Harper felt the pain in Sadie’s words like a cut in her own heart. “No, Sadie.” She stood from the desk chair she occupied and settled onto the bed right in front of her sister. She took Sadie’s fidgeting fingers in her own hands.
“I was miserable in Boston. The city was so busy and crowded with people I didn’t know. And it got so cold in winter. Colder than I ever thought it could get. School was impossibly hard, and I was failing all my classes—”
“Really?”
Harper nodded. “And all I could think about was how much I missed you guys. But every time I thought about coming home, it was like waking up alone in that bed all over again. I didn’t want to face him, knowing how much it still hurt me.”
Sadie looked up sheepishly. “So you don’t blame me for ruining your life?”
“God, no! Don’t ever think that. Even after everything that’s happened, I have been a hundred times happier back here than I ever was in Boston.” Harper pulled her sister into a hug, making sure she felt every word. “I love you, Sadie.”
“I love you, too.”
They sat holding each other for a full minute before Harper finally released her baby sister. She wiped at a stray tear under Sadie’s eye, smiled, and stood. “You should get ready for school. While you do, how about I run down the street and get us something delicious from Byrdie’s?”
Sadie nodded, and Harper turned to leave.
“You still love him. I can tell,” Sadie said before she made it to the door.
Harper stopped and looked back. “I do.”
“He loves you, too. Even if you can’t see it…or maybe you just don’t want to.” She smiled wanly. “Maybe one day he’ll finally figure out how to say it.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Harper glared at her computer, trying to make sense of the software tutorial video on her screen. The voiceover mentioned yet another term she didn’t fully understand, and she slumped in her seat.
She glanced at her phone sitting on the table for the hundredth time since she’d come into Byrdie’s about an hour ago. She rolled her eyes, forcing herself to focus back on the video in front of her.
She’d been doing this almost nonstop since last Friday morning. She’d just left Sadie to get them breakfast when her phone chimed with a text from Cowboy.
Heading out, be home next Saturday. No service. I’ll call when I get back.
That was it, short and simple. And even though Cowboy would have no service all week, it didn’t stop her from checking her phone every five minutes to see if he’d called or texted.
Now it was Saturday morning, and Harper was doing everything she could to distract herself from the fact that he would be returning home in only a few short hours. She’d spent the first half of her morning shopping for a gift for Lo’s baby shower that afternoon—with Sadie’s help, she’d decided on a sort of mommy care package complete with bath bombs, salts, bubbles, aromatherapy candles, face masks, anything she could think of—and was now so desperate not to think of him that she’d condemned herself to watching stupid tutorial videos that made no sense to her.
Harper glanced at her phone again. God, she was pathetic.
“How’s it going, sugar?”
Harper looked up to find Byrdie refilling her glass of sweet tea yet again. “Not bad, just trying to figure out this new software I got for the B&B.” She’d kept getting stuck trying to figure out the difference between expenses and fixed assets.
“You know who you could ask.”
“I can’t ask Cowboy. He left to go hunting with a bunch of his friends last Friday. And they have no service at the cabin, so there’s no way to call or text or anything, and he won’t be back until late this afternoon.”
Byrdie’s eyes narrowed. “I was actually talking about myself. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I’ve got some experience running a business, too.”
Harper winced. “Right, sorry.”
“Speaking of Cowboy, how are you two getting along these days?”
“Fine.”
“Fine fine or fine like he spent the night at your place after carrying you home from Wade’s?”
“How do you know that?”
“People in this town talk, sugar. Especially teenage girls who come home to see a man coming out of their sister’s bedroom.”
She sighed. “I’m going to kill Sadie.”
“Oh, relax. I’m the only one she told. Not that it matters, since half the town saw his truck parked outside your house all night.”
Harper groaned. It was moments like this that she wondered why anyone ever moved to a small town to begin with, seeing as you couldn’t seem to do anything without the entire population voicing their own opinions about your personal life. Byrdie, however, seemed to be enjoying Harper’s pain. She set the pitcher of sweet tea down on the table and slid into the seat opposite her. “Now, spill.”
“It was nothing. I got drunk. Cowboy took me home.”
“Where he stayed…all night.”
“We just slept,” Harper said, lowering her voice. “He made me something to eat, and we put on a movie, and we both fell asleep.”
Byrdie rested her elbows on the table and leaned in. “Come on, there’s got to be some juicy detail you’re not telling me.”
Like the part when Harper threw herself at him only to get rejected?
“That’s it, sorry.”
Byrdie sighed but still managed a smile. “Sadie said you two looked awful cute together that morning. Like maybe there’s still something there after all.”
Not long ago, Harper would have flat out denied it. But now, all she could think about was how happy she’d been to wake up beside him that morning a week ago. How desperately she’d wanted to see him all week.
When Harper said nothing, Byrdie’s smile tripled in size. “Does that mean…?”
Harper shrugged. “I don’t know. He asked if we could talk over dinner this weekend.”
“And?”
“And I said yes.”
