by Cameron Dane
“You've suddenly become awfully quiet.” Marek's focus narrowed, penetrating right through Colin, leaving him hot first with a fast chaser of cold. “What kind of things did your friends want to know?”
“Like why you're living in Fiji.” Lifting himself onto the edge of the desk, Colin dangled his legs, feeling a bit like an insecure kid. He looked at Marek, and just bit the bullet. “How did you end up here?”
Staring beyond Colin to the open window, Marek's eyes changed, softened, and it looked like he drifted far away. “Payton always wanted to come to Fiji for a vacation, but he never made it,” he shared. “I think he wanted to visit with me, as a couple, but I always shot him down before he could offer me details. I wasn't willing to be open anywhere, inside the US or abroad.” Marek suddenly blinked, his gaze cleared, and he put it back on Colin. “I had to get out of Pittsburgh after he died, but I wasn't ready to let go of him yet. I came here, where he wanted to be, and just lived with his memory while I worked past his death.”
“You gave him the vacation he always wished for.”
Marek cleared his throat, and Colin suspected he swallowed down signs of emotion that wanted out. “Not in the way I wish I could have, in hindsight, but yes.”
A twinge of jealousy nicked Colin in the chest, but a bigger piece of his heart squeezed with seeing and hearing Marek's capacity to love. It reminded him that the unfathomable pain in the man from his dreams had been very real; but this person before him was very close to finding peace…and was capable of falling in love with someone else one day. Hopefully.
Don't get ahead of yourself, Baxter. Tread carefully.
“What about Pittsburgh?” Colin suddenly wondered, forcing the conversation in a less intimate direction. He reached his leg out and hooked the arm of Marek's chair with his foot. Dragging it and the man closer, he used Marek's thigh for a footrest. “What made you leave Henderson and head there? Did your uncle call you and offer you a job in his business?”
“No. I just…I just”—Marek's face turned stony—“I had to get out of Henderson. I couldn't be there anymore. My uncle George didn't have contact with the family; they had booted him out long ago. In fact, I'd only heard stories about him; we'd never met face-to-face. I researched where he lived, showed up at his business out of the blue, introduced myself, and begged for a job, no matter how small.”
“Why wasn't he a part of your family anymore?”
“When he was a young man, he stunned my mother's family by announcing he was going to marry a black woman.” Marek's face hardened even more, his lip twitched, and Colin suspected he experienced shame for the bigotry of his family. “No way was an interracial marriage acceptable in my mom's family back then, any more than me being gay today is. No way was George walking away from the woman of his dreams though, so he walked away from Texas with her instead.”
Colin's heart went out to Marek and the stifling, close-minded home he'd grown up in. He couldn't imagine the constant fear of hiding homosexuality in an environment like that. “A person has to do what they feel is right,” Colin murmured. “I hope your uncle and his wife were very happy together.”
“From what he told me, they were, for a time,” Marek answered. “He lost his wife and only son a good ten years before I showed up in Pittsburgh. Automobile accident on an icy road when she was taking the boy to school one morning.”
Trembling, Colin rubbed his arms. “How terrible.”
With a nod, Marek grimaced. “It wrecked me when Pay died. I can't imagine losing a spouse and child, both on the same day.” He wrapped his hands around Colin's feet, held them close to his stomach, and absently started rubbing the arches. “Some police officer stepping into your office and ripping apart your world with one conversation…” Marek glanced up from his massage of Colin's feet. “Uncle George never remarried.”
Another shiver cut down the center of Colin's back. “I guess for some people they feel there's just one right person for them in the world.” Colin spoke that aloud, but inside, he prayed his gut feeling that Marek wasn't one of those people was correct. “Maybe for some of them, it's true. I don't know.”
“Maybe.” Marek's eyes grew cloudy once more. His fingers stopped kneading Colin's feet, and Colin wondered—worried—if Marek looked backward and pictured the future he might have had with Payton if the man hadn't died.
Marek suddenly drew in a sharp breath, pulled his attention off the World Map screen saver on his computer, and put his focus on Colin. “Anyway, what about Austin for you?” he asked. “Was that where you went after…?” His Adam's apple bobbed hard and he wiped his hand across his mouth. “Jesus Christ, I can barely even think about it. Did your family move you to Austin because of the assault?”
