by DJ Jamison
“I hate my ambition,” Trent said, thinking that Xavier really was too good for him. “It kept me from realizing what was really important.”
He hoped Xavier would read between the lines. He couldn’t quite bring himself to spell it out, and he was a little distracted by the feel of Xavier’s body resting against his. Parts of his body were enjoying their contact a little too much.
Trent’s dick made its presence known, and Xavier shifted his head back a few inches. Looking at the growing tent in Trent’s boxer briefs, he smirked.
“Someone likes me,” he teased.
“Oops,” Trent said. “Eager dick. He’s just remembering how great you were to him earlier. You’ve earned a friend for life.”
“More like he’s sitting up and begging for more.”
“He’s easy.”
Xavier turned his face, laughing into Trent’s stomach. “Go back to bed, ’cause I’m not that easy.”
His voice rumbled through Trent, sending a rush of tingles across his skin.
Xavier followed his statement with a lick from Trent’s navel to his sternum, where he pressed a kiss over his heart.
Trent gripped Xavier’s hair, holding him still. “Baby …”
Xavier retreated, scooting back into his own space. “Goodnight.”
Trent’s body missed his warmth immediately. His dick ached for action, throbbing in his underwear. His skin felt too hot, and his lips buzzed with the need for a kiss. Every part of him wanted every part of Xavier.
“You’re killin’ me here,” Trent said.
Xavier smiled, a mischievous glint in his eye. “I know, but I’m not getting up to shenanigans on a work trip—“
“You already blew me!”
“Any other shenanigans,” Xavier qualified. “I lost it in the heat of the moment. You went all supersurgeon and became irresistible to me.”
“So surgery is your Kryptonite? Mental note: Schedule another surgery ASAP!”
Xavier laughed. “I just think we should look before we jump this time, you know? I need time to process. A month ago, I hated you. A week ago, I was disappointed I couldn’t hate you.”
“And now?”
“Fuck knows,” Xavier said. “My head is still a mess.”
Trent sighed. He understood Xavier’s reservations. It was a lot to expect, he supposed, in a short amount of time.
He returned to his bed, and Xavier turned off the light. Looked like he was going to lie awake horny and frustrated for one more night.
“Goodnight, Xav,” he said, mustering the last of his patience to resist begging.
He turned on his side, ignoring the heavy weight between his legs, and willed sleep to come.
***
The last leg of the journey was hell.
During the day, Xavier was running his ass off as they set up and tore down makeshift clinics and powered through patient after patient. There were no more emergencies that required Trent’s surgical skills, however, and they settled into a frenetic monotony of work.
At night, Xavier laid awake for hours restless and horny. Even worse, he knew Trent was in the same state. He never should have blown him after that surgery; it ramped up their desire for each other and he felt like a goddamn cocktease for holding out.
Their last night before heading to Ashe they were in Kinsley. They’d gotten takeout and both went to bed early. If Trent felt anything like Xavier, he was exhausted. Desperate for sleep and yet too wired to get there, Xavier grabbed his phone from the side table in an attempt to distract himself from thoughts of the man in the next bed.
He pulled up his neighbor pal Bella in the contacts and texted her a quick message: 911! Ex-boyfriend emergency!
Bella was quick with a reply. Give me the deets.
Tempted to be bad.
Bella knew a bit of their history. He’d told her more about his past with Trent than even Zane and Paul had heard. He’d given her the play by play of their words to each other, and had been a lot more honest about his fears. Bella was easy to talk to because she never judged or criticized. He could always count on her to listen and be supportive.
Stay strong, she texted. Sex only if/when you forgive him.
I already gave him a BJ.
DUDE!!!
I know! Xavier texted, glancing over at the restless lump in Trent’s bed. The man was tossing and turning like nobody’s business, but his eyes were closed tight.
A BJ says I forgive you, he added, but fucking says let’s get back together.
You should put that on a greeting card
Bitch!
