She pushed some of her hair off of her face, which had started to cling to her wet cheek, and took another step away from me. The distance felt insurmountable even though she was still close enough to touch. “I don’t want your pretty words right now, not when they don’t mean anything. You’re going to end up dead, or maybe I will.” She sounded scared and confused, but I didn’t think it was the fear of dying or of me getting hurt. She was scared I was going to go and never come back.
“It’s never been you versus the rest of the world for me, Ten. I am always going to be on your side, even if I’m not standing right next to you.” I closed the distance between us, pulling her into my arms. We were both shaking, dread and regret colliding with the same force our bodies did. I hated myself for hurting her, but I would hate myself just as much if I weren’t there for Wyatt. It was really an impossible position to be in, because this wasn’t the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last, that I’d put my brother’s well-being first.
I felt all the trouble I thought I’d left behind tighten its claws around my throat, reminding me I was never going to be free.
I smoothed a hand down Ten’s soft hair and rested my forehead against hers for a brief moment. She felt so right in my arms, I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to let her go.
“Don’t let anyone hurt you ever again.” Especially not someone like me. I reluctantly let her go, eyes lifting to the door over her shoulder. I could feel the worry for my brother pulling me away from her, and I could feel her concern for me trying to hold me in place.
“I trusted you not to. I convinced myself you were different, that I finally got it right.” She sounded devastated, which was how I felt as I took the first steps toward the door. “I hate being wrong . . . again. I hope you make it to Wyatt in one piece. I hope the choice you’re making is the right one for you, Webb. I hope it’s one you can live with.” Somehow, I saw the veiled dual meaning behind her words.
I took another step toward the door, stopping to pick up my bag from the floor. I wasn’t surprised when I stumbled, but it was the first time Ten wasn’t there to set me back to rights. I felt the loss all the way through my body and struggled to breathe through the pain of all the different emotions hitting me at once.
“If I make it back . . .” The words trailed off as she refused to turn around and look at me, yet finished my sentence in her own way.
“Things won’t be the same. I won’t be the same.” She said it with such certainty there was no doubt she believed the words to be true.
And wasn’t that a shame? She was perfect before I fucked everything up, just like I always did. Just like I was always going to do.
I listened for my name, for some sign we could be saved if I wanted it badly enough as I walked out the door . . . but she was silent. Once again, I was alone with nothing but bad choices and trouble in front of me.
Ten
When there was a knock on the door several hours later, I had to pull myself out of the bed I’d collapsed on as soon as the door had shut behind Webb. My head and my heart were at war. One telling me there was no other choice but for him to go; one telling me if he cared enough, if he really felt about me the way I felt about him, he would’ve stayed. The battle between the two made my head hurt, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d cried so hard. Probably when I was a teenager and realized I didn’t know nearly as much as I thought I did about love and life.
At some point, I’d simply let myself go numb and crash out after the emotional outburst. I must’ve fallen asleep because it was approaching dinnertime when the pounding on the door started. For a brief moment, my heart lurched, hopeful Webb was on the other side, ready to tell me he’d seen the error of his ways and would never walk away from me again. That line of wishful thinking only lasted for a second. I dragged a hand over my face, wincing when I felt how grimy and rough my skin felt. My eyes hurt and my headache was still there, lurking at my temples, but it was manageable, so I kicked the tangled sheets free and stumbled to the door. At the last second, I remembered to look through the peephole to see who was on the other side, because unlike Webb, I hadn’t forgotten there was someone out there trying to bring the rest of his world down around him.
I heaved a sigh when I caught sight of the tall, broad figure through the small opening. I could pick out Cyrus Warner in a pitch-dark room filled with a thousand other men. There was something about him I’d always been drawn to. He had some kind of take-charge charisma that bled so effortlessly from every pore; it was always impossible for me to ignore him. At least it had been until I’d run up against Webb Bryant’s chameleon-like charm. Going toe-to-toe with Cy was the last thing I wanted to do while I was still feeling so raw and exposed. It was going to be much harder than normal to pull on the mask of composure and indifference I typically wore around him. But as he lifted a hand and pounded on the door again, making my head bounce and my headache throb twice as hard, I knew I wasn’t going to have much of a choice in the matter.
I pulled the door open just as the large man was about to knock again. He stumbled forward a step almost taking me to the ground as we bumped into one another. Not so long ago the feel of his big, muscular frame brushing up against mine would have sent a swarm of butterflies flying in my belly. Now, I was nothing more than annoyed at his intrusion and irritated that he felt he had the right to check up on me.
I pushed him back and used the sleeve of my shirt to scrub across my face. I was sure I looked as bad as I felt inside, but there wasn’t a reason to care how messy or miserable I was in front of Cy anymore. He’d slid down the list of men I’d been disappointed by dramatically in the last day.
“What are you doing here?” There was no hint of welcome in my voice, and I couldn’t stop myself from throwing my shoulders back and defensively crossing my arms in front of me. Logically, I knew Cy wasn’t the person I wanted to fight, but he was the one standing in front of me, so all bets were off. My wrath didn’t care who the target was, it only needed a place to land now that it was unleashed and flying free.
