“I don’t want to touch my id with a ten-foot pole,” Nate whispered. “I don’t think I could ever control my shadow. I’m scared of what it might do to me if I tried.” His tiny voice lilted with tension that told Leo he was going to melt down again any minute now. It was only four minutes into the session and Leo was hoping to make it past the thirty-minute mark before Nate launched into his first panic attack. He decided to change the subject for now and get back to it later when Nate was more relaxed.
“Last week, you mentioned you were looking at some potential creative business opportunities.” Leo grabbed his notepad from the desk and opened it. He snatched a yellow happy face pen from his desk and began scribbling away. “Tell me how that’s been going.”
The drape eased off Nate a little bit, exposing a wedge of his now very pale face. “It’s not going great,” Nate said. “I don’t think I can do it.”
“Why not?”
“Because…” Nate yanked the drape back over himself again and Leo gulped back the urge to sigh impatiently. “There is only one thing I am good at, Doc. And only two things I want to do.”
“What are they?” Leo asked.
“Collecting spices,” Nate said. “And being out in nature.”
“Great,” Leo said. “Tell me what those two concepts mean to you.”
“Goodness jellybeans, Doc. They are the only thing that numb the pain and dull my urges to be a bad man. Especially going for a long hike. It, like, rips the demons out of my soul. But I can’t sell spices because I can’t part with any of them. It would be liking giving up my babies for adoption against my will. But I was thinking about maybe starting a hiking company.”
“I think a hiking company sounds like a great idea,” Leo smiled. He really did like it. Poor nervous Nate was always hesitant to jump into something new and probably just needed a gentle push. “I say you give a solid effort and give it a shot.”
“Can’t.”
“Why not?”
“No customers,” Nate sighed. “Unless…”
“Unless what?”
“No, forget it. It’s stupid,” Nate said. “I’m tired of always getting my hopes up and then having a nervous breakdown when I get disappointed.”
“All right,” Leo said, not wanting to push further into it. “Let’s put that on the shelf for now and readdress it another time. How is your morning meditation practice coming along?”
“Unless…” Nate’s voice was tiny. Hopeful. “Nah. Forget it, Doc. It’s silly.”
“Unless what?” Leo’s patience was creeping away on him.
“Unless…” He eased the drape away for the fourteenth time. “Unless…you’d like to be my first customer?”
Leo sighed. He wished his client didn’t always put him on the spot like this. “As much as I’d love to, Nate, I can’t just randomly leave for a hiking trip.”
“You told me last session that you had vacation time coming up and you had nowhere planned to go.”
This was true. Although Leo had just planned to stay home and try not to drink or watch cat videos. Or dwell on his son.
“It’s only five days,” Nate pleaded.
But Leo had always failed to avoid misery on his mini vacations. Always by the end of his vacation, he’d be questioning his abilities as a therapist if he couldn’t even heal himself. Maybe an adventure into the fresh air would do him good and clear the cobwebs.
“The thing is this, Nate.” Leo rubbed his chin. “My coming on this trip with you would be crossing all kinds of ethical boundaries. I’m afraid I will have to decline.”
“I understand…” Nate looked away, a forlorn expression flickering his eyes.
Leo watched him, the feeling of guilt taking over. He had made so much progress with this guy, he hated to see him regress like this. It had only been a few months ago that he’d talked about the idea of starting a business, and he worried about him giving up already.
“What about if I pay you?” Nate offered.
Leo babbled a response and couldn’t think of one fast enough.
“If I hired you to come along as my therapist, to help me manage my panic attacks,” Nate said. “Please, Doc, I need to get this business up off the ground and you’re the only therapist who’s been able to help me get through the bad feelings.”
Leo sighed.
“Just five days?” Nate pleaded. “Full payment for your time.”
“Make it three days.”
“That’s not entirely long enough to absorb the beauty of nature…” Then, visibly catching on Leo’s stern expression, he added, “Of course, three days would be exactly the correct amount of time before boredom ensued.”
“Fine.”
