Frustration boiling over, he strode closer. He held her shoulders and persuaded gently, “For the next year. Then, as you’ve already told me—” and no one else “—because you don’t plan to run for mayor again, you will be free to do exactly as you please.”
She extricated herself from his light, staying grasp. Unlike him, seeming unsure they could make a long-distance relationship last even that long. “I don’t want to live in the city. I don’t want to raise my son there.”
Now she was just making up excuses. “How do you know?” he asked, his patience fading fast. “You haven’t given it a chance. Lucas seemed just fine with my place there when the two of you visited.”
Lily turned her glance away. She appeared to be holding herself together with effort. That was little comfort, given what she was talking about doing—summarily destroying everything they had shared over the past eight days. He’d thought what they had been building toward was incredibly special, surely something worth fighting for, but obviously he was alone in that.
Lily drew a shaky breath. “I have family here to help out with Lucas whenever I need. Although if I’m not mayor, I won’t need as much help as I have recently.”
“If you come to Fort Worth, you’ll have me.”
“If I come to Fort Worth, you’ll be at the office sixty to eighty hours every week. I’ll be alone in your apartment with Lucas.”
He shook his head, determined not to let her put up barriers between them once again. “Not if you make friends, get a job...”
To his disappointment, her outward confusion only grew. “Doing what?”
He shrugged. “Whatever you want that makes you happy. You can go back to being a lawyer again.”
Lily looked out the only window from the second-story office. Darkness had fallen, but the fairgrounds were lit up with strands of red-and-white lights. Festival-goers thronged, crowding all the aisles, lining up at the food vendors and carnival-style games. The band could be heard warming up. But in here, it was cold, sterile and gray, with fluorescent overhead lights adding a harsh illumination to the already tense atmosphere.
“I told you,” Lily continued, sounding even more upset. “I hate litigating—it’s too contentious. Too focused on winning and losing, instead of what’s right for everyone in a situation...”
Figuring it was time to lay all their cards on the table, he let his disappointment in her show. “Then don’t be a lawyer. Don’t work at all, if you don’t want. Be a mom. Have more kids. Help me find a place in the suburbs of Fort Worth and turn it into a home. I’d love that.” More than you know...
Her lips pinched tight. “That’s not me, either. Don’t you see that, Gannon? I don’t want a job like the one I have now that takes so much of my time and sometimes makes it hard for me to see my son.”
Desperately, he searched for a solution that seemed to elude her. “You want to work part-time?”
Lily rocked back on the heels of her cowgirl boots. “That’s just it. I don’t know. All I know is that to date I haven’t been happy in any job I’ve had. And yet, for a lot of reasons, financial and emotional security being paramount among them, I need to continue to work to support myself and my son.”
And maybe, Gannon thought, there was a reason she hadn’t been as happy in her life or in her work as she had wanted and needed to be, same as him. Gently, he drew her back into his arms and smoothed the hair from her face. “Maybe you’re expecting too much from your work. And not enough from the people who care about you, like me.” Maybe that was why she was so intent on putting up roadblocks between them yet again. Because she was still as afraid to risk all as she had been when they started law school.
She looked at him, searching his face.
He tried all the harder to get through to her. “Take it from me, Lily. From someone who has spent the past ten years doing nothing but work, work, work. It doesn’t matter how satisfying a career is, it’s never going to fill up the empty spaces in your heart.”
* * *
ONLY, THE SPACES in her heart weren’t empty, Lily thought. They were full of Gannon, and hope and fear...and the misery that came from once again feeling as if she’d been too reckless and was on the verge of making a huge mistake. The kind that could destroy and devastate her—and her son—forever.
Which left her with only one solution to her predicament. Put on the brakes. Now.
She pushed away from him and moved so the green metal desk was between them, wishing she had equal cover for her ravaged heart. Feigning an inner resolve she couldn’t begin to feel, she told him, “It’s all happened too fast.” Her voice was as raw as the tension between them. “We’ve only been seeing each other again for eight days, Gannon. Eight days.” Furiously, she blinked back the tears blurring her vision.
He studied her, his expression inscrutable. “Eight passion-and-fun-packed days.”
“There’s been a lot of stress, too. Just like in our law school days.”
He shrugged his shoulders, then corrected softly, “Only this time, we’ve worked together.”
Nodding in agreement, Lily swallowed around the rising lump in her throat. “You’re great in a family-law-style crisis, Gannon.” It was no wonder so many women wanted him to represent them.
He strode toward her, flashing his bad-boy grin. “And out of the office, too.”
Lily flattened her hands on the desk and remained in place. “But what happens next—when all of that is eventually settled?”
Gannon sat down on the desk beside her and pulled her into the V of his spread legs. “You’re saying you won’t need me?” He dipped his head so his lips brushed her ear.
Yearning swept through her. Lily spread one hand on his chest, the other on the swell of his biceps. “I’m saying that this conflict with Bode may well be over even as we speak now that he has a QB job he obviously wants.”
Gannon lifted a brow.
