feelings. He can be a bit of a jerk at times. Most of the time, actually.’ His fingers stroked hers. ‘I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve felt hurt or let down by him.’
‘Why do you keep trying to have a relationship with him if you don’t even like him?’
He gave a soft laugh. ‘Yeah, well, that’s the thing, isn’t it? I don’t like him much as a person but I love him because he’s my father. Doesn’t make sense, does it?’
Audrey squeezed his fingers. ‘It makes perfect sense. My mother drives me nuts but I still love her and would do anything for her. I guess because before all the fame stuff happened she was a pretty good mum. Much better than her own mum because her mother kicked her out of home when she got pregnant with me.’
‘Are they still estranged?’
‘Permanently because now my grandmother is dead,’ Audrey said. ‘She was killed in a car crash before my mother could repair the relationship. I think it’s one of the reasons she drinks so much when she goes through a break-up or a disappointment of some kind. It triggers all those feelings of rejection. It’s also why she draws unnecessary attention to herself in order to be noticed.’ She couldn’t believe how much she had told him about her mother. About her feelings about her mother. There were so few people she could talk to. Really talk to. She was always conscious of ‘tainting her mother’s brand’ or afraid she wouldn’t be believed. But now it felt as if a weight had come off her shoulders, as if she were shrugging off a heavy overcoat.
Lucien had a thoughtful expression on his face. ‘That’s sad. I guess I didn’t consider the circumstances that had contributed to your mother’s personality. I took an instant dislike to her because she seemed to bring out my father’s reckless and irresponsible streak. But then, he probably brings out hers.’
Audrey gave a w
ry smile. ‘I heard once that people who fall in love at first sight are actually falling in love with each other’s emotional wounds. Their relationship doesn’t usually last unless they address and heal those wounds.’
He gave a that-makes-sense lip-shrug. ‘Interesting.’
‘What’s yours?’
He frowned. ‘What’s my what?’
‘Your wound.’
His half-smile didn’t reach his eyes. ‘Whoa, this is starting to get heavy. Let’s see... I guess I’m a little wary of investing too much of myself in a relationship because I’ve been let down so many times.’
‘By your father?’
‘Not just my father,’ Lucien said, with a flicker of pain in his gaze. ‘My mother died when I was in my final year of school. Of course, it wasn’t her fault or anything. She had a brain aneurysm, so it wasn’t as if she could give me any warning. One day she was alive, the next she wasn’t.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ Audrey said, thinking of the secret she was keeping about his father’s health and how it might hurt him to be excluded from it. ‘What did you do? Did you go and live with your father after that?’
He made a sound that was part laugh, part snort. ‘No. He gave me a heap of money instead to set myself up in a flat so I could finish my year at school. He didn’t even come to her funeral. He was doing a show in Europe that he didn’t want to cancel. After I finished school, I went to university and lived on campus.’
Audrey hadn’t realised he’d had to be so self-sufficient...but then, hadn’t she too had to fend for herself more times than she could count? ‘It’s funny how people on the outside see us as lucky to have famous parents but they don’t realise it comes with a cost. A cost no amount of money can fix.’
‘So what’s your wound?’ Lucien asked.
Audrey wished now she hadn’t started this heart-to-heart. It made her feel exposed and needy when she’d spent years trying to give him the opposite impression. ‘I guess it’s what we talked about the other day. I have trouble believing people want to be with me because of me or because of who my mother is.’
His eyes held her with a tender beat of understanding that made something tight in her chest soften. ‘So how will you heal it? Your wound, I mean.’
Audrey couldn’t hold his gaze and looked at her mineral water instead, pretending to be fascinated by the tiny stems of bubbles in the glass. ‘I guess one day I might be lucky enough to meet someone who loves me for me.’
There was a strange silence...like the collectively held breath of an audience before a crucial scene in a play.
Lucien was the first to break it but his voice sounded distinctly husky. ‘I’m sure you will, Audrey.’
But it won’t be you...
CHAPTER EIGHT
LUCIEN DIDN’T ALLOW his thoughts to run to what sort of man would fall in love with Audrey. Not because he didn’t want her to find happiness but because he didn’t want to examine too closely the strange sense of discomfort he felt at the thought of her with someone else.
Someone other than him.
Which was quite frankly ridiculous of him because he wasn’t in the market for a long-term relationship. None that involved emotions like love. Never had been, never would be. Too many complications when things turned sour, as they nearly always did. He was still cleaning up the financial messes from every time his father had fallen in ‘love’.
He liked his life the way it was. Dating didn’t have to be complicated when you were clear about your terms. And he was always clear. Although, he had to admit, this thing he had going with Audrey was a little blurry around the edges. He couldn’t just have a weekend fling and set her free. Not after sharing her first time. She was still finding her way sexually and it would be cruel to cut it short. Cruel to her and cruel to him because he had never had such intimate sex before. Sex that was intensely physical but with an added element of emotional depth he hadn’t expected.
