“I know. I mean. I do… But it’s complicated. I promised him I wouldn’t tell anyone and now I feel so confused about it. I gave him my word and it sounds stupid. I don’t want anyone to know. No one but you. They’ll hate me. My mom. Your mom. I don’t even know what my dad would do.”
“Why do you care about him?!” I bit. “Why do you care about some promise when he treated you, like- like-” I couldn’t breathe. I felt myself trying to take in air but failing.
“I don’t care about him. I fucking hate him,” she spat. She hugged me tighter and vibrated with contained energy. Something dark took hold of me, like I swallowed a capsule full of something menacing. All of a sudden, I could see the truth.
“That was rape Avery. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t say no. It doesn’t matter. What he did was rape. He raped you. Repeatedly.” I couldn’t not say it. I needed her to hear it. She was blaming herself. Saying it was her fault.
“That wasn’t your fault,” I choked.
“Avery?”
I froze. Completely.
Air didn’t seem even necessary anymore. I went from full-on panic attack mode to AM I DEAD? I THINK I’M DEAD.
It was her father. Avery’s father was standing midway back on the stairs and he had heard me. He must’ve snuck in through the back door or been very quiet coming in at the front. Before long he was right behind us, standing over us.
I was scared to look up.
“Oh God no,” I muttered. Just when I thought that things couldn’t possibly get any worse.
She spun, letting go of me. Her dad stood in the doorway, a stricken look on his face.
“Dad? What are you- Did you just hear any of that?”
“Who hurt you Avery?” He asked.
“Dad, it’s not-”
“Answer me,” he demanded.
She just shook her head, backing further into her room. She looked cornered, like a trapped wild animal. Her eyes roamed for an exit but there wasn’t one.
“Benjamin Bradford,” I said, scrambling to my feet. There was more venom in my voice than I’d ever heard before. I had NEVER said his name like that.
I clutched at my stomach. “A teacher,” I said. “A grown man.”
The bitter tears bit at me as I felt my teeth chatter.
“Fuck,” Avery muttered from the corner. She fell against the wall and slid to the floor.
“What?” His voice was cold, pointed and absolutely ruthless. “One of your teachers raped you?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “Or he tried to. Most of the time it was consensual, I guess.”
“That is rape. You are seventeen years old, Avery.”
He looked at me, eyes hard. “Benjamin Bradford?”
I nodded, condemning him.
I leaned my body back on the wall. The back of my head hit the surface as I realized what I’d really just done.
She might hate me now.
I did this.
Her dad left so quickly. Avery didn’t even look up for a second and then when I checked the door again she flew past me.
“Dad!”
I heard the door slam downstairs and she turned to me, pale as the white walls. “Olivia?” It came out weak, like she didn’t know if I was really there.
“I know,” I said, about as shaken as she seemed.
I didn’t know what to do though, didn’t know if she was mad or worried or what.
“I fucked up,” I said, allowing my body to slide down the wall.
My knees bent naturally and when I fell, my face buried into them as I wrapped my arms around them and cried.
I couldn’t take it if she’d hate me for this. I knew why she’d hate me. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything. But this wasn’t my fault, not really. This was Ben’s fault and he needed to be punished for what he did to her. I didn’t care.
“Olivia,” she was closer now, sitting next to me. “Why.”
I was scared to look up and find out what she was thinking. I looked up at her and tried to hold it together.
“He’s going to do somethings stupid, isn’t he?” She reached out to me, looking lost and weak.
“Oh baby, come here,” I said, pulling her into me. “It’ll be fine, it will,” I lied. I didn’t know what it would be. I didn't’ know her dad. I didn’t know Ben’s strength or his real layers of crazy. I never could’ve foreseen any of this, not any.
I held Avery into me finally returning to that journal entry in my head.
“I’ve got you,” I said. “We’ll get through it.”
I couldn’t be the weak one right now. I had to cut it out. I had to be strong.
She fell into me. “I don’t know what to do.” She shoved her face into my chest and tried to burrow closer.
“Please be mad at the world. I’m mad at the world,” I said softly through constant tears. “You didn’t deserve any of this Avery. And whatever happens to Ben it’s not your fault. It’s really not. Your dad’s right. You’re a minor. Even if you had really wanted everything he did to you it would’ve been wrong.”
She didn’t answer, just closed her eyes and became still, so still.
“Baby, talk to me, please? I need to know you’re okay.”
“I don’t know.” I could barely hear her. “I wish he didn’t know and I’m scared.”
I held her head in my hand, forcing her to stay against my chest. “Why are you scared?” I asked. “What he did to you is done. What your dad will do, he’ll be smart. He’s a smart man in conflict. I can tell. You have nothing to be scared of anymore. Why are you scared?”
“I’m scared of what’s going to happen next.”
“I don’t think you need to be,” I said, my hand in her hair as I kissed her forehead.
“Can we go?” She asked.
“Go where sweetie?”
“I need to know what’s going on. I don’t know what he’s going to do. I really just want to run but I can’t.”
“Okay,” I sighed. “We can go… I dunno where but we can go.” I wasn’t sure what she was even thinking but chasing after her dad might be smart. If I was a man, and strong, I’d want to tear Ben apart right now. I’d want to murder him.
