by Desiree Holt
He knew how much she hated the feeling of helplessness. How it grated on her that other people had to do things for her. The week after surgery hadn’t been too bad, at least for her. She had plenty of pain meds to keep her happy, even when they got her up to take those first few steps.
Hondo, on the other hand, had been a nervous wreck. He hadn’t left the hospital except to shower and get some fresh clothes. Otherwise, he sat by her side every minute, encouraging her to ease herself out of the bed. To take a short walk. To accept the grueling therapy sessions. To eat when she pushed food away. To let him massage her muscles so they didn’t become lax from lack of use.
And how she’d fought against letting him take her home with him.
“I make my own decisions,” she raged.
“Good. Then decide you’re coming home with me because that’s your only alternative.”
The knowledge of that had been a bitter pill for her to swallow. And once he got her home, she hadn’t been one bit more cooperative. She’d even insisted on having her own room, continuing to disdain any comfort he tried to offer. The loss of control ate away at her. If he hadn’t understood it—understood her—so well, he’d have been tempted to take her over his knee and spank the shit out of her.
But of course, just thinking about that made him harder than steel. A situation that he’d had to relieve by himself in the darkness of his own bedroom or his shower.
He put up with it because he knew fear was driving her as much as anything else. Bailey was a strong woman, and losing control of her life was hard for her to deal with. But she wanted to be whole again, just as much as he wanted it for her, so he forced her to accept the fact that he was in charge of the situation. At least, for now.
But today the situation had shifted. Those words, “resume normal activities,” had lit a fire under Bailey. He’d sensed it simmering as they drove home. Her attitude would have been hard to miss. She sat next to him in the truck as taut as a clenched fist, and he could almost smell her brain burning. He managed to keep his thoughts to himself until they got home and they were in the house. But once inside, when she would have gone off to her room, he grabbed her by the elbow and steered her into the kitchen.
“Sit,” he ordered, and his tone of voice left her no choice. He handed her the wine and took a long swallow of his beer. Then he pulled out the chair across from her and sat just studying her for a long moment, watching her take a sip of her wine and shift uncomfortably in her chair.
Finally, she put her glass on the table, sat back, and folded her arms. “Okay. Speak. Say what’s been chewing at you since we got in the truck.”
He chose his words carefully, knowing he could push things one way or the other, depending on what he said here and now.
“I know this has been a really tough couple of months for you, Bailey,” he began. “Not just because of the pain but because you had to be dependent on someone else—me—for so many things.”
“Yeah,” she snorted. “Like when I couldn’t even wash my own hair.”
“It’s important for you to know why I wanted to do all this. To bring you into my home and care for you.”
“So you could control me. Right?” She tossed back some more of the wine.
He shook his head. “Not even close.” He reached across the table for the hand not holding the wine, tightening his grip on it when she would have pulled away. “Because you are very special to me. More special than you can imagine.”
She just cocked an eyebrow.
Now, it was his turn to take another drink.
“The nights we spent together at Rawhide were the best I’ve ever spent with a sub. Ever. I hope you believe me because I have no reason to lie to you.” When she said nothing, he plunged ahead. “But equally as special were all those dinners we shared. All the conversations. All the time we spent getting to know each other. Right?”
She frowned and fiddled with her wine glass. “And your point being?”
“What we have here, between us, is a lot more than Rawhide. Did you think I brought you home just so I could take over your life?” He leaned forward on the table. “I did it because, God help me, I love you, Bailey. I wanted to be the one taking care of you. Helping you to heal. To get your life back.”
She scowled. “So you could control it? You know how I feel about that. In the bedroom, I’m yours, but outside? Well…you’ve been making decisions for me for weeks now, Hondo. Ordering me to do things. Is that what love is?”
Hondo shook his head. “Bailey, Bailey, Bailey. If I hadn’t kicked your ass, would you have gotten to where you are today? You were ready to curl up in a ball and write off the rest of your life. And who else would have cared for you the way I did? Who loves you the way I do? Can’t you see that?”
She finished her wine and held out her glass. “Maybe I need a little more of this.”
“Can you try and understand?” He filled her glass again then sat back down. “I pushed you because you wouldn’t push yourself. I knew you could be whole again. I wasn’t sure you did.” He blew out a breath. “Do I want to own you? Sure, but not in the way you think. I want the whole world to know you’re mine. But I also respect your mind and your strength.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “Jesus, Bailey. Give us a chance. Will you?”
She just sat there, sipping on her wine, for so long Hondo thought he might lose his mind. She was well enough now to move back to her cabin. Liz had work for her that didn’t involve riding until she was cleared for it. He knew if she left his house with this still unresolved, they might never get back on track. He’d done what he had to. Now, he had to pray that she heard him and understood that, while she was his, he didn’t own her. Except in the bedroom. Or any other place they chose to play. Have sex. Make love.
“I think I need a little time to myself,” she said at last. “I’m going to take a bath. You know how that relaxes me.”
He couldn’t help himself. He had to ask. “Are you planning to move out?”
