It all made sense now why she had to sneak me out of Huntsville the way she had. But to take me from Nico was unforgiveable, no matter what her reasons.
I rushed to my car with a purpose. Mama may’ve tried to instill in me that I was the quiet level-headed Margaret all this time, but she was about to see the wrath of Madeline because I was so livid I wanted to scream.
Chapter 27
“Maggie?” Mama said when I walked in the door. “I thought you worked tonight, honey? Is something wrong?”
“No, Mama, not Maggie,” I said as her eyes widened then scanned the tote I walked in with. “And, yes, something’s very wrong. How could you?”
“How could I . . . w-what?”
“Oh, cut the crap, Mama. I know now. I just wanna know why.” Overcome with emotion suddenly, I let the tote fall to the floor loudly, making Mama flinch. “Why would you tell me I was Maggie? How could you do such a thing!”
“Honey, have a seat—”
“No! No, I will not have a seat! I wanna know why the hell you kept it all from me: Grandma dying of cancer, Shelby’s mom still living in Huntsville, us sneaking out of town without telling anyone. You didn’t get transferred. But worst of all, you cut Nico out of my life, knowing full well what that would do to him and how much I loved him!”
“Okay, calm down—”
“I will not!” I screamed as the tears streamed down my face. Mama rushed over to the front door and shut it. “I wanna know why? Why for all those years you let me believe I was losing my mind? You let me believe I was risking dying of melanoma, all so you could cover up your disgusting lies!”
“I was protecting you!” she finally said, just as loud, and her eyes were welled up now too.
“From who? Nico? You knew he was good for me. You knew he loved me.”
“No, baby, not from him,” she said, shaking her head and walking past me into the living room.
I followed her, determined not to fall for any more of her bullshit. “Then who?” I asked loudly.
“First, you will lower your voice when you speak to me.”
“I will not!” I said even louder. “I just found out you robbed me of my past, robbed me of the love of my life, and you expect me to be calm about this? I want the truth, Mother. And I want it now!” I screamed, feeling hysterical.
She grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me—hard. “You have no idea what I went through that day.” She spoke emphatically through her teeth. “So, you have no right to talk to me this way. I don’t give a shit how pissed you are. I had good reason, and it did rob you of your past, but it gave you the freedom to live your future. I’d already lost one daughter. I was not about to lose another.”
I shook my head, still feeling the sting of tears in my eyes. “What are you talking about?”
“I wasn’t one of the first at the scene. I was the first!” As if nothing could shock me anymore, I was stunned silent as she went on in tears. “It was so unlike you girls not to respond to my texts and calls, especially Maggie. Mother’s intuition told me something was very wrong after not hearing back from either of you in over an hour and Nico saying he’d been trying to get a hold of you too. You’d told me what area of the river you’d be near, so I went out to look for you and found the wreckage.”
Her face crumbled, breaking my heart, but she shook her head and went on, and I listened with my heart at my throat. “I called 911 immediately then began running around. I should’ve been hysterical. I should’ve gone into shock. Thoughts of suicide and how I’d do it were already in my frantic head and shattered heart. And I was hysterical. I was going into shock, until I realized you were alive. I’d already seen a full joint on the ground as I’d run around the scene, praying desperately. So, when I heard the sirens, I ran around looking for more signs of paraphernalia, and I knew, without doubt, if by the grace of God you made it and they found any in your system, you’d be put away for life. It was the only thing I could think of at that hysterical moment. Everyone knew Maggie didn’t drive. Everyone knew it was your car. And I knew if Maggie ever touched that poison it wouldn’t be nearly as often as you had. She was too paranoid.”
Mama huffed, shaking her head as she wrung her hands in front of her. “She was always far more sensible than you. And I’d been right. They found traces of the stuff in her system as opposed to you where they’d found a hell of a lot more. Only the paper wasn’t interested in what they found in the passengers’ systems, so that wasn’t even mentioned. They just focused on the traces found in Maggie’s body.”
“How’d you know I wouldn’t remember?” I asked as the guilt seeped in my wretched heart.
“I didn’t,” she said quickly. “While tragic for you, I took it as a sign that I’d done the right thing. I knew I’d have my hands full, trying to convince you to go along with the story as it was. But I knew you’d absolutely refuse to leave Nico, and that would be the biggest challenge in keeping my secret from everyone. People would start asking questions that could lead to both of us getting arrested. So, you not remembering anything had been a blessing in disguise. It’s why I kept everyone at bay, why I only allowed a few visitors in to see you, the ones I knew wouldn’t be able to tell it was you. Even then, I hid the telltale sign. I started making our escape plan as soon as I could. I had enough saved up that I knew I could get us situated somewhere else while I found a job. But I had to be sneaky, and I had to be fast. Before you even woke, I’d already decided that I’d tell you that Grandma had died of cancer. I was planning ahead. I figured, as long as I got you out of Huntsville, I could hold off on why I needed to plant that seed. And even when the scare happened, I was further convinced it was all happening for a reason—because I’d done the right thing.”
“Were you ever gonna tell me?” I squeaked.
She shook her head adamantly. “No. I knew if you ever reconnected with Nico, if you were ever reminded of him, you’d run to him first thing. It was too big of a risk. You can’t, baby. Ryan’s a good guy, and I think if you give him another—”
“I will never love Ryan or anyone the way I love Nico!” I cried out with conviction.
“Oh, Madeline.”
Hearing her call me that had my face scrunching because it just sealed it. This was what had been driving me insane all these years. I nodded. “He’s never gotten over me just as I’ve never gotten over him, and something deep inside me kept trying to tell me so. I saw him this weekend, Mama,” I said, sniffling and trying to compose myself. “I wasn’t in Nashville and Dollywood. I went to Huntsville after having more dreams about him. I needed answers. I’ve been going through the storage unit, and I found stuff that didn’t make sense. I was so confused. Then I ran into him in Huntsville, but even before then, my heart already knew. I’m desperately in love