During the following week, I saw Ryan between every class change. He would smile or wink at me when he got my attention, which wasn’t tough. He was hard to miss. He was tall and somehow got away with wearing his ball cap inside the building, and there were always a lot of girls around him, circling like sharks that smelled fresh blood.
Seeing that made me nauseous, so I refused to respond to Ryan at all. No matter what he did. Even when he touched me as he walked by, grazing me as if on accident. I didn’t let him see it faze me, but it always gave me chills.
He’d also gotten into my locker—probably sweet-talked some poor woman in the office into giving him the combination. He taped a sheet of notebook paper on the inside of the door with the same seven numbers he had previously written on my hand. I impulsively yanked it down and wadded it up. There was a Post-it note stuck behind it, which read, I thought you might do that. I jerked it down too, only to find the numbers on the metal door—in permanent marker. I slammed the door shut and found something to cover it with by my next class.
As the days passed, I could tell my lack of a reaction was starting to get to Ryan. He’d obviously never had a girl shrug him off before. He definitely didn’t like being ignored and seemed truly insulted that I wouldn’t give him the time of day.
4
I had just changed for practice and was headed out the gym doors when I heard my name. Ryan was standing beside the balcony stairs smiling sweetly, appearing almost angelic and innocent, which caught me off guard.
I found myself in front of him wondering how I’d gotten there, until the sweet smile disappeared from his lips, nudging me back to reality. Before I had time to react, Ryan’s hands were around my waist; he had spun me so that I was moving slowly backward, until I was against the wall.
It was almost dark in the alcove behind the stairs. I was sure he knew it would be. I shivered as his hands carefully slid away from my waist. His liquid green eyes held mine as he put one hand against the wall above my shoulder and leaned into me. The fingers of his other hand gently wrapped around my neck, just below my jaw line, and then the sweet smile returned to his face.
I had no idea what he was about to do to me, and for a moment, I didn’t care. I felt like I couldn’t look away from his eyes, as if he’d put a spell on me. It didn’t help that he smelled so good. I had noticed Ryan’s scent before, in passing, but it was different now, seemingly everywhere, all around me. Almost as if it was part of the spell.
Ryan’s mouth moved toward my neck, he released his breath in my hair. I swallowed rigidly, hurriedly balling my hands into fists. I didn’t know what else to do with them. I certainly couldn’t allow myself to touch him. That would have been the end of me.
“Why haven’t you called me?” The words escaped Ryan’s lips slowly, softly, the warmth of his breath landing against my neck. His mouth was too close to my skin, making me anxious, unsteadying me. I drew in a deep breath to try and calm myself, but it was full of his scent. That damn Ralph Lauren. Being that close to Ryan was making me crazy.
I made myself spit out a response. “I’m not interested,” I said, as matter of fact as I could manage, but still my heart nervously pounded so hard in my chest that I was afraid he might hear it. Ryan eased back until our eyes met again, our faces only inches apart. I felt disoriented. My head was swirling. I concentrated solely on remaining upright and breathing.
“Hmmm.” The sound vibrated in his throat, and I swear I felt the rattling hum echo in my own body. His eyes fell away from mine as he watched his open hand move from my neck, and down my chest, until stopping at my raging heart. That devious smile spread across Ryan’s face as he realized what he’d done to me. I was frustrated that I couldn’t control myself better around him.
Ryan’s eyes flickered back to mine. “I think you are interested,” he breathed. The pounding in my chest was now in my brain. My blood surged, moving so fast through my veins that it numbed me.
“What’s really keeping you from me, Annie?” his voice rich and warm, his eyes determined. I didn’t want to answer him. I was afraid that if I opened my mouth my brain would betray me. He was too close. My resistance was weakening, threatening to crumble completely as Ryan began tracing inside the V-neck of my t-shirt with the tips of his fingers, still not breaking our stare. Goose bumps appeared in the imaginary line he created on my chest, killing the numbness. I closed my eyes, memorizing the sensation of Ryan’s skin on mine, forcing myself to continue breathing.
