But there were no more bad dreams, thank God!
The night of the dream, at first, when Jake pushed her down and straddled her, Vanessa thought he was up and raring to go — ready for a hard and fast early morning tryst. But she soon realized that was not the case. Since then, he admitted the nightmares occurred often. Of course, now the fear of having another one only added to their stress. It was written all over Jake's face. Not only that, their sex life had gone to shit. He still had not opened up to her about it, and that was what she hated the most.
By the time she reached the barn, Jake and Tom were standing behind the tailgate of Tom's truck reviewing blueprints. Tom looked up, smiled, and said, "Good morning Mrs. Morrow." After she returned his greeting, he explained, "We're almost done with the house. How are you liking it?"
"Love it, can't wait to move in. We've been sleeping in the camper for ten days now, and that shower is a bit cramped."
"After today, we will turn the water on to the house."
"That is good news," Jake managed with a thin smile.
Tom unrolled the blueprints for the new stable and laid them on the tailgate. Unlike the barn, the construction of the stable was a new project. "We're ready to start phase two. I need to get you on my calendar so we can finish the work." Tom chuckled and looked up at them. "Business is good. So, if I can collect your down payment today, I can order the rest of the supplies and start ASAP."
Jake glanced over at her first then back at Tom before he spoke. The problem was they had overspent a bit on the house. The cash from the sale of Jake's farm was about to run out, and there were no offers on Vanessa's Arkansas property and vet clinic. Naturally, they couldn't depend on the proceeds from Vanessa's clinic yet, and until the stable was finished, Jake had no income either.
He planned to open a boarding stable and train horses for barrel racing and calf roping. But so far, he couldn't move his own horse in, much less anyone else's. Apollo, Jake's dog, and Tamara his prize mare were left behind when they moved. If it weren't for Tucker, Jake's hired hand in Arkansas who agreed to take care of them, Vanessa wasn't sure what they would have done.
Jake looked into Tom's face and shook his head, adjusting his hat. "Right now, money is a bit tight, but hopefully we'll have some cash coming in real soon. I'll call when we're ready to start phase two."
"No problem, just let me know. We still have supplies to order. And, like I said, we're pretty busy right now."
"Good enough."
Tom smiled at Vanessa. "Nice to see you, ma'am. Good luck with the business and all."
Jake turned to Vanessa and jammed his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "You know... maybe I should hunt for a job."
She looked up into his sexy dark eyes and reached for his hand. "No, Jake! That's not our plan. There is still a lot for you to do before the ranch is up and running."
"Yeah, I guess you're right." He let go of her hand jumping back scaring her.
"What is it, what's the matter!"
"Shit, I almost forgot the sign." Then he yelled at Tom before he disappeared around the corner. "Hey Tom, hold up. There's one more thing!"
"What are you talking about. What's so important?" Vanessa asked.
Her question was answered when Jake retrieved a large wooden sign from the storage shed. After she got a better look, Vanessa smiled to herself pleased Jake seemed to be adjusting to their new home. It was the 'Renegade Ridge' sign that had hung over the entrance to Jake's family ranch.
"Tom, will you ask your guys to put this up for me before you finish today?"
Tom studied it for a moment. "Sure. Where do you want it?"
"Over the barn doors will do fine."
"Consider it done."
Jake turned to Vanessa and yelled, "Good luck, sweetie. Talk to you soon.”
She waved at Jake and hurried on. Moments later, Beth pulled up and parked. When she stepped out of her car, Vanessa smiled to herself. Her baby bump was growing. At first, Vanessa had considered not hiring Beth knowing she would take off on maternity leave in a few months. But something about her smile and bright eyes assured Vanessa she could trust her. Soon to be a single mom, and Beth needed the job desperately.
When Beth opened the hatchback of her car and pulled out a floor lamp, Vanessa rushed toward her and yelled, "Wait, let me help you with that, girl."
Beth giggled and explained, "I brought this from home. I don't use it anymore and figured it would brighten that one dark corner in the waiting room."