Marek visibly worked with every fiber in his being to keep his emotions under control, and Colin was certain he relived his guilt at not being there when Payton suffered the same hatred Colin had. Colin's heart tore for this man, and he swallowed hard to keep the tears and tremor out of his own voice.
“We left Henderson because of a lot of things that happened after the beating,” he shared. His voice was rough, but he attributed it to the heaviness in this room right now more than any latent anger and hatred for what happened to him following the attack. “The local law enforcement didn't have any real interest in making more than a token effort to investigate my case after they found out homosexual slurs were thrown at me as hard as the kicks and punches. Since the guys wore masks, I couldn't identify them, and the car my boss was able to see them drive off in ended up being stolen without any identifiable prints in it when it was recovered.” His lips twisted with the memory. “It was easy for the man in charge of my case to show he didn't have any real leads to pursue. More relevant to my parents' choice to move us to Austin was the rumors of why I was beaten. They quickly bled out to my little sister, and kids started harassing her. Some of her friends' parents wouldn't let their kids come to our house anymore because of the whispers that I was beaten because I was 'a gay.'“ Colin put his fingers up in quotes. “As much as my mom and dad wanted justice for me—even in the midst of dealing with me confessing to them that, yes, I was gay—they wanted their family safe more. They were very scared something even worse would happen if we remained in Henderson, so as soon as I was physically well enough to make a trip, we moved to Austin and in with one of my mother's cousins. We stayed with her for six months while my parents looked for new jobs and found a house to rent. Jordan was one of the teenagers living on the street where my mom's cousin lived, so that ended up being great.” Controlled passion colored Colin's voice, and a combination of peace, faith, and strength straightened his back. “I went through something horrific, but my parents didn't let it blind me or frighten me to the point that it screwed up my future. They made sure I knew I was valuable and they wanted me, gay and all. And my sister didn't even end up hating me for the move. She ended up thinking Austin was the best thing since sliced bread when she found out they celebrate Eeyore's birthday every year.” He smiled, his heart lifting. “Thank God it was easy to please a ten-year-old.”
Two lines appeared between Marek's eyebrows. “Eeyore?”
God, he's so cute. Colin leaned forward and rubbed his thumb over the furrow, smoothing it out. “Yeah. From Winnie the Pooh?”
“Oh, okay.” A light lit up Marek's eyes, shining through and creating a blue as pure as the ocean outside. “I remember now. The depressed donkey. Right?”
Colin tweaked his nose. “That would be the one. All right, enough of me going on and on.” He pulled his feet off Marek's lap and hopped off the desk. “You were working when I walked in. I apologize; I didn't mean to interrupt you.”
“No problem, but my financial planner is probably wondering where I am.” Marek rolled his chair forward and moved the computer's mouse over its pad, bringing up the work screen. “Yep, there he is.” He glanced up at Colin for a second. “We were instant messaging when you came in, and I told him I'd be back in
ten minutes.”
Colin leaned down and pressed a kiss to Marek's cheek. “I'll let you get back to it then.” He lingered longer than strictly necessary, letting his lips absorb the stubble already growing along Marek's jaw and the heat the man's body generated that constantly kept Colin warm. God, how I want this every day. Fear that his need would leak through into Marek turned Colin's voice a little rough. “Sorry I bothered you.” He pecked one more kiss on Marek's jaw and pulled away.
The gentle brush of Colin's mouth on Marek's cheek licked into him and touched the deepest recesses of his body and heart. He spun in his chair and snagged Colin's arm, holding him prisoner in the room. Looking up, he said, “You're never a bother.” Rawness cut jagged edges into his tone, but with everything Colin had just shared, and everything Marek still held buried too deeply, with too much shame to speak, he could not control his voice. “I promise you that.” He tugged Colin to him and toppled the man into his arms.
Colin chuckled, and the wonderful sound rumbled right through their hold into Marek. Turning, Colin situated himself across Marek's thighs and combed his fingers through Marek's hair. “That's not the tune you were singing when I showed up on your doorstep.”
