by H. M. Montes
Warning
This book is not suitable for anyone under the age of eighteen. It contains graphic sexual encounters, both consensual and non-consensual. Please be warned there is both physical and mental abuse in this book. Some scenes in this book contain difficult subject matter that you may find hard to read.
If you or someone you know is a victim of rape please contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1.800.656.HOPE (4673)
**Note from the author**
As a victim of physical and mental abuse I know the struggle, the questions, the second guessing and the helpless feeling a woman goes through. Walking away was the hardest thing for me, because…he loved me. Or so he said. With the help of some very good, understanding friends and law enforcement I was able to finally walk away. The healing process sucks! But you will get better. Don’t second guess your choice to leave,no human deserves to go through the abuse. You are loved, you deserve better. Don’t let the guilt trip from the partner stop you, don’t let the iron fist rule your life. If a family member, friend, or stranger offers to help—let them. Hold your head high and know you deserve better
REWIND
H.M. MONTES
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or person, dead or living is coincidental.
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*DPGROUP.ORG*
Cover Design ~ Christina Hupfer
Cover Model ~ Eric "Barbouiller”
https://www.facebook.com/ericbarbouiller
Female Cover Model ~ Christy
https://www.facebook.com/sydneyphillips.model
“He’s looking at you again.” Theresa whispered from beside me. We were sitting on the football field side line stretching before cheer practice. I moved and stretched out my left leg, bent my right leg and reached for the toes of my outstretched leg. When I looked up, there was the star quarterback of the Washington State Hawks smiling at me-again. “I don’t know why you don’t just go talk to him, you can cut the sexual tension with a knife.” Theresa giggled beside me.
Ronnie Thomas, six foot one, one hundred ninety nine pounds, hometown -Washington, Senior. I had read that line so many times on the roster I had his info memorized. Okay so it wasn’t that much info but still. For weeks we had been stealing glances at each other, technically we started last year but, he wasn’t single and neither was I. After the Washington State Hawks won the Diamond Bridge Bowl was the first time I had the pleasure of having Ronnie’s arms wrapped around me when the cheerleaders and students had rushed the field after victory. He was covered in sweat, had some cuts on each arm that were bleeding through the wraps, but his eyes were zeroed in on me. He grinned at me then bent down and picked me up, “FUCK YES! YEAHHH!” he yelled triumphantly. I laughed and threw my arms up to cheer with the rest of the people. Ronnie squeezed me tighter, “Christ I’m sorry, I’m probably hurting you.” He gently let me stand on my feet again, “I’m Ronnie.” He grinned and stuck his hand out for me to shake.
“Good game Ronnie, I’m Sydney.” I shook his hand. Our eyes locked on each other’s, his eyes were the color of chocolate with specks of gold bursting in them. He wrapped an arm around my waist pulling me into him. He lowered his mouth to my ear and ran his nose down my neck then inhaled.
“You are fucking beautiful…” he was interrupted by Theresa pulling me away just before his team mates dumped the large orange cooler of ice water over him.
“HA, I should have let you stay there so you could both get cooled off.” Theresa laughed, “I hate to burst your bubble babe, but his girlfriend is giving you the twitchy bitchy eye. Let’s get back to the dorm so we can change, then head to the after party.”
Once we were in my car Theresa was bouncing in her seat replaying the intense plays of the game. I nodded my head but wasn’t really paying attention to what she was saying. I could still smell Ronnie’s sweat mixed with some kind of cologne on me. “God you’re so not even paying attention to me, what did he say to you?” she asked with a laugh.
I looked over at her and smiled big, “He said I’m beautiful. Actually his exact words were, You’re fucking beautiful. How sad of a life do I have that those three words and having his arms around me made me want to melt into a puddle at his feet?”
Theresa threw her head back and laughed, “You ARE beautiful, maybe he’ll ditch the bitch and talk to you at the after party.”
“Right, she is always stuck on him, like his Siamese twin.” I replied.
That night at the after party Ronnie would look at me from across the room and wink at me but we never got the chance to talk again. Like always his girlfriend Shelby was glued to him: his front, back, wherever she could get her hands. I’m pretty sure she had them down his pants a few times.
That night was both one of the best and worst nights of my junior year at college. My boyfriend Tony was a senior and majoring in architecture, we had been dating for the last seven months. He had been gone for a week because of a family emergency. I had missed him so much while he was gone so when he was waiting for me at the dorm when we got back from the party, I couldn’t wait to cuddle up with him. It all changed when he looked at me with sad eyes and told me we needed to talk. Theresa told me she would be at our friend Michelle’s dorm if I needed her. She hugged me then left.
“Syd, come sit please.” Tony said as he paced the floor of our small dorm. So I went and sat down on my bed Indian style and rested my hands in my lap. Tony knelt down in front of me, grabbed my hands, “You know I love you right?” he said. Were those tears in his eyes?
“Yes.” I replied with a smile, “I love you too.”
