by Raina Wilde
Sabrina felt a flush rise on her lightly freckled cheeks. She looked up into the steel gray eyes of the man before her, watching as his gaze contracted in evaluation of her face. He did not smile or laugh in the way that Sabrina would have expected from the absurd situation. Instead, his serious nature seemed to weigh heavily between them. Sabrina intoned a quiet thanks before bowing her head and moving past him toward the elevators.
As she waited for the metallic gate to open, Sabrina cast a sideways glance at the stranger. He seemed much too serious to be visiting the island for pleasure. She wondered what sort of business would bring him to this place of calm and relaxation. As the gate clanged open, Sabrina took a moment to wonder what his face would look like with a smile. He was, except for the scowl, an attractive man. His rich brown hair was beginning to show a light dusting of grey. Sabrina would estimate him in his early thirties and despite his trousers and collared shirt, she could tell that he was in peak physical condition. His grey eyes had been both intelligent and full of a force that she could not define at that moment. She entered the lift and punched in the number for her floor.
Sabrina pursed her lips. Sometimes, she told herself, people who had not experienced a trauma like her own seemed unable to grasp the beauty of life around them. Perhaps she had caught him in a bad moment, but she had seen very little light of happiness behind his formidable glare.
That evening Sabrina saw the man perched on a barstool at the resort restaurant where she was taking her dinner. He was sipping slowly on a pale amber drink and seemed completely absorbed in the book that lay on the bar in front of him. He was clearly not interested in being bothered.
She considered sitting beside him, as they were the only guests in the room without companions, but decided against it. Instead, she seated herself a few stools away before ordering her meal and a frozen drink whose name she could not pronounce. Sabrina chatted casually with the bartender and a few other patrons before her meal arrived, at which point she was pleased to listen to the band of live musicians that had taken up residence on the opposite side of the room.
She could not understand the words to the song that they were singing but from the tones of the lead vocalist and the agonizing pull of the music she could guess that it told a tale of the most devastating heartbreak.
By the time Sabrina had finished her meal the dance floor had filled and the restaurant was gearing up for a night of entertainment. She was contemplating going up to her room for a leisurely bath and a book of her own when the bartender gave a brief shout to crowd.
“Charlie Thompson, you have a phone call. ” He announced.
The man over whose bag she had tripped earlier that day closed his book with a sigh and held his hand out for the cordless device. He placed a hand over his opposite ear and spoke in short bursts into the phone.
Sabrina could not resist eavesdropping. The name alone had caused her heart to beat at an irregular pace. She knew that the name was common and yet hope welled in her soul.
“Yeah, Chief. I’m here. ” He muttered. Sabrina nearly jumped out of her chair at the title. Could he mean Fire Chief? She mentally took back all of the negative thoughts she had about him earlier. Please, please be him, she thought.
There was a pause as he listened.
“OK. No, I haven’t decided. ” He was staring with unblinking eyes and clear frustration at the counter beneath his elbows. Sabrina found herself holding her breath as she tried not to miss his low tones. “I’ll let you know. OK. Bye. ”
When Charlie Thompson handed the telephone back to the bartender, it was all Sabrina could do not to rush over and confront him with her excitement. She took a slow breath and reminded herself not to bombard the man with her enthusiasm. As she watched him lazily spin the book in circles on the bar top, fear and uncertainty caused her to hesitate.
He did not seem like a very approachable man. She had no actual memory of her hero, but had imagined him as a charismatic and energetic being with a passion for saving lives. Somehow, the Charlie Thompson sitting beside her did not fit that image. Additionally, Sabrina, having given up all hope of contacting the heroic firefighter, did not even know what to say.
Hi, my name is Sabrina, you probably don’t remember me but I’m pretty sure you saved my life four years ago. Fancy seeing you here on this island! I know you’re probably on vacation, and I swear I’m not trying to be creepy, but I’ve been looking for you for a long time and I just wanted to say thanks. OK, have a nice life.
Sabrina giggled to herself at the rambling dialogue that was flowing through her imagination. Years before, the scenarios that had played out in her head had been much different than the reality of awkwardly approaching a man in a random Caribbean bar. She had almost talked herself out of it when he signaled the bartender for another drink.
She straightened her shoulders, ran a tentative hand down her green wrap-dress and scooted down to the bench directly beside her prey. She signaled the bartender for a refreshment of her own before turning to the man beside her.
He was staring at her as if she were a bomb that he wanted nothing to do with but was forced to diffuse. She thrust a hand between them and smiled.
“Sabrina Maxwell. ” She offered, watching his face for any sign of recognition. It remained frozen in its look of surprise while he cautiously shook her hand and mumbled his name.
She made small talk for a few minutes until he finally settled back into his chair and began casually contributing to the conversation. He was not particularly forthcoming, but he did eventually provide that he was a Canadian citizen as well as a professional firefighter. All clues pointed to this being her guy but Sabrina still could not find a way to broach the topic that was eating at her insides.