“I was wrong.” Marek caught Colin's hand and trapped it against his chest. “I never should have been suspicious of you.” He realized Colin could feel the racing in his heart and shoved their clasped hands to his lap. “Everything about your quality of character shows on your face, in your eyes, and the way you carry yourself.”
The teasing twinkle in Colin's eyes faded. “Hey.” He shifted again and slid his knees in on either side of Marek's body. Leaning in, he pressed their chests together. His gaze found Marek's and, like a fully coded tractor beam, trapped Marek in its hold. “What's the matter?”
Marek opened his mouth, and the words, his confession, sat right on his tongue. The truth Marek needed to speak ate at him, but a vision of horror and hatred darkening Colin's eyes as he learned the truth about his attack stole the words from Marek's mouth, rendering him mute. He saw Colin storming out the front door and down the porch, away from this house, taking his humor, kind heart, downright sinful sexiness, and the rambling stories he liked to share with him as he walked away, leaving Marek all alone. Marek shuddered, and his body swept from top to bottom with cold.
“Marek?” Colin brushed his knuckles down Marek's cheek to his jaw, and the gentleness in his touch elicited another shiver. “Baby, what's wrong?”
“Nothing.” I'll suffer in hell for the lie, but I can't lose him. Not yet. Not ever, his head screamed in correction.
Marek dug his fingers into Colin's hair and dragged him in until their mouths touched. “Fuck me.” Marek uttered the request as he scraped a bruising kiss over Colin's lips. His ass channel fluttered with anticipation at feeling a real penis inside him again, and his dick jumped in his pants, jamming into Colin's inner thigh. He rubbed himself against Colin and swallowed a groan. Staring into Colin's beseeching eyes, Marek let confessions of a different kind slip free. “Suck my cock and make me come. Then fuck me so hard the only thing I know is you.” Not waiting for Colin to reply, Marek sealed his lips to the other man's in a taking, consuming kiss, stealing as much from Colin as he could while he still had the chance. Marek shoved his tongue into Colin's mouth, thrusting with frantic desire, and he started tearing at Colin's shirt, ripping buttons out of fabric in his need to touch some skin.
“Wait wait wait.” Colin grabbed Marek's hands and trapped them against the armrests. “Slow down for a minute.” His eyes were bright and sharp, pinpointing on Marek, and terrifying him with the risk of discovery. “What's the matter?”
“I just want you so much.” Marek lunged and captured Colin's lips again. With his wrists tied to the chair by Colin's incredibly powerful grip, Marek used his mouth, revealing his desperation with bites and licks on his lover's lips. He felt certain his eyes shone with an extra brightness too, and his heart still raced terribly, beating through his chest right into Colin. “Please”—every muscle and cell in Marek strained right to the edge of exploding—“don't make me beg.”
Colin let go of one of Marek's hands and pressed his index finger to Marek's lips, silencing him. “No, I wouldn't do that.” He slid off Marek and kneeled between his legs on the floor, his face less than a foot away from Marek's cock. His gaze slid up to connect with Marek, and his hand went right to the visible bulge in Marek's pants. Colin squeezed him through his clothing, and Marek groaned, sliding down on the chair and spreading his legs wider. Sultry, smoky green eyes stared up at Marek; Colin blinked and then dipped down and ran his tongue all the way up the length of Marek's erection, leaving a dark line of saliva on Marek's pants in its wake. Marek drew in a sharp breath, and he leaked a little stain of his own to join Colin's mark.
Snagging Marek's zipper pull with his teeth, Colin dragged the tab down, and the whisper-soft sound of the metal teeth separating became the loudest, most erotic noise Marek had ever heard. He couldn't wait for Colin to take care of the rest and undid the button on his pants himself, reaching inside to pull out his cock and present the thick, reddened length to Colin. “Suck me.” Moaning just saying the words, Marek dug inside his underwear again and put a chokehold on his balls. “I want to feel your mouth on me before I come.”