“We leave next Friday,” Nate said, and then casually added, “I was hoping you could bring Mia Floyd and her roommate along as well?”
Leo’s pen slipped from his fingers and dropped on the floor. “How do you know about Mia Floyd?” he snapped.
“I just, um, I don’t know…” He shifted his gaze away from Leo. He let go of the drapes and his hands exploded into compulsive wringing again. “I just happened to see her come by earlier today and, well, I just thought she looked like someone I’d like to have on this trip.”
“But how did you know her name?” Mia had come by much earlier than Nate had and Leo wondered how he had seen her.
“Oh, everyone knows who Mia Floyd is,” Nate said. “That’s the lady who lost her son four years ago. Some people in town say her house is all hoarded with junk and she writes herself death threats to get, like, attention and sympathy from the police. If anyone needs to get out in nature and unwind, it’s her.”
“Excuse me?” Leo said. What Nate was describing to him was so far beyond the effervescent teenage girl he remembered, but eerily similar to the woman he had seen today. It haunted him to think she had descended into what Nate was describing and was suffering like this. He had no idea she’d even lost a son.
“I’m sorry,” Nate said. “I didn’t mean to sound gossipy or anything. I just thought…”
“You know what,” Leo said, not sure if he was going against his better judgment. “If she comes by my clinic again, I’ll mention your hiking company to her.”
“And ask her to invite Glenda too. Her roommate. She’s a famous YouTube star. I just love her vlogs.” Nate’s tongue licked at his bottom lip like a randy lizard. “And her makeup tutorials.”
“Fine,” Leo said. “I will invite her as well. But only if Mia comes here. I don’t want to pester her.” The last thing he needed was to look like a clingy fool again, after what happened in his parking lot this morning.
“Goodness jellybeans, thank you. I am so pleased now,” Nate bowed his upper body from his fetal position in the fireplace nook and pushed away from the drape. “You are such a wonderful therapist. It’s like you have this magical way of making people feel better in an instant.”
“Thanks…” Leo stared at him and choked down the weirdest feeling that he was going to totally regret this decision to go on a hiking trip with Nate. He bent down to pick up his pen from the floor and shoved it in his desk drawer. He didn’t feel like writing with a happy face pen anymore.
*******
CHAPTER FOUR
Friday, September 15: 7:15 p.m.
“You, like, seriously need a shrink.” Glenda slammed the words with blunt force trauma at Mia. Her roommate had rolled out of bed exactly four minutes earlier to start her filming her YouTube makeup tutorials. Glenda the Good Bitch, as she was known online.
But Glenda the Good Bitch was hardly being good right now as she crossed her tattooed arms across her thin chest and stared Mia, challenging her to defy her burst of bossiness. Her long, bright red hair framing her face in a delicious mess. “I mean. I don’t want to be rude or anything. But your house is, like, gross and getting out of control.”
“Sure,” Mia said, starting to feel too tired to resist anymore. “I wouldn’t mind getting some help organizing
this place. But in a few months. When I’m ready.”
“I saw there’s a new therapist who moved to town and he’s got one hell of a hot billboard. Why don’t you set up an appointment with him?”
“Leo Lawson?” Mia cringed. Why did everyone keep recommending she see the last man she ever wanted to see? Surely, there had to be other characteristics a therapist could have, besides hotness, that would attract people’s attention. Although she didn’t want to deny that the idea had been obsessively filling the crevices of her mind ever since Constable Penelope had mentioned him to her.
Right after she had pretty much accused Mia of writing her own death threats.
Mia knew Leo was probably one of the best therapists money could buy. He had always been brilliant. Intuitive. Deceivingly wise. But after seeing him again today, she realized it was just never going to work with him. There was just way too much awkward history between them, and even if they managed to get past that, they would be crossing all sorts of ethical boundaries within milliseconds.
“Come on, Mia! Stop being so stubborn. That hot therapist seems so epic. I’ve got a great feeling he is going to be the one who finally helps you get over…you know.”
Mia’s eyes snapped shut. She felt her body drench in the horror of remembering exactly what Glenda was referring to.
