Smiling sheepishly, I walked through the lobby and out the front door. Next, I went to the diner Mama and I had eaten at that first trip. We hadn’t gone back to the diner in all the times we’d returned to Huntsville. I hadn’t thought anything of it before. But now that I knew Mama had kept so much from me, I had to wonder if there was a reason for it. She had been quick to dismiss our waitress that first day. There were two things I was hoping for. Either the waitress knew more about my past that my mother didn’t want me to know. Or if Mama was, in fact, telling the truth and Jenna was the town gossip, maybe then she knew something that would shed light on why I was so hung up on Nicolas.
I’d already called ahead first to do some snooping and see if she even still worked there. Like with my lying to Mama, I’d pretended to be an older woman asking about the young lady that helped me. I made myself sound old with a scratchy voice even because using my regular voice would have totally given me away. I might’ve turned into a big fat liar, but I was ridiculous about it. It’d worked though because when I said I couldn’t remember her name but described her, they rattled off a couple names until one rang a bell. I could only hope that, after all these years, it was the same one.
I’d called yesterday to ask if Jenna was working this weekend. I was told she’d be there today starting at noon. I walked in just a little after noon and took a seat at the diner’s counter. Unlike the incredibly unfriendly first time I’d seen her, I smiled big and even waved at her when I saw her. She came right over and said hello. “Are you here alone?” she asked and leaned over to hand me a menu from under the counter.
“Yes, I’m just passing through and thought I’d stop and grab a bite to eat.”
I ordered a burger and fries, and Jenna put in the order. She got busy for a few minutes, but after a while, she came back to chat with me.
“Do you still not remember anything?”
“Yeah, unfortunately,” I said with a frown.
Jenna shook her head, staring at me like I was some kind of freak. “That’s gotta be so strange not to remember anything.”
“It was at first, but it’s been almost seven years now,” I explained. “So, I’ve gotten used to it. Some things have come back to me. I just wish I could remember more. Were you and I close?”
“Not really. We had a few classes together but only because you were so smart. You were a few grades below me. I lived just up the street from you, but we never hung out outside of school.” She shrugged. “Your sister never really liked me, I guess.”
I peered at her curiously as she poured me a glass of ice water. “Why do say that?”
“Well, neither of you ever said it, and you were always nice to me, but I figured she didn’t on account of Nico.”
Just hearing her say his name had the hair on the back of my neck standing. “What about him?” I asked, feeling that same irrational jealousy I’d felt over seeing him with that girl at the cemetery.
“He and I hooked up a few times before your sister and him became a thing.” She rolled her eyes playfully. “I’d never tell her or anyone back then, but after all these years, I can admit now I’m pretty sure he just used me to make her jealous.”
I tried to smile but didn’t understand why the expression hooked up annoyed me to no end. I gulped, hoping I’d sound just curious and not annoyed. “How’d she know you’d hooked up with him?”
“Everyone knew, if you were ever on the back of a Cortez bike, you were getting laid.” She laughed shamelessly. “I’d been seen on his bike by enough people in town, including you two. Once the rumors got around that maybe they were a thing, I remembered how often in the past he’d taken me to places where you guys happened to be at, and it clicked. I’d been used.”
She laughed again, handing a menu to the man that took a seat two seats over and telling him she’d be right with him. “I remember thinking Nico was so broody and sexy. In hindsight, I realized later he was probably just pissed ’cause most of those times we saw you two and your friend, you’d be in groups of friends with other guys flirting and whatnot. It never dawned on me he might be into any of you since you were all so much younger than him.”
“It was just three years,” I said, sounding more annoyed than I’d anticipated.
“Well, yeah, but at that age, it was a big difference. He was what? Twenty? So, that would make your sister seventeen?”
Obviously, it wasn’t that big a difference if his immature ass was driving his whore around to all these places just to piss off my sister.