“That’s my girl. You get that man of yours back.” Practically beaming, Byrdie rose up from her seat and grabbed the pitcher of tea. “I expect to see you in here bright and early Monday morning with all the details. Now you get back to work and let me know if you need help with anything.”
“Thanks, Byrdie.”
Byrdie set herself to the bustling café around her, and Harper returned to her video with renewed focus and determination.
Ten minutes later, Harper was more lost and confused than ever. She slammed the screen of her laptop down. “Dadgummit!” she hissed. She closed her eyes. Cool. Calm. Contr—
“Excuse me,” a small voice whispered.
“What?” Harper looked up. A tall, curvy middle-aged woman with mousy-brown hair and wide, startled eyes stood in front of her, and Harper immediately felt bad for snapping at this poor stranger.
She gave an apologetic smile, her fingers wrapped tightly around the brown purse strap on her shoulder. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you.”
“No, it’s fine,” Harper said softly. “I’m sorry. I don’t usually lose my cool like that. I’ve just got a lot going on right now. I’m starting a new business and trying to figure out my relationship with my sister, plus my ex-boyfriend wants to get back together and…and now I’m rambling to a stranger about my personal life, something else I swear I never do.”
The woman smiled. “Don’t worry about it. You’re opening the bed and breakfast in town, right?”
“That’s right. How’d you know?”
She pointed over her shoulder. “I overheard Byrdie earlier. Does that make you Harper Maddox?”
She narrowed her eyes slightly. “Yes…”
“Oh, it is you.” She grinned. “I’ve wanted to meet you for so long now. I almost couldn’t believe my luck when I thought it might actually be you.”
“Sorry, I…” Harper wasn’t sure what to say, or how this woman even knew who she was. “Is there something I can
help you with?”
“No, no, nothing like that,” she said with a short giggle. “I just wanted to come over and say hello. And to thank you, of course.”
“Thank me? For what?”
“I’m pretty sure you’re the reason my son is talking to me again.”
“Your son?” Harper froze, realization hitting her. She studied the woman in front of her, recognizing the bright blue of her eyes. “You’re Mrs. Hart.”
“Please, call me Joanna. Do you mind if I sit down?” she asked, pointing to the empty chair on the other side of the table.
Harper shook her head. “Go ahead.”
“I’ve heard so much about you, I feel like you’re already an old friend.” Joanna slid into the seat opposite Harper and settled in.
“Cowboy’s mentioned me?”
“Of course,” she said. “And I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you are just as beautiful as Russell described you.”
“Oh, thank you.” Harper adjusted her glasses. “I didn’t realize you and Cowboy were talking again.”
She nodded. “A few years now. He came to see me a couple weeks after he went to see his birth father. He said you’d tracked down the address for him.”
“I’m sorry. I was just trying to do something nice for him. I thought maybe if his dad knew about him, he might get to have an actual relationship with his father. I had no idea he’d turn him away like that.”
“Of course not. I thought if Cowboy thought his dad didn’t know, it might soften the blow some. I should have known he’d track the man down and find out the truth one day.”
“But it was my fault he did. Cowboy had no intention of finding his father until I pushed him.”
Joanna shrugged. “Maybe not then, but I’m certain he would have done it eventually. I should have told him the truth from the start. And because I didn’t, I spent four years knowing my son hated me.”
“He didn’t hate you.” Harper didn’t want to speak for Cowboy, but she felt certain of at least that much. “He was just hurt. I don’t think it’s easy for him to trust people.”
“Also my fault. Even before he found out about his father, I’m afraid I didn’t set the best example when it comes to relationships. He witnessed years of boyfriends coming and going, none of them lasting more than a few weeks. Just when Russell would get used to one guy hanging around, he’d leave. I had no idea what kind of effect that would have on his own relationships one day.”
Joanna stared down at her lap. “You don’t always think about how the stuff you’re doing will affect your kids in the long run. I didn’t realize what I’d done to him until I noticed him hanging out with a different girl every week, and by then I guess it was too late. He didn’t exactly have the best role model when it came to that kind of thing, probably didn’t know it was supposed to be any different.
“I worried for years that I’d ruined it for him, that he’d never find someone who could teach him what it was supposed to be like.” Joanna stopped and looked up at Harper, her eyes lighting up with a kind of worshiping smile. She reached across the table and set her hand over Harper’s. “And then you came along.”
“Me?”
She nodded. “You changed everything for him.”
“I don’t know about that,” Harper said, feeling flustered. “We weren’t even together that long. We barely dated two months.”
“How long you’re together doesn’t matter when it’s the right person. Not that I’d expect you to take my word for it. God knows, I’m not an expert.” She let out a short, quiet laugh. “Once Russell and I started talking again, it seemed like all he could talk about half the time was you. Your favorite song or the time you made him watch this or that movie. Even the time my red nail polish matched the exact shade of your glasses. I knew then that he was a changed man.”
Joanna patted her hand. “I’m glad you were able to show him what a real relationship should be like. And I’m sorry it didn’t work out between you two. I wish I could have seen you both together. But know that regardless of the past or what happens in the future, I’d like us to be friends if that’s all right. You’ll never know how grateful I am to have my baby boy back, and that’s all because of you.”
