by Sabrina York
“Always delusional.” He leans back, huffing with a roll of his eyes. “If I only wanted a warm body in my bed, I wouldn’t have to try so hard with you. I have the numbers of dozens of women who’d beg me to fuck them.”
“Then give them a call! These games you like to play with me are psychotic!” I start toward the front door, shaking my head. Then I turn back to him. “Do yourself a favor and get some professional help!”
Pulling a typical Kelly Cavenaugh, I run from my problems.
The untouched glass of Jameson sitting on the worn, wooden bar sweats into a little puddle. Annoying 80s music blasts from the speakers, dulling the conversations of the other patrons in the darkly-lit bar filled with cherry wood and dark green accents. The stench of stale peanuts nearly gags me. Even though it seems the AC in the pub may be on full blast, the ice in my drink has already melted, and I’m sweaty. I’m starting to understand why Chloe is so anxious for fall to arrive. The stifling city air gets old, fast. It’s making me physically exhausted on top of being mentally anguished.
Hearing just how messed up Erik is almost made me feel better about my own problems, until I remembered that Glori’s in the city, ready to convince me to come back home. I can’t deal with her, or anyone else from my family. And there’s no way in hell I’ll return to Wisconsin, no matter how hard she begs. Why should I feel sorry for putting my parents through anything when they weren’t willing to give me the benefit of doubt? I should’ve known that I wouldn’t be allowed a fresh start, pretending I’m not the slut everyone thinks I’ve become. Who am I kidding? I can’t even dance with a guy without giving in to him, or at least masturbating. Jewels thinks she knows me. Would she still see me the same way if she knew what I was doing while they were in the next room?
Theo has tried calling several times, and sent half a dozen texts, begging me to talk to him. As much as I want things between us to work out, it still infuriates me that he wanted to “take care of me” without thinking how it would appear to others. And how do I know he wasn’t just buttering me up so I could be his golden ticket to a hit show? I know it sounds conceited to think such a thing, but it all seems so suspiciously convenient that I can’t help but wonder.
The bartender who looks around my age stops to hover in front of me, setting one hand on the bar, outreaching the other my way. He’s stout and considerably good-looking with dark brown hair, mischievous hazel eyes, and two-day old stubble lining his jaw. The trail end of a colorful tattoo on one bicep peeks out beneath his t-shirt sporting the name of the bar. “Hiya, I’m Mick.” Agh, cute and an Irish accent.
I take his extended hand. “Kelly.”
“How long are ya in the city for, sweetheart?” He releases my hand.
“What? I don’t look like a local?” I tease, sitting taller. “I just moved here, actually. Guess I don’t exactly fit in yet.”
Mick flips a towel over his shoulder, grinning. “The big city attitude will come with time, I suppose. You’ve got an open kindness to you, like someone from the Midwest.”
I let my shoulders slump. So much for fitting in. “It’s that obvious?”
“I’d take it as a compliment.”
Swirling my glass in my hand, I contemplate sucking the entire thing down, and asking for another. Maybe I could disappear in the comfort of a warm buzz.
“I can’t help but notice you look like someone pissed in your gravy. Would ya like me to get you somethin’ else? That whiskey certainly isn’t going down easily.”
“If you could get a me a new life, that’d be great.” I fake a smile. “I seem to have made a considerable mess of the one I already have.”
“Everyone’s got problems.” Chuckling, he motions to the other side of the bar. “Why do ya think this bar’s so full on a weekday afternoon? You have to learn to control your life before it controls you. No one else can make you happy. No one else can make the changes that’ll make it right. You have to decide what ya want, and make it happen. Only you can decide your destiny.”
“That’s some stellar advice.” I raise an eyebrow. “Are they teaching philosophy to bartenders now?”
His lips pull back in a bright smile, showing a row of somewhat crooked teeth. “I’m studyin’ psychology at college. The bar’s a family business, but it isn’t for me. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life handin’ out advice to pretty girls unless I’m gettin’ paid.”