“Maybe he was nineteen and she was sixteen,” she said, still thinking out loud as she lifted the plate from where the cook had left it at the window and brought it over to me. “Anyway.” She shrugged, moving the condiment basket closer to me. “Aside from our age difference, it’s why I think your sister never really warmed up to me.”
I tried to think of a way I could bring up Nico and me. But given her history with him, it felt too awkward to ask. Besides, if Madeline was such a spitfire like Joaquin had said, then I had serious doubts she would’ve allowed Nico to keep any kind of connection with Jenna once they made things official. Which meant Jenna likely knew nothing about him once he finished using her.
Good.
Thankful for the lightning and thunder outside, I asked Jenna if she could get a container for my food. I was taking it to go. I didn’t think there was anything more she could enlighten me with, and she was starting to irritate me. So, I told her I still had a long drive ahead of me and managed to keep that lie simple this time.
I checked into a motel in town, wondering if Nolan had ever taken me there. I assumed, with all of them driving motorcycles, making out in the back seat of a car was out of the question. He did say we’d gotten a room on more than one occasion, but given the size of the town and how against us hanging with the brothers Mama was, and the fact that I’d wanted it on the down low, probably not.
The rain came down hard—so hard the only thing I’d left my motel room for was to take a drive around the neighborhood I grew up in. But I waited for a break in the rain to do so, and by then, with it being so cloudy, it was dark.
Taking a deep breath, I drove back toward my motel. It was too late to do more searching. I wasn’t even sure what I was searching for. I just needed something to relieve the perpetual yearning ache in my heart. I guess I was hoping for a miracle, but after tomorrow, once I left this place, I wasn’t sure if my gut feeling about the dream wasn’t just like all the other stuff I’d set my hopes on.
I stopped at a small market in town. I grabbed a box of Triscuits, a small bag of the mini Babybel cheese rounds—my favorite—a couple bottles of water, and a bottle of wine. The older lady behind the counter smiled, asking how my evening was going as she rung me up but would stare at me strangely between each item she rung up.
A thick mustached older man about the ladies’ age came out from a door behind the counter and did a double take when he saw me. The lady waved her hand at him almost as a silent warning, but I wasn’t sure what to make of it.
“You new in town?” she asked before the man could say anything.
I turned to the man then back to the woman. “No, ma’am. I used to live in town years ago. I’m just passing through today.”
“I guess it really is true.” She placed a flat hand against her chest and stared at me through woefully pained eyes. “You really did lose your memory. There were rumors a few years back, but no one knew for sure.” She shook her head, tsking. “Your poor mama. After the horrible year she’d had watching one loved one wither away and die, just two months later, she was burying her daughter and her other daughter was left with a brain injury.”
I stared at her, not sure how to respond to that. But one thing was clear. She knew me. “Yes.” I glanced from her to the man at the door behind her, who looked equally morose. I turned back at her. “I did lose my memory. I’m sorry I don’t remember you.”
“We’re Emma and Wilfred, the Slovers.” I no
dded, remembering the sign outside. Slovers. “We knew you your whole life. Well, practically . . . I was close to your grandma.” She rushed around the counter and hugged me. “I’d heard there’d been sightings of you in town over the years.” She pulled away then, taking me in, shook her head and continued. “But I didn’t wanna believe Loretta would come back to town and not stop by and say hello. I couldn’t believe when I heard she just left without saying good-bye to anyone. Just disappeared one day.”
I shook my head, not knowing how to respond to that. This was the second time someone had pointed out how coldly Mama had just left town.
“She got transferred,” I tried to explain. “Then after all the time she had to take off from her job, she said we had to go ASAP once I was released from the hospital.”
“Transferred?” Mrs. Stover looked even more confused.
I nodded, but I had no explanation as to why Mama wouldn’t come by and visit someone who’d apparently been close to her and grandma. Then I remembered the other puzzling thing she’d said. “Who died just two months before Madeline?”
“She didn’t tell you?”
I shook my head as my stomach turned. What else was Mama keeping from me and why? “No, I don’t think so.”