Cy carefully and deliberately shut the door behind him. He had on a Harley Davidson T-shirt, perfectly faded jeans, heavy black boots, and a snakeskin belt with a heavy, silver belt buckle. He’s always gone against the grain when it came to fitting in the with locals. He’d always been more rock and roll than country. His air of authority dared anyone to challenge whether or not he belonged in charge of the sprawling ranch which had been in the Warner family for generations. Looking at him now, I wondered how I ever thought he was the one and only for me. He was just as different, just as unknown as Gage, yet in a completely different way.
He was all wrong for me, and I should’ve seen it long before now.
“I was hoping you would enlighten me as to why Webb called me and asked me for a ride to Billings so he could catch a flight. He was tight-lipped the whole drive. But I gather Wyatt is in a bad way.” He narrowed his eyes at me as his silvery gaze raked over my face. “I’m guessing he lit out of here without you for a good reason, but looking at you right now I’m having second thoughts.”
I sniffed loudly and tossed my head back, wrapping my pride around me like a protective blanket. “Wyatt got shot. Webb left to go be by his side. He was in critical condition when the information came in. His twin leaked his identity to whomever Wyatt was supposed to meet to set up his cover. The bad guys knew he was a federal agent from the jump. He was greeted at his new assignment by a hail of bullets.”
Cy dipped his scruffy chin in a slight nod of understanding. “Okay, that explains why Webb could hardly string a sentence together and wasn’t making much sense. It doesn’t explain why you’re still here and not with him when he clearly needs you. What the hell is going on, Ten? Any idiot with eyes can see the two of you are completely gone over each other. Why are you here, if he’s going there?”
His broad shoulders stiffened as I suddenly took a step forward, arms dropping so I could poke him in the center of his h
ard chest.
“You don’t get to question why I do anything, Cyrus. You gave up that right a long time ago.” He took another step back and held his hands up in front of him.
“Whoa. I’m asking because I’m worried about both of you. You’re both kind of a mess, but put the two of you together and you somehow manage to lock into perfect place with one another. Despite what you want people to believe, I know you aren’t a cold-hearted, cynical woman. Help me understand what went wrong, Ten. I want to help.”
“I didn’t ask for your help.” I put my hands on my hips and stubbornly jutted out my chin. “I don’t want it.”
Cy growled under his breath and threw his hands up in the air, frustration wafting off of him in heated waves. “Too bad. You’ve got it anyway. If Wyatt doesn’t make it, Webb is going to go off the deep end. And we both know the only person who can keep him from drowning is you, so why did you send him out into the maelstrom without a life raft?”
I opened my mouth to order him to get out of my room, to tell him to fuck off, to scream at him he should know exactly why I was falling apart in front of him. After all, he’d left me more than once, too. None of those things came out. Instead, all that escaped was a wheezing sound laced with so much pain and disappointment I was amazed I was still standing.
“He left. I asked him to stay, and he left anyway.” Suddenly exhausted once again, I let myself fall onto the rumpled bed, throwing my arms out like a starfish and staring blindly at the shadows starting to crawl across the ceiling. “I’ve never asked anyone to stay, Cy. Not you, not Gage. No one. Do you have any idea what it’s like to watch someone you want to hold onto walk away from you?”
A bitter laugh ripped out of him as he made his way over to where I was sprawled inelegantly. “My first wife left me, if you remember, and so did Leo. Only one of them mattered enough to go after, and now she isn’t going anywhere. The difference here is Webb had to go, Ten. You asked him to stay when it was impossible for him to do so, and I think you did it on purpose.”
I felt the bed dip as he took a seat next to me. I rolled my head in his general direction and lifted my hand so I could press them against my burning eyes. I was fidgety and agitated, having a hard time keeping still as my foot bounced and fingers twitched. “What are you talking about? I asked him to stay because his twin brother is torturing him in unimaginable ways and has had the upper hand for weeks. If he stayed here, he has me, you, and Rodie, not to mention the FBI on his side. It didn’t matter. He left anyway.”
I flinched as Cy reached out and caught one of my wildly flailing hands in one of his much larger ones. They were softer, less calloused and work-roughened than I remembered, and even though his hold was gentle and friendly, it felt wrong to let him touch me in such a familiar way. I shook him loose and pushed myself upright.
“I love my wife, Ten. She is the person I put first in everything. She is always at the forefront of my heart and mind, but if I got a call saying either Sutton or Lane was lying alone in a hospital clinging to life, I would drop everything to get to them. Even if Leo asked me not to. It would kill me to hurt her that way, but I would do it in a heartbeat. Now, the thing is, Leo would never ask me to stay away from my brothers if they needed me. She understands how important they are to me, and knows it would do irreparable damage to me and our relationship if she tried to make me choose between her and them. You’re one of the smartest humans I've ever met, Tennyson McKenna. You can see things more clearly than ninety percent of the population, so why are you acting so blind when it comes to seeing Webb has his back against the damn wall?”