She hadn’t just shared her body with him. They had both shared confidences they hadn’t shared with anyone else. He’d told her more than he’d told anyone about his father—even stuff about his mother. They had talked as intimately as they had made love. No holds barred, no screens or barriers up.
No secrets.
He was surprised by her change of heart over her mother’s marriage to his father. What had brought that about? Or was she tired of traipsing around the country looking for people who didn’t want to be found? He was a little tired of it himself but he was sure his father was here. He couldn’t explain it. He wasn’t normally one for relying on gut feelings. He was a numbers and data man. But ever since he’d driven with Audrey into St Remy he’d sensed his father’s presence and he wasn’t going to leave until he knew one way or the other.
Lucien watched Audrey eat her chocolate religieuse, somehow without getting any traces of chocolate on her mouth, which was a pity because he could think of nothing better than kissing it off. And not just kissing her mouth, but every inch of her body. He was getting hard just thinking about it. Uncomfortably hard. I-want-you-now hard.
She suddenly looked up from her dessert and caught him watching her. She picked up her napkin and dabbed it around her mouth, her expression a little sheepish. ‘I think you can see now why I don’t have my mother’s figure.’
He smiled. ‘I like your figure just the way it is. In fact, I’m having wicked fantasies about your figure right now.’
Her cheeks gave a delicate blush and her toffee-brown eyes twinkled like fairy lights. ‘Didn’t you want to go for a walk after dinner?’
It was scary how easily she could distract him from his mission, and if it hadn’t been for her inexperience, he would have taken her straight back to the hotel and made love to her again and again and again.
But it wasn’t just about pacing her. He had to pace himself. He was acting like a lovestruck teenager, all raging hormones and out-of-control feelings. Feelings he wouldn’t allow any purchase because he wasn’t going to be a fool like his father and fall in and out of love and leave a trail of despair and destruction behind. ‘Walk first, bed later,’ he said, softening his words with another smile.
A flicker of disappointment flashed over her features. ‘Do we have to walk now? We’ve been on the go all day and—’
He took her hand and brought it up to his mouth, kissing her bent fingers. ‘Just a short walk, okay? That’s what we’re here for, remember?’
Her eyes skittered away from his. ‘How could I forget? It’s not like you really want to be here with me. I’m a convenient bonus bit of entertainment while you get on with your mission of breaking up your father’s relationship with my mother.’
Lucien frowned at her tone and brought her gaze back to his with a finger beneath her chin. ‘That was your mission too, up until today. And I’m here with you because I want to be here with you.’
Because right now I can’t imagine being with anyone else.
Audrey gave him one of her cute pouts that made him want to kiss her so badly he had to glue his butt to his chair. ‘Do you mean that?’ Her voice came out whispery soft.
He stroked her cheek with his thumb. ‘It kind of scares me how much I mean it.’ It scared him even more to have admitted it out loud.
Her eyes went all shimmery as if she was close to tears but she blinked rapidly a couple of times and gave him a tight smile. ‘Sorry. I know this is just a fling and I promise I won’t get all clingy and start dragging my feet past jewellery shops or anything, but I just want for once in my life to be special to someone, even if it’s for a short time.’
Lucien brought her hand back up to his mouth, holding her bent knuckles against his lips. ‘You are special, sweetheart.’ So special he was having trouble recalling his reasons for keeping his relationship with her sensibly short. ‘You’re amazingly special.’
‘I think you’re pretty spec
ial too.’ She gave him a wry smile and, pulling away from him, added, ‘Not special enough for me to fall in love with but special all the same.’
He didn’t want her to fall in love with him, so why did her throwaway comment sting like a dart? In the past, things always got a little messy when any of his lovers had said those three little words, and these days he carefully extricated himself from the relationship well before it could happen.
But now he felt a strange sense of emptiness...a hole inside him that opened up like a painful fissure at the thought of Audrey saying those words to another man. He had never said them to anyone apart from his mother and even then he hadn’t said them enough times. It was one of his biggest regrets that he hadn’t told his mother how much he loved and appreciated her for all the sacrifices she had made for him. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d told her, which was even more distressing.
Audrey did her lip-chewing thing. ‘I’m sorry. Have I offended you?’
Lucien quickly rearranged his frowning features into an easy-going smile. ‘Why would I be offended?’
‘I don’t know...you were frowning so heavily, I thought I must have upset you.’
‘I was thinking about my mother, actually,’ Lucien said. ‘I can’t remember the last time I told her I loved her before she died. It’s niggled at me for years.’
‘I’m sure she knew it without your having to say it,’ Audrey said. ‘You probably showed it in heaps of ways.’
He gave her a crooked smile. ‘Maybe.’
There was a little silence.
‘Have you told your father you love him?’ Audrey asked.
‘No.’ He had never felt comfortable enough within his relationship with his father to say it. He had only realised he cared about his father in the last few years, especially seeing him go through the last break-up with Sibella. It had made Lucien realise how much he cared about him when he thought he was going to lose him.
And yet he hadn’t told him he loved him.
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