“So you may not need to rescue me and Lucas further,” Lily pushed on. Finding her knees were trembling, she sank down in the nearby swivel chair. “And that you might lose interest in us as a consequence.”
Gannon lifted her back to her feet and then onto one muscular thigh, slowly, purposefully, invading her personal space. “Why are you making this so damn difficult?” he asked gruffly.
When, in his opinion, Lily noted, it should all be easy.
Lily slipped a hand over his shoulder, ostensibly to keep him at bay, although it felt more as if she was keeping him close. Knowing it was time they were straight with each other—and themselves—she said, “Because this all feels very reckless to me.” And therefore, very risky. “And that makes me want to take some time apart to sort through all my confused feelings. And figure out just what is real and what isn’t.” So I don’t hurt my son. Or you. Or me. Or anyone else for that matter.
His eyes grew shuttered. He ran his thumb over her jaw. “All while being away from me.”
“Don’t you see?” she returned, doing her best to be reasonable in a way that he was currently not. “That’s the only way we’ll know if we truly can’t live without each other. If we slow down and take the time apart.”
His glance swept over her, the heat and tenderness in his gaze reminding her of all they had shared. All she still wanted.
“If we want to know where this is all going, we need to spend more time together.” He kissed her temple, her cheek, her lips. “Or at least as much as we can work out, given the fact we live two hours apart.”
Lily recalled how devastated she had felt when their friendship had ended abruptly before. How much she had come to count on Gannon in just eight days. Her son had become attached to him, as well. Lucas already had one father who came and went in his life, to increasingly hurtful result. How would he react to losing another?
Lily shifted, her hip bumping Gannon�
��s rock-hard thigh. “And what happens if frequent visits don’t work out?” Still nestled in the apex of his spread thighs, Lily turned so she could better see his face. “Or prove to be a dull imitation of the action-packed love affair we’ve had the past eight days?” What happened, she wondered, if Gannon didn’t care about her as much as he thought?
“Or they do sort of work out,” she said, feeling even more panicked, “but we still can’t see each other nearly enough to make each other as happy as we both need to be?”
His lips thinned. “All these are hypothetical scenarios,” he told her gruffly. “None of which will come true.”
If only she could be half as sure, Lily thought miserably. “How do you know that with one hundred percent certainty?” she persisted, tears pressing at the back of her eyes. “Don’t forget, I know you, Gannon.” Maybe better than you know yourself. “I know you don’t like to wait—for anything.”
She knew she didn’t want to let him go. She was afraid to try to keep him in her life, too—at least at this level of intensity.
“No...I’m not a patient man,” he admitted, “especially when it comes to you.”
She blew out a breath. “See! My point exactly. I don’t want to have my heart broken the way it was back in law school, when I thought you were going to give me the space and time I needed. Only to have you say, ‘no, thanks,’ and move on to about a gazillion other women. None of whom can apparently meet your high expectations, either!”
He smiled at the telltale note of jealousy in her voice. “And that, too, should tell you something. No one compares to you, Lily,” he vowed huskily, all the affection she had ever wanted in his eyes. “And the fact that you still have no one in your life romantically gives me hope that, in your estimation, no one compares to me, either.”
That was all true. But the knowledge of what she wanted—a love and a marriage that would endure—made her more cautious still. “I don’t deny that sometimes...especially when we’re making love...I feel as though we’re meant to be together forever, too.” As if there would never ever be anyone else.
She got back on her feet. Ignoring the sudden hurt in his eyes, she pushed on, “But a relationship between the two of us is going to take so much effort.”
“So?” He stared her, not comprehending.
Lily gulped. “In the past you haven’t been the kind of man who wants to compromise on anything important. Or surrender even part of what you hope to achieve.”
So if he couldn’t do this...
If he couldn’t agree to give her time, what else wouldn’t he be able to give her?
For them to be together, this had to change. Surely he must realize that!
His expression grew stony. “Seems to me that you’re the one who’s not willing to compromise,” he said abruptly.
Lily blinked at him in shock. “What are you talking about?” She had just poured out her heart to him in the hope that they could come to some resolution, some way to move forward without the risk of it all blowing up in their faces. Instead, he was acting as if she were the impossible one in their relationship!
Exhaling roughly, he stood up and strode toward the door. Impatience tightened the handsome features on his face. “You’ve got no problem meeting anyone else—even your louse of an ex—halfway. But when it comes to me,” he said, bitterness edging his tone, “you can’t begin to compromise.” He whirled back to face her. “Why is that, Lily?”
The hell of it was, she didn’t know.
“Look, I want you—and Lucas—in my life, but I’m not going to take an arbitrary break, just so you’ll have an easier time of eventually ending whatever this has been. Or waste the rest of my life pining over something that’s not ever going to happen. And that apparently is us. At least in any long-lasting, meaningful way.”
She rushed after him. “So this is it? You’re breaking up with me—for good? No time-out. No second chances. No nothing? You don’t even want to try to be friends?” she cried, the hurt she’d expected all along hitting her full force.
“No,” he said brusquely, looking at her long and hard. “Because the truth is, you’re right about one thing, Lily. Given the way we both are? We never should have started this.”