“I’m just going to come out and say this, please don’t interrupt me. I’m gay, Sydney.” I opened my mouth to say something but he held his hand up. “I’m so sorry, so damn sorry Syd. I’ve been lying to you and myself for the last few months. I thought at first that it was just the thrill of doing something taboo and not getting caught. It’s not though, I love him and I love you. But the way I feel about him is different than how I feel about you.”
“Are…you. Tony look at me!” I pushed at his shoulder and stood from the bed. “You, you’ve been cheating on me with a man?” I asked. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and nodded his head while I paced the small dorm. “Are you serious?” I asked, unsure of what else I could even say.
“God, Syd you have no idea how much this is killing me.” He tried to stop me from pacing.
“Don’t! Touch! Me!” I said and stepped away from him.
He ran a shaky hand through his hair, “I’ll just leave, maybe we can talk tomorrow. I never would have pegged you as being a homophobic.” He said and shook his head.
“Fuck YOU Tony, I’m NOT a homophobic! YOU have been cheating on ME! That makes you an asshole, and it makes me look really, really stupid. I’ll go get tested you better pray to god th
at I don’t have anything.” I finished and sat back down on the bed as tears started to finally fall down my cheeks.
Tony knelt down in front of me and cupped my face in his hands and tears in his own eyes, “Syd I can promise you that you’ve got nothing to worry about, I’ll even go with you. I’ve been protected with you and with him. I’m sorry, God you have no idea how much this is killing me.” He pulled me into a hug. My body shook with each sob but Tony held me until I finally stopped sobbing against his shoulder. “I’ll go get Theresa.” He whispered, kissed my head then walked out of the room.
“OH MY GOD SYDNEY!” Theresa cried as she walked over to me. I told her everything that was said. “Let’s go home for the weekend. Being here isn’t going to make things any easier for you.” I wiped my eyes and nodded my head, then went and showered, packed an overnight bag and went to bed. The following morning I was wide awake at six o’clock while Theresa laid in her bed with her pillow tucked between her knees and her arm under her head. I shook my head and laughed, “Go back to sleep woman.” She said sleepily with her eyes still shut.
“I’m going to run and get a coffee. Can we please leave when I get back?” I grabbed my purse and waited for her to reply. I knew that if I left before she told me she wanted a coffee too, that she would fall back asleep.
“Yup, I’m up. Bring me one or else the drive home is going to be really bad for you.”
I didn’t bother calling to let my parents know I was coming home for the weekend, the drive was only an hour and a half so I knew that mom would at least be awake when I showed up.
I dropped Theresa off at her house. She told me to call her later so we could go out and hit up the local bars if I felt up to it. “Yeah, likely not, I just want to relax.” She smiled and hugged me then got out of the car.
When I showed up at my parent’s house, Mom jumped and screamed then ran across the kitchen and grabbed me into a hug, “Oh my God, I’ve missed you!” she pulled away and looked at me. “Uh-oh, what’s wrong?” She pulled me by the hand into the kitchen so she could finish the breakfast she was making. “You’ve been crying, tell me before your dad wakes up.”
“Tony and I broke up.” Was all I said.
“Oh, Sydney, baby I’m so sorry I know you really liked him. What happened?”
I traced the pattern on the table cloth, “He, uh, well, he is gay.”
The fork mom was using to turn the bacon clanked against the inside of the skillet and splattered grease, “SHIT…what did you just say?” she reached into drawer and pulled the tongs out, using them to get the fork out of the skillet.
“You heard me, I just, God mom.” I spread my arms out in front of me and tapped my forehead against the table “I feel so stupid that I didn’t know him well enough to see some kind of sign.” My voice was muffled by the table.
“Sign for what?” Dad said in his deep raspy morning voice.
My head snapped up and mom spun around, she looked at him-then me- then back to him. “Sydney and Tony broke up.”
“Ah, did he finally tell you he was gay?” Dad asked like it was no big deal. No big deal that Tony had cheated on me.
“WHAT…um wait.” I stuttered out.
“Sydney, I could tell by the way he couldn’t be himself around you. He’s a good guy just not for you obviously.” He sat down at the table and took a drink of the coffee Mom put in front of him. “On a lighter note, I’ve got one hell of a graduation surprise for you.”
“I don’t graduate for another year though, why didn’t you kind of clue me in about Tony? You know, save me some heartache.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Hey you can’t be pissed at me, you know as well as I do, had I said anything you and your momma would have jumped down my throat. You’re just saying that because he’s not the MC type, he’s a good guy--ree ree ree.” He said in a high pitched voice.
My jaw fell open, mom shook her head while trying not to laugh and Dad just shrugged his shoulders while he sipped on his coffee…trying to hide a grin.
The rest of the weekend was spent helping Mom around the house while Dad and his club members met to make plans for a local charity event that would take place the following month. Mom found some DVDs of my high school cheerleading so the two of us sat down and watched them after we had the house clean from top to bottom.