Things weren’t going well for me and I felt too weak to do much about it. I tried to save myself by using an acute tone, although we both knew it was too late. Ryan had already gotten what he wanted. Proof that he could get to me.
“I have a rule about that,” I informed him as I reopened my eyes, trying to look unaffected.
“Well, you know what they say about rules, Annie,” Ryan murmured.
“I don’t call boys,” I rushed the words. “I don’t have to.”
Ryan stared at me critically as he moved even closer, his eyes focused on my mouth, making me dizzy. I closed my eyes again, this time in hopes that I might disappear.
Ryan’s cheek grazed my lips as he moved to whisper in my ear, “I bet you’ll call this one.” His fingers swept down my arms, and then I felt as if my breath had been sucked away from me. I knew he was gone. His scent was less pronounced, but still lingered. I reached for a piece of my shirt and pulled it to my face. It smelled like Ryan. I breathed in deeply, smiling wider.
Then I abruptly came down from my high, realizing I was allowing Ryan Mullins to seduce me. What he’d just done should have had me furious instead of fascinated.
I felt the heat of anger rising, rushing through my insides, followed by a tidal wave of embarrassment. I quickly subtracted my smile, shoved away my amusement, and reminded myself of Ryan’s arrogance and sense of entitlement. I decided what he’d just done to me had to have been standard practice for him—teasing a girl into a frenzied mess, making her weak in hopes of taking advantage of her.
I somehow made it through softball practice. I don’t know how, though. I was completely distracted by Ryan’s stunt, which had to have been the point. It didn’t help that I could still smell him on me, which I subconsciously enjoyed. It made me angry that I seemed to lose myself when Ryan was around. Like I was replaced with an awestruck little girl on Christmas morning.
5
Saturday, Justin and I went downtown to hang out on the square. I knew that being with him would shove Ryan right out of my head. We visited Pam at her boutique. As soon as she saw me, she began dragging me around, pulling clothes from the racks for me to try on. We’d only intended to stop and say hi, but Pam wasn’t having it, so Justin told me to meet him at Ronnie’s Sporting Goods store when I was finished.
Almost an hour later, Pam allowed me to leave. I had three bags of clothes she refused to let me pay for. When I got to Ronnie’s, Justin wasn’t there yet, or he had already gone. I wasn’t sure. Either way, I needed a new pair of batting gloves. My old ones were almost completely worn through between my thumb and index finger.
I got the gloves, a new pair of cleats, and a good bat that was marked down. Justin still hadn’t shown up, so I decided to go outside and call him. I pushed the door with my back because my hands were full, but it felt too easy, as if someone was pulling the door as I pushed it. I felt myself falling and was bracing to hit the concrete sidewalk behind me. But I didn’t. Someone had caught me.
I shut my eyes tightly, praying that my mind was playing tricks on me as the arms I was in steadied me, but that scent was undeniable. I sighed before turning around. Ryan Mullins was standing there, as I knew he would be, with an egotistical smile on his face. He had to have loved the fact that he’d just saved me from cracking my head open on the pavement—in public.
“Sorry,” I mumbled, unsure why I was apologizing. I knew my face was red and hoped that this time he would ignore it.
“No, I’m sorry. I should
n’t have yanked the door open. I didn’t see you.”
I smirked. Ryan laughed. “I didn’t see you because of the poster on the door.” He smiled again, amused. Then I remembered the life-size Louisville Slugger ad I’d glanced at before turning to leave the store, which only compounded my embarrassment.
“Oh.” I put my head down. I thought he was being a smart ass when he said he hadn’t seen me.
“You okay?” Ryan reached out and put his fingers beneath my chin, encouraging me to look up at him. As much as I didn’t want them to, my eyes seemed to get stuck when I looked into his, and once again, we stood gazing at each other. He was so unbelievably easy to get caught up in.
“Hey Ryan!” I heard someone call from behind me. It was a girl, of course. Ryan’s eyes reluctantly moved away from mine to the girl. He made a strange noise then his eyes went wide. I turned to see what he was looking at. It was Ashley Carpenter. I only knew her because she’s also a junior, and a mat beater, which is what the football cheerleaders call the wrestling cheerleaders, because they sit when they cheer and often incorporate the edge of the wrestling mat.