She stuck out her tongue via emoticon and sent one final text: TTL. Cute boy is calling me.
He returned his phone to its charger, not sure talking to Bella had helped much. Now he just kept thinking about Trent’s dick in his mouth. The weight of it on his tongue, and the velvety texture of his cockhead. The sounds he made when Xavier fluttered his tongue along the thick vein running up his shaft.
Sounds … that were now coming from the other side of the room.
Xavier’s ears perked, trying to make sense of it. Then the telltale sound of skin rubbing against skin registered.
Oh, fuck no.
Trent was jerking off. Just the sound of it had Xavier’s cock growing hard between his legs. He shifted to his back and reached down to reposition the erection straining the confines of his boxer briefs.
Trent moaned out loud, and Xavier couldn’t take it. He shoved down his underwear and grabbed his own cock, giving it a slow stroke.
He jerked his cock while straining to catch every sigh, every muffled whimper into the pillow, every whispered curse. Xavier drew up his knees as quietly as possible and pushed the tip of his finger against his hole, just teasing at the sensitive area.
His shifting around must have alerted Trent that he wasn’t asleep.
Trent’s breath caught. “You’re awake?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“Did you hear …”
“Right there with you, Trent. Now shut up and make yourself come.”
“Oh, fuck,” Trent whispered.
He threw off the blankets, and Xavier could see the outline of his body in the dark, but not nearly as much detail as he’d like. Trent had spread his legs wide, his cock standing straight up, while he stroked both hands over it like mad. Now that he knew he had a willing audience, he gave up the pretense of silence and groaned loudly.
“Wish I could see you,” Trent muttered.
Xavier kicked off his blankets, figuring he owed Trent that much. He wasn’t turning on the light, and he wasn’t letting them touch. But he could give him a show.
He turned, putting his ass at the edge of the bed so Trent could see between his spread legs to the shadowy cleft of his ass and the two fingers now working his hole.
“Christ,” Trent groaned. “I can barely see you in this light, and you’re gonna make me come.”
“That’s the idea,” Xavier said, fucking up into his fist and rocking down onto his fingers. The dual sensations on his cockhead and his prostate had him racing toward the finish line.
The room filled with their moans, gasps and curses. They sped up in tandem, keeping a rhythm even while they were in separate beds, and came seconds apart. Xavier went off first, the pressure on his prostate speeding him to climax, and while he was still shooting he heard Trent cry out. He was in the throes of orgasm, so he couldn’t watch, and he desperately wanted to see the evidence of Trent’s desire for him.
Xavier slipped from his bed, stumbling a little on shaky legs, and reached for Trent. His ex-boyfriend was ready with open arms.
He fell into the bed and kissed him while he slid a hand through the sticky mess on Trent’s stomach.
“This doesn’t mean anything,” he whispered.
“I know.”
“I’m not ready for anything.”
“It’s okay, Xav. It’s whatever you need it to be. I’m waiting for you to decide what you want.”
<
br /> Xavier knew what he wanted. He wanted Trent. Always had.
But could he trust Trent not to break his heart again? That was the question he wasn’t ready to answer.
Chapter Twelve
Trent eased the van to a stop in front of Xavier’s apartment building. They’d dropped off Marge and her belongings first, carrying everything in and getting her settled with her daughter. Trent took a few moments to pull the daughter aside while Xavier distracted Marge.
Not that he’d had to do much except listen. She was full of observations about him and Trent. The doctor was head over heels for him, she said. He watched Xavier’s every move. They had great chemistry.
Everything she said was true, but it unsettled him. They needed more than chemistry if they were going to try again. They’d proven once before they had different ideas about what was important in life. Trent was trying hard to prove his priorities had changed, but Xavier wasn’t yet sure if that was true. Xavier hated to think he might be just another goal to chase or a consolation prize to distract Trent from his grief.
They hadn’t talked much on the way to his apartment. Trent looked just as exhausted as Xavier felt. They’d both worked damn hard, on top of sleeping poorly most of the trip.