“You and Theresa make the best team, I love watching you two on any team you cheer for.” Mom said with a big smile. “I know you can’t make much sense of what happened with Tony, but just remember that everything happens for a reason.”
I smiled and gave her a hug, “I know.”
“You know, there’s this nomad that’s been coming around more. Helping the club out, he’s young, handsome…” Mom was trying to hook me up with a guy?
“No…nope, not going to happen! Thanks though.” I said with a laugh.
“Hey, you haven’t even seen him yet! He really is very handsome.” She tried protesting.
“Mother. NO!” I said and laughed again. “I’m swearing off men for a while.”
She rolled her eyes and smiled, “Right.”
After that weekend I decided to no longer worry about any man, I was going to focus on the cheer squad, my courses for Business Management, and just have fun. Our cheer coaches were very strict about partying unless it was during the off season. “We want you all to do the best you can, so many of you have the potential to move up to the big leagues if you choose to do so.” Cindy, our lead coach had told us. “I’m not saying don’t party at all, this is college but I beg you, PLEASSSE DO NOT do it before practice or normal game time. You have no idea how bad it will hurt a flyer like Sydney if her base Theresa and Michelle aren’t functioning on a fully alert system.” Then she proceeded to show us a slide show of the injuries. We each signed a contract that we had listened and agreed to what she was asking of us.
Senior year of college, Theresa, myself, Ryan and Michelle were the returning four on the cheer squad. We were at the football field getting ready to start practice when the players came out of the locker room to start their practice. I was scanning all the familiar faces-- there he was. Just as good looking as he was last year, and he was staring right back at me. I smiled at Ronnie until one of his team mates slapped him on the shoulder and turned his attention back to the drills they were getting ready to start. His tanned broad shoulders and muscles cut so perfect my fingers tingled at the thought of caressing every inch of him. “He’s single you know?” Theresa said.
“Huh? No way!” I said a little louder than I probably should have.
She laughed then stood up and held her hands out to me, “Mmm, yep. He broke up with what’s-her-face over the summer I guess. Not sure what happened but they don’t even talk anymore.”
I turned at the same time Ronnie turned to look at me. Our eyes met then the coach blew her whistle for us to get into formation to work on our stunts. “Well he’s going to have to talk to me first.” I told Theresa
“Chicken.” She whispered in my ear. One of the yell leaders Ryan came over and stood behind me as we waited for the coach to get into position in the grand stands.
“She called you a chicken, so I’m going to throw you like one. I hope you’re ready to fly, little sister Syd.” Then he laughed. I loved every single one of the people on the cheer squad; it was one big family away from family. The rest of practice went great, nobody was injured, and we only had a couple of things the coach wanted us to work on before the first game. “Go home, take some ibuprofen, and get ready for the best season yet!” Cindy blew the final whistle then shooed us all away.
Theresa, Ryan, and I were walking through the tunnel when a deep voice yelled my name and echoed through the tunnel. We all three spun around to see who was yelling for me. There stood Ronnie in only his practice football pants, his helmet in one hand and his shirt hanging over his shoulder. I squinted as he jogged towards us. “Hey,” he smiled down at me then said hello to the other two, “Can I talk t
o you?” he asked me.
“Sure,” I turned to Ryan and Theresa hugged them then turned back to Ronnie, “What’s up?” I asked with a smile.
He ran a hand through his sweaty hair, “I-well, I wanted to ask you if you’d like to go out some time? I wasn’t sure if you were single or not?” He sounded nervous.
“I’m single, I guess we can go out for dinner or something?” I said.
“Great, how about I pick you up at seven tonight or is that too soon?” He asked and licked his lips.
“That’ll work, I’m in the dorm house S, number fifteen, let’s just do casual if that’s okay?”
He smiled and winked at me, “See you then.” One of his teammates called his name, with a small wave he walked backwards then turned and jogged out of the tunnel.
Theresa and Ryan were both waiting at her car, “So?” Theresa asked with a big smile.
“He’s picking me up at seven at our dorm! OH MY GOD, oh my God!” I was so happy I wasn’t sure what else to say.
Ryan shook his head and laughed at Theresa and me since we were hugging and jumping around, “Women!” he said then hugged us both before he got in his car and drove off.
On the drive to the dorm Theresa and I talked about what I would wear, “Definitely that cute denim skirt and your white tank top and your wedge sandals.”
“I think that’ll be perfect but we need to hurry it’s already five-thirty, and I still have to shave.”
“God, I can’t believe you are going on a date with him. You are going to be the envy of all the other women on campus. Maybe you can find out why him and his girlfriend broke up.”
“Right, like that’s a first date topic jeez. Shouldn’t it be about just the essentials like where he’s from, what he’s majoring in, how many siblings, etcetera etcetera ?”
“That too! I’m just curious because last I had heard he was going to propose to her, maybe that’s why they aren’t together. Maybe he was moving too fast for her liking.”