Ashley was wearing her uniform, standing with two other girls I didn’t know, also in cheerleading outfits. My mouth instantly fell open. They’d just come out of Baskin Robbins and Ashley was gawking at Ryan while inappropriately licking her ice cream cone.
That’s what she wanted him to see.
“Ew, ugh,” I gasped, completely disgusted. She obviously had zero self-respect if she molested ice cream cones to get boys to look at her. When I turned to walk away Justin was standing there. He was also watching the nasty Ashley show.
“Justin!” I scolded.
“What—sorry, I was only trying to figure out what you two were looking at.” Justin was as wide eyed as Ryan. The two of them snickered. “Ew,” I repeated, scowling at them.
I heard Ashley and her friends giggling as Ryan tried to keep me from leaving. “Annie, wait.”
“For what? The other two to join in?” I asked hatefully.
“Hey, I was just as surprised by that as you were.” I shook my head and kept walking.
Justin caught up to me. He was still sort of laughing as he took a couple of my bags to carry.
“Don’t say it!” I shook my head no.
“What?” he gasped, a huge smile on his face.
“I know there’s a sideways comment dying to come out of your mouth, but please keep it to yourself.” He was full on laughing then, but agreed.
6
Thursday, Ryan showed up at my softball game. It was the only game that didn’t conflict with his baseball schedule, which I knew because of Justin. If mine held up, I wouldn’t get to see him play at all.
Ryan appeared during the fourth inning and stood behind home plate, I guess because he knew I would have to look at him at some point, whether I wanted to or not. I’d been ignoring him at school since the Ashley ordeal.
When the game was over, I grabbed my bat bag and exited the dugout. When I rounded the corner, Ryan was standing there. I almost ran into him. Again.
“Sorry,” I mumbled. He didn’t respond—with words anyway. He glared at me. His eyes had an angry edge, his lips were crushed together, his hands fidgeted at his sides. I only saw him for a moment as I walked by, but thought his reaction was a little overdone, especially since I hadn’t actually bumped into him.
As I walked away, I began to feel unexpectedly insulted. I tried to shake it off as I looked for Justin and David in the bleachers, but Ryan’s behavior still nagged at me.
I saw David first. He held his arms open and folded me into them. He quickly kissed my mouth, leaving one of his arms draped around my neck. “Great job, babe,” he said. I knew he didn’t understand what he’d just seen, but was proud of me anyway. Then I suddenly realized why Ryan reacted to me the way he had. It was because of David. Justin must have introduced them. I smiled at the realization. Ryan Mullins was pissed that I was with a guy like David, that I had ultimately chosen David over him.
In all the excitement, I had almost forgotten about Justin, who was standing in front of me now with a girl. Their fingers were intertwined and he looked severely nervous.
“Hey Reynolds, shut out. Sweet.” He slapped me on the arm as if I was a boy.
“Thanks, Bishop.” I never called him that, but it somehow felt necessary. I mechanically slapped him back strictly because he was being weird, and it was because of her.
I’d felt amazing, but was quickly losing momentum due to Justin’s little surprise. He obviously had a girlfriend he was ready to tell me about, hence the hand holding. I had to give it to him. Justin could keep a secret when it came to his dating life. As much time as we spent together, I had no clue this girl existed.
While Justin was talking to me, I had been discreetly sizing her up. There was no way she went to public school, even though she was dressed in street clothes. My guess was catholic school due to the symbol hanging from the thin gold chain around her neck. Her skin was pale except for a faint hint of pink on her cheeks. Her hair was naturally blond, her eyes pale blue. She didn’t wear makeup. She didn’t need to. Her face was pretty as it was.
“This is Eve, Annie,” Justin said, still uneasy. Maybe it was because all of his past girlfriends had hated me, and I had returned the favor.
“Hi, Eve,” I smiled.
