by Paige Toon
‘Really?’
‘Yeah, I’ll bring it over at the weekend.’
‘That would be cool.’
‘Useful for when you have company.’
There’s a short, awkward silence.
‘I’m sorry your friend’s not coming this weekend,’ he says.
I blush. ‘I do have other friends, you know.’
He chuckles. ‘Yeah, obviously you have friends, Bridget. Lots of them, I imagine.’
‘It’s just annoying that my close ones are married with kids or they live in other countries.’ Bronte is in Sydney and Laura is in Key West.
‘Bet your friends overseas miss you,’ he says.
‘Probably not as much as I miss them.’
‘Why would you say that?’
I shrug. ‘They’re pretty settled.’
‘I bet they miss you as much as you miss them.’ He sounds sweetly protective.
‘Maybe.’
‘Definitely.’
I look at him and grin, loving the fact that we’re now officially friends.
He smiles into his cider bottle and then swigs from it.
‘Do you reckon she’s all right in there?’ I ask. April is currently rummaging around in my wardrobe tent.
‘As long as you don’t mind your clothes being trampled on.’
‘Nah,’ I reply. ‘What time will the pizzas be ready?’
‘Six thirty. I’m surprised she hasn’t started complaining actually. All those rice cakes, I suppose.’
She polished off half a packet of them on the way back here.
‘Do you want another cider?’ I nod at the drink he’s almost drained.
‘I’d love one, but I have to drive home.’
‘Couldn’t you take her back in her pushchair and leave the pickup here?’
He looks thoughtful. ‘I suppose I could. She’s good at transferring, actually, so if she falls asleep. . . Yeah, all right, then.’
I come back a little while later with two more bottles.
‘That is such a good idea,’ I enthuse, jerking my head back at the horsebox. ‘It reminds me of Morris’s cream-tea business, actually.’
In The Secret Life of Us, Morris starts up a business delivering cream teas by bicycle to campsites and village greens.
Charlie laughs. ‘That was my idea.’
‘What?’
‘Nicki stole it. Adam and I were going to do it.’
‘No way! But it’s such a good idea! Why don’t you?’
‘I can’t now, I’d look like a right div.’
‘Rubbish! You should!’
‘Nah. Anyway, I don’t have the time. Adam could if he wanted to.’ He shrugs and takes another swig from his bottle. ‘This is going down really well,’ he says.
‘It’s almost six thirty.’ I grab my purse. ‘I’ll go.’
I wait in the queue to collect, counting up the amount of money I’ll need, only to find that Charlie has already paid for them. He refuses my cash when I try to hand it over.
‘That’s not fair,’ I say. ‘I should give you petrol money for today, too.’
He gives me a dirty look. ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
‘Seriously, if you’re driving me to Heligan on Saturday, then I’m paying for the petrol.’
‘Bridget, I want to go to Heligan. Can you chill out, please?’
‘Then I’m paying the entry fee for us all.’
‘Whatever. You can if you really want to.’
‘I really want to.’
We move into the van and Charlie balances April on his knee while he’s cutting up her pizza. It must be tricky for him to eat with her in his arms, but somehow he manages it without spilling cheese all down his T-shirt. She fares less well. Her face is covered in tomato sauce within minutes of tucking in. A couple of weeks ago I would be worried about her getting food on the bench seat, but it doesn’t really bother me now.
I know the power of Johnson & Johnson baby wipes.
‘Is it her birthday soon?’ I ask Charlie from my captain’s chair position. I’m in the passenger seat, having not bothered to turn the driver’s seat around since I drove back from Bristol airport.
‘Two weeks, this Sunday.’
‘Are you doing anything for it?’
His voice is loaded when he replies. ‘Yeah. My parents railroaded me into throwing a party. I haven’t felt much like celebrating.’
‘It’s a big milestone,’ I say.
‘Yeah. I know.’ His eyes dart up to look at me. ‘Will you come?’
‘I’d love to.’ I’m thrilled that he asked.
‘Nicki’s mum and sister’s family are coming, too.’
