Her eyes continue searching mine before she brings up her good hand and places it against my cheek. “I think it’s about time you forgave yourself,” she whispers before pressing up onto her toes and bringing her lips to mine.
My hands move from her hips and slide right around her waist so I can pull her in tighter. The taste of her lips is intoxicating and I can’t possibly leave without taking more.
I deepen the kiss and take over control.
It’s like the sun rising in the morning and all the fucking moons aligning at once.
I hate myself for doing it, but I pull back to make sure she doesn’t regret this and all I see is love in her eyes. I push back a strand of hair off her face and let my fingertip linger on her skin. “I fucking love you so much,” I tell her.
“I know,” she whispers, refusing to say the words back, though I don’t possibly deserve it. “Take me to bed, Jace.”
My eyes widen as I look down at her. “Are you sure?”
She nods her head. “I need you to touch me.”
My arms curl around her even tighter. “Babe,” I say.
“Don’t,” she argues. “I know. It doesn’t change anything. You’re still going to walk out that door and it’s still going to crush me when you do, but I need you to touch me.”
I shake my head as the fear of hurting her again takes over. “Cami, I can’t,” I tell her, though the need within me is stronger than it’s ever been. To feel her skin on mine and expose every inch of her body to my touch would be a fucking gift, but I can’t do that to her again.
Cami pushes up on her toes again and presses her lips to mine. “Please,” she murmurs against my lips. “Take what’s yours.”
Fuck me.
I can’t resist her any longer.
My hand skims up her body and over her shoulder before I slip my finger under the silky strap of her dress and pull it down over her shoulder. I lean in and press my lips to the exposed skin before devouring it and moving up to the sensitive skin of her neck. She tilts her head in her need for more and lets out a satisfied moan.
The sound is like music to my ears.
I lift her off the ground and gently place her down on the counter. I pull back from her neck and watch as I release the fabric off her other shoulder. It slides right down and pools at her waist, exposing her naked body to me.
I take her in like a man who's just been given a roast after starving for years. Her body is like my god and I fucking worship it. I can’t stand to look and not touch, so I trail my fingers down her shoulder and across her chest.
Goosebumps appear across her skin and she closes her eyes as she revels in the feel of my touch. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” I murmur into the quiet room.
Her eyes reopen and they look like molten lava, filled with an intensity that I’ve never seen from her before. They flick down my body and I know she wants to see me, but with her broken hand, to do it herself would be achieving the impossible, so I do it for her.
I reach for the top button of my shirt and pop it open while never removing my eyes from hers. The electricity sparks between us and the intensity grows with each passing second.
Her eyes linger on my chest as I reach the next button and then the next right until I’m pulling it open and letting the fabric slide down my arms. It feels as though it’s some sort of striptease, but it’s too sensual to receive such a tacky name.
I step back into her and she immediately reaches out her good hand and claims my skin as her own. I wait patiently as she explores every inch of my chest and abs while loving every single moment of it.
I watch her eyes as they trail over my body and it’s almost as though she’s doing her best to commit it all to memory so she doesn’t forget a single detail as she knows this won't be happening again. Though, I can’t blame her, I’ve been doing the exact same thing. Studying the way her chest rises and falls, learning the curve of her waist, studying the freckle to the right of her belly button, and of course, the perfect curve and fullness of her breasts.
Cami’s hand slides around my waist and she pulls me back into her. I go willingly and our lips come together in an erotic dance.
“Don’t make me wait any longer,” she tells me.
Who am I to deny her?
I slide her off the counter and she wraps her legs around my waist as I walk us down to her room. She fuses her lips to mine and she tastes just like heaven. There’s nothing else on this earth that could possibly even come close to feeling as good as this does.
I push through the door of her room and she unwraps her legs from around me, only then does the rest of her dress go tumbling down to the ground, revealing what lays hidden beneath.
The last time we did this, alcohol had a huge deciding factor in it, but this is so different. We both have clear minds and were both well aware of the risks involved. I know tomorrow will suck not having her and every day after it for that matter, but just getting to experience her body one more time is going to have to be enough.
My pants clatter to the floor with the weight of my phone and keys, and before I know it, I lay Cami down on the bed and I go with her, hovering above her and propping myself up on my elbow as to not crush her with my weight. After all, the crushing will be done in the morning when I walk out of here.
Her legs instantly open, allowing us to come together completely. My erection lays heavily against her stomach and she releases her nails from my back in order to slip her hand down in between our bodies.
She wraps her fingers around me, and I swear, I could come from just her touch alone, but I don’t dare. I’m going to make this moment last and I won’t stop until she passes out from my touch.
As her hand begins to move up and down, I fuse my lips to hers once again. My hand on her waist begins exploring and travels down between her legs. I push two fingers in between her folds and find her more than ready for me.
My fingers rub over her clit and she lets out a breath as her back arches up into me, asking for more. I begin drawing little circles over that little bundle of nerves, making her bite down on her lip and moan out before I continue exploring a little further south.