"I love it. Thank you." Vanessa circled her arm around Beth's shoulder and gave her a squeeze.
Inside, while they were arranging the lamp, a van pulled up. Beth hurried behind the counter before a plump woman, and a young girl in a pink dress with matching shoes stepped out of their van. The woman helped the child carry a laundry basket along the sidewalk to the door. Peering into the basket, Vanessa winked and asked the youngster, "What you got in there."
"Betsy had her pups." The child grinned.
Vanessa peeked inside and found a dachshund looking up at her with protective eyes while three tiny pups nestled close trying to nurse. "Come on in." Vanessa waved them toward the exam room carrying the basket. "Let's put those cuties on the scale." The mom and daughter followed behind. "Now, what're their names?"
"Bridget, Slinky, and Priscilla," the girl answered just like any other proud mama.
Twenty minutes later, after her first patients finished their checkups, Beth gave them a bag of puppy goodies, and Vanessa walked them to the door. As soon as they were gone, Beth said, "Mr. Morrow came in while you were busy."
"What did he want? Is he alright?" Vanessa squinted, worried.
"Yeah, sure, he's okay... Just asked me to tell you he was working on the boat and he would meet you at the camper after we closed."
Vanessa smiled and wandered to her office to finish reading an article in her favorite veterinarian’s journal. Just before noon, a woman walked in with a sick cat, the last patient for the day. After she treated the cat for a hairball, Vanessa tried to call Jake. She planned to invite him out for lunch to celebrate. When he didn't answer or text back, Vanessa wondered if she should check on him.
Thinking it over for a moment, she decided he was a big boy. Surely, Jake would call if he needed her. Finally, after waiting for at least fifteen minutes without hearing from him, she and Beth had salads delivered from a local deli and ate by themselves out on the front porch of the house.
The afternoon passed in a blur. Vanessa spent most of her time arranging books on the shelf in her office while Beth listened to another tutorial about their new accounting software. By three o'clock, there was still no word from Jake, so she decided to check on him.
Walking a short distance down the path, she stepped around a clump of bushes and saw Jake up ahead busy scrubbing the deck of the boat. "Thank God," Vanessa whispered to herself, relaxing her shoulders a bit knowing he was safe. Then a flash of anger tore through her when it occurred to her Jake didn't even have the courtesy to call back or at least text. It was her first day in the clinic, for goodness sake!
We should be celebrating...
Shaking her head, Vanessa locked the office door and waved goodbye to Beth. "See you in an hour or two."
On her way toward the camper, she decided to gather a change of clothes and head back to the house to try out the new shower. At first, the water was warm on her back, and she relaxed. But the more she thought about Jake shutting her out, the more upset she became. Vanessa loved her husband and would try to take the added stress in stride. But still, they were a married couple now. Jake needed to be a better communicator.
The sun was fading behind the palm trees and about to disappear behind the scrub oaks when Jake got back to the camper. Standing at the kitchen sink, she tried to remain calm and keep a level head, but the first thing out of her mouth when she heard the door open was, "Is your phone broken?"
His smile faded into a scowl as he pulled his cell phone out
of his pocket. "Oh shit. Vanessa, I didn't see this. Looks like you texted me three times, and..."
"And called you four times," she hissed, throwing the dish towel on the counter. "Seriously, Jake. You can't even answer my messages or phone calls? What's wrong with you?" Not waiting for him to answer she told him, "I need some fresh air. I'm going out."
Jake looked like he was about to cry. "Will you be home for dinner?"
"No. I'm going to Beth's gender reveal party." She brushed by him and picked up her purse.
"I fixed you a sandwich and left it in the fridge."
"This is kinda sudden, isn't it? And what the hell is a gender reveal?" Jake asked sinking into the only chair beside the couch.
"Beth doesn't know what she's having yet. But her mom does. So, tonight she'll find out. And yes, I just got invited today. If you would have read my messages or talked to me, I was going to ask you if you minded if I went. But it's too late now. I told her I would come."