‘Will they stay with you?’ I wonder what they’re like.
‘Just Valerie, Nicki’s mum. The house isn’t big enough for Kate’s brood. Valerie will only be here for a couple of days, though. Couldn’t stand it for much longer.’
‘Do you get along with her? You like Kate, right?’
‘Kate’s fine. Valerie can be hard work.’
‘Will Nicki’s dad come, too?’
He shakes his head. ‘No. Alain is married to his work.’ He sounds bitter.
‘Do you see him much?’
‘I’ve met him twice,’ he replies flatly. ‘Once at our wedding, and the second time was at Nicki’s funeral.’
‘Jesus’
He meets my eyes. ‘Nicki and I had talked about going to Thailand earlier this year so Alain could meet April. She wanted them to have a relationship.’
‘Have you ever been?’
He shakes his head. ‘Never. Nicki used to go at least once a year. He glances at me. ‘But you know that, right?’ There’s an edge to his tone.
I sigh. ‘Would you rather I wasn’t reading her diaries?’
‘No. Definitely not,’ he affirms. ‘It’s just. . . It’s kind of odd. You understand, right?’
I nod, because of course I do.
‘You know so much about me. Us.’
Obviously by ‘us’ he means him and Nicki.
‘Not that much,’ I reply. ‘She didn’t really write about personal stuff when you got back together.’
‘What do you mean?’ He looks confused.
‘When you met up again in your twenties. Her diaries weren’t so much diaries as notebooks,’ I explain.
I can almost see the load lifting off his shoulders – he looks so relieved.
‘I’m sorry, I thought you knew that.’ I’m bewildered. ‘I should’ve said something earlier. I only know her deepest thoughts from when she was a teenager.’
‘So you know all about Isak,’ he states.
‘Yes,’ I reply honestly, glancing down at April. My mouth drops open.
He quickly follows the line of my sight and checks his daughter. She’s nodding off.
‘Oh, my God, poor baby,’ he whispers, trying not to laugh. ‘She’s so knackered. I’d better change her and put her in her pram.’
‘Let me get the table out of the way,’ I say as he slides out of the bench seat.
While he’s getting April’s things from the pickup, a thought occurs to me.
‘Why don’t you let her sleep in the bed?’ I suggest, already making it up for her. ‘It’ll be more comfortable and, if she’s good at transferring, you can still take her home in her pram.’ He hesitates. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Absolutely,’ I insist. ‘It’ll be warmer, too.’
‘I don’t know, it’s still pretty nice out here.’
‘Good. Because you and I are going to be sitting outside.’
He smiles at me and waits while I finish making up the bed.
‘I’ll get us a couple more drinks,’ I say, leaving him to settle April on his own.
Chapter 24
When I return, Charlie is sitting in one of the camp chairs.
‘Cheers.’ I chink his bottle as I hand it over.
‘Cheers,’ he replies.
‘Is she asleep?’ I ask.
; ‘If not, she will be soon. She goes down really well in the evenings.’
‘You’re lucky, from what I’ve heard.’ I have a couple of friends who can natter to each other for hours about baby bedtimes. I don’t know the details because I usually switch off when they start moaning.
‘Do you reckon you and Elliot will have kids?’ he asks casually.
‘Er. . .’ I hate it when people ask this – especially those who already have children. ‘Who knows?’ I dodge the question. ‘I need to give him a call, actually. Haven’t spoken to him since Ireland.’
‘Haven’t you?’
‘It’s a pain not having any phone reception down here. I don’t always fancy climbing up the hill late at night or first thing in the morning.’
‘You can always ring him from mine,’ he says.
‘Oh, no, I wouldn’t feel right.’
‘Why not?’ he asks with a frown.
‘I’m there to work on Nicki’s book, not chat to my boyfriend.’
‘Jesus, you work so hard. Of course you can take a break to call him.’
‘All right, maybe I will. Thanks.’
‘How is he coping without you?’ he asks, brushing a mosquito off his leg.