Trent killed the engine and turned to Xavier. “Need help with your stuff?”
Xavier forced a smile. “Nah, I got it.”
“Okay, um ...”
“Yeah?”
Instead of finishing his thought, Trent leaned in and kissed him.
Xavier pulled back before the kiss could linger. He didn’t want Trent getting any ideas about coming up and finishing what they’d started on the trip.
“I need some time,” he said.
Trent flinched and looked away, staring out the windshield. “Okay.”
“I need to sort out my thoughts and feelings when we’re not sharing a room, you feel me?”
Trent snorted. “I wish I could feel you.”
“Trent ...”
Trent turned to him with a pained smile. “I get it. You’re not ready to trust me.”
“It’s not that I think you’re lying. I just need my brain and my heart and my dick to all be on the same page.”
Trent’s smile turned playful. “Yeah? What page is your dick on?”
“It’s all about Dr. Dishy, which you know full well.”
Trent laughed. “Dr. Dishy?”
He shrugged. “That’s what the other clinic nurses call you when you’re not around.”
“Jesus, really?”
“Yeah, and that’s not all they tell me. Apparently, Dr. Dishy has a major boner for me and told them we have history.”
Trent groaned as he remembered that slip. “Shit. That was an accident.”
Xavier grinned. “It’s okay. At least there were no details floating around. It’s just the nature of a hospital rumor mill. Still, be careful what you say, Dr. Dishy.”
“Please stop using that name.”
“It’s a compliment.”
“I guess. If only you wanted this dish, huh?”
He was joking, but Xavier could hear the hurt in his tone. Trent obviously had real feelings at stake and Xavier couldn’t just dismiss that because he was the one hurt so long ago.
“It’s not that I don’t want it. I just haven’t figured out if it’s good for me.”
Trent met his eyes. “I only want the best for you.”
Xavier couldn’t resist cupping Trent’s face or leaning in for a brief kiss. “I believe you. Give me some time, okay? Let me get my shit figured out. I don’t want to fuck this up if we try again.”
“Okay, Xav. I’ll wait, gladly. It’s my fault we were apart so long. A few more days is a drop in the bucket. Just don’t talk yourself out of it. We can be so great together.”
Xavier nodded, and Trent let him go, having made his final pitch. Grabbing his duffel from the back, Xavier jogged up the sidewalk and through the front doors.
He got a text on his way up to his apartment.
Bella: 911! Dating emergency!
Xavier was dog-tired, but he figured he owed her after his TMI messages about Trent. He fired off a text that he’d be right over, and went by the apartment to drop off his bags.
Bella was regularly on the hunt for a man. They actually met in the laundry room of the apartment building when she’d tried to subtly flirt with Zane. It had been a lost cause, and Xavier had scooped her up as a friend when Zane was a rude bastard.
At the time, his roommate had been twisted up in knots: recovering from an assault, losing his family and falling for a man who seemed to be unavailable. No wonder the kid had been a mess. Luckily, things had turned out okay — at least with the boyfriend, and maybe with his father, too. From what Zane said, they were speaking again. How he was dealing with the aftermath of his assault was a bit murkier, but Zane’s spunky personality seemed to be coming out more and more every day.
Xavier rapped on Bella’s door, and she yanked it open immediately.
“Thank God! I need a man’s opinion.”
She turned and speed-walked back into her bedroom, so Xavier followed. He took in the heaping pile of clothes on the bed.
“Must be some guy if you’re putting this much effort into getting ready.”
“Oh, he’s totally cute. Think Bradley Cooper, except younger.”
Xavier nodded his head. “Okay, okay. I can dig it. Blue eyes are nice.”
His head immediately went to Trent, and those deep blue eyes of his. Damn.
Bella snapped her fingers. “Focus, X! Stop fantasizing about my date.”
Xavier chuckled. “Sorry. I was thinking of someone else actually ...”