“I’m planning to take a bath. Let’s leave it at that.”
He watched her walk out of the room, her fine ass swaying in the tight denim of her jeans. She didn’t even have a limp anymore. Of course, even if she did, he’d still love her. That was something he’d discovered through those long agonizing, tempestuous weeks. It wasn’t just his cock she owned. It was his heart. He’d tried to show her with everything he did how much she meant to him. If she continued to take it the wrong way, he didn’t know what to do next.
He heard the pipes gurgle as she ran the water for her bath. Not much privacy in these older homes. He imagined her naked, the scar on her hip still visible but fading daily. Her round breasts with their rosy nipples and her delicious cunt, now covered with soft dark curls that matched the hair on her head. He’d loved it naked, but of course, she hadn’t been able to get it waxed all this time. He was hard pressed to decide which way he liked it better.
As he sat there thinking about her, his cock grew harder and thicker, straining against his fly.
Damn!
He rose, picked up her wine glass, set it in the sink, and dropped his empty beer bottle in the trash. He needed to get out of there or he’d drive himself crazy. What he needed was a good run on his horse, but if he went to the Lucky L, there’d be too many questions to answer. Finally, he got in his truck and drove until he reached a narrow dirt road. At the end was the outer fence of the Lucky L and the pasture where the yearlings had been turned loose for a while.
He rolled down his window and sat just staring at the horses. They were like kids racing around the big area. Every so often, they’d come up to the fence, stop short, and look around, as if to say, “What’s this? Let me out.” It suddenly occurred to him that this might be the way Bailey felt. Fenced in, as if her choices had been taken away from her.
Maybe the best thing would be to just let her go on back to her cabin. Give her some space. Then try one of those long dinners again. Work up to another s
tripped down session. He knew it would be a while before she could tolerate the hard-core edge play she loved so much.
It would about kill him to let her walk out his front door. But maybe that was the only way to keep her.
****
The bath had done wonders for Bailey. Not only did she feel completely refreshed, but it had also given her plenty of time to think. For the first time in weeks, she could take an honest look at what her situation was. What it had been like. She tried to be completely honest, something she’d had a hard time doing lately.
She’d resented Hondo taking charge so much she really hadn’t stopped to analyze the situation. Now, she realized that he hadn’t really taken her choices away from her so much as pushed her to a recovery. The fear of a crippling injury had been so strong she resented everyone and everything. Hondo had pushed her out of her comfort zone so she could regain her strength and be her own person again. And she’d been so fixated on the control thing she hadn’t seen it.
He wasn’t like any of the other Doms she’d ever been with. She had to admit he cared for her in a lot of ways beyond the BDSM arena. He’d shown her with all those wonderful dinners and evenings together. With his interest in everything about her. Sharing parts of himself she was sure he hadn’t shared with anyone else.
Was she being a spoiled brat, about to throw away something valuable?
Love.
She shivered as she heard his voice echo in her head.
I love you.
And for the first time, she could let herself accept the fact that she loved him.
Well, brat, if that’s the case, you’d better give the man a welcome home he’ll never forget.
Drying herself off with one of the big towels Hondo had bought for her—another symbol of his caring—she carefully smoothed lotion into every crack and crevice of her body. Using a mirror to give her the view she needed, she did the best she could shaving the surface of her pussy. It wasn’t as good as waxing, but it would do for the moment. Then she dried her hair, letting it hang in loose curls over her shoulders.
Fetching the small bag, she’d asked Liz to bring over for her the other day, she took her time applying makeup. From a small velvet box, she took the nipple clamps she’d purchased after their last session at Rawhide, thinking to surprise him with them, compressed each nipple, and fastened on the clamp.
Then she took out a small case with her own toys, things she’d bought to use during her long dry spell. Hondo wasn’t back yet so she hurried into his bedroom, naked, and laid out her toys on the bed. A small fire wand that she could use without the alcohol on her nipples and her clit. A butt plug and lube. A candle that could be used to drip wax in a pattern on her skin. It wasn’t near as good as having a Master do it, but then, Hondo was the first Master she’d been with in more than a year.
And if she was honest, the only one she ever wanted to be with again.
She couldn’t yet kneel on the floor so she climbed onto the bed and knelt in the center, hands behind her back, head bowed, facing the door.
And waited.
She was about to admit defeat and give her aching muscles some rest when she heard Hondo’s truck pull up outside. There was no mistaking that big diesel engine. Another moment and the front door opened and closed, then his boots sounded on the floor as he headed to his room.
And stopped short in the doorway.
Bailey peeked out from beneath her eyelashes enough to see the shocked expression on his face and swallowed a smile.
“Bailey? What’s going on?”
“What does it look like?” She wet her lips. “Master.”
He stepped closer to the bed. “That’s some gorgeous jewelry on your nipples.” He reached out and compressed them with his thumbs, holding them tightly until she flinched. Yet at the same time, she welcomed the pain.
“Thank you, Master.”