‘He’s all right.’ I don’t really want to talk about Elliot.
‘Bet he misses you.’
‘Yeah.’ I pick the label off my drink.
‘Didn’t he want to know how it went with Dillon?’
‘He did try calling.’ I don’t mean to sound defensive. ‘I missed his call and I haven’t really felt like talking the last couple of nights. I emailed him instead.’
‘Oh, right,’ he says, stretching his legs out and crossing them at the ankles.
‘Come on, then, tell me about Seth the Wanker,’ he prompts after a while. ‘You said you would.’
‘Only if you really wanted to know.’
‘I really want to know.’
‘Urgh.’
We both fall silent. A moment later he says, ‘All right, then, tell me more about your mum. Why does she annoy the fuck out of you?’
I can’t help laughing.
‘What?’ he asks, grinning at my reaction, even if he doesn’t understand it.
‘Those stories are kind of interlinked,’ I reply drily.
He looks intrigued. Bugger it, if he wants to know, I’ll tell him. It’s not like it bothers me that much anymore.
‘Seth was a Canadian officer on the cruise ship when Mum and I were doing Japan,’ I say. ‘He and my mum already had a bit of a flirtation thing going on when I joined the cruise. Seth was right smack in the middle of both our ages. I was twenty-seven at the time. He was thirty-eight. When he started paying me attention, Mum sulked. I wrote her moods off as jealousy and thought her behaviour was pretty pathetic.
‘Seth was very, very charming and I fell for him hard. I wanted to fall for him. Mum almost always had a man on the go, but, at that point in time, she was single. In the past, she’d often prioritised her boyfriends over spending time with me, so I guess I wanted to rub her nose in it. We have a complicated relationship.’
I glance at Charlie, but he’s gazing down at his cider, listening.
‘Anyway,’ I say with a sigh. ‘Seth turned out to be a real player. Mum had warned me he had a reputation, but I hadn’t wanted to hear it – or believe it. He cheated on me with one of the entertainment coordinators. When I found out, I was crushed, but what hurt even more was how Mum carried on being friendly with him after we’d broken up. I wanted her to be furious with him, but, when I had a go at her for being nice to him, she said it wouldn’t be professional for her to get involved in romantic disputes between staff. This really pissed me off, but she just said, in a really patronising voice, “I did warn you about him, Bridget.” I was so angry with her – and him – that I got off at Otaru, the next port. Mum managed to convince the big boss not to sue me for breach of contract.’
‘That was decent of her,’ Charlie says acerbically.
‘It took me a while to forgive her, though,’ I continue. ‘To her credit, she apologised. And apologised. And apologised. But I haven’t been on a cruise ship since.’ I finish off my drink.
‘Want another one?’ he nods at my empty bottle.
‘Go on, then. Better be quick, though: I think they pack up soon.’
He comes back with four bottles.
‘Are you trying to get me shitfaced?’ I ask with a laugh.
‘You don’t have to drink them tonight,’ he replies with a grin.
‘I definitely don’t want a hangover tomorrow.’ I take one from him.
He gazes up at the field. The long grass is cast in orange light from the setting sun.
‘I remember how nice the sunsets are from up there,’ he says. We can’t see it from where we’re sitting.
‘Go and have a look, if you like.’
‘Won’t you come with me?’
‘What, and leave April?’ I ask.
‘We won’t be long. When she goes down, she’s out like a light.’
‘You can see Hermie from up there, actually,’ I tell him.
‘Come on, then.’
He stands up and stretches his arms over his head. I look away from his exposed navel. I should be thankful that he doesn’t take his T-shirt off when he’s working – I’d never be able to concentrate.
I lead the way up the steps to the field. I’m getting fitter now, so I don’t pant half as much. We turn around and sit side by side on the grass, facing the sun setting behind the trees on the top paddock.
‘Don’t put your bottle on the grass: it’ll roll straight downhill,’ I say.
‘You sound like you’re speaking from experience,’ he replies.
‘I am. Sitting up here, drinking on my own.’