He was purposely evading any of her attempts to lead the conversation down the path of his profession. Sabrina was not sure why, but she got the feeling that Charlie Thompson was less than impressed with his own courageous actions. As long as she kept the conversation impersonal they got on beautifully. He even laughed a few times and the effect was startling. Sabrina watched as his entire face lit up, hinting at a personality that may have once been less plagued by his current serious nature. The skin around his eyes crinkled in a way that made Sabrina want to smooth the skin with her fingers. He flashed straight, white teeth and released a deep chuckle that elicited a strange response deep inside Sabrina’s stomach. A fluttering of wings would have been her juvenile description.
She found that she actually liked him. He was smart and witty, sarcastic in a light-hearted and self-depreciating way. In fact, Sabrina found that she was pleased to pass the time merely chatting with him. If it had not been for her search for the firefighter, she would never have approached him and she was now finding that, whether or not he was, she was glad to have met this man.
A few drinks later, Sabrina’s hesitations began to seem trivial.
“What’s your favorite thing about being a firefighter? ” she asked.
“I don’t know, ” he laughed. “I used to love everything about it. ”
“But you don’t anymore? ”
“I’m not sure. ” He spoke with complete honesty. Sabrina was unsure if she should proceed but decided to press forward anyway.
They were sitting at the bar munching on a shared plate of fries when Sabrina finally turned to him with a serious expression on her face.
“Can I be perfectly honest with you? ” She plunged in directly.
He shrugged in a way that encouraged her to continue.
“I came over here because I recognized your name. ” She began. He raised an eyebrow. “It just so happens that four years ago I was rescued from a burning house by a firefighter named Charlie Thompson, and I was wondering if it might have been you? ” Sabrina sat back and watched his expression. She could tell that he was wracking his memory for recognition of her face and coming up empty-handed. That wasn’t surprising as he had seen her covered head-to-toe in soot.
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�What did you say your last name was? ” He spoke in a soft voice, his eyes narrowed on her face. Sabrina was having a hard time reading his response. It appeared to her a mix between caution, anxiety, and possibly even regret. Could that be correct?
“Maxwell. ” He looked confused for another moment before his brain lit upon the name.
“Will and Mary Maxwell. ” His voice was monotonous, almost as if he were reading a report. He was looking in her direction but Sabrina could tell that he was not seeing her. His vision was focused inward on the memory that was playing over in his mind. “Mid-Sixties couple died from smoke inhalation before we could get their bodies out of the fire. Their only daughter, pulled from the home unconscious. Crushed ribs from a beam across the torso, third-degree burns, possible internal damage, smoke inhalation…” He finally looked at her as if seeing Sabrina for the first time. “critical condition. ”
Sabrina nodded. She knew that her eyes were wide and sad at the technical description of the worst day of her life. When she had awoken in the hospital two days later the doctor had listed her injuries in a similar way, except that he had informed her that she was lucky to have no internal damage or bleeding from the weight of the beam that had landed across her body.
“It was you. ” She stated. It seemed as if all sound and movement around them had stopped. Sabrina felt the aching slowness of each passing second as she and Charlie stared at each other.
He drained his drink and ran a hand over the shadow of stubble that had accumulated on his chin. Sabrina did not know what response to expect from him. She had anticipated so many scenarios and yet now all she could do was wait in silence for his reply.
“I’m sorry. ” He groaned. This response was the furthest thing from anything that she had expected and Sabrina was taken aback. His apology spoke of more than sympathy or pity for her loss, but rather of a deep regret and personal accountability that he seemed to feel was his need to convey.
Sabrina tilted her head and tried to process what he would have to feel guilty for. He was the reason that she was alive today. He should be proud, just as she was grateful. She laid a hand softly on his forearm.
“I’ve wanted to thank you. ” She tried to catch his eye but he was looking at his hands. “To tell you how grateful I am that you saved my…”
She never got a chance to finish the statement because he stood up with sudden force, laid a roll of bills on the counter and made a quick excuse to leave. He turned on his heel and exited the restaurant with such speed that Sabrina was forced to jog to catch up to him as he crossed the outdoor patio.
“Charlie, ” she drew up beside him. “please, wait. ”
When he turned to face her there was pure agony in his eyes. Sabrina was grateful that they were standing beside the empty pool rather than inside of the crowded restaurant where onlookers might have witnessed his pain.
He brushed a hair away from her face and shook his head.
“I’m so sorry. ” He repeated. “I couldn’t save them. ” His breath rushed out at the end as if it had been held for far too long. Sabrina now understood. She wondered for how long he had been carrying this burden, and for how many lives that he could never have saved.
Sabrina saw this all the time in her fellow nurses, had even experienced moments of it herself before the fire had helped her to understand. She did the only thing she could to help him see that her parent’s deaths were accidents, not the responsibility of any one person.
“You saved me. ” Sabrina stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist. She would have expected it to feel strange, or awkward, to be embracing a complete stranger. Yet, somehow, perhaps because of their intense history the moment was beautiful and tender. She hoped that the gesture could convey all that she was trying to say, she was unsure, until she felt his arms join behind her back and his chin rest upon the crown of her head.