“Justin talks about you all the time,” she admitted shyly, in the sweet tone I’d imagined her words would arrive in. Her eyes flickered to David for a second, and then back to me. She smiled a little, seeming relieved that my taste in boys wasn’t as conventional as hers. I’m sure it eased her fear over whether or not mine and Justin’s relationship was truly platonic.
“It’s nice to finally meet you,” I lied, because I hadn’t heard the first thing about her, which was how it always went. Justin only introduced me to a girl when he was ready to commit to her, which I imagined saved us all a lot of grief.
I hated when he got a girlfriend because it drastically cut our time together, but I never said anything. I just let the girlfriend do all the bitching because there hadn’t been one yet that had liked me being around, and apparently none of them were smarter than me, or else they would have at least pretended to, in order to stick around longer.
I hoped Eve wouldn’t be as dramatic and paranoid as the last few girls Justin had dated. After meeting me, it seemed jealousy and suspicion over our relationship consumed their tiny brains, making me an unwelcome obstacle they set out to destroy. When I was around they would adhere themselves to Justin as if attempting to make me understand that I wasn’t getting him. That he was taken.
“Girls can be so ridiculous,” Justin would say when one of them threw a fit about me, or wanted to play twenty questions about us. Did you ever go out with her? Have you ever kissed her? Do you think she’s pretty? Why is she always at your house? Blah, blah, blah.
Eve seemed sweet, different in general than the other girls Justin had brought around. She didn’t seem to despise me instantly, and hopefully would be more accepting and trusting of us, like David. David thought the world of Justin and hadn’t ever felt threatened by our relationship at all—probably because he was sure I wasn’t having sex with him, because of the whole waiting until marriage lie I’d told him.
It was sad watching Justin leave with Eve. He held an open hand out the window of his truck, giving me a sad, closed mouthed smile as they drove away. I couldn’t help but feel like that moment marked the end of a small part of our friendship.
7
I was in English class looking through a list of books I could choose from to write a paper on, secretly hoping to find one I’d recently read, when an aide came in and told my teacher that I was needed in the office.
“What’s this about?” I asked, once we were in the hall.
“Don’t know,” he mumbled.
He walked me to the senior pod before stopping. “Wait here. I’ll be right back,” he instructed.
/> Seconds later, the boy returned, closing the door behind him. “He’ll be right out,” he said with zero enthusiasm, or a hint of a clue. “Who?” I questioned. I wasn’t expecting anyone. I thought I was needed in the office.
When the door opened, I gasped. “You! You pulled me out of class?” Ryan turned to the office aid and bumped fists with him.
“Thanks, man.”
“Sure, just don’t let her get me caught.” The guy casually threw his head in my direction. My mouth popped open, releasing an offended rush of air. “Shhh,” Ryan told me as he twisted my body to face the exit, and then nudged me forward from behind.
Once we were through the doors, I looked to Ryan for an explanation. He didn’t offer one.
“Come on, we don’t have much time,” he said, grabbing my hand. “For what, exactly?” I asked sharply. He ignored the question, still not bothering to look at me, wasting the irritation I had on display for him.
Once my brain realized I was holding Ryan’s hand, I shook mine loose and shoved it into my pocket. He still didn’t look at me, just continued walking, looking straight ahead as he passed me, and then disappeared around a corner.
I followed him. I don’t know why. I should have been running in the other direction. Ryan leaned back against the rusty, brick wall behind him and looked at me for what felt like an eternity, silently assessing me. Watching as my expression adjusted, becoming less irritated with him because he seemed nervous.
My eyes skimmed Ryan’s face, taking in every part of it, noticing the stress above his unsure eyes, his slightly cinched brows, and the slim crease in his forehead. His mouth was full of indecision, as if considering how to speak the words he wanted me to hear, how to form them and shove them out into the universe.
Ryan’s lips parted, allowing a small sigh to escape, something I assumed he wished I hadn’t heard. The seconds ticked by as we stood silently hypnotized by one another. I imagined he was mingling thoughts of me with his secret intentions in his mind as his mouth twitched at the corner for a moment, which he fluidly stopped before it could become more than that.
SWAY (Part 1) Page 3