Colin leaned in and closed his lips around the shiny head, sucking just the tip in a way that had Marek clenching his teeth, suppressing a request for more, faster. Colin's tongue circled the rim of Marek's prick and brushed back and forth across the underside. He teased the ultrasensitive nerve endings with his deft touch, but left the rest of Marek's cock throbbing and needy with neglect. Colin suckled off the top and nibbled at Marek's slit in a way that had him hissing, but then Colin abruptly pulled away.
A rough noise erupted from Marek's chest; he grabbed Colin's head and tried to shove his face back down over his cock.
“Don't worry. I'm not leaving you hanging.” Colin hooked his fingers in Marek's waistband. “I just want your pants all the way off before I give you what you really want.” Giving a little tug on the fabric, he said, “Lift up.” Marek shifted his hips, and Colin removed his pants; at the same time, Marek tore his T-shirt off over his head and tossed it halfway across the room.
Colin pushed his torn shirt the rest of the way off his shoulders and shoved his shorts and underwear off to join Marek's pile on the floor. Before Marek could appreciate the sight of a naked Colin, the man pushed in between Marek's spread thighs and ran his hands up and down Marek's stomach and chest, touching over every inch of flesh. “Mmm…all hard, hot skin. That's what I like to see.” He grabbed onto Marek's nipples with his fingers and sucked down half his cock with his mouth.
“Ohhh fuck, fuck.” Wet heat surrounded Marek's prick in one long drag, and he keened with the sheer joy of sensation. Out of his control, his hips bucked, and the action force-fed more of his length past Colin's lips. Colin accepted the extra inches in stride and closed around Marek's member, sucking him like a thirsty man searching for the last drops of water on earth. Colin pinched Marek's excited, tight nipples back and forth with one hand, and used the other to bat Marek's hold off his testicles and take over the job himself. Instead of keeping Marek's nuts in a lock hold, Colin played with the weight and rolled the sac in his palm, shooting unbearable lines of pleasure up Marek's cock, into his ass, and through to the tip of every nerve ending from his head all the way down to his toes. During all that time, Colin never let up on bobbing up and down on Marek's erection, giving a blowjob worthy of an award.
Marek's entire body gyrated within the confines of his desk chair as he struggled to contain the pleasure Colin delivered with his incredible mouth and hands. The rich suede texture of the seat beneath him grazed his bare back, thighs, and buttocks. Almost accepting it like an additional caress, Marek luxuriated in the sensation. Perspiration dampened his hair and rolled down his temples, and as Marek watched Colin suck him off through lust-filled eyes, he slipped
deeper into the abyss of his sexual need, not the reverse restraint he knew he needed to exhibit.
“Oh yeah.” Marek's voice was guttural, and he pumped his hips up into Colin's face, fucking the man's mouth. “Christ, you're so fucking good. Give me a finger too.” His pucker shivered as he drew his legs up and hooked them over the arms of the chair. He slid his ass to the edge of the seat, exposing himself even more. “Play with my asshole and stick one inside.”
Colin didn't even look up from his task; he just slid his hand up Marek's body, over his throat and jaw, not stopping until his fingers pushed at Marek's lips, seeking entry. Marek opened up, and Colin thrust his fingers inside, filling Marek's mouth to the throat. Grabbing hold of Colin's hand, Marek held it to his face and licked all around the digits. He suckled the tips and flicked the webbing at the base, juicing Colin's fingers up with as much saliva as he could, preparing them for a penetration he hadn't given himself in a long while.
Just when Marek's nuts tightened and he thought he might come from the combination of Colin sucking his dick and him sucking back in tandem on Colin's fingers, Colin withdrew his fingers with a distinct pop. He left a line of spittle between his hand and Marek's mouth as he reached down, tucked his finger against Marek's hole, and rubbed the small, closed bud.
Marek's passage automatically contracted, and his sphincter squeezed, withdrawing from the touch. Colin didn't force the invasion but instead moved between flicking the tiny, clenched muscle, to scraping the pad of his thumb over Marek's perineum, to pushing his fingers all the way up and down the split of Marek's ass, driving the nerves hiding within that little-played-with flesh to screaming with new life. While Colin both soothed and revved up Marek's ass for a taking, he continued to deliver long drags over the entire length of Marek's cock, making him harder than he had ever been in his life.
