by Susan Meier
“Yeah.” It was perfect. Everybody liked Matt. He liked them. And he liked her. Everyone had accepted her as if she fit, too. The peace of the ranch was like icing on a cake.
When Matt caught her hand, her heart swelled. This was it. She wasn’t wrong. He liked her and she liked him. And though things weren’t happening fast on this trip, she was glad. They’d connected so quickly in Boston that they could have made a mess of things. But here in Larkville, where time passed slowly and people moved slowly, they were regaining their equilibrium.
“Okay, so I was thinking,” Matt said as he pulled her to a stop under a huge leafy tree. “I fit a little better than I’d imagined.”
She laughed and stepped close to him. For once it felt right to act on what she was feeling. “You belong here.”
“I think I do.” He glanced around. “I also think I’m going to like being part of this family.” He brought his gaze back to hers and smiled. “That’s why I’m giving you your freedom.”
She frowned. The words felt heavy, cold. Like stones that had been outside in winter. Out of place on this warm Texas night. “What?”
“Things fell into place perfectly here. And I have all kinds of sisterly help with Bella. It was an inconvenience for you to come here. So...” He smiled at her. “I’m letting you go home.”
Her heart stopped as her brain tried to catch up with what was going on. “You’re kicking me out?”
He laughed. “No. I’m letting you go home.”
“But—” She stopped, unable to put what she was feeling into words. “You put your arm around me!”
Okay. That sounded stupid and maybe even childish, but it was the gist of what she felt. He’d made overtures all day. Done subtle, affectionate things. She’d thought they were connecting. For real. On a deep, intimate level.
She combed her fingers through her hair. She hadn’t misinterpreted.
By the time she looked at him again, his eyes were narrowed, as if he’d been thinking through what she’d said about putting his arm around her. “You mean when Ellie told me she was married?”
“Yes.” Oh, God. A horrible thought came to her. Had she misinterpreted his simple gestures because she liked him so much? Loved him, really. She’d been sitting on the edge of it for days and now she was here. Firmly in love with a guy who didn’t want her.
Exactly what she’d promised Joni she would avoid.
She stepped back. “Okay. Yeah. You’re right. I need to go home.” She swallowed back a boatload of tears. Not just because she was losing something she really wanted, but also because she’d made a fool of herself. She didn’t even have any pride left to save her. She turned and sprinted away.
“Claire! Claire, wait!”
But Holt picked that second to come out of the barn. “We have a bit of a problem.”
Matt turned. “Problem?”
“I’ve got some numbers you need to see.”
* * *
The “numbers” turned out to be the report of an investment that had gone south. The amount of money the family lost had been substantial, but a quick look at the rest of the portfolio put Matt’s mind at ease. He explained to Holt that with a shift of a few investments they could make that money back and more.
He was glad he’d been able to help Holt, alleviate his concerns so he wouldn’t have to go to sleep worried. But by the time they got back to the house, Kathryn was waiting for them in the kitchen.
“Did you tell Claire to go?”
Matt winced. This was the part of families that most men hated. Having to answer for things that should be private. Still, Kathryn was a wonderful woman. Someone Matt instinctively liked. He knew she wasn’t prying, but concerned.
“I think Claire and I had a difference of opinion about her leaving. She’s been helping me all week. I thought she’d be glad to go. But I think she wanted to stay. If she does, that’s fine. She can stay. I’ll talk to her in the morning.”
“She’s gone.”
“What?” He shook his head. “She can’t go. I didn’t call the pilot.”
“I think she flew commercial.”
“Flew?”
“She was lucky to catch a flight that was leaving tonight.” She frowned. “You do realize you’ve been in that barn for three hours.”
“Oh.” Matt sat.
Holt said, “Everything okay?”
He sucked in a breath. “Claire and I have sort of liked each other since we met at the adoption agency keeping Bella for me. I think her feelings went a little faster and a little further than mine.” He smiled at Holt. “Her leaving is for the best. It would be a mess if she’d stayed. For both of us. But especially her. She needs to get back to work.”
Holt nodded. “Okay, then.”
But when Matt walked up the stairs to his bedroom and sank to his bed, alone, which he always was, his stomach flip-flopped. His feelings had been moving as fast as Claire’s, and those gestures he’d been making all day—he hadn’t been able to stop them. He liked her so much he couldn’t stop touching her, wanting her. It was so easy to feel close to her, but he should have stopped his need to touch. Not just because he was afraid of something that happened so fast, but because she deserved better.
Much better. She might not realize it now, but his letting her leave was a gift to her.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
MONDAY morning, Claire forced herself out of bed and into the shower. She washed her hair, put on makeup and slipped into her favorite red dress. Yes, Sunday had been a disaster of weeping and berating herself for falling for someone who didn’t want her. But it was time to stop brooding over a man she’d known a week. She was stronger and smarter than that.
She knew Bella was safe and well cared for. She knew Matt didn’t want her, hadn’t seen her as anything but a helpmate. So feeling bad about it was only self-pity. And she didn’t do self-pity. She picked herself up, dusted herself off and went on with life.