Gannon turned and left the office, leaving her to face yet another Valentine’s Day alone.
Chapter Sixteen
Lucas had just fallen asleep Monday evening when a knock sounded on Lily’s door. She went downstairs, her heart full of irrational hope. Instead of the person Lily had most yearned to see, her triplet sisters stood on the stoop. Violet brandished a bottle of wine, and Rose held a big box of scrumptious-looking chocolate-covered strawberries that would have been perfect on Valentine’s Day. Not that she was celebrating...
Finally, Rose demanded, “Are you just going to stand there scowling or let us in?”
Lily looked at the entrepreneur among them. Rose was always selling or starting something. Tonight it seemed to be Lily’s resurrection from heartache. The only problem was, she was not in the mood. “Shouldn’t you be home babysitting your triplets?” she harrumphed at her ridiculously cheerful sister.
Rose waved an airy hand and waltzed on in. “Poppy’s babysitting. Not that there’s much to do since they’re all asleep.”
Violet followed. Maybe it was because she was a resident physician and an idealist at heart, she was always much more careful with Lily’s feelings. “We came over to help you celebrate your good news,” she announced kindly.
Lily went to find the bottle opener and three wineglasses. “Mom and Dad told you?”
“That Bode withdrew his custody suit?” Violet smiled and took off her coat. “Yes. Not that anyone’s surprised. We all knew he was only asking for a change in the custody arrangements because his career was in jeopardy.”
As at home in Lily’s kitchen as her own, Rose got down the dessert plates and the napkins. “Have you heard from Mr. Football?”
Lily nodded. “He called me early this afternoon.”
Everything stopped. “And...?”
“Bode said that he wants to do what is best for our son.” Lily did not bother to mask her relief. “And that probably means not being with Lucas until he gets settled in with his new team.” She poured everyone a glass of wine.
Rose and Violet exchanged looks. “Surely he’s not expecting you to fly Lucas to Baltimore to see him?” Rose helped herself to a strawberry.
Lily shook her head, aware that although she was disappointed for her son, she also agreed with her ex. “Bode told me he thought it would be best for all of us if Lucas remained in Laramie and Bode came to Texas to see him when he had time.” Which would likely be rarely, just like before. Although Bode hadn’t come out and said that.
Violet studied her. “What did you say to him?”
“I thanked him for calling me in person rather than leaving it to the lawyers. Although—” Lily added, sipping her wine “—a short while later, I heard the same from Liz, too.”
A short silence fell.
Violet and Rose exchanged another look. “Gannon didn’t call?” Violet asked in concern.
“First, he’s not my attorney in the matter.” Lily paused to savor a delicious chocolate-covered strawberry. And found the confection did nothing to assuage her broken heart. “He was only consulting with Liz, at her behest, for a short while.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Second—” Lily picked up steam as she carried her wineglass into the living area “—as both of you very well know, Gannon and I are not on speaking terms.”
“Big mistake,” Violet muttered, joining Lily on the sofa. “Huge.”
Lily cuddled up on one end, a pillow pressed to her chest. “Says the physician who won’t date...anyone?”
Violet settled opposite her. “Low blow. You know after what hap
pened with Sterling—” she choked up “—I couldn’t handle anything else.”
Lily was immediately contrite. What was happening to her? It wasn’t like her to lash out like this. Wasn’t like her to feel so completely and utterly down and dejected. “You’re right,” she said, immediately sincere, her words heartfelt. “I’m sorry. I know that was brutal.”
Silence fell.
Rose settled opposite both of them. “Our point is that Gannon is still here, Lily. He didn’t tell you that having kids wasn’t for him after all and just up and leave, the way my triplets’ baby daddy did.”
Violet nodded her agreement, and Rose continued firmly, “You still have a chance to make things right with Gannon.”
What’s the point? It would still never work out in the long haul,” she declared wearily. “He’s such a city guy.” He had such a big life there.
And she was, at heart, such a small-town woman who really liked living close to her family.
“Oh, yeah?” Rose countered, triumphant at last. “If that’s really the case...then why did Gannon just decide not to sell the Triple M to Rex Carter after all?”
* * *
ON WEDNESDAY EVENING, Gannon met his mother at the Emmett Briscoe Museum in Fort Worth. Harriett had come to the city to meet with the museum’s founder and namesake to consider a few options of her own and wrap up some family business.
Harriett Montgomery looked at her son. “You won’t be sorry.”
Gannon nodded. “I know, Mom.”
Harriett led him through the collection of bronze statues by another up-and-coming Texas sculptress, Jen Carson. “The Triple M is a great place to bring up kids.”
Gannon paused at the door of the glass-walled teaching studio. Because it was after-hours and they had special permission, he and his mother were able to go in and look around there, too. “You’re getting ahead of yourself, Mom.”
“Am I?” Harriett lifted a drape and surveyed a stunning work in progress. She turned back to Gannon and, arching her brow, reminded him, “You forget, I saw you with Lily’s son, Lucas. I know what a natural father you are.”
Lone Star Valentine (McCabe Multiples) Page 20
