“And they cannot come fast enough,” she said, staring down at her swollen belly. “You don’t realize how good you had it until the day you can’t even bend over to put your shoes on anymore.”
“Here, here.” Carly picked up her beer bottle and tapped it lightly against Logan’s glass of water. “Or when you can’t so much as giggle without the fear of wetting yourself.”
“That reminds me, Harper. We’re throwing a baby shower here in few weeks, and I’ve been meaning to ask if you’ll come.”
“Sounds fun,” she said a little too enthusiastically. She was all too ready to keep the conversation on anything but her and Cowboy. Plus, she’d already missed so much of her friends’ lives in Willow Creek. Logan and Cole’s wedding, the birth of Carly and Darrens’s first child. Not to mention everything Sadie had been through the last few years. It would be nice to get to be a part of something. “I’d love to be there.”
Logan beamed. “Perfect. I’ll send you the details. The boys are taking Cole for a week-long hunting trip, so it’s just going to be a few of us girls. My mom, Tater and Suzanne Tucker, Carly and her mom.”
“It’s going to be so cute,” Carly said, bringing her hands together in front of her chest. “Pink desserts and balloons and decorations. I was so excited when Lo told me it was a girl. Isn’t it perfect? She and Carter will be best friends, running around and playing together, then when they’re older they’ll fall in love, get married, and have their own pudgy little babies together!”
Lo laughed. “You going to let me at least get this one out before you start picking names for our future grandchildren?”
“You mock, but it’ll happen. I’ve got a sense about these things.” When Lo rolled her eyes, Carly scoffed. “It’s true. I knew about you and Cole, didn’t I?”
“To be fair, I think everyone in town knew about her and Cole,” Harper threw in.
“Fine. But what about Wilson Oliver and Sarah Newnan? I said they were going to end up together after I saw them at Wade’s one night last year, and now they’re getting married in December. And there’s Savannah Wainwright and that guy she met at Mercer.”
“You got lucky,” Lo said.
“Luck has nothing to do with it. I have a gift.”
Lo shook her head but let the argument go. “How’s the remodeling going, Harper?”
Carly turned to Harper. “Ooh, yes. Tell me all about it.”
“It’s going really well. All the rooms are done, and they should be putting these beautiful custom cabinets in in the next week or two. Then it’s just a few more details before we can bring in furniture and start decorating.”
“When are you planning to open?” Carly asked.
“Two months. Just in time for Christmas. I called up an old guest who used to stay at the B&B and told them I was starting back up, and they’ve already booked it for their whole family over Christmas week.”
Lo gasped. “Harper, that’s amazing.”
“I hired someone to start building the website for me, and as soon as we get it furnished and get some photos, we can get the site up and, hopefully, start getting some more bookings.”
“My sister-in-law is in real estate, and she uses a great photographer to do all her listings,” Lo said. “I’ll get his info for you.”
Harper blinked at her. “Wow, thanks. That would be—”
“I’ve also heard of places doing a free trial run to iron out the kinks before the official opening,” she added quickly. “You could invite a few people from town to test it out, and in exchange they could write some honest reviews about their stay.”
Harper considered it. “You know, that’s not a bad idea.”
“Hell, sign me and Darren up,” Carly enthused. “We’re always talking about how badly we could use a vacation. This way it could feel like one without going too far from Carter.”
“I’d offer me and Cole, too, but I doubt you’d want a newborn baby keeping your guests up all hours of the night. But I bet my mom and dad would do it.”
“That would be amazing, you guys.” Harper was suddenly overwhelmed by their generosity. “Let me look into it, and I’ll let you know.”
“Perfect.” Carly grinned. She and Logan went back to finishing up the last of the dishes, but Harper’s attention returned to the two playing in the living room.
Cowboy really was great with Carter, and she couldn’t help but smile at the matching grins that stretched across the boys’ faces. He was going to be an amazing dad one day. That much was obvious. And a great husband. Some woman was going to be very lucky.
She imagined Cowboy smiling with some random woman who would someday be his wife, and her stomach twisted.
No. She couldn’t let those kinds of things affect her. When the time came, she would be happy for Cowboy because that was what friends did. They congratulated each other and wanted them to be happy, even if it meant they really had moved on. She wanted to be that friend for Cowboy. Needed to be.
I’d rather be her friend than nothing at all.
She loved Logan and knew she and Carly meant well, but they didn’t realize how important it was that this friendship worked. Because it was the only option that included Cowboy. She’d left for Boston three years ago desperate to put him and their past behind her. But after being around him again these last few weeks, she couldn’t imagine her life without him in it.
Cowboy was in the process of tossing Carter up into the air when he suddenly stopped. He made a face as he settled the toddler on his hip. “Shoo-wee. Either Carter’s hiding week-old roadkill in his pants or someone is ready for a diaper change.”
Carly sighed. “And that’s my cue. Hand him over.” She circled the island, grabbing the blue and green paisley print diaper bag from the corner of the room. She reached out to take her son, but he turned away, his tiny fingers clinging to Cowboy’s shirt.
“Here, hand me the bag and I’ll do it.”