I find her entrance and I slip my fingers inside.
She gasps out and clenches her fists around me, so I do it again, and again, and again. Over and over while using my thumb to continue rubbing those little circles over her clit.
“Jace,” she pants. “Yes.”
I move my lips down to her neck and devour her as she continues pumping her fist up and down while running her thumb over my tip. Her other hand keeps flinching and I don’t doubt she’s wanting to use them both, and man, do I wish she could.
I continue my assault on her neck and she continues arching up into me. Moaning. Panting. Groaning. Biting her lip. You name it and she giving it to me.
She’s so fucking responsive to my touch that the thought alone spurs me on.
In, out, around, and around.
“Fuck, Jace,” she groans as she searches out my lips and throws her casted arm around my neck to pull me to her. “I can’t wait any longer.”
Our lips collide as I adjust myself between her legs. I slide my fingers out of her and line myself up with her entrance. I meet her eyes before slowly pushing up into her. She sucks in a breath as I continue pushing, right until I’m fully seated inside her.
Cami’s lip gets lost between her teeth and the nails of her good hand digs into my back. She says my name on a pant and I absolutely love it.
I begin to pull out before giving it right back. As I continue to move, I slowly increase my speed, winding her body up. My lips move down from her lips, past her neck, and I suck in her nipple before running my tongue over the tip.
She’s so fucking perfect and then has to go and make this moment just that much better by lacing her fingers through mine. That one simple move has taken this from incredible, mind-blowing sex, to binding us together as I make love to the woman I’m so desperately in love wi
th.
The connection is right there between us, stronger than ever and it makes me feel invincible. “Fuck, babe. I love you,” I tell her as I continue to push into her.
Her hand squeezes mine and I run my other hand down the side of her face as her eyes look back into mine. “I love you too,” she whispers.
It’s the first time I’ve heard her say it in so long and it makes me feel complete.
She holds onto me and it’s like our hearts are beating as one.
I bring my hand down in between us and press down on her clit again. It’s almost as though her body jumps with the touch and she squeezes my hand once again, though, this time for a completely different reason.
She’s close and I can’t fucking wait to watch her explode.
I press a little harder on her clit and begin rubbing those little circles that have her legs tightening around me. “Shit, Jace,” she pants as she throws her head back. “I’m close.”
“I know, baby,” I murmur as I bring my lips down on the sensitive skin of her neck. “Give it to me. Let me have it.”
She groans as I slam into her one more time and like an explosion, she completely detonates. Her eyes clench, her back arches, she squeezes my hand, but what’s best is the way her pussy clenches down around me, bringing me right to the edge and giving me that release that I’ve been craving.
I spill myself into her and it’s fucking incredible.
She kisses me as we try to catch our breaths and then those eyes are looking up at me. “Wow,” she whispers.
“Yeah,” I agree, completely lost for words for how to describe something that impossibly good.
“You need to get your shit sorted,” she tells me, “Because I’d die if I never got to have that again.”
I crush my lips to hers as a bittersweet feeling comes over me. That was incredible, but now it’s over. I’m in her arms and I know I’m about to leave.
I don’t respond to her comment, but I don’t need to, we can both feel it. “Roll over, babe,” I tell her and I come down on the bed beside her and pull her into me. “You’ve had a big day.”
She nuzzles into me as a yawn takes over. I run my fingers up and down her back as we both take comfort in this stolen moment. She eventually drifts off into an exhausted sleep and I find myself laying here for much longer than I should.
How can it be over already? I want to wake her and start all over again. Any excuse not to leave would be great. Instead, I lean down and press my lips to her temple before pushing a strand of hair off her face. “I love you,” I murmur into the silent room. “I’m sorry. I’ll never hurt you again.”
With that, I kiss her a second time and slide out from under her. I collect my pants from the bedroom floor and the shirt from the kitchen before setting out her pain meds for when she wakes out.
With one last longing glance down the hallway, I walk out the door, leaving my whole world behind.
Chapter 14
Jace
I stand in the middle of Rebels Advocate right next to the punching bag, staring around in confusion. How the fuck did I get here and why the hell are my knuckles red raw?
It fucking happened again.
One minute, I was sitting in my office, going over the session plan for the afternoon self-defense class, the next, it’s like I open my eyes and I’m suddenly standing before a swinging punching bag with my knuckles bloodied and sore.
I rub my head as the usual headache instantly comes on and I start looking around, hoping there’s no damage or bodies lying about. From what I can see, it all looks good and it’s not like I can hear any sirens in the distance. The only thing off is the way Luke, Cole, and Caden are watching me with worried, curious eyes.
They know something’s up. They always have and it’s been put down as my personal demons from being at war, so they just let it go. Little do they know that my demons are a lot worse than they could possibly know.
