by Laura Wylde
You can do this. I did what I could to convince myself. You have to find a way to do this.
Eventually, after what felt like a million years, I managed to peel myself up into a standing position and gathered up my energy. The dragons were struggling, not losing but not winning either, which meant that it was time for me to prove my worth. I lifted up my hands and let all that I had explode from within me… however, it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t a blinding shot of light which prevented the demon from moving, it was more of a trickle, like rain drops.
“Shit,” I whispered to myself. “Come on, Megan, you can do so much better than that.”
I tried once more, but the same thing happened. Frustrated hot tears pricked behind my eyes. This wasn’t supposed to be happening, not like this. I needed to get the druidess inside of me out. So, I slid my eyes closed and centered myself. I had a feeling that I was too worried about everyone else in my team. I didn’t want them to get hurt and I was too busy trying to prove myself. This was why I worked better alone, because I only had me to think of.
Just imagine that no one else is here, I told myself seriously. Imagine that this is an exam or something…
Getting myself into school mode was the best thing for me, it allowed me to build myself up without the terror of it being a real-life situation with actual danger in the picture. I concentrated and managed to shoot out a much more powerful beam, one that actually hit the demon, slowing it down for just a moment. It seemed to put the shadow in slow motion while the rest of the world stayed at its normal pace. It wasn’t exactly what I planned to do, I didn’t have much of a plan because my reading still hadn’t come back to me, but this would work.
Hope bloomed in my chest as I watched the dragons working with me and taking advantage of this. They all charged towards the shadow and attacked it as best they could. It was a miracle, I had been useful, we were working together in the way that the teacher wanted us to, overcoming our personal issues in a very adult way. This was exciting to see, it showed me that maybe I did have a place at the academy after all. Perhaps I could fit in…
Connor twisted his neck and shot me a look. Of course, it wasn’t exactly easy to read his expression when he was a dragon, but I felt like it was maybe the first glimmer of respect that I had ever received from him. If this led him to see that I was actually a worthwhile person who didn’t deserve his very confusing treatment, then it wouldn’t be so bad after all. If something good could come from it, then I wouldn’t hate this night for the rest of my life…
But then the magic of the moment shattered by a weird booming sound, one that seemed to come only from this inside of my head yet somehow affected the whole world at the same time. Everything went black. A deep dark pitch black like nothing I had even seen before. I wanted to claw at my own eyes to get it out, but I was back to not being able to move once more. Only being in this prison of my own body the second time around was much more terrifying.
This is it, I thought despondently to myself. This is the way that everything ends for me. This is death…
I thought about everyone in my life. My friends and family back in Ireland, the people at the academy, the teachers that I had let down with this, and the dragons as well. They trusted me, they thought that I was helping them, and I had gotten them hurt as well. Maybe even killed. Connor was right about me. I was useless, worthless, a mess.
I couldn’t physically curl up into ball, but I did mentally. I wept like a fucking baby inside my mind, cursing myself for ever believing that I could even attend the academy, never mind tackle something like this. I might have been seen as an incredible druidess back in Ireland, but the academy clearly only accepted me because of my lineage. There had been so many signs that it wasn’t where I was supposed to be, and I ignored them all out of pride. I wanted to prove myself and instead, I would end up dead. At least no one would mourn me, I wouldn’t be missed…
“What the…?” All of a sudden, everything shifted again, and I slammed to the floor with a thump, completely winding me. Thank God, that horrible black cloud of moroseness had gone because that was beginning to border on something so dark, I wasn’t sure where it would take me, but where the hell was I now?
I tried to take in everything around me in, but after that blackness, it was too bright, I couldn’t see a damn thing. My eyes blinked about a million times, but still I couldn’t work it out. I definitely didn’t feel dead anymore, but I wasn’t one hundred percent sure if I was alive either. Nothing felt quite right, something was off for sure.
“What was that?” Okay, so that was Duncan. I wasn’t alone. If that was a good thing or not, I hadn’t quite figured it out yet. “That shock wave of magic… what did it do to us? I don’t understand. What was that?”
“Black,” Trevor rasped back. “That was black and… and depressing. I haven’t ever felt anything like it.”
Oh God, so that was something the demon had done to all of us. It had put us in that dark place, completely overcoming my magic. Shit, that wasn’t great either, it meant I wasn’t as strong and powerful as I thought.
I slowly pushed myself into a sitting position, gripping on to the back of my pounding head as I did. Everything ached, my whole body hurt, but that wasn’t the worst thing about this place now. The shadow was gone. After stunning us so we couldn’t fight it any longer, it had vanished, and my guess was that it wasn’t back to the other side of that portal. The shadow was out there somewhere, and none of us had any idea where.
“We have to go back,” Connor declared, sounding more subdued than I’d heard him before. “Much as this is going to suck, we are going to have to report what just happened. We will get in the shit at the academy, but we can’t just let that thing wander around on the planet. Who knows what it will do? It’s a dangerous fuck, for sure.”