"Do you have to leave, right now?"
"Yep, I told her I'd bring some chips and dip. But I have to get them first." Vanessa walked toward the door. "I love you, Jake."
"You too," was his weak reply.
Thirty minutes later, Vanessa felt terrible about how she had treated her husband but was determined to put on a happy face for Beth's sake. The room was filled with squeals and giggles when Beth popped the balloon, and pink confetti drifted to the floor. When someone asked what name she had picked out for her baby girl, she patted her hair putting on airs. "Bethany, after me, of course."
Her mother, Martha, laughed. "Yeah, you always hated, Elizabeth."
Beth rolled her eyes and balanced a dollop of guacamole dip on a chip saying, "It's too old-fashioned," and popped the whole thing into her mouth.
Not long after, Vanessa told Beth and Martha goodbye. "Thanks for inviting me. This was so much fun... and congratulations again Beth. See you in the morning."
Now that she was back home, Vanessa noticed the windows in the camper were dark. Opening the door slowly, not sure what to expect, she saw Jake laying on the couch fully dressed with his white hat over his face, still in his boots — feet hanging over the arm. He had pulled the spread from the back of the chair to cover himself. When she crept by, she couldn't tell if he was asleep or lying there playing possum. Vanessa sighed and blinked back tears. Careful not to arouse him, she walked into the bedroom, locking the door behind her.
Chapter 3
Jake was up early the next morning and stood behind his workbench when he heard the rumble of the moving van pulling up the driveway. When he stepped outside to show them where to park, Vanessa was walking down the path toward him dressed for work. Nodding toward the van she smiled. "Good, they're right on time. Tonight, we can sleep in our house, instead of that camper."
Jake wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't see your messages until —“
"Don't!" She shook her head and continued toward the clinic.
"We need to talk, Vanessa."
"Probably, but I need to get to work. I don't have time to talk. And YOU weren't too worried about it yesterday when you didn't have the courtesy to return my messages. So, don't worry about it this morning either."
"Vanessa, please. I'm sorry."
Jake followed behind her like a pitiful puppy. But she quickened her strides and spoke over her shoulder. "Sorry just isn't going to cut it, Jake. I love you. I forgave you. I'm done talking about it." When Vanessa realized he wasn't following her she turned and faced him with her hand on her hip. "YOU, on the other hand, can't stop beating yourself up. You keep pushing me away. And now you want to re-hash it over again... thirty minutes before I have to open the clinic?"
Jake clenched his jaw. No matter what he said or did, he was always in trouble. But instead of arguing he agreed. "You're right. I know. I have the appointment with the counselor this morning. Maybe he can help me sort it out."
Vanessa's face softened, angry furrowed brows giving way to a look of concern. He saw a flicker of a smile when she put her hands on either side of his face and planted a small kiss on his lips.
"I forgot. I guess you aren't the only one who is self-absorbed. I'll cancel my appointments and go with you."
"No. You don't need to do that."
"I know I don't need to, but I want to be there for you."
Jake grabbed her hand. "Look, that's sweet... and I do appreciate it, but it is best if I do this first one by myself. Plus, we can't afford to cancel paying clients right now."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I'm positive."
"Promise me you'll stop in and tell me how it went when you are done!" She shook her finger in his face. "No running off to the boat without talking to me?"
"I promise," he replied with a sideways grin.
"I love you, Jake."
"I love you too, Vanessa."
Jake watched as his wife unlocked the door to the clinic and went inside. Before he left, Jake showed the movers where he wanted the couch and dining room table. When he directed them into the master bedroom, his heart sank.
Will I ever be able to sleep with my wife again? He thought.
During the drive into town, Jake thought about his old therapist and wondered what the new guy was like. All he knew was his name was Jim. When Jake shook Jim's hand, he eyed the counselor's weathered face for a clue of what to expect.