“Come on,” I said. “You’re right.”
I pulled her up, grabbing my shoes to take.
I wasn’t sure where we were going but I was sure it wouldn’t be good.
Avery followed me, picking up a jacket and trailing out to the car. We got in and I started it up. “Olivia? What if he doesn’t just hurt him or yell at him?”
“I know,” I said. “We’ll get there. We’ll make sure.”
In some ways she was reading my mind.
“Okay.” She pulled her legs up into the seat and hugged them to her body.
“We’ll get there, okay? We know where Ben is. He doesn’t.”
Her dad would have to do some hunting first. We knew where Ben lived.
“Where does he live?” I asked, realizing that I really didn’t. “Avery?” I asked, needing her.
“Uh, just like you’re going to your house but when you get to the park take a left on Olive and then a right onto Trembly and it’s just down the road on the right.”
“Okay,” I sighed shakily. He was close and I hated that. He was closer than me.
I drove with purpose, following the directions she gave and driving way too fast. There was no doubt in my mind we’d be getting there before Avery’s dad.
“What the hell are we supposed to do?” I asked once I’d parked. “He’s home. Your dad will find him.” Ben’s car sat right out in the drive. He didn’t even use his garage.
I could call the police but that wouldn’t do shit.
“Also, I don’t want my dad to go to jail.”
“Avery, he won’t. Ben couldn’t even report him. What would he say: Yeah, no, I didn’t fuck his daughter?”
“I’m more worried about people seeing it or hearing something but there is one thing I can do.”
She
pulled out her phone and typed something onto the screen, holding it up to her ear.
“What are you doing?” I asked nervously. “Avery, don’t.”
I reached to stop her but she slapped my hand away.
“Fuck,” she growled, smashing her hand on the dash. “Dad turned his phone off.” She put her thumb to her mouth, chewing on the nail.
“Babe, just wait,” I said, pulling her hand into mine, relief drenching me. “God, I thought you were calling Ben.” I didn’t want her to have to see him again.
“If I text him and tell him to leave his house it could be better. Then we can stop my dad when he gets here and maybe convince him to calm the fuck down and then maybe… I don’t know. He’s not going to let this die now. Can your mom help us?”
“Okay, this is gonna sound really bad,” I said. “But I kinda wanna see how this plays out. I trust your dad. I trust that we can stop your dad. Yeah, my mom can help and we can get this taken care of so you don’t have to be afraid to go to school. But Avery… He hurt you,” I said, trying to hold it together. “Right now I actually feel a little envy for your dad. He can do something I can’t. I can’t scare Ben. Ben deserves to feel scared.” I realized I was being selfish though. “You’re right,” I said, gasping in air. “I can call my mom. She’s off. She’ll come. Do you want that?”
“I don’t want my dad to get into trouble and I don’t want him to do something stupid that could get him court marshaled. And beating the shit out of Ben isn’t the right thing to do.” She stared at her phone for a second before starting to type.
This was something we couldn’t agree on.
“I think it’s right if he hurts him. But I love you so I’ll do what you want.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket and I was sort of pissed but I couldn’t think on it. “Warn Ben please. Go ahead.” I brought my phone to my fingers and dialed my mom.
“Is this my daughter?!” My mom answered, teasing me.
“Mom,” I said.
“Oh my goodness, my daughter is calling me? My daughter never calls.”
I felt tears in my eyes. This wasn’t the time for my mom to make a stupid point about how I treated her and how I was a jerk and a hypocrite and how I didn’t let her in. “I need you,” I said, my voice cracking on the: you.
“What? Honey, are you okay? Where are you?” I could hear the worry.
“I need your help,” I said. “I’m at 1345 Tolson Street and Avery’s dad is about to beat the shit out of one of my teachers for touching his daughter and I could really use a level-headed adult right now. I know it’s short notice and I know I’ve kept secrets and-”
“I’ll be right there,” my mom said, cutting me off.
“Mom,” I tried.
“No, you stay right there. I’ll be right there.”
She hung-up the phone.
“Shit,” Avery said.
I saw a truck coming from the opposite direction but it was too far away to tell what kind it was.
“How could he have found it this fast?” Avery wondered.
“Spokeo,” I muttered darkly.
The truck got closer and she leaned over, trying to see. It passed right by the house and then right by us.
“Not him,” she said and looked down at her phone. “He isn’t answering my text.” I could see the wheels turning in her head. She was chewing on her lip now, looking from the phone to the front door.
Before I could register it, she had the door open and she was about to get out.
“Avery!” I yelled, pulling her arm with my hand. “What are you doing?” I asked, anger gripping me along with fear. “Your dad is reeeally upset,” I reminded. “I don’t think you should try to talk to Ben right now.” For some reason she was obsessed with protecting Ben.
“I don’t want to talk to Ben but I can’t just sit here.” She didn’t go but she was still half out of the car. “Fine, I’ll try calling him,” she relented, angry about it.
She typed in his number and hit the send button.
I didn’t want to hear any annoying shit. I didn’t want to hear her apologizing to him. I didn’t know what I would hear but I definitely wasn’t fucking excited about it. “My mother is coming,” I warned.