He tuts and leans back on his elbows. ‘Why don’t we go out with Adam again this weekend?’
‘What about your other friends?’ I ask, turning towards him.
‘What about them?’
‘Do you have many?’
He shrugs. ‘I have a few mates, yeah.’
‘Do you catch up with them often?’ I haven’t met or heard about any of his friends since I came here.
‘Not so much recently,’ he replies.
‘Why not? Do they really collect driftwood for you? They must be good friends to do that.’
‘What, to pick up the occasional piece of wood?’ He looks at me, raising one eyebrow. ‘That’s easy.’ He sighs and returns his gaze to the view. ‘It’s the whole bereavement thing they find difficult. They’re great “going-out” friends, but I haven’t been up for that. I haven’t wanted to talk to them about Nicki, but I doubt they’d know what to say or do if I did.’
He’s talked about her to me. . .
‘You’re different,’ he says, as though reading my mind. ‘You didn’t know her. I think other people find it hard because they lost her too.’
I nod, getting where he’s coming from. ‘You can talk to me any time you like,’ I say quietly, stretching my bare legs out in front of me.
‘Thanks,’ he replies after a moment.
We sit there in comfortable silence. Well, it’s not that comfortable: the grass is tickling the underside of my legs.
‘Are you sure April’s all right?’ I ask after a while, nodding down at Hermie.
‘I’ll go and check on her,’ he decides, getting to his feet.
I watch as he makes his way back down the hill.
‘I was starting to worry you’d buggered off home,’ I say on his return approach.
‘Paid a visit to the toilet block while I was down there.’
He flops on the grass beside me, barely out of breath. He’s so fit.
Yeah, really. It’s a bit unfunny, actually.
‘April okay?’ I ask.
‘Out cold,’ he replies fondly, leaning back on his elbows again.
‘I can’t believe Morris’s mobile cream-tea service was your idea.’
‘Mmm.’
‘Are you Morris?’
He grins at me. ‘Seriously?’
‘Completely.’
He shakes his head, seeming amused. ‘It’s just a story, Bridget.’
‘There are some similarities, though,’ I point out, rolling onto my tummy and facing him.
‘You mean Isak and Timo,’ he says.
‘Exactly. Timo sounds just like Isak. Do you know if Nicki ever saw him when she went to Thailand to visit her dad?’
His amusement dissolves.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry,’ I say quickly.
‘It’s fine.’ But it’s clearly not fine. ‘They used to occasionally bump into each other,’ he tells me. ‘She claimed it was awkward, but it still freaked me out.’
I nod, sympathetically. ‘Why didn’t you ever go to Thailand with her?’ I ask after a moment.
‘We couldn’t afford it. We always talked about it. Nicki had every intention of using her book money to take us all there. I’ve always wanted to go, and, even though I think Alain can be a selfish git, he should have a relationship with April.’
‘I’m going to need to travel there myself,’ I confide.
‘Really?’ He looks at me with interest.
‘Yeah. I’ve been once, briefly, but that was almost twenty years ago. It’s been so helpful, being here, writing about the places I’ve visited. Tintagel and Lansallos have given me loads of ideas.’
‘When will you go?’ he asks.
‘Probably October or November.’
‘Don’t go in October – it rains like you wouldn’t believe.’
‘November, then. Does Nicki’s dad still work at the same resort?’ I ask Charlie.
‘Yes.’
‘I wonder if I’ll get to meet him,’ I muse.
‘Will you stay at that exact place?’
‘I’d like to. I want to see the same setting that inspired Nicki.’ I elbow him. ‘You guys should come with me.’
He raises his eyebrows. ‘Think it’ll be a long time before we can afford to do that.’
‘I get brilliant discounts as a travel writer. I might even be able to wing free accommodation.’
He smiles at me. ‘We couldn’t even afford the flights at the moment.’
‘Fair enough.’
‘First star,’ he says, nodding at the sky.
‘Pretty.’ I watch it twinkling. ‘I need to go to the loo, but I can’t be bothered to move.’