"Hello, Captain Morrow, please come in," Jim said. Jake always was taken aback when the staff at the VA still referred to him by his rank. It seemed so long ago since he had been an Army Ranger. "So, Captain, I noticed after reading your chart you've been struggling for a while with PTSD. The scars of battle are often deep."
As usual, there was a discussion of medications for anxiety and to help him sleep. It was something he had no desire for and long resisted. Taking medication was a last resort. Instead, Jim agreed they should start with natural ways of coping. When he asked if he might be drifting into a fugue state, Jake held his breath then slowly exhaled when Jim explained, "No, I don't think so. Actually, it is a bit early to tell. But let's try the coping methods first and see where that leads us." By the end of the session, Jake felt hopeful about the situation, about his mental health, and about his marriage.
On his way back home, Jake passed a deli with a neon sign that flashed: FRESH PASTRIES. A smile crept across his face as he flipped on the turn signal and pulled in. At the counter, Jake mulled over the pastries for just the right ones. When he walked out of the deli and made his way back to the truck, he mumbled to himself, "Hey, the sweets got me out of hot water once..."
Pulling up in front of Vanessa's clinic, he wasted no time eager to deliver his surprise. Beth greeted him with a warm grin and said, "Dr. Morrow will be right out. This is her last appointment for the morning."
Moments later, Jake stood in front of Vanessa's desk holding the box of pastries behind his back. She was still busy typing notes in the computer from her morning appointments when she asked without looking up, "How did your visit with the therapist go, dear?"
"It went well. He gave me some things to think about, and a few exercises to try. The refresher course was what I needed. I hope."
"Did you talk about what happened? About the--"
Still keeping his surprise hidden, Jake nodded. "Yes. Sure, of course, we talked about the bad dream. The guy's name is Jim. I liked him. He said it is probably the stress...you know from the move and all... gave me some new things to try so I can relax before bedtime."
"What things?"
"Yoga, for one," he mumbled looking at the floor.
"I'm sorry. Did you say yoga?"
"Yes," Jake blurted out. The visions inside his head of him wearing tight yoga pants instead of jeans sitting on a mat twisting, contorting himself into impossible positions were downright disgusting.
I feel like an idiot... She'll think I'm a wuss..
Vanessa stood and walked around her desk biting her lip tr
ying not to laugh. She patted her belly and said, "You know, I could stand to lose a few pounds myself, shape up. Perhaps we'll go buy a couple of mats and do it together."
"Hell, no! There is no way I'm doing yoga in front of you... nice try." Jake grinned. "I think you're absolutely perfect. I love your curves," he said handing her the pastries.
The plastic window in the box crinkled between them. Vanessa ignored the noise and placed her arms around his neck holding him close. He quickly pulled away, looking down at the crumpled surprise.
"Oh, my God, smashed petits fours — again." Vanessa giggled.
"I hope you can forgive me." Jake smiled and sat the pastries aside, kissing her.
She finally pulled away, grinning up at him. "I've got another patient, so I'm in a hurry. But I have good news."
"What... what is it?"
Now, she's pulling my chain...
"We received an offer on my house and clinic." She spun around doing a happy dance. “The realtor called and is emailing me the contract as soon as he can.”
"Really? That is good news. We'll celebrate tonight." Jake flashed her a sexy grin.
Vanessa studied his face and licked her lips. "I should be done here early unless something changes. My last appointment is at three-thirty."
"Let the celebration began," Jake called over his shoulder walking away.
I hope she's thinking what I'm thinking...
Outside, he glanced toward the stable's construction site and was pleased to see the stakes were in the ground outlining the sides of the building, and the prep work was done. As soon as Vanessa sold her property and practice, they could finish it, and he could get started contributing his fair share toward their financial responsibilities, and feel more like a man again.
Walking toward the barn, he looked up at the sign above the large double doors and nodded. Jake began whistling when he realized he and Vanessa now had a place of their own.
Mended Hearts: Bad Boy Action-Adventure Romance (Renegade Series Book 2) Page 2
