by DJ Jamison
“Xavier is our student nurse,” Hayleigh said. “I believe I mentioned we’d have one coming in today.”
“Right.”
“Can’t work in landscaping forever, right?” Xavier said tightly.
Trent’s angry words when they broke up all those years ago still resounded in Xavier’s mind. You’re going to end up mowing lawns the rest of your life.
Trent winced, clearly remembering the words he’d thrown in Xavier’s face when they were both 18.
Hayleigh didn’t notice the tension between them. “Is that where you got those arms? Don’t see muscles like that on many nurses. Or doctors, for that matter. That will sure be a nice fringe benefit.”
Xavier almost laughed at the indignant expression on Trent’s face. He didn’t know whether Trent was more offended Hayleigh was subtly flirting with Xavier or that she’d implied the rest of the staff, including Trent, was somewhat lacking. He enjoyed ruffling Trent’s feathers regardless of the reason.
“I better go stash my things so I can get to work,” Xavier said.
He held out his hand to Trent, as if they were meeting for the first time. “I look forward to working with you, Dr. Cavendish.”
Xavier was proud of himself for keeping his cool. He was distant and cold, maybe, but at least he wasn’t a pushover. His friends told him he was forgiving to a fault, but if Trent wanted his forgiveness, he’d have to work for it.
Trent played along and clasped his hand. Tingles shot up his arm from the touch. They still had great chemistry, but then he’d known that when Trent touched him at that nightclub over the summer.
“It’s good to see you, Xavier. Let me know if I can do anything to make your time with us more enjoyable.”
His tone was neutral, but Xavier couldn’t help reading into the words. He dropped his eyes, fighting a blush. Never was he more thankful for a skin tone that mostly hid the flush in his cheeks.
“Thanks,” he murmured before brushing by to go put away his things and start seeing patients with Hayleigh.
He felt unsettled and confused by Trent’s reaction to his snub. Instead of taking the bait, he’d sounded oddly sincere about helping Xavier however he could. That wasn’t the Trent he remembered from 12 years ago.
Graduation day was sweltering hot under the Kansas sun, and even hotter under their high school graduation gowns. Xavier and Trent ventured away from the football field where the ceremony took place to grab a quiet minute alone. Trent went for a kiss, but Xavier kept it brief. He needed them to talk, and that wouldn’t happen if they got into a full-blown makeout session.
“I have to tell you something,” Xavier said tentatively.
“What?” Trent asked, a smile on his face. His mind was already going down other obvious paths as he put a hand on Xavier’s waist.
“I can’t go to school with you this fall.”
Trent drew back. “What? Why?”
“My family needs me. Twyla’s husband took off, and she’s got two toddlers, you know? And Gran was just diagnosed diabetic after a fainting spell. Maybe in another year—”
“Are you kidding me, Xavier? This is your life we’re talking about here! Your sister’s baby-making with some asshole isn’t your problem. What about your future? What about me?”
“You?”
Trent shoved him. “Yeah, me, your boyfriend! I thought we’d be doing this together. I thought we wanted the same things.”
“We do!” Xavier said, feeling guilty. “It won’t be forever, Trent. But I can’t go right now. They need me.”
“I need you, but I guess I don’t rank as high as your sister’s bad choices.”
“Shut the fuck up about my sister.”
“Fuck you, Xav! You’re going to throw away your future and end up mowing lawns the rest of your life. If that’s what you want, then there’s nothing left for us, is there? You’re just another loser in a small town with no ambition. And I don’t date losers.”
“You don’t believe that,” Xavier said, voice wavering. He clenched his jaw tight, fighting down the emotions that threatened to burst free. “I love my family, and they need me. What’s the point of anything if you just walk away from the people you love?”
“You’re walking away from me, aren’t you? You’re walking away from all our plans. Our whole relationship has been a lie. Everything we promised each other.”
Trent broke off, slipping his hands into his hair and tugging it in frustration. “Just forget it. If you’re out, I’m out.”
“Trent, come on, man. We can still do long distance for a year, and then maybe—”
“Maybe,” Trent spat. “You’re already doubting next year, too? No, Xavier. This is how people never get out of small towns. I’m not going to wait. It’s now or never.”
“Then I guess it’s never,” Xavier whispered.
“Guess so.”
Xavier shook off the memory and stuffed his things into a locker. He had better things to concentrate on than Trent’s behavior. He always could be charming when he wanted something, and he’d been direct about wanting to fuck Xavier even after he realized who he was at that nightclub months ago. But Xavier wasn’t going to be some easy lay. He had too much dignity to jump at the chance to be with Trent again.
The man had been his first love, his longest and most serious relationship. He’d also hurt Xavier more than all the guys who’d come along to dump him later.
God, his luck with men was shit. Better to focus on nursing.
***
Trent watched Xavier James walk away from him. A pattern never to be broken, it seemed.
He’d say Xavier was the one who got away, but Trent had to acknowledge that he’d been the one to throw away their relationship in a fit of anger. He’d felt betrayed when Xavier backed out of their plans to go to college together. He’d been focused on his future to the point of obsession at the time, and looking backward — even by maintaining a relationship with someone at home— had seemed impossible.