“Maybe he can help you get your house cleaned up?” Glenda strolled to the kitchen, grabbed an energy drink and three granola bars, and plunked down on the only available chair in the living room. She peeled the first granola bar open and tossed the wrapper to the floor.
“It doesn’t matter,” Mia said. “I’m planning on just selling the house as is and giving all the money to a cat charity. I’m done living in a big house that I don’t have the energy to care for anymore.”
Awkward seconds ticked by. Finally, softer now, Glenda said, “I’m sorry.” She peeled open the second granola bar and got to work on it. “I’m always so blunt and stupid. I shouldn’t have said it like that. Don’t sell your house, Mia. That would be stupid.”
“It’s not your fault; don’t be sorry,” Mia said. And it wasn’t. Glenda had been an amazing support since she’d moved in four years ago, shortly after Brendan went missing. She didn’t know what she would do without her love and compassion.
Mia remembered the day she had met Glenda at the local library; the girl had followed her relentlessly then too. It had been six months since Brendan had disappeared. Mia stood at the front library desk, in the middle of a miserable argument with the librarian, who accosted her for being late in returning her library books. Once again.
“I just don’t understand why you can’t simply be more organized in your life.” Brenda, the librarian with four thick yellow cornrows for hair, had snickered at her. “It’s actually not that hard.”
Mia stared at the librarian’s nametag. Brenda. One measly letter away from Brendan. It had been six months to the day since he disappeared on his way to school. The police were finding nothing and just turning up cold leads. Mia’s face tightened with anguish at the library desk, and hot, bright tears pulsed at her lower lashes. If only she had walked with him that day to school, instead of sleeping in. If only she had asked him to stay home with her. If only she had done something to prevent this awful feeling of loss that ripped through her soul.
“I promise I’ll try harder next time to be more careful,” Mia finally said to Brenda.
“You said that last time, and the time before, and the time before that. You say that every time. But when it comes right down to it, you have no intention of changing, do you?”
Mia’s cheeks stung hot and mortified. Her eyes flickered down to hide the tears that gave up hanging on to her lashes and now poured down her face.
“Hey!” Someone chirped from the lineup behind her. Mia turned and saw a young girl: thin, lanky, punk rocker clothes with chains hanging from them and blood-red spiked hair. An impossibly dainty pout for a girl trying to look so tough. The girl approached the librarian’s desk. Despite her rough, eclectic appearance, her round, large eyes were charmingly innocent. Her look was like Marilyn Manson slash Amish girl who accidentally wandered into the big, bad library.
“She said she was sorry, lady,” the feisty punk girl continued. “What more do you want? A fucking blowjob?”
A few moments later Mia and her new protector were thrown from the library to the street outside. Both of them were firmly informed by Brenda that they had been permanently banned.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Mia said to the girl, both horrified and intrigued by her unabashed boldness.
Glenda shrugged. “Anyone who abuses their position of authority to torment the little guy is not somebody I am gonna suck ass to. I’m Glenda Shar. Enchanté.”
“I have a feeling you don’t suck anyone’s ass, authority or not, Glenda Shar,” Mia said. “And how did you know my name?”
Glenda shrugged. “People talk. You’re the one with the kid who disappeared on his way to school. And the messy house.”
If anyone else had said something that blunt and insulting to Mia, she might have been inclined to cry in bed for a week. But there was an unintentional warmth and sweetness about Glenda’s rude delivery that made Mia giggle. It was refreshing to have someone who knew her situation not tiptoe on eggshells around her.
Mia liked this kid. In fact, she liked her so much she invited her to move in and be her roommate the very next day. That was four years ago. She’d never regretted it for a moment. Not until now, that was.
“I am not going to see Dr. Lawson. I will see any other therapist but him,” Mia announced.
“Dr. Lawson is the best. I just know it. I can feel it in my gut.”
Mia felt her lungs swell with hot sand as her breath was slipping away from her. She hated being cornered like this. How could she explain to Leo what she had gone through, after what had happened between them so many years ago? It would be impossible to open up to him completely without blurting out the secret she had kept for him for so many years. A secret she had long ago stuffed down and refused to ever talk about.