“Controlling your destiny. Good call.”
“Now would you quit your sulkin’? It bothers me to see such a lovely face in pain.” He winks before filling a mug with tap beer. “If you’re unhappy, do somethin’ about it. Take the lead of yer own destiny.”
After he leaves to wait on another customer, I spend a few minutes chewing on his advice before I decide he’s right. I text Glori, telling her where she can meet me. I’m done letting others walk all over me. It’s time I focused on my future, instead of worrying about the mistakes of my past.
Chapter Eleven
“This place is horrendous,” GLORI whispers before hopping onto the stool next to me. “Couldn’t we have gone somewhere that doesn’t smell like old shoes?”
I laugh as she considers placing her purse on the bar, then sets it in her lap instead. “Get over yourself, Glo. It’s just a bar.”
Mick approaches us with a bright smile. “Ah, there’s two of ya! What can I get for you, luv?”
Glori looks him up and down, her lips tight. “A rum and coke, no ice.” She pushes my drink toward him. “And you can take this away. Ice in places like this is worse than drinking toilet water. She’ll have the same as me.”
Mick looks to me questioningly, and I just shrug. There’s no changing my sister at this point. She may be the most gorgeous of all the sisters, but she’s always been prim and proper, and a bit of a pain in the ass. At least I can be grateful her uppity attitude didn’t rub off on me while we were growing up.
“Comin’ right up!” Mick throws me a wink before walking away.
“Everyone in this city is so crude,” Glori says, rolling her eyes. “Who does he think he is, calling me luv?”
“He’s just being nice.” I turn to face her, setting my hand on the back of her chair. “Glo, I’m not going to drag this out any further. What happened between me and Brad is not what you or the rest of the town thinks. I met him that night at the bar, when you were at that bachelorette party in Green Bay. I didn’t tell you guys about him because I figured he’d be more attracted to one of you since you were all closer to his age. He didn’t wear his wedding band when we were together. If I had known he was married, even without kids or a terminal wife, I never would’ve agreed to see him.
“I refuse to talk to anyone in this family again until you agree to believe me, and apologize for thinking I would stoop so low. Do you have any idea what it’s been like for me, having been branded with a scarlet letter? Pretty much all of my high school friends blocked me on Facebook when one of them spread word of what happened. You think it’s tough having judges give you low scores at your pageants? You should try having people openly call you crude names for everyone to read online.
“Running out here was an act of self-preservation. No one would listen to me. If I hadn’t done it, you probably would’ve found me in a bathtub with my wrists slit wide open. It fucking sucks that no one stood up for me! I can’t believe you would all think I’m capable of breaking up a family! I would never knowingly hurt someone that way!”
When I stop to take a breath, I notice Glori’s lips are quivering, and her eyes are filled with tears. “Are you done?” she asks in a soft voice.
Mick sets our drinks down, glancing between me and Glori. “These are on the house.” He backs away, appearing indifferent to our conversation.
Glori’s hands wrap around her glass as she looks at the drink for a minute, deep in thought. “At first I believed that you knew Brad was married. The way you kept it a secret…and I saw the two of you looking so intimate at camp. I was asham
ed that my little sister was doing something so devious. After awhile I started to really listen the other rumors that started up—that you were latching onto Brad knowing his wife was dying, and that he was loaded, or that you were arranging to have his kids sent away to boarding school so that the two of you could be alone. I knew those things at least weren’t something you’d do.
Before long, I realized it was all a bunch of lies. I got tired of everyone slinging your name through the mud. I went to see Brad a few days after his wife died. Being the complete sleezeball that he is, he tried to deny it at first. Eventually I convinced him that it was in his best interests to tell me the truth.”
I raise my eyebrows, wondering what techniques my pristine sister would use to convince someone like him. Most of all, I’m surprised that she actually wanted to consider my side of the story. I don’t recall a single time when one of my big sisters stood up to someone for my benefit.