He was 18 and immature. He didn’t understand priorities like family because his own home was a cold, empty shell with parents who’d rather travel than spend time with their teenage son. They were empty nesters before the nest was empty.
Xavier looked good. He was dressed far more conservatively than he had been at the club and he’d changed his hair. Instead of curls venturing into afro territory, he’d started a set of dreadlocks. Given how thick his hair had been, he’d managed to get some decent length out of them in a short time. Even with the change in his appearance— the lack of lace and lip gloss — Trent found him damned attractive.
Working around him every week was going to be pure torture unless Xavier warmed up a bit. If only he could find a way to persuade him …
“Doctor?” Hayleigh broke into this thoughts. “Patient in Exam 2.”
He nodded, switching gears. “Be right there.”
Carefully, he pushed aside his regrets about Xavier and concentrated on the job at hand. It was an important one. The patients coming to the clinic didn’t often have regular health care. It was essential Trent was sharp during their visits because there could be underlying health problems escaping attention without preventative care check-ups.
He hadn’t thought he’d enjoy the job much, to be honest. He’d taken it as an escape route from a life that had kept him focused on all the wrong things. But working in the clinic gave him a new appreciation for all the times Xavier had spoken about his dreams to do more outreach work in the community. Even with Medicaid and other federal health plans, there were gaps in coverage and accessibility. There would always be people who fell through the cracks.
Trent pushed aside the curtain and stepped inside Exam 2, smiling at the middle-aged woman sitting on the table.
“What seems to be—”
A rattling, violent cough interrupted him.
“Ah, I see,” he said gently. “How long have you been feeling this way?”
Trent grabbed a stool on whe
els and rolled himself over while checking Hayleigh’s notes about symptoms. Then he set about doing a job that mattered just as much as surgery.
If his fingers twitched now and then from missing the feel of a scalpel in them, he could live with that. His soul felt so much better for helping people without the gratification of a six-figure salary and the pats on the back he got for trying a new maneuver in surgery.
Returning to Ashe hadn’t gotten him everything he wanted yet, not by a long shot. But it was the right move. Of that, he was sure.
***
Hayleigh kept Xavier on his toes. They weighed in patients, took their blood pressure and checked their heart rate. They took notes on their health concerns, taking care to be a little more thorough than Xavier remembered from his own doctor’s visits. When he asked about it, Hayleigh pointed out that their patients didn’t have primary care physicians and without regular access to care even the mildest symptoms needed to be noted carefully.
It made sense. It made Xavier a little sad to think of people in this day and age going without the preventative care that could save their lives. For many of them, a serious diagnosis such as cancer would come far too late to save their lives. He’d seen it happen to his own father, one of the reasons he wanted to work in a clinic setting. Community outreach was his passion after his dad died just three months after being diagnosed when Xavier was 8. Tyrel James had put off going to the doctor until his situation was dire, and by then it was too late. It was part of the reason Xavier had wanted to be a doctor, so he could save another little boy’s father from the same fate.
His family had needed him when he graduated high school — needed him, still — but he also didn’t have the finances to get through medical school. His gran had saved up a small sum for him to attend college, but it wasn’t nearly enough. He’d failed to win the scholarship he needed most, and he wasn’t sure he could even qualify for enough loans to cover his schooling.
He hadn’t shared that little tidbit with Trent all those years ago because when his ex started insulting his family, he didn’t want to offer any other reasons that would validate his points. Money or not, Xavier would have chosen his family every time.
He carried a urine sample down to the lab at Hayleigh’s instruction and wrapped up his shift without running into Trent. He’d seen him in the halls once or twice as they hurried past each other, but not long enough to talk.
Thank fuck. Xavier could handle working with Trent a whole lot better if their interactions were kept to a minimum. He’d already freaked out enough after their first run-in at the club, so messed up in the head he’d actually hit on his roommate a week later in the hopes of pushing Trent out of his mind. He’d nearly screwed up his friendship with Zane in the process, and no way was he going to let Trent affect him like that again.
It wasn’t until his Friday afternoon shift that Xavier walked into a situation that required dealing with Trent one-on-one.
He did his clinical hours as usual, signed out and swung by the bathroom to take a much needed break before retrieving his belongings.
Trent stood at a urinal, his dick in his hand. His position, turned slightly away from the door, kept Xavier from seeing anything. Still. The man was standing in front of him, dick in hand.
Xavier’s shoe squeaked on the tile floor. His shoe, not his voice; he’d go to his grave sticking by that story.
Trent’s eyes flicked up, catching his in the mirror.
Fuck. I just can’t catch a break.
Trent had lost the white coat, and he’d changed at some point into jeans that showcased a nice ass and a long-sleeved gray Henley that hugged his torso. He looked damn fine, just as good as he had at the nightclub last summer, actually. Xavier wondered briefly if Trent planned to go out. It was a weeknight, but that didn’t stop some people. Hell, maybe Trent had a new hookup every night. The thought made Xavier’s gut bubble with discomfort.
The sound of a zipper broke him out of a downward spiral of thoughts he didn’t want to examine too closely.
“I was just …”
Xavier waved toward the stalls, then turned on his heel and hurried toward one.