“I am not going to see Dr. Lawson or anybody else,” Mia turned to leave. “I’m not getting any therapy. I am just going to sell my house and give it away.”
“Mia.” Glenda rolled her eyes and got busy on the third granola bar.
Mia wouldn’t hear it and turned on her heel to dramatically leave the living room and head toward Brendan’s old bedroom, where she often spent hours lying on his bed, smelling his sheets, holding his teddy bears.
But as she stepped across the foyer her foot stubbed on an impossible-looking tower of junk that blocked her path. She clutched a stack of Disney DVDs perched precariously atop another stack of Glenda’s Hellraiser DVDs to steady herself. An old brown apple core rolled out from behind them and twirled to the fuchsia shag rug under Mia’s feet. Her foot snagged across a book entitled Find the Right Man for Your Zodiac Sign. Its cover was way too glossy to handle the slick shag beneath it, and her foot flew forward.
Within milliseconds she was sliding on her ass.
Her arms and torso flailed like psychotic tube man out front a car wash as she whirled stop her fall.
And that was the when the disaster struck.
With a sickening thud, an entire stack of old-school Lionel Richie albums slid down and pinned her against a dusty, tattered rug. Her temple stung with the impact. The weight of the records on her throat threatened to strangle her.
“Oh my god.” Glenda clambered through the clutter to release her. Mia felt consciousness fade in and out like windshield wipers sweeping side to side on a car that was floating in slow motion off a cliff. The same kind of soft, weird numbness she’d felt the day her son had disappeared.
She lifted her eyes and gazed at Glenda.
“What happened?” she asked.
“Karma just slapped your ass,” Glenda said. “I knew this mess was going to someday kill you.” Glenda pounded 911 on her cel
l phone.
“Don’t call an ambulance.” Mia dragged herself up and blinked at the room, pushing away the urge to faint. “I’m okay. Hang up the phone.”
“You’re totally not okay. You’re bat-shit crazy, woman.” Glenda said. “I’ve got to get you out of this mess before it kills us both.”
Glenda didn’t know the reality of it. That the house was hardly the threat of what could kill them. Mia still had the last death threat tucked protectively in her pajamas pocket. She would die if Glenda ever saw it. Or if she ever found out about the black van that chased her today. The last thing she needed was the girl freaking out, moving out…and abandoning her. As selfish as that might be, she needed Glenda to stay.
Besides, maybe it wasn’t a stalker to be worried about at all. Maybe Constable Barter was right, and it was Mia who was writing these notes. Maybe she had just hallucinated the black van as well.
“Fine,” Mia said.
“Fine, what?” Glenda said. “Elaborate.”
“I will talk to Dr. Leo, but I can’t be his patient. He and I dated in the past. It would be unethical, and quite frankly, just weird. Maybe I can talk to him to get a recommendation for another therapist.”
“Great idea,” Glenda hung up the phone just as Mia heard the police answer. She redialed a new phone number, with a giddy smirk now. Her tongue licked out to the side as she punched each number.
As the phone rang, Mia saw the 911 operator call back on the call display. Glenda ignored their call.
“Who are you calling now?” Mia asked.
“Doc Leo Lawson, who else? Better to hit while the iron is hot,” Glenda smiled and then pulled the phone to her ear as it rang. “I memorized his phone number after gawking at his billboard for a few hours. I’m gonna see if he can come over and recommend any other therapist for you. Preferably while shirtless—Uh, hello!” Glenda gushed into the phone and then winked at Mia to let her know he had answered. “Is this Dr. Leo Lawson? I’m totally loving your new banner, by the way. It’s very…um, eye-catching,” Glenda paused as she listened to his response. “Well, let me cut straight to the chase, sir. Mia Floyd has a psychological emergency and is looking for some recommendations for a new therapist.”
Kiss Her Goodbye: Thriller/Romance with a shocking twist Page 4