Oh God, I didn’t like the sound of that at all. I hadn’t ever been in trouble like that before and I really didn’t want to start on a bad streak here. But unfortunately, Connor was right. This wasn’t just about us. This was dangerous.
“What were you even thinking? This is such a messy situation. I can’t believe you allowed this to happen…”
I didn’t know how long the yelling had been going on for, hours I thought. All the way into the morning. Since I hadn’t exactly gotten any sleep, I wasn’t in the best frame of mind to take any of this. But we had to because we had all done wrong, so if this was our punishment, then so be it. There wasn’t any other way.
“And Connor, to not bring the communication devices… I don’t even know what to say to that! It’s ridiculous. They were there for your safety, to make sure nothing like this happened, and you didn’t take it with you. You tell me it’s because you forgot, but knowing you, I have a feeling it was a pride thing. You think that you are more capable than even the staff at the academy, and now you have put everyone in danger…”
Much as she was saying a lot of the things that I believed and she was also giving him the take down I thought that he needed to remove the chip off his shoulder, I couldn’t stop myself from feeling a little bad for Connor. I could tell from the ride home that he felt awful for what had happened, he was shouldering all of the blame himself, and it was sad to see. We had all been there, none of us took another path, it wasn’t just him.
“I mean, how are you going to feel when people are hurt by this demon, huh?”
“I… I will feel awful,” Connor replied in a small voice. “I already feel terrible.”
I couldn’t help but wonder if some of the gloominess had stuck with him from the black pit the demon put us in. Every so often, I felt a negative thought wanting to creep its way through me too, reminding me that I’m useless and the world is better off without me, but I had the mental strength to battle pass it because I knew that it wasn’t me. But if Connor had guilt flowing through him then maybe they were taking over him.
Oh God, did I have the urge to hug him? No, that was too strange for words.
“
You will have to make this right,” the teacher continued, not as affected by Connor as I was. “There is no other way around it. You need to take responsibility for what happened and find a way to end this demon.”
Hope flowered inside of me. It sucked that we were going to have to face this all over again, but it was a way to make this better. We needed to make this right for all of us to recover from this. Especially Connor. I wasn’t sure how I could see that, but I could just tell that it would make him feel better to tackle this and end it all.
“I will give you the resources you need. But I will give them to you, Duncan, because I need to be sure that everything will be used properly this time around.” She gave us all a look. “And within that will be the imprint materials so you can use magic to locate the shadow before it does any damage. This is what you will work on until the demon is caught, and you will also clean up any destruction left behind, so you learn.”
I hung my head low, wondering what destruction we were likely to come across. It could have been anything, and all of us would shoulder the blame for it, but it was what we had to do. Even if it meant getting no sleep again. It didn’t matter if exhaustion was about to wash over me and consume me entirely, I had no choice.
“You will travel at night, which gives you time to sleep I can tell you need that, but then I expect all of you to put your all into it. There will be no more acting of your own accord, it’s time to follow the rules.”
I slumped forward with relief. Thank God, because if I wasn’t at my best when I’d had sleep, then I wouldn’t be this tired. I could now have a rest and then also get some books to read through, because I needed to be armed with more information. My brain went blank which left us all vulnerable. I wouldn’t let that happen again, no way.
“If you have any questions while you are out there on the road, I expect you to contact me right away, because as much as you seem to think that you do, you don’t know it all. Think of what you all could have caused.” We all murmured a pathetic sorry, feeling about two feet high as we did. “Now, I will get everything for you.”
Eventually, we were dismissed from the teacher’s office and sent on our way. Outside, we all shared a sheepish look, knowing that we had created a stupid shit storm of our own making. I felt like we needed to say something before we all parted to make plans for what we were going to do next, but Connor span on his heels and stomped off, clearly still angry and hurt by what had happened. I didn’t take offence though; this didn’t feel about me.
“Er, right. I guess we will be in touch then, Megan.” Duncan smiled thinly at me. “Let you know what’s happening… when we do, because obviously we want to all be on the same page.”
As him and Trevor left, Artemis took a second to brush his hand up and down my arm. I could tell that there were a million unsaid things flowing between us, but since we didn’t know how to vocalize any of them, they remained that way. Unsaid and undealt with, leaving my heart in as much of a stew as my brain.
Chapter 6
Duncan
I couldn’t keep my eyes open as we stumbled back into our room, all I wanted to do was sleep off that horrible God damn mess. I wanted to forget I had even been out to Inverness and experienced all of that… even if it was just for a little while. I knew that we were all going to have to face what happened eventually because we needed to clean up the mess, but a few hours of blissful sleep was exactly what I needed to recover. To get my head in the right place.
“What the fuck was that about?” Connor snapped. “That telling off went on for far too long.”
Trevor made some kind of non-committal reply, but I kept my lips firmly shut because I had been the peacekeeper for as long as I could remember and starting a war wasn’t going to help right now. Even if I was utterly fuming with him. I couldn’t stop myself from blaming his attitude for what happened, because his argument with Megan sent all of our heads spinning… but it had happened now. Nothing I could say would change it.