“Dad made him confess everything on Facebook. The next day there was a for ‘sale sign’ in his yard. He left town with his kids.” Tears slip down her face as she takes my hand. “It was wrong of us not to believe you, Kel. I’m sorry you had to go through such an awful thing alone. I should’ve been there for you. If you would’ve answered my calls the past few days, I would’ve been able to tell you this sooner.”
“This really messed me up, Glo,” I say, my own tears breaking free. It’s infuriating how I continue to lose control in public. “I think I’m broken.”
“No, you’re not. You just think you are because you didn’t have anyone to support you while this was going on. But you survived, because you’re strong.” She smiles and reaches up to push my hair behind my ear. It’s something our mom always does when she’s giving us heartfelt advice. Honestly, it makes me a little homesick. “Come back with me. Everyone knows the truth, and we all want you back home. You’ve only missed a week of classes. There’s still time for you to go back.”
“I can’t go back there!” A humorless laugh falls from my lips. “Just because they know the truth doesn’t change the way everyone treated me! Jewels is the only friend who was always there for me, and she’s here. I’m staying in New York. I’ve already made some other friends too. Although I’ve already managed to make a small mess of things with some of them, I think it can still be repaired. But I think…maybe I need to see a psychologist or something.”
Glori wipes at her tears, nodding. “I guess I can understand why you wouldn’t want to go back. Still, I hate that you’ll be so far away from us. Can’t you come live somewhere closer? Maybe find a place in Green Bay or Chicago? You’d just be a short train ride away.”
“I don’t want to go anywhere else. I really like it here,” I tell her, finally able to muster a smile. “It’s exciting and kinda scary at the same time since I don’t know if I’ll ever find a job or a better place to live, but I’m ready for a challenge. For once I want to decide my own destiny and not do things based on what other want me to do.”
Mick casually throws me a knowing grin over his shoulder.
Glori sighs dramatically at my side. “The whole family is sick over this, Kel. How are we going ever to make it up to you?”
“You could start by convincing mom and dad to pack up my things back home, and ship them out to me.” I touch her hand, suddenly grateful that she came all this way to make things right. “And while you’re here, you could help me pack up my things so I don’t have to face my manipulative roommate on my own. I really need a job so I can find a place to live that’s in my price range. The apartment I’m staying in is incredible, but the guy you met is not my boyfriend. I actually need to get away from him. He’s really kind of an asshole and always trying to play games. What you saw today must’ve been him feeling some misplaced need to pretend on my part.”
“Well that’s a relief. He was hot, but I didn’t see him as your type. Plus he was rude.” She giggles a tittering laugh before taking a drink. Her phone rings in her purse, playing some obnoxiously snappy pop tune. She slides it out, frowning. “Sweetie, I’ll be right back. I have to take this, it’s work-related.”
I nod, and she slides off her stool, heading for the front door.
Mick saunters over. “I’d be a lyin’ git if I said I wasn’t listenin’ in. Sorry, but it’s sometimes hard not to hear everythin’ when tendin’ bar. Would that be your sister?”
“Yeah. Piece of work, huh? She’s decent though. She flew here from Wisconsin to apologize and try to convince me to come back home.”
“I also happened to hear yer lookin’ for a job, and a place to live. Have any bar-tendin’ experience?”
I perk up, smiling. “Some. I filled in at a local tavern one year over winter break. I’m not really good with knowing my drinks, though. I had to Google a lot of them.”
“My sister owns the place, an’ she has an openin’ for the night shift. They’re terrible hours, but if yer interested, you could fill out an application.” He rubs his short beard. “Tips are pretty decent, especially when the business and college crowds stop in for karaoke or live bands. And there’s a room above the bar that’s vacant. She usually rents it out to college students. It’s not much—crowded, but clean, and she’d maybe give you a deal as an employee. You could help mop floors and such down here in the mornin’s.”
My pulse skips excitedly. I was convinced I was going to have to put my tail between my legs and move in with Jewels and Adam. “I’d love to see it.”