Once inside, he smacked his own forehead. So stupid. He mouthed the words, not wanting his ex-boyfriend to think he was actually crazy enough to talk to himself inside a bathroom stall. Rolling his eyes and lecturing himself in his head, he quickly unzipped and took the leak that brought him to the restroom.
When he opened the stall door, the man in question stood directly in front of him.
“All done for the day?” Trent asked.
Xavier nodded, unable to find his words as his gaze slid down Trent’s body, taking in the broader shoulders and firm chest that was such a change from the past. Trent’s T-shirt clung to his biceps and pecs, showcasing his lean but toned body. His smug smile made it obvious Xavier’s ogling hadn’t been subtle.
He waited for Trent to move, but he didn’t. He locked eyes with Xavier, staring intently.
“Can I help you with something, Doctor?” he asked in his most professional voice.
“Oh, yeah,” Trent replied.
He gripped the nape of Xavier’s neck and pulled him in. Xavier was helpless to fight it. He let Trent take his mouth, inhaling sharply as those lips brushed against his for the first time in more than a decade. It was new, but also familiar. Trent tasted the same. A sensory memory rushed to the forefront of his mind of hours spent kissing after completing a study session at one of their houses, usually Trent’s because his parents weren’t home much and they could make out at their leisure.
The brief image of them tangled up in Trent’s high school bedroom was enough to bring Xavier to his senses.
He pulled away, lips burning with a yearning for more contact.
“Have a drink with me,” Trent said.
“I can’t.”
“Xav, please. Give me a chance to make amends.”
Xavier fought back a smile. “Is that what this is?” he asked. “Seems more like you want in my scrubs, Doctor.”
Trent chuckled, looking abashed, even as his gaze ran over Xavier head to toe. “You make them look so good. I didn’t think that was possible.”
Xavier laughed. “It’s not. That kiss scrambled your brain.”
“Oh, there’s no denying that,” he said, dropping his voice to an intimate tone. “You’re enough to make any gay man lose blood to his brain. Goddamn. How are you still single, Xavier?”
Xavier tensed. He’d gotten distracted by Trent’s looks and his gravelly voice, but he wasn’t going to let it go any further.
“Not for lack of trying,” he said flatly. “I’ve been with a lot of men since you, Trent. And I’ll be with more. But you and me, that’s over.”
Trent’s eyes flashed, and Xavier remembered that look too, from graduation day. Trent was pissed.
“That kiss says otherwise.”
“We have to work together,” Xavier said stiffly. “I suggest you keep it professional, Dr. Cavendish. If you’re in the market for a fuck buddy, find it somewhere else.”
“I’m not—” He faltered as Xavier finally gave up maintaining his personal space and brushed past Trent. “Damn it, Xav! You’re not playing fair bringing our jobs into it.”
“Seems like karma, huh?” Xavier said, as turned on the faucet and thrust his hands in the stream of water. “You left me because of your career, and now you can’t have me for the same reason.”
“I don’t believe for a second that’s the reason.”
“Believe what you want, but keep it professional, okay? I don’t want to have to file a complaint.”
Trent took a step back, looking pained. Xavier watched him in the mirror, but he didn’t turn to make eye contact. He soaped his hands, rinsed them and stepped away to dry his hands on a paper towel before Trent spoke again.
“You’d really do that?” Trent asked, sounding defeated. “I just want to make things right.”
“So you say,” Xavi
er said, finally looking him in the face. Mustering all the confidence he could find, he shrugged casually as if this conversation wasn’t tearing at his insides. “You’ll have to find a way to do that without sleeping with me.”
***
Trent stood in a public restroom, dressed to go out, and watched Xavier leave with a feeling of helplessness. His ex had shut him down hard. Not just rejected him, but forbidden him from even trying to get him back.
Maybe coming to Ashe was a mistake. He’d wanted a fresh start with Xavier. He knew they might not rekindle the love they’d had 12 years ago, but he’d hoped to at least get on good terms with him again.
Xavier wasn’t his only goal for leaving the OR and starting over, but he was a major incentive. What if he left surgery behind, became less self-centered and more balanced, and still ended up alone?
He could still taste Xavier’s kiss on his lips.
Too cocky. Once again, you got too big for your britches, Cavendish.
Trent washed and dried his hands and exited the bathroom. He felt a little silly walking through the clinic, telling the few lingering staff members goodbye. He could feel their eyes taking in his casual clothes, which he never wore at work.
The receptionist at the front desk giggled. “Got a hot date tonight, Doc? Looking good.”
Trent paused at the desk to be polite. He debated what to say, but hell if he was going to help any rumors get started that Xavier might hear.
“Nah, just going to explore Ashe a bit. I’m still new here. I might check out the bookstore or see a movie.”
“Living on the edge, huh?”
He laughed lightly. “Yeah. Well, I’m a recovering workaholic. Give me some time to adjust.”
Rachel smiled. “Will do. Let me know if you want to grab dinner sometime.”
“Oh, uh—”
“Just as friends!” she exclaimed, her cheeks flushing pink. She lowered her voice. “I know you’re more into, um, that new student nurse.”