Harper took a deep breath and smiled. “Thank you, that’s very sweet.”
Joanna squeezed her hand before releasing it. “Anyway, I should get going,” she said, rising from her seat. “It was nice to meet you, and I hope to see you again soon.”
“It was nice to meet you, too,” Harper said. “I’m glad you two are talking again. He really missed you.”
“Good luck with everything. Especially that ex of yours.” She winked. “I hope everything works out.” With those final words, she turned and fluttered out the café door.
Harper turned her attention back to her closed laptop and the notes she’d been scribbling beside it, but the words and numbers had lost all meaning.
Her heart was beating so loudly in her head she could hardly hear her own thoughts. It was surreal, finally meeting the woman who’d had the greatest impact on making Cowboy who he was today. She wasn’t without her flaws, by any means; Harper’s heart still ached when she considered all the pain and doubt Cowboy had experienced growing up because of his mother. But if he hadn’t been through it all, he wouldn’t have become the man Harper knew. The man she fell in love with.
And the fact that he had mended his relationship with his mom, that he put aside his hurt and forgave her, knowing that he could get hurt again, was further proof he had changed like his mother said. Maybe he was finally ready to really let someone in. To love them.
To love Harper.
The door to the café dinged, drawing Harper’s attention to a woman in a floral dress and navy-blue cardigan who’d just stepped inside. Her face was hidden behind a thick curtain of brown hair and the cell phone she held to her ear. “I’m such an idiot,” she was saying, her heels clicking as she crossed the café to a table near Harper’s. “I completely forgot he was going on a hunting trip and wouldn’t make our usual brunch date.”
Harper perked up in her seat. She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but…did she say hunting trip? Was this woman supposed to be meeting one of Cole’s brothers? That didn’t seem very likely considering it was a date and they were both married. Come to think of it, they were all married. All but one, that was.
“I guess Cowboy and I will have to reschedule. But since I’m already in town and starving—” Harper didn’t hear the rest. The woman on the phone started looking around the café, and Harper’s stomach clenched. She’d seen this woman only once before and had hoped desperately never to again.
DAY 106
Cowboy set down the beer he’d been slowly nursing for the last two hours and took a look around the bar. Wade’s was surprisingly crowded for a Sunday night, but then again it was only a few days after its grand reopening. The place looked good as new, virtually the same as it had before the fire, aside from some fresh touches like new tables and chairs, the large-screen TV hanging up behind the bar, and—his personal favorite—the framed scrap of burnt chalkboard proudly displayed on the wall from Logan and Cole’s big bet just a few months ago.
One of the guys from the police department waved from the other side of the room where he sat with a small group, and Cowboy gave him a curt nod. Normally, he would have gone over and said hi, maybe had a quick chat about the upcoming football season or whatever trouble Logan and Cole had inevitably gotten into this past week.
But not today.
He was too distracted thinking about the night before. He’d been so upset after going to see his dad. And after getting passed over like a piece of garbage washed up on the beach, he’d gone to the only person he knew would make it all better somehow.
And boy had she. Being with Harper, holding her in his arms while she soothed and comforted him, he’d felt like he could breathe again, like everything would be okay, and what the hell did he care if his dad didn’
t want him? All that mattered was that she did, and it was more than enough. It was all he’d ever need.
And then she’d said the one thing he never expected to hear.
She loved him. No one had ever said that to him before. At least not the way she’d meant it. He still couldn’t figure out what that meant or how he felt about it. He’d been so happy in the moment, had never felt anything like it before. And then she gave herself so completely to him, trusted him in the most intimate way.
He’d had plenty of sex before, but he’d never experienced anything even close to what happened between them last night. He’d held her in his arms as she fell asleep, and in that moment everything had felt perfect.
But, just as swiftly, the euphoria disappeared and in crept every fear and doubt he’d ever had. She said she loved him, but did she really mean it? She had about as much experience with this kind of thing as he did. How would she know if what she’d been feeling was enough to be considered love? Had she just been caught up in the moment? Or worse, what if she’d just said it to make him feel better?
His brain had gone into overdrive, and he’d started to feel claustrophobic. He needed space and time to think, and he was ashamed to admit that he’d snuck out Harper’s window in the middle of the night so she wouldn’t see how completely rattled he was. After cleaning himself up at his place, he’d decided to spend the day catching up on invoices and bills, but he’d been so caught up in his own head all day that he ended up making a bigger mess.
He needed time to think, to process everything that happened and what it all meant.
What exactly did it mean that she loved him, anyway? Was it the kind of unmistakable affection he’d seen in Cole’s eyes during his years of desperately pining after Logan, the only girl he’d ever cared about? Or the kind of love his mom had for her husband right before she got lonely and cheated on him with another man?
Had Harper expected him to say it back? Was she disappointed when he didn’t? She had to know how much he cared about her. But love? He didn’t even know for sure what love was, let alone if he was even capable of it. Just look at his past. He’d had countless women, and none of them made him start to question whether he could see any kind of long-term future with them.
Daring to Fall Page 20
