This one comes directly from stories my Grandfather, Jack, told me about their real life neighbours.
Bush Neighbours
Susan Sowerby
When Jack rolled up on horse and cart
The Gippsland hills stole his heart
He made it known around the town
That he was there to settle down
On a patch of land with rickety quarters
Jack moved in with his wife and daughters
They scrubbed the kitchen and swept the halls
Dusted the shutters and painted the walls
Then Jack hit town to buy some calves
Met the locals and shared some laughs
An odd-looking fellow approached him and said
‘I’m your neighbour, me name is Fred.’
‘We lives close by, just over the hill
Chrissy, Davey, me and Lil
Come to tea, bring all your crew
Lil will make a spread for you.’
So Jack and Maggie, Jeanie and May
Got all dressed up to go that day
Such welcome burst from the slovenly shack
It dashed their hopes of turning back
Inside, the house looked more like a stable
Bottles and tins littered the table
Fred waltzed in with the cow-yard broom
And knocked some aside to offer them room
Under their seats of upturned boxes
Grumpy hens sat safe from foxes
If anyone wriggled as little girls will
A peck on the leg made them sit still
A trail of soup had been swept out the door
Ted told them dirty folk lived there before
‘So you are new?’ Maggie wanted to know
‘Yep!’ said Fred, ‘ten years ago.
‘Tell me Jack, I hear you can box
That’s somethin’ to know in this world of hard knocks
When thugs belt our Davey, enough is enough
Teach him the ropes so he learns to be tough’
Jack picked a day and a time was agreed
Happy to rescue a neighbour in need
For though they lived rougher than Ma and Pa Kettle
Their kindness helped Jack and Maggie to settle
Even though poor, they offered their neighbours
Meat and fresh eggs, fruits of their labours
Such friendship’s a gem that can never be sold
Although they were grubby, their hearts were of gold
Over the hill, there was no need to yell
For words echoed freely, clear as a bell
Tipsy from town, on his shed Fred would beat
Yowling, ‘Crikey, woman, when do we eat?’
Or perched on the fence as his wife ploughed
Fred read out romance books, bellowing loud
His passionate prose made the valley resound
Each time she ploughed by, trudging round and around
But Lilly took ill and was taken away
To hospital for a very long stay
Maggie told Jack, ‘She’s nothing to wear
I’ll bring a silk nightie to show her I care
Lilly refused in bashful distress
‘Missus I can’t take your evenin’ dress
Thank you most kindly you’re thoughtful an’ all
But I’m goin’ t’ horspital, not.to a ball!’
Chrissy got lonely with mamma away
She visited Jack’s house, begging to stay
Maggie, embarrassed, choked back a laugh
‘Of course you can darling, but please - take a bath!’
Like Venus reborn, Chrissy rose from the suds
The scrubbing revealed one of May’s darling buds
Her daddy cried proudly, ‘Oh please stay like that
It’s only a month until mamma gets back!’
When Maggie went in for her own operation
Lilly’s banana gift caused consternation
‘Here y’ are missus, I hopes they all keep
I brought a whole chaff bag ‘cos they’s goin’ cheap!
News of Dave’s boxing lesson got out
So locals arrived to cheer clap and shout
Their ears were flapping to pick up Jack's tips
Jack was still speaking when Dave split his lips
‘Steady young pup; if you want to fight?
Duck to the left, as you punch with your right
Keep your eye steady and stay on your toes’
But Dave didn’t listen and copped a blood nose
Fred got upset, it didn’t seem right
To see his son bleeding, was this done in spite?
‘Quit it,’ he bawled, ‘or I’ll see to you buddy
You’ve beat up me boy and made him all bloody’
That was their cue, down off the fence
Sprang various locals, mad and intense
Every man there, fought for his hide
Raw, rough and ready, on no body’s side
With one in for all, and all in for one
Dave’s dog became baffled. What side was he on?
With jaws like a vice, old Rat grabbed the chance
To rip the seat clean out of Jack’s pants.
Covered in dust, onward they brawled
And didn’t let up until ‘smoko!’ was called
Each man shook hands, for everyone won
They knew it was silly, but crikey! what fun.
Though death in a family rarely is funny
It’s true that old Fred passed away on the dunny
Lil's wail rang out in grief and despair
‘Our Fred looked like Jaesus, sittin’ up there.’
Although this story sounds rather absurd
I’ll swear on a bible, its true, every word
Bush folk survive, though not hand in glove
For better or worse, on neighbourly love.
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Salt and Pepper Short Stories and Poems Page 19