I never called my mom to help me.
Not ever.
I thought about my dad. What would he do if this had been me?
He wouldn’t be like Avery’s dad. He wouldn’t have called the administration and gotten an address through anger or whatever the hell Avery’s dad had done at lightning speed.
He would’ve been upset but he might not have even said shit about the whole being 17 or 18 or being young. When Avery’s dad said that my heart just sort of melted for him.
As absent as he had been he was so very present right then. He made the issue black and white, he made it concrete and simple. He decided instantly that it was wrong and Avery wasn’t at fault.
I heard Avery talking next to me.
“Listen you asshole, just get out of your fucking house and stop asking me questions. I could care less if you’re freaking out. I’m only giving you a warning because I don’t want my dad arrested and if he is it better not be because of you.”
She slammed the phone down on the seat and shook her head, jaw tight. “I wish I’d never met him.”
I looked over at her, a proud smile escaping me.
I’d called my mom. She was coming.
Avery’s dad was here, about ready to tear some jerk apart.
Ben was inside, no clue how scared he should be.
I looked to Avery and wondered what on Earth she was thinking.
“FUCK!” She just sat there after she yelled, not even registering that she’d scared me.
I sat for a second, looking forward. For some reason I had my hands on the wheel and that made absolutely no sense.
“What?” I asked nervously, not even turning to look.
“Ben, the idiot. He’s just now leaving and there’s my dad about to see him.”
“Shit,” I said, looking up and noticing.
Not thinking, no time, I got out of the car.
“Mr. Lockhart!” I yelled.
“Mr. Lockhart, please don’t,” I begged.
He turned to look at me. “Get back in your car Olivia,” he growled.
Ben noticed me. His face running through certain emotions, primarily confusion.
“Get out of here Ben,” I growled, making eye contact.
Avery was right behind me. “Dad! Just stop. This isn’t what you wanna do. Olivia’s mom is coming. Just hang-”
“Get back in the car and go home. Both of you!” He yelled at us and pointed back to my car. His initial volume caused me to fall back a bit on my heels. Soon as I remembered us though I leaned forward again.
“We can’t let you!” I yelled. “I want you to but we can’t let you.” I walked fast to follow him. He had his sights set on Ben.
I had to back off though, I knew he was going to snap.
“Stop,” I said, holding my arm up to catch Avery.
Her dad ran ahead, lunging at Ben and pulling him down onto the ground.
“Oh shit,” I said, watching it from the middle of the street.
In the distance I could feel my mother’s car pulling up. We all lived so close. It almost hurt me.
I could be him. He could be me. I could be my mom. I could be Avery.
It was hard to stay still. Hard to think of all the different ways my own life could be.
“Dad! Stop!” I heard Avery call as she wrestled to pass me without hurting me, not like it was even fucking hard. The place where her thumb pushed into the skin of my arm really burned.
She had grabbed my arm and yanked me aside so she could rush past and try to stop the fight. Ben was up now and trying to get away but Avery’s dad was about to catch him around the ankles when Avery reached him, pulling at his back and arms.
“Dad! Stop it!” She yelled.
When his fist first impacted wit
h Ben’s face I felt happiness but right now I was scared. He could hurt Avery on accident just like she had hurt me.
Her father reared back to get rid of whatever was holding him until he realized it was Avery. He looked up at her, trying to process and then dropped all the tension in his body. Ben was off like a shot, running in the opposite direction. He got to his car and I turned back to make sure that Avery was okay.
She was standing there, catching her breath, hands on her hips while her dad got up and brushed himself off.
“What the hell were you thinking? I could have hurt you,” he said.
“You were going to physically assault someone. Was it understandable, sure. Was it a good idea? No. I can’t deal with this right now.” She didn’t even give him a chance to say anything before she was walking back to me.
“Really?” I said, turning around to face her. All I was met with though was her back as she walked away. I almost couldn’t believe it. Her dad loved her. Of course he was fucking pissed.
“Olivia, why did you come?” Her dad near growled.
I turned back around to address him in frustration.
“Why do you think?!” I asked, walking behind him as he hurried to his truck to chase Ben. “Hey!” I said, stopping him boldly with a hand at his elbow.
He stopped in the street and actually turned back to see me.
“I hate him,” I said. “I get it, okay?!” Tears rushed me. “I hate him too. But you can’t-” My voice cracked.
He looked into me and actually saw me.
I dunno how long it was but it nearly felt an eternity that we were just standing there in the middle of the street trying to stop each other.
He pulled me to him and hugged me even though he was mad. I hugged him back, sinking easily right into his body.
“I called my mom. We’ll get him,” I said quietly. “I promise.”
It felt strange to be hugged by someone so close to her, someone who wasn’t her. I could actually feel that he loved me and I know that sounds bizarre.
I heard a car pull up right next to me as the last sounds of Ben’s screeching tires left my ears.
“Olivia?!” My mom’s voice cried shrill in the near distance. I had to get it together. I was crying and that just wasn’t any help.
“I’ve got her,” Mr. Lockhart said.
Paper Dolls [Book Two] Page 29