I have no idea how long I was out this time, but it’s usually never more than a few minutes. So, I probably look like a fool storming through the gym and slamming my fists into the punching bag for all of thirty seconds before acting like a confused dickhead.
I take a few slow breaths and wrap my arms around the punching bag so I can use it to lean against while I try my best to clear my head. I mean, this shit is fucked up.
Cami is right, I need to get this under control. But how? I don’t know a damn thing about what doctor does which thing, let alone finding a good one. This fucking blows. I’d give anything to not be dealing with this problem at all and I’d give anything to be able to go back three years ago and not lay a finger on my father.
I let out a sigh and push off the punching bag before walking to my office. I drop down into my desk chair and grab my water bottle before drinking the whole thing in one go. I must have really given it to the punching bag, though, not as good as I gave it to Cami after the wedding.
That was fucking magical. The moment is still engrained in my mind and it was nearly three weeks ago.
I haven’t seen her since and I keep holding onto this hope that she’s going to walk through the doors and show up for the self-defense class that she loves, but who am I kidding? I hurt her. I left again and I won’t return until I get this whole blacking out thing sorted.
She told me it was about time that I forgave myself for what happened with dad, and she’s right. I’ve been working on it, but I don’t know how. She would have the answers I need, she always does, but I’m not about to go storming back into her life until I know I’m good. I’ll never hurt her again.
It’s kind of a sick game and I shouldn’t be playing it at all. I’m giving myself hope that things could be different, that I could get better, but what if I don’t? Maybe I’m just destined to spend the rest of my life fucking around. Maybe I’m supposed to be the guy who never settles down and never gets to have kids. Maybe I’m always going to be the fun uncle Jace.
Just like Cami, always the bridesmaid, never the bride.
I worry that she’ll refuse to open her heart again. I’ve done a number on her and I hope she’s strong enough to move past it, though that is assuming I continue to fuck everything up. It would be my luck that she finds the right man just as I get my shit together.
I feel like Cami and I are always so close, but so damn far away. Cami is always the one pushing for more and I’m always there pulling away, right when it comes to the crunch. We’d be so good together, there’s no doubt about it. It would be easy and carefree all the damn time, but I just can’t get past this fucked up fear that I’m going to hurt her.
All I know right now is that I miss her like crazy. I feel like a bastard after walking out of her door, but we both knew that was the deal when it happened. It doesn’t change how bad it hurts though.
I want to reach out to her to make sure she’s doing alright, but I don’t want to see her again until I’m certain I won’t have to walk away again.
My thoughts are put to rest when a knock at the door has me looking up. I find Luke standing in my doorway, looking at me as though I’ve lost my mind. “You all good, man?” he questions.
I cringe, trying to think of how the hell I can explain what the fuck just happened when I decide to skip over the whole thing. “Yeah, all good,” I say as though not a damn thing had gone down.
“Right,” he says slowly, not believing me for one second. “You know, if something’s going on, I’m here.”
“I know,” I say, looking away as I can’t handle the probing look in his eyes. I push myself up out of my desk chair and grab my phone and keys out of the top drawer. “I think I need to get out of here for a bit.”
“Are you sure? We have the self-defense class at five and the group weight training after that,” he reminds me.
I look down at my watch. It’s only two in the afternoon so I should be alright. “I’ll be back in time,” I tell him. “I just need to head out for a bit.”
He nods his head w
ith understanding, but his understanding is misguided. He believes my issues are with Cami right now, and yes, some of them are, but he will never know what’s truly bothering me. I couldn’t possibly confess to him just how weak I’ve been. “Alright, man,” she says with his eyes focused hard on me as though he’s trying to figure out some sort of puzzle. “I’ll see you in a bit.”
We both walk out into the main part of the gym. Luke heads off towards a few kids who are gathering around the punching bags just looking at them rather than belting their fists into them while I head straight for the door.
I give both Caden and Cole a nod on my way out, letting them know I’m all good before pushing out the door and sucking in a deep breath of fresh air. Fuck, that’s better, but it doesn’t take away from the need I have to get the fuck out of here.
I get straight into my truck and gun it down the road before pulling up in my driveway fifteen minutes later. I walk straight through the door and collapse down onto the couch.
My phone starts going apeshit in my pocket and I pull it out, thankful for the distraction from my inner monologue of torturous thoughts. “Hey, what’s going on?” Jessie questions as reach for a cushion and jam it under my head. “How’s Isabella?”
“She’s fine,” Jessie says before launching into a spiel about every tiny thing that Isabella has done today. “What’s going on with you?” Jess asks when she’s done. “I haven’t heard from you in a few weeks.”
“Nothing,” I say, desperately wanting to avoid the topic of me, as out of all the people I know, she’s the one who can read me like a fucking map. I fucking love this woman more than life itself, but goddamn, she’s annoying at times.
She was the person I leaned on after I got home from Iraq. She basically moved into my house so she could help me to heal. I swear anything I could have possibly needed was taken care of by Jessie. She was an absolute rockstar.
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