“Ooh, like the badboy ex?”
“You first. What’s the emergency if you got a hot boy asking you out?”
She waved a hand at the jumble of clothes. “Do you really need to ask?”
Xavier moved closer to the bed and sorted through the clothes. He tossed aside a top that screamed “easy” and a skirt that screamed “no sex before marriage.” After shuffling items aside to see everything on offer, he tugged out skinny jeans and a low-cut sweater.
“Try this.”
“Really?”
He shrugged. “It says casual and cool. You can wear heels or boots, either works, and add a scarf or belt to dress it up.”
“Wow, that’s amazing.”
He pointed a finger at her. “Do not even think about sayin’ I’m good at clothes because I’m gay. I used to be a dating show addict.”
She laughed. “Yeah, right. Why would you want to see guys and girls go on dates?”
He shrugged. “Eh, I was young and in denial? I thought it might explain why everyone liked girls and what the hell they did with them when they went out. Instead, it confirmed that I’d rather date the guys than the girls,” he said with a laugh.
Bella grinned at his story, and without asking him to turn around, whipped off her shirt. Xavier saw creamy white skin — damn, the girl was as pale as Trent, but even more blinding without the body hair that made Trent so sexy — and a practically see-through lacy bra before he lifted a hand to shield his eyes.
“Whoa! Warn a guy.”
She giggled. “Sorry. Figured you’re not interested, so what’s it matter?”
“I don’t need to be seeing that shit,” he said as he turned around.
“Ouch. So my boobs offend you?”
“Um, kinda. Yeah.”
He listened to the rustle of clothing behind him, and the huff of Bella’s annoyed breath. He could have put that more politely, but he was exhausted and didn’t have the mental energy to be considerate of her feelings.
“I’m changed now,” she said with a bit of bite to her tone. “You can look without your eyes boiling or whatever.”
He glanced at her outfit, then smiled. The sweater was stylish, but classy. It showed off her curves without shoving her cleavage in a guy’s face like a free offering. The jeans fit her well, s
howcasing long legs.
“You look great.”
She sighed. “Now that I’m covered up, you mean.”
Xavier collapsed on the bed and groaned. Bella was a pretty girl with honey blond hair, big blue eyes and a curvy build that would give Marilyn Monroe a run for her money, but she had very little confidence. Xavier’s reaction had probably just added to her insecurities. She was always complaining her ass was too large, her hips too wide. All the stick-figure models on magazines had her believing curves were unappealing.
“I’m sorry,” Xavier said. “Show me your tits if you want.”
She leaned over and punched his arm. “Don’t be so crude. I don’t need you to see anything. I just don’t want to feel offensive.”
He pouted out his lower lip. “Sorry. I’m tired and cranky. You know I think you’re beautiful. You have a hot date, so start believing me, will you?”
She turned to look in the mirror. “Well, this looks pretty decent so I guess you’re forgiven,” she said. “So, what’s got you cranky?”
Xavier sighed.
“Spit it out,” she ordered.
“You already know I gave Trent a BJ.”
“Yeah? Did you do anything else?” she asked, eyes narrowed.
“Not really, except we kinda jerked off together,” he said, “and then I kissed him again.”
“I so don’t get the appeal of mutual masturbation,” she said, looking thoughtful. Bella could be easily distracted, so he snapped his fingers until she refocused on him. “So, you and Zane are both dating doctors now. You guys need to hook me up.”
“I’m not dating Trent,” he objected. “I told him it didn’t mean anything. And what about your young Bradley Cooper?”
She waved a hand. “He works at the hardware store. So not the same league as a doctor. Plus, he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed, if you know what I mean. But he seemed nice, so I figured one date couldn’t hurt.”
“You cared an awful lot about your clothes, considering he doesn’t sound like much of a catch.”
“I guess I like him,” she admitted, a blush on her cheeks. “Whatever. You’re not dating Trent. What’s that mean? You don’t want to work it out?”