Carly’s brows shot to the roof. “You’re actually volunteering to change a stinky diaper? I can’t even get Darren to do it half the time.”
“No problem, Carls. You go relax. I can take care of this.” Cowboy stepped forward, carefully removing the massive bag from Carly’s shoulder. He looked down at the little monkey attached to his side. “Besides, Carter could stand to see how a real man handles a diaper.”
“I heard that,” Darren called from the back of the room, brushing a hand through a mess of red hair that matched his son’s.
Cowboy winked at Carly before shrugging the bag onto his shoulder and heading, Harper presumed, up the stairs to the completed baby room she’d seen during her tour of the house.
“Damn. Whoever manages to scoop that one up is going to be one lucky girl,” Logan said. It was as if she’d read Harper’s mind.
“Yup.” Harper took a large sip from her drink then forced a light smile on her face to show them just how okay she was, while simultaneously wishing her glass held something stronger than sweet tea. “She sure is.”
DAY 92
“I’m scared,” Harper whispered with a low and shaky voice.
Cowboy gave her a reassuring smile, leaning in so close he could feel her ragged breath against his skin. “There’s nothing to be scared of. I’ve done it a hundred times, and I promise you’ll be so glad once it’s over.”
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Cowboy brushed his fingers over the bare flesh of her stomach. “You trust me?”
She met his gaze slowly before nodding, and then his lips were on hers. She had no idea how good her faith in him made him feel, like he’d not only just finished his first marathon, but somehow actually come away with the gold.
She melted into his arms, and he could feel her fear and doubt slipping away. He pulled away quickly, enjoying the dazed yet eager look in her eye. It was nearly enough to undo him right then and there. “On three,” he gritted out.
Harper let out another long breath, squaring her shoulders as he took her hand. T
hey turned. “One, two…”
Her hand gripped his even tighter.
“Three.”
They leaned back on their heels at the same time. And they jumped.
A high-pitched squeal filled his ears as they fell, hand in hand, the murky water like an old mirror casting back their fuzzy reflections for only an instant before they crashed through it.
They breached the lake’s surface together. “That was amazing!” she screamed.
She was grinning fiercely, her cheeks flushed and bright eyes glowing with triumph as she squinted up at the abandoned bridge they’d just jumped from. Bits of blond hair had fallen out of her bun and were plastered to her cheeks and forehead. God, she was the most gorgeous woman he’d ever seen. And that really was saying something.
“I told you it would be.”
Her eyes met his, her arms and legs working to keep her head above water. “Seriously, Cowboy,” she said between heavy breaths. “Thank you. That was incredible.”
“It’s not so bad, letting go of control sometimes, huh?”
He could hardly believe this was the same girl who’d been content to do nothing more than keep quietly to herself and study alone in her room every night. He thought he’d seen all there was to Harper Maddox back then. And if he hadn’t spotted her on the side of the road that fateful day three months ago, he probably still would have.
Ever since that day, she’d started to become a whole different person. With each new dare he issued, he’d watched her slowly and beautifully come out of that little shell of hers. The one where she had to be in control all the time. And he’d swear from the look of pure joy and exhilaration on her face after each one, she loved every second of it.
“You want to go again?”
Harper grinned and nodded eagerly.
*
“Seriously? All the questions in the world, and you want to ask that?”
They were lying on several layers of towels and blankets Cowboy had spread out for them in the bed of his truck. After jumping off the bridge about a dozen more times and skipping rocks by the water’s edge for half an hour, they’d settled here under the shade of a tall, drooping willow tree. Harper fiddled with a smooth, brown, heart-shaped stone she’d found on the shore while Cowboy held her close to him, enjoying the feel of her soft skin on his despite the midday July heat.
“You know about my Elvis obsession. It’s only fair that I get to know your favorite, too,” she said, turning the stone over and over between her fingers.
“You ever hear that saying ‘life isn’t fair’?” He chuckled, then again even harder when she flicked his chest only inches from where her cheek rested on it. “Fine. If you want to know that bad, it’s John Denver.”
“Really? Which song do you like most?”
He shook his head. “You only get one question.”
“Come on, seriously?”
“You’re welcome to guess though.”
“Okay.” Harper turned the stone over again, silently thinking. “‘Leaving on a Jet Plane’?”
“Nope.”
“‘Country Roads’?”
“’Fraid not.”
“That one about ‘filling up his senses’? That seems like it would be right up your alley.”
He laughed.
“That’s all the ones I can think of. Can you please just tell me?” she begged, poking out her bottom lip in a pathetic pout that really was too cute and should probably be illegal.
“‘Sunshine on My Shoulders,’” he finally said.
“I don’t think I know that one. Will you play it for me?”
Cowboy grabbed his phone, taking a few seconds to pull the song up.
A familiar tune lifted in the air, and he watched as her eyes filled with the faintest hint of recognition. Soon, John Denver’s voice serenaded them through the speaker, singing about the power the sunlight had over him. How it could make him incredibly happy, but it could also hurt him. About its beauty, how it made him feel things like nothing else could. And how much he wished others could feel even a fraction of that.