“Your grandma. Me and Wilfred . . .” She motioned to Wilfred, who was still staring at me from the doorway behind her. He nodded. “We were at the hospice all the time that harrowing year visiting poor Betty. She died a slow agonizing death, and your Mama had already been through so much. Then just two months after burying her mama, the horrendous accident happened. Shook the whole town, it did.”
“How is Loretta?” Wilfred asked.
“She’s good.” I smiled, politely feeling bad that these people would be asking when, clearly, she hadn’t bothered to check with them in nearly seven years. “Working and she’s seeing someone now.”
“Oh, good for her.” Emma smiled genuinely. “You know the whole time I knew her I don’t think I ever once heard of her having any relationships. She was completely devoted to raising you girls then later caring for her ailing Mama. So, I’m glad to hear it.”
My emotions were so mixed. My mother was good. Clearly, she loved Madeline and me. Emma had just confirmed that. She’d been completely devoted to us. But why had she lied about so much? I had a sudden flash of something completely different. It was a memory but not one before my accident. It was clear as day from when Mama told me about grandma’s cause of death. I squeezed my eyes shut, taking it in.
“I told you my mother died of cancer, right? Well, she died suddenly of a rare case of melanoma.”
“You okay, child?” Emma asked then touched my arm.
Jumping out of the memory as quickly as I could, I opened my eyes and tried to recover. I nodded, attempting to stay calm even as my heart sped up. I wasn’t even sure what to think, and I was almost afraid to ask, but I had to.
“I’m fine.” I forced a smile. “Just migraines I still get sometimes.” Emma nodded, but the concern was still in her eyes. “I can’t remember a lot of things, even from after the accident. Mama told me what grandma died of, but what was it again?”
“Diabetes.” She shook her head. “It was horrible. She went in pieces, first her toes then her feet and her eyesight. It took her legs little by little until her body just finally gave up.”
My heart thudded, but I didn’t know what to think. Why would Mama lie about that? We talked for a bit longer. Then she dropped another bombshell on me. “Shelby’s mom still puts together a vigil for her and Maddie every year on the anniversary of their death. We’ve always wondered why you and Loretta have never attended.”
This time it was me bringing my hand to my chest. “I never knew about it. Shelby’s mom comes back to town and does it here?”
“Comes back?” Emma peered at me. “No, child, she never left. She still lives here in Huntsville in the same house she’s always lived in.”
It was one slap after another. Why in the world would Mama lie about so much? Now I knew where I’d picked up my sudden penchant for lying. Only Mama was far more skilled. I’d never questioned any of it.
Immediately, I asked the next question. “Where does Shelby’s mom live?”
“Just over by the feed store on Clementine. Right around the corner from it. But she’s gone for the weekend. Asked us to feed her dogs and chickens while she was gone.” She turned back to Wilfred. “Said she’ll be back tomorrow night, right?”
“That’s what she said.” Wilfred scratched his chin then turned to me. “Had a wedding to attend today down in Chattanooga.”
I nodded, feeling slightly disappointed, but at least I’d told Mama I wouldn’t be home until Monday night. I’d still get the chance to talk to her. “What is Shelby’s mom’s name?” I asked, once again feeling as frustrated as when I’d had to ask Xavier and Joaquin if I’d been seeing anyone just before the accident.
“Jewel,” Emma said. “Jewel Connor. She lives with her new husband Scott now. He drove out to Chattanooga with her.”
The Slovers didn’t let me pay for anything, and I exchanged contact info with them so we could stay in touch. I promised to tell Mama to call them.
The only excuse I had for Mama not saying good-bye or ever coming by to see them all these years was a weak one. But I felt compelled to give them something.
“I think maybe it’s just too painful for Mama to reconnect with anyone from Huntsville. Too many hard memories.”
They both nodded as if they understood; though I’m sure it was still hard for them to grasp how she could just up and disappear and never look back. I thought of the times Mama had come back to town with me. She must’ve been real careful of steering clear from any of the establishments where someone might recognize us.