But even after that pep talk, by the time she got to the office, she was in tears.
Margaret, the receptionist, rose as Claire pushed open the Dysart Adoptions door. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she said through a fresh round of sobbing.
Joni Dysart, the tall, thin blonde who owned Dysart Adoptions, came shuffling out. She put her arm around Claire, led her into her office and shut the door. “Oh, shoot. What happened to you going to Texas?”
“Oh, I went.” She snatched a tissue from the box on the credenza, then fell to the seat in front of Joni’s desk, as Joni sat on the tall-backed chair behind it. “And everything just kind of fell into place. With his family, he turned into the nice guy I’d been seeing glimpses of and suddenly he was doing things like holding my hand and putting his arm around me. I took it as a sign that we were feeling the same things.” She peeked up and caught Joni’s gaze. “But Saturday night, he told me I could go home.”
“Simpleton!” Joni said with relish. “I could slap him! Don’t pin this one on yourself. He doesn’t want any woman. At least, not permanently.” Joni handed the box of tissues from the credenza to Claire. “I told you he had a reputation.”
“But we were different. We bonded over Bella.”
Joni sighed. “What’s the one thing we know better than anybody else?”
“That babies don’t fix bad marriages or create relationships.”
“Exactly.”
“But he was just so different around her.”
“Because he had a responsibility to be a good dad, and if there’s one thing Iceman Patterson respects, it’s responsibility.”
“Oh, shoot. I know that. I always knew that. I just stopped reminding myself.” Getting ahold of herself, she sniffed back the next round of tears. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing. You fell for a good-looking guy who was showing you his nice side because of the baby. And apparently the way he behaved with his family.”
“Why didn’t I see that?”
“Beca
use you loved Bella. You wanted to see the best in him for her sake.”
“I guess.”
“Any woman would have fallen—”
“Being in love with someone after a few days isn’t falling. It’s leaping. I leaped into love with him—just as I did with Ben—except this time I knew it was wrong.” She blew her nose. “I’m such an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot.”
“You’re right. I’m not an idiot. So that only leaves desperate. His family made me feel so at home. A part of them. Like I finally belonged somewhere.” She blew her nose again. “I’m a desperate woman who does stupid things.”
Joni groaned. “You’re not desperate, either. His family sounds very nice and he... Well, he’s a great-looking guy. It would be hard not to be infatuated with him.”
“And he truly loves Bella.” She swallowed. “Okay. I get it. He was putting together a little family with Bella. And I...” She sighed. “I’ve always wanted a family. I guess it was hard to watch someone making one without trying to be involved.”
“Look, I’m not the person to tell you your business, but maybe an actual vacation would be a good idea?”
“Vacation?”
“You were planning to take the week off, anyway. Why not go somewhere like a cruise...or maybe...Fiji...or Africa. Somewhere you’ll be so busy you won’t have time to think of Matt.”
The thought of getting away for a few days lifted her spirits. “Maybe.”
“Definitely. You fell too fast for the wrong guy. You need to clear your head.”
Claire swallowed. Though she did agree she needed to clear her head, she didn’t agree that Matt was the wrong guy. He might appear to be self-centered and cold to the rest of the world, but she’d met the real Matt Patterson. And he was wonderful. Everything she wanted. The problem was he didn’t want her.
He might have been her right guy, but she hadn’t been his right woman.
* * *
By Monday night, Matt thought his world had ended. No matter how many happy people were around him. No matter how many great things he saw, how many Larkville residents told him about his wonderful dad. No matter how much he loved seeing Bella with the other kids...
He missed Claire.
“You should just go and get her.”
He faced Charlotte. “That transparent, huh?”
“Yes. We’re all talking about it. We’re just not doing it in front of you.”
Normally, that would have made him mad. Knowing these woman usually talked out of love, not gossip, he laughed. “You don’t understand. She’s a wonderful woman. She deserves better than me.”
Charlotte frowned. “Really?” She motioned for him to grab a bowl of macaroni salad and follow her out to the picnic tables they were setting for an impromptu supper. “It seems to me it’s you she wants.”
“And I’m not sure why.”
“Seriously?” Charlotte laughed. “Could it be because you’re handsome and smart and fun?”
“I’m not...” He almost said fun, then he remembered their water battle. He remembered laughing with her over Bella. He remembered teasing her and letting her tease him. He remembered putting his arm around her shoulders, as if bringing her into his family when Ellie told him she was married. Being with her made him fun.
They did love each other.
Charlotte stopped him halfway to the table, before they were in earshot of his other brothers and sisters and their mates. “Look, I don’t want to be the one to tell you your business, but are you trying to repeat history?”
He gave her a puzzled look.
“Clay and Finella. Each lived without the love of his or her life. All because she wanted Clay to come after her and he didn’t.”
She paused, sucked in a breath. “Of course, we know now that he didn’t get the letter she’d sent him, telling him she wanted another chance. But we also both know that though Mom was happy, there was always something missing from her life. Is that how you want to live?”