He’d heard it a million times, but as he held her in his arms, he realized he understood what it all meant now more than ever. Harper listened intently, absently tracing circles on his chest with her middle finger, and he thought yet again how lucky he was to have run into her on the side of the road that day.
“I like it,” she said when the song finally faded out. “But I’m surprised it’s your favorite. It seems so sappy and mellow. And you’re so…not.”
Cowboy shrugged. “There’s more to it than that.”
She said nothing, a clear sign she wanted him to keep going. Eventually, he sighed and ran a hand through her damp hair. “When I was little, my mom used to tell me how much my dad liked John Denver. He used to sing this song for her and Cam when he was a baby and tell Mom that they were the sunshine in his life.”
“That’s so sweet.”
“He died before I was born, so I never really got to know him. Growing up, I wanted to be just like him. I guess I thought that liking the same things he did would let me connect with him in a way I never got to. I listened to his favorite music, read his favorite books. I even wore his stupid old cowboy hat around everywhere.”
Harper giggled, abandoning the stone in her hands and snuggling closer into his side. “I remember that. You were so scrawny back then, and you showed up to school every day in sixth grade wearing this giant black cowboy hat that was way too big for your head, even when the older kids started teasing you and calling you Cowboy,” she mused.
He rolled his eyes. “God, I was a mess.”
“You were cute.”
“Were?”
Harper jabbed his side hard with her finger again, and he probably would have cried out if he weren’t already laughing. “You know what I mean. And don’t change the subject.”
He chuckled and pulled her closer, then raised his head to kiss the top of hers. “He was the reason Cam and I started coming here to jump off the bridge. It was something he and his friends used to do. Me and Cam would ride our bikes all the way out here when we were kids, and Cam would get so nervous every time. It always took him forever to finally jump.”
“Not you?”
“Nope. I never hesitated. I wanted to be fearless like my dad. I wanted to be like him in every way. Talk about irony.”
Harper, who’d gone back to tracing her finger over a small collection of freckles on his chest, stared up at him. “What do you mean?”
“It was senior year,” he said, looking up at the sky. “I was going through some old stuff in the attic, trying to find some baby pictures the yearbook club wanted to use. And I found this old box with a bunch of letters my mom collected, all from some guy named Alan Gardner.”
He took a deep breath. He’d never told anyone this story before, but once he’d started the words came pouring out. “They were all about how much he loved her. There was even an old picture of him. Blond hair, blue eyes. I’d never questioned why I didn’t look like my dad or my brother. Just assumed I got it all somewhere on my mom’s side of the family. But this guy, he looked just like me.”
“Oh, Cowboy.” Harper sat up next to him and placed her hand on his shoulder, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at her.
“I did the math. My dad—Cam’s dad was deployed in Iraq three months before I would have been conceived.” He laughed while not finding it the least bit funny. “I spent my entire life trying to be like my dad, and I didn’t even have the right guy.”
“Did you ask your mom about it?”
He nodded. “I confronted her once I figured it out. She admitted to everything. That she’d been lonely after he was deployed. She ran into some guy over in Dublin one night about a month after Cam’s dad left. They had a fling. Then he had to leave town right before she found out she was pregnant, and she never told him. Cam’s dad died a couple months later.
“She was a wreck, crying and going on and o
n about how sorry she was. She begged me not to tell Cam. She didn’t want him to know that she’d cheated.”
“Did you?”
“No. But I couldn’t look at her the same after that. My entire life felt like a lie, and it was her fault. I told her I couldn’t trust her anymore. I stopped talking to her after that, and as soon as I turned eighteen, Cole and I got our own place. I haven’t spoken to her since. Cam knows there’s some kind of feud between us, but he still has no idea what it’s really about.”
“I am so sorry,” Harper whispered. There was a hitch in her voice, and he finally brought his attention from the blue sky to her. Her lips were pursed and her brows drawn together, as if she were in actual physical pain.
He used his thumb to wipe away the tear that was forming. “Why should you be sorry? You didn’t do anything.”
“I know. But to know you’ve been struggling with that all these years…” She sniffed. “Does anyone else know? Cole or Logan?”
He shook his head. “You were right that night at the bar. I don’t open up to people. I don’t want to let anyone in.”
“Why not?”
“I’m afraid,” he said, trying to swallow down the thick lump in his throat. “Cam’s dad loved my mom. She was the light of his life, and she knew him like no one else could. And the second he was gone, she betrayed him. My real dad wrote her letters about how much he loved her and missed her, and she hid his own child from him. They gave her their hearts, and she broke them.”
“That doesn’t mean the same thing will happen to you.”
“It already did. I loved my mom, and she lied to me my whole life. And your parents, the people you loved most in the entire world, left you. I know that wasn’t their choice, but it still hurt you. Maybe that’s all love is. Maybe it just means inevitably getting hurt by the people you care about most.” He shook his head and stared back up at the sky. “If that’s how love works, then I don’t want any part of it.”
Silence surrounded them. He could only imagine what she was thinking. What kind of guy acted as carefree and easy as he did just to hide his own fears of getting hurt? He was pathetic and broken, convinced that loving someone enough to let them in was the same as letting someone close enough to hurt him.
Daring to Fall Page 15