It was on the tip of my tongue to remind Cy that Webb was a grown-ass man, responsible for making his own choices. But, when I stopped for a second and really let Cy’s words sink in, I realized I was the hard, unmovable place, and his brother was the rock I accused Webb of being caught between. I’d forced him to pick between the two of us exactly like Cyrus said. I told myself I was trying to make Webb pick the right choice, the smart one, which kept him reasonably safe. But any reasonable person not operating out of the fear of rejection would have been able to see he was never going to pick himself, or me, over his injured brother.
Groaning, I plowed my hands through my hair and pulled hard enough it hurt. “You’re right. I pushed Webb out the door so he couldn’t walk away from me later. I didn’t give him a real choice.” What the fuck is wrong with me?
“You’ve been hurt . . . a lot. It can be hard to believe that this time is going to be different, this person is going to be unlike all the others who’ve come and gone. It’s instinct to want to protect yourself. We’re all guilty of doing it. And like I said when I walked in, you did give him a choice, but it was an impossible one. Did he ask you to go with him?”
Shamefully I nodded, remembering Webb practically begging me to go with him. “He did. I told him he didn’t need me.” But really, I was trying to convince myself I didn’t need him, because if I admitted I did, things were never going to be the same. I wasn’t going to be alone anymore.
“You’re the only one he needs, Ten. You’re the only person he trusts to hold him together, and I believe he’s the only one you trust to be there for you. You wouldn’t have fallen for him so fast otherwise. You wouldn’t have helped him prove his innocence if you couldn’t see the good in him. You wouldn’t be here beating yourself up for making a bad decision. There isn’t anything in the relationship rule book that says once you let someone go, you can’t go and get them back. That boy has been looking for a guide back home since he first showed up. Let yourself be the star he can follow when everything else in his life is dark.”
I blinked at the hard man with the incredibly soft words. “Who are you and what have you done with the perpetually grumpy Cyrus Warner? Do you have a twin no one knows about, as well?”
Cy laughed and reached out to give me a hard, one-armed hug. It was quick and totally friendly. I guess the gap between friend and lover had finally closed, and I could see him objectively as one without remembering him as the failed other. I pushed him hard enough he toppled over the side of the bed, landing with a thump on the floor. We both cracked up, and I put a hand on my chest, finally feeling like I could breathe.
“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you went after Leo. It’s nice to see you happy and all enlightened. She’s been good for you. Despite how things ended with us, I always wanted you to be happy.” It was a conversation we probably should have had a long time ago, but better late than never.
He knocked his head back against the side of the bed. “I always wanted you to be happy, too, Ten. I’ve never been proud of the way I handled things between us. I regret ever making you feel like you weren’t good enough for me.”
“I was good enough, I just wasn’t the right one. It took a while, but I get the difference now.” I sighed and climbed to my feet. “I’ve got to go.”
Cy lumbered to his feet, as well. “What do you need from me?”
I gave him a slight grin. “Nothing. I’ve got it from here. I can own up to my mistakes. I can only hope Webb will forgive me for being so shortsighted and afraid.”
“There is no love without forgiveness, and that boy loves you. Touch base when you get where you’re going and don’t forget to watch your back.”
That was easy enough to agree to. It was ingrained in me, or so I thought.
Fifteen minutes after Cy left, while I was frantically throwing my things in a suitcase and letting my boss know I was going to be gone for an indefinite amount of time, there was another knock on the hotel room door. Figuring it was Cy forgetting something, or Rodie stopping by to check up on me, I made my way to the door. Diligently, I paused to look through the peephole once again, and immediately recognized the man on the other side, even with the brim of his cowboy hat pulled down.
After the talk with Cy, my emotions were all over the place; my head and my heart were finally on the same page. Without hesitation I threw open the door and practical
ly launched myself into Webb’s arms. Any other day I would have been more careful. Any other moment in time I would have known better.
“I can’t believe you’re here.” My words got tangled up, and my heart tried to beat its way out of my chest. “I was coming to you. I needed to come to you.”
I tried to pull back so I could look at his face and squeaked in protest when his arms tightened painfully around my waist.
“Webb?”
Slowly his head lifted, and I went stone still. My heart tried to escape again, but for a completely different reason.
The face was the same. Same pretty golden skin. Same devilishly arched brows. Same elegant nose and sharp cheekbones. Same full lips, but these didn’t curve with a careless grin. No, these lips twisted into something bleak, stark, ugly. And the eyes were all wrong. Sure, they were the same bright, intense blue, but his were cold, not warm like a summer day. They were glittering with glee and something I could only call evil.
So much for watching my back. If I hadn’t watched him walk away from me, I would’ve seen him coming from a mile away.
“You’re not Webb.”
“No. I’m not.” The voice was all wrong, as well. It was the last thing I remembered before everything went black.
Webb
I was about to walk through the doors of Billings airport when my cell phone rang. For a small, hopeful moment I expected to see Ten’s number on the display, but deep inside I knew it was a ridiculous thought. She was done with me. I was nothing more than another person who left her. She flat out told me there would be no forgiveness at the end of this string of impossible choices. Unfortunately, my heart hadn’t received the message as loud and clear as the rest of me. The foolish thing refused to let go of the idea that Ten was the one. For some reason, it was fixated on the complicated woman and refused to shake itself loose of her hold.
Runaround Page 20