“Atta girl.” He smiles, pointing his index finger at me. “That’s what I call ‘takin’ charge of your destiny.’ Maybe you can have that new life you asked for after all.”
By the time Glori returns to my side, I’m beaming with hope.
Mick’s sister, Tess—a portly, friendly woman with kind eyes—gives us a quick tour of the upstairs where two other renters live, both female college students. There’s a common area with a couch and a TV, a small kitchen with the basic appliances, and three bedrooms barely large enough to fit a twin bed. Though it feels a bit cramped, it’s still charming in its own way. The dark wooden floors and brightly painted walls give off a positive vibe that I can’t shake. It gives Glori the creeps, which only makes me laugh and like it a little more. Things are beginning to look up.
As Glori’s only in town for a few days, we immediately return to the apartment so I can pack my things. Luckily, Erik’s gone. Since I really don’t have much to pack, it doesn’t take that long. Still, Glori doesn’t shut up about how amazing the place is the entire time we’re there. Before we leave I write a note, saying I’m sorry things didn’t work out, and that I hope he can find peace with his brother one day.
Jewels sounds both excited and confused when I call to ask if Glori and I can both stay at their place through the weekend. As we enter the brownstone an hour later, she’s filled with so much energy that I want to ask if she’s been huffing something. She throws her arms around me. “I have my old roomie back!”
“I don’t know for how long,” I warn, hugging her back.
“You have a lot of explaining to do,” she whispers before releasing me.
“Jewels, it’s been a while,” Glori greets my friend with a smile. “You look great!”
“So do you!” She takes one of my bags. “Guest room is all ready to go for you guys. After I get showered up the three of us can go out for dinner somewhere fun.”
“No Adam tonight?” I ask.
“He’s going out with Theo,” she explains in a strange voice, as if using code words that only her and I will understand. Then I realize it must have something to do with me.
I nod sullenly, letting her know I understand. If I’m going to start making things right, I’m going to have to give him a call sooner rather than later.
While we feast on a Mediterranean dinner atop of a building with a killer view overlooking Central Park, I end up unloading every last one of my dark secrets on Jewels. She doesn’t say much of anything as I walk her through the events, s
tarting with my relationship with Brad, and ending with me returning to her doorstep a few hours ago. All three of us are crying by the time I’m finished nearly an hour later.
The waitress shows up just as I’m finished talking. “Can I get you—”
“A round of shots,” Jewels tells her with a wave of her hand. “Your best tequila. Two for each of us.”
The heavy-set woman eyes each of us skeptically, like we’re not the type to take shots. “Anything else? Water, maybe?”
“Just the shots and limes,” Glori snaps, throwing me off guard. She’s usually not much of a drinker, and I can’t say that I’ve ever witnessed her taking a shot. She dabs at her eyes with her linen napkin.
The waitress nods, unsmiling, before leaving us alone.
Jewels sinks back in her chair. “Damn, Kel. I can’t believe you didn’t call me when any of this happened. I should’ve known something was up when you disappeared from Facebook. It wasn’t like you. Why did you keep all of this a secret?”
“Her family knew,” Glori pipes in, her voice strained. “We knew and we failed her.”
“I don’t know, Jewels,” I tell my friend, even though I do. I take a deep breath. “You watched Adam nearly kill himself before he agreed to have the transplant. Then everything completely flipped around when you two moved out here. You were finally happy. I didn’t want to bring you back down again. You’ve been through enough hell without me pulling you into my drama.”
Jewels’s eyes fill with a new set of tears. “Sometimes I worry you don’t see me as a good enough friend to trust me with these things.”
“God, no! That’s not it at all!” I reach out to squeeze her hand. “Really, I just wanted to come out here and pretend like it didn’t happen. I knew once I told someone about it, I’d be forced to feel all the things I was trying to avoid. I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t some kind of whore like everyone said. I guess I failed miserably.”