But why did he always seem to want to attack Megan? I couldn’t understand it. What the hell was his problem? I had tried asking him a couple of times, but he always shut me down. Connor wasn’t letting me in at all. As far as I could tell, Megan was great. She was a nice girl who didn’t deserve any of the abuse, but there you go…
“There isn’t any point in worrying about this now,” I said wearily, jumping in. “We all need sleep.”
I wasn’t sure if anyone was listening to me, I hadn’t even made the effort to look around to check, I simply collapsed into bed at the first opportunity. The moment my head hit the pillow, a sense of relief washed over me. I needed this so damn much it hurt… only, after a couple of seconds, it didn’t feel as nice as I thought it would. It felt cold and weird. A little… off. Oh God, if I really thought about it, it felt like the moment that demon trapped me in the deep dark place. Even the negative hurtful thoughts cropped up… the idea that the other guys didn’t really want me in their clan because I didn’t fit in. They were all so much better at being dragons than me and they knew it.
I’d always ignored all of the cliques in the academy because it just wasn’t me. I was born and raised in England, but I had some Irish descent, a little bit of Welsh as well. I didn’t need to be worried about who was from where… but in the demon’s trap, I felt myself torn in every direction, being pulled apart, my body ripped at the seams. I cared about it more than I ever had done before but because I knew that I wasn’t enough of anything for anyone.
I shifted uncomfortably in the bed, still falling asleep even if I wasn’t in the best frame of mind. It definitely wasn’t going to be a restful sleep if I remained in this nasty place, but I didn’t have any choice…
As my eyes popped back open to a much lighter room than I fell asleep in, I was utterly covered from head to toe in sweat. It wasn’t exactly well-rested but since I could hear a lot of noise in the room, I knew that I had to wake up. I forced my aching body to sit up and look at everyone else, to see if they appeared to be struggling as much as I was. Trevor and Artemis were playing a video game, losing themselves in the virtual world, probably for a distraction so they didn’t have to think too much about the state we were in, but Connor was nowhere to be found.
“Where’s Connor?” I croaked out, my voice box sounding like someone had wrapped their hands around my neck all night long, trying to choke the life out of me. “Is he okay? Stupid question I know, but…”
“He’s gone for a walk.” Trevor flickered his eyes around to stare at me. “Oh, mate, you look like you need a shower.” Before I could get offended by this remark, he continued talking. “Don’t worry, we were all like that. It’s like the demon got into our dreams and made us feel all… I don’t know how to put it, shitty, again.”
I nodded slowly. “Okay, so it wasn’t just me then. I’m going to get washed up, then find Connor. We need him.”
I noticed that Artemis couldn’t meet my eyes as I left the room, which left me curious as to what had happened to him. He always seemed more sensitive than the rest of us as it was, so I could only imagine the deep impact the demon’s dark cloud had over him. When I was feeling a little stronger inside, I would help him.
The shower trickled; it always did in this building. They couldn’t seem to get enough power to make it a decent wash, but I had grown used to it, so it was going to have to do. If I just slid my eyes closed and I imagined that I was at home under my power shower, then maybe it would wash away all the sweat and leave me feeling cleaner.
You aren’t useless, I felt compelled to tell myself. Those negative words aren’t the truth.
It wasn’t the easiest to shake them off. It didn’t matter how many times I told myself positive things, I couldn’t quite seem to feel them. I wasn’t a negative person in general, so this was hard to digest. It was like a worm had snuck its way under my skin and was working through my organs, infecting them all.
“Feel better?” Trevor asked me as I re-entered the room. “Yo
u have a bit more color in your cheeks now.”
“Hmmm, a little. Have either of you heard anything from Connor yet?”
“I think he’s probably just trying to distract himself, like we are here. Anything to stop feeling like shit.”
Yeah, I could understand that. I wanted it for myself, but a distraction was only putting off the inevitable and as intoxicating as the idea was, we couldn’t do that forever. We needed to tackle this starting tonight, and since the teacher had seemingly put me in charge of everything, much to Connor’s chagrin, I needed to take the lead.
“Right, well, let’s turn this computer off now because we need to make a plan. We need to sort out where we go from here.” Both Trevor and Artemis gave me a look, but I wasn’t about to let that phase me. “Come on, you know that this is what we need to do. There’s no point in pretending that we don’t want to… even if we feel that way.”
I turned away from them to get myself dressed because I couldn’t deal with anything in this towel. My next aim was to head out and find Connor. We needed to all be together. It would be preferable if Megan was with us too, but I couldn’t have everything. The dragons would have to come first, then we could find her after.
“This is messed up, isn’t it?” Artemis suddenly declared quietly to me. “What are we going to do? I feel really upset about the whole thing. The argument, the demon, the fallout… all of it.”
“I know.” I patted him on the shoulder. “It is a big error on all of our parts, and whatever the demon did to us to make us feel so down cast isn’t great for anyone. But we have a lot to prove, don’t we? We need to show the academy that while we made a mistake, we can get passed that. Also, I think we might need to prove it to ourselves.”