After a short pause, he placed his hands upon her shoulders and leaned her back to look at him.
“Sabrina, I’m really…” he stopped when she covered his mouth with her hand.
“Please, stop saying that. ” She instructed. “I’m alive today because you were brave enough… don’t shake your head at me… because you were brave enough to rush into a burning building, pull me from the debris and carry me to safety. Don’t belittle what, in my opinion, is the greatest miracle of my life. Yes, I lost everything else, but I should have died that day and you gave me back my life. ”
She felt as if she were lecturing a child. It was apparent that Charlie did not want to delve further into the discussion. Sabrina had said her piece and she was not going to push him further, yet. She knew from experience that all the explanation in the world would not help someone overcome the crippling pain that comes from too many lives lost. In time, she hoped that Charlie would be able to see the successes over the failures.
Sabrina stepped back and reverted her tone to the lighthearted banter that they had shared prior to this conversation.
“I won’t bring it up again. ” She made a motion of locking her lips and throwing away the key. “Tomorrow morning I’ll be back down here by the pool with a book. In the afternoon, I plan on going scuba diving. My best friend had to bail on the vacation so if you’d care to join me for any of those activities I would welcome the company. Have a good night, Mr. Thompson. ”
Sabrina walked away with a confidence that belied the nerves that rolled in her stomach. She had never expected that the man who had saved her life would see it as anything other than a wonderful rescue. She was determined to show him the truth. It would take time, she thought, but if she could convince him to spend some time with her she knew he would come around. Maybe, she thought, the man who had saved her needed a little bit of saving himself.
The following morning Sabrina was disappointed to discover that Charlie did not join her in reading outdoors. She had thought that perhaps their mutual enjoyment of books would encourage him to spend some personal time with her. She was just beginning to pack up her things when he flopped onto the lounge chair beside her, placed his hands beneath his head and crossed his ankles as if he had been sitting there all day.
Sabrina watched her own reflection in the silvery sunglasses that covered his eyes. She acknowledged his swim trunks, deck shoes, t-shirt, and the towel slung nonchalantly about his neck. She raised an eyebrow and when the barest hint of a smile broke over his features she knew that he was, indeed, watching her.
“I hope you were serious about scuba diving. ” He smiled more fully. “It’s one of my favorite things. ”
“I’ve never been. ” She admitted, pulling the zipper closed on her oversized bag.
“Oh, you’re in for a treat!” He jumped up with an energy that she had not yet seen from him and pulled her to her feet. The excitement that radiated from his body was more in line with the type of go-get-‘em personality that she had expected from someone with an adrenaline-based career. “Are you ready? ” Charlie proffered a hand, clearly any discomfort from the night before had been put behind them. Sabrina nodded and placed her hand in his, allowing him to pull her along toward the docks. His excitement was contagious. She found herself nearly giddy with anticipation, knowing full well that she would enjoy this much more than had she attempted the experience alone.
Diving had been everything that Charlie had promised it to be. Sabrina had never seen so many beautiful colors of plant and wildlife. Charlie had quickly discovered that Sabrina had never attempted many of the attractions that the islands had to offer. The next four days were spent as a pair trying any new activity that they could sign up for including jet skis, parasailing, deep sea fishing, and guided tours on kayaks and ATVs.
They were so busy that they ended up spending nearly every moment of daylight together, finishing with a meal before separating to rest for the following day. Sabrina found that she was truly enjoying her vacation. She suspected that Charlie was as well. His serious nature would disappear for large portions of the day
, leaving Sabrina wondering what it would have been like to know him before his cynical outlook had taken hold.
They had gotten to know each other very well during the course of all of these activities. Though they never directly addressed Charlie’s career, he did not withhold any other information about his personal life. Unlike Sabrina, Charlie was not an only child. He had two brothers and a sister that he spoke about as if they were his best friends. When he told stories of his enormous, close-knit family Sabrina felt a pang of longing for that unique comfort that she had been missing in recent years.
Their bond had grown steadily despite efforts on both parts to maintain a platonic friendship. Sabina found her skin tingling in any small place where his hand may have lingered. She found herself both wishing for, and dreading, the physical contact that rarely occurred between them.
On the fifth evening, they were returning from one of their adventures when Sabrina realized that she had no desire for the night to end. The nervous fluttering of her heart told her that she was beginning to care for this man, something she had never anticipated in all of her imaginings of their meeting. She truly liked him, as a person, as a man. While she was certain that he enjoyed her company, Sabrina was unsure if Charlie would reciprocate her desire to take their relationship further. She was, Sabrina reminded herself, the literal embodiment of all the demons that he carried. She smoothed a hand over her stomach, adjusting the dress that was twisted from the night breeze.
When he placed a hand on the small of her back to lead her out of the restaurant she straightened her shoulders and decided that it was a chance that she was willing to take. They followed their usual path across the lush courtyard. The scent of exotic flowers was heavy in the air. Sabrina moved slowly down the winding pathway. Charlie kept pace with her, apparently unaware of her dawdling.