Matt looked away, thinking about his mother, knowing as Charlotte had said that there was always something missing from her life. Always a rim of sadness around an otherwise perfect existence.
“Clay didn’t have a chance to get back the love of his life. But all you have to do is believe in yourself...believe in Claire...get in your plane and bring her back.”
* * *
Standing in front of her closet, Claire whipped through the items hanging there, unable to find anything suitable for a vacation. Her clothes were old, and, worse, everything she owned was dowdy.
Was this how she’d seen herself in the years since Ben? Old? Uninteresting? Undesirable?
Tears filled her eyes. It was. She knew it was.
Until she met Matt. What she saw reflected in his eyes had made her feel like a woman again. A desirable woman. She’d been attracted to him because he was gorgeous. She’d begun to feel good about herself because it was clear he found her attractive. But she’d fallen in love because he was good, kind, bighearted, even if he didn’t give himself credit for being any of those things.
She’d longed to be the person to show him how good he was, the same way he’d been the person to make her feel good about herself again.
But he didn’t want that.
He didn’t want her.
She whipped another shirt across the closet pole—a shirt she’d never worn because it was a dull, ugly purple. Why had she bought these things?
She finally found a sleeveless red top that might—and she stressed might—be okay for the flight down. But the sad truth was, she was probably going to have to buy a whole new wardrobe in St. Thomas.
She frowned. Would that be so bad? She had money. She needed clothes. She needed a whole new life.
Her doorbell rang. She tossed the red shirt to her bed and raced to answer, assuming it was Joni, here to make sure she didn’t chicken out at the last minute and decide not to go.
Well, Joni didn’t have to worry about that. Only a desperate woman fell in love in a few days...and with a man who kept telling her he didn’t want her.
She needed a vacation!
As she reached the door, her heart protested. She didn’t need a vacation. She needed love. She needed a man who challenged her and made her feel beautiful. A man who could be painfully honest. A man who understood her troubles because he’d lived something similar.
She needed Matt.
Telling herself she wasn’t going to get him, she yanked open the door—
And there he stood.
Her mouth fell open. “Matt?”
“Hey.” He shoved his hands into his jeans pockets. “Can I come in?”
Confused, she stepped back without thinking, motioning for him to enter. “I thought you were in Texas.”
“I was. But after you left I realized I needed you.”
He needed her? If it was possible for a heart to explode, hers definitely might.
With a shrug, he caught her gaze. “And Bella needs you.”
Oh.
Her heart stuttered to a stop. She got it. He didn’t need her the way she thought. He wanted a babysitter. Everybody he expected to be able to help him with Bella was probably busy with the festival or their own kids.
She held on to her poise by the merest thread. “You shouldn’t have gone to Texas without hiring a nanny.”
He chuckled—that wonderful chuckle that had taken him so long to let loose now seemed second nature, as if he was finally happy. Another arrow pierced her heart. He was happy without her. He needed a nanny, saw her as an employee.
“Bella needs more than a nanny. She needs you.”
Drowning in the insult of him coming to her only for help with the baby and fearing she’d burst into tears, she turned away and headed for her bedroom, her head high, her shoulders back.
Insult and anger radiating through every muscle and bone in her body, she stiffly said, “I’m sorry but I’m booked on a flight to St. Thomas.”
&nb
sp; He scrambled after her. “St. Thomas? You’re going on vacation?”
“I don’t see what business that is of yours.”
“It’s all kinds of business of mine!”
She whipped around. “Really? Why? Because you need a nanny and everything you want comes first?”
Hurt registered on his face first, then incredulity. As if he couldn’t believe she’d said that. He took a step back, swiped his hand across his mouth. “Is that how you see me?”
Unexpected fear rippled through her. She didn’t know what she was risking, but she suddenly knew if she answered his question wrong, she’d regret it for the rest of her life.
She blew her breath out on a long stream. Even forgetting the potential regret, her innate fairness wouldn’t let her lay a guilt trip on him. He hadn’t ever been anything but honest with her. He’d also warned her that if she got involved with him, she’d get hurt. They’d also only known each other a few days.
She had no right to be angry, or hurt, or even slightly insulted. She’d volunteered to help him.
“Okay, look. I had time to help you with Bella last week.” She peeked up at him, then regretted it. His intense green eyes focused on her like two laser beams, reminding her of the day they’d met, when he’d truly needed her and she hadn’t been able to resist coming to his aid.
She sucked in a breath. “But now I can’t help you. I need a week away. A week for myself.”
He tilted his head. “Why?”
“I’m tired?”
He laughed. “Yeah. Babies can be tiring. But you already had yesterday to rest. You should be fine... Why aren’t you?”
Because you broke my heart?
Man, she wanted to say that! She wanted to say, “Look, you scoundrel. You broke my heart! And you can afford a nanny. So get lost.”
But standing two feet away from him, so close she could touch him, something inside her shattered. He was the only person she’d ever really told about her dad. He was the only man who’d ever so honestly confided in her, trusted her with his most painful secrets. He was the first person she felt happy and beautiful with.