“And is that a shaved pussy I see?” He bent to slide one hand between her thighs, caressing the newly bare skin. “Well, damn. You’ve been a good girl.” He dragged one finger the length of her slit. “And a wet one, too.”
“No, Sir. I’ve been bad. And I should be punished.”
He froze in place. “Bailey, I’m not sure—”
“My ass needs stretching, Master. It’s been a long time. Perhaps you should correct that situation.”
In seconds, Hondo was out of his clothes, his cock heavy and swollen. He walked from one side of the bed to the other slowly. Bailey felt his eyes on her the entire time. She had to restrain herself from reaching out for his shaft and taking it in her mouth. This was Hondo’s show. He would either accept her offering and realize what it meant or he wouldn’t. She’d done what she could do.
“On your hands and knees, sub,” he ordered. “Now.”
Smiling, Bailey arranged herself as he ordered, her ass presented to him. She gave it a little wiggle and earned two hard slaps on her buttocks.
“Impertinent sub.” But she actually heard humor in his voice. Along with something else. The love she’d almost missed out on.
Fingers probed at her rear entrance, one of them circling it over and over until she felt the cool thickness of lube. One long, lean finger pressed into her rectum, smoothing the lube into her tissues. Then a second finger and a third. Her pussy was already throbbing with need by that time.
“You know the drill. Deep breath and let it out slowly.”
As she did, she felt the large butt plug being pressed into her. The muscles in her pussy clenched, the beginning of an orgasm already building inside her. She did her best to hang onto her control, but it had been so long since she’d even been able to give herself relief that it was a struggle.
Hondo placed his hand on the small of her back. “Are you okay, Bailey? Can you hold this position?”
Emotion welled up inside her that even in the midst of their D/s play he could step back to make sure she wasn’t doing herself any harm.
“I’m fine, Sir.” It was important to her that he accept the fact she was totally into this. And that she wasn’t going to do anything stupid. They had plenty of time for full edge play when she was back one hundred percent. But right now, she needed this. And so did he.
“All right, then. I think it’s time you were punished for being a bad girl.”
The first smack landed on her left hip, the uninjured one. Then on the buttock itself. Then the thigh. He rained the blows down in quick succession, slapping everywhere while staying away from the area of her surgery. In between the spankings, he pinched the cheeks of her ass until they burned and tears welled in her eyes. But they were good tears. Tears of satisfaction that he was accepting what she offered and would take no more than she could give. In here, he was the Master and she would respect that.
Without warning, the spanking stopped and seconds later she felt the brief flare of burn from the fire wand on her clit. Her whole body convulsed as an orgasm gripped her. She tried to hold back but she was powerless to control it.
Before she realized what was happening, Hondo had turned her so she was on her back and he was climbing over her, rolling a condom onto his dick.
“We’ll have many times to play, but right now I have to be inside you. It’s been too long.”
“Yes, yes, yes,” she chanted.
Adjusting her legs, again being careful of her hip, he slid both hands beneath her ass, lifted her and drove into her.
Oh god!
The feel of him inside her, stretching her, was so good she thought she’d die from pleasure.
“I don’t know if I can last,” he apologized through gritted teeth.
“I know I can’t,” she said, feeling another climax building.
He pounded into her with hard, fast strokes, his eyes boring into hers, holding her gaze, looking into her as if he could see into her very soul.
“Mine,” he said. “All mine.”
“Yes, Master. All yours. Always.”
“Now, Bailey. Come with me now.�
�
They exploded together, bodies shuddering, hearts pounding, as the spasms shook them with such an intensity Bailey was afraid their bodies would break apart. At last, the aftershocks faded and they lay quietly, bodies shining with perspiration, glued together as if they’d never be separated.
Hondo lifted his head and pressed a soft kiss to her lips.
“Mine,” he said, pride of possession in his voice.
“All yours,” she agreed in a soft tone.
“But still your own person,” he insisted. “Always remember that.”
“As long as you remember that I love you.”
Joy blossomed in his eyes. “I love you, too, my sweet girl. I always will.”
They lay quietly together, unwilling to move, enjoying the pleasure of being together. And knowing this was just the beginning. The best was yet to come.
About the Author
Desiree Holt’s writing is flavored with the rich experiences of her life, including a long stretch in the music business representing every kind of artist from country singer to heavy metal rock bands. For several years she also ran her own public relations agency handling any client that interested her, many of whom might recognize themselves in the pages of her stories. She is twice a finalist for an EPIC E-Book Award, a nominee for a Romantic Times Reviewers Choice Award, winner of the first 5 Heart Sweetheart of the Year Award at The Romance Studio as well as twice a CAPA Award for best BDSM book of the year, winner of the Holt Medallion, multiple winner of the Whipped Cream Book of the Week Award and is published by five different houses. Romance Junkies said of her work: “Desiree Holt is the most amazing erotica author of our time and each story is more fulfilling then the last.”
Visit Desiree at
www.desireeholt.com
www.desireeholttellsall.com
www.facebook.com/desireeholt
Twitter @desireeholt.com
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