After catching up with them a little more and promising I wouldn’t be a stranger, I left for my motel. The rain had started up and again made for a good excuse to have to get going.
Despite the rain, the weather was warm. The motel was one of those where you could park your car just outside the door of your room, but it had a long porch all the way around. There were chairs and a small table in front of each room. I’d tried to get a room at the fancier five-story hotel across the main road, but there’d been no vacancies. It wasn’t even until I was in town and saw all the banners and such that I realized Huntsville was hosting its annual celebration of becoming a town. This was the bicentennial, so it was a longer one than their usual weekend fest. It’d been going on all week, and this weekend was the big finale. The lady at the front desk at this dumpy motel where I was staying said I’d been lucky to get the room I got. They didn’t even have one with a queen bed. I’d be sleeping on one of the two doubles in my room.
I wondered if I’d always liked listening to and watching the rain. It’d always been so soothing. After opening my bottle of wine and cheese and crackers, I brought them all with me and set them on the small chair just outside my room under the porch. I sat there watching the rain fall and pondered everything the Stovers had told me today. What possible reason could Mama have for lying about Grandma’s illness? The only thing I could think of worried me. What if Mama was sick? What if she’d been sick even before the accident and it was something she knew I’d worry too much about? Maybe she’d decided I’d been through—was still going through—enough and wanted to spare me anymore angst.
Sipping my wine, I tried to shake the unnecessary worry. In spite of the weather, cars continued to drive up and down the main highway my room faced. After I sat there for a while, pondering everything I’d learned so far on this trip, the rain stopped. I drank the rest of my glass of wine and wrapped up my night. I had a busy day tomorrow, going through the rest of my list of things to do while I was in town.
Chapter 16
The sky was clear the next morning, and I was glad for the better weather. I checked in with Mama with a quick call to ask how her weekend was going and to let her know I’d be on the road for the bet
ter part of the morning until we arrived at Dollywood. She said her weekend was going great. Don’s daughter was a doll, and she’d tell me all about it when we both got home.
I refrained from asking anything about Grandma and anything else Mrs. Stover had told me. I knew all it would take was one spark to have me going off on her and demanding answers. But she’d answered, saying she was in the middle of having breakfast with Don and his daughter, so I knew she couldn’t get into it. Besides, something told me that, just as I was prepared for anything she might ask about my trip, Mama, too, might be prepared with answers that might stump me unless I knew more. I’d only had a few days to prepare my answers. She’d had years.
The lying came so effortlessly it almost scared me. Had I always been this good a liar? Was that a skill I’d gotten from Mama?
Refusing to feel the least bit guilty, I took a long hot shower. I’d left the television on before getting into the shower, and when I got out, I caught the tail end of the local news. They were filming live from the festival going on in town. People had come out in droves since yesterday’s weather had kept most away.
I smiled, watching how packed the park where it took place was, and wondered how many times I’d attended it. Per the banners I’d seen in town, it was an annual thing that got bigger every year, so I was sure, with it taking place right around my birthday, I’d been to it at least a few times. I put it on my to-do list for the day, since I only had three other things to do on that list. Though one of those things might take a few hours. The rest of the day I’d planned to just wing it.
I finished getting ready and left. I went through a drive-thru and grabbed some coffee. I drove straight to the festival after figuring I could walk around while I drank my coffee. After getting strange looks from several people and getting the distinct and awkward feeling I was supposed to know them, I decided to leave. What was I supposed to say to them? I think I might know you, but I lost my memory years ago?
Done with my coffee anyway, I headed to a flower shop. It was one of the things on my list today. Buy flowers. The second thing was to take them to Madeline’s grave for a bittersweet visit on my birthday. Yesterday had been too wet to visit on her birthday. As usual, I stopped at Shelby’s grave first and left her a daisy.
Girl In The Mirror (Looking Glass Book 1) Page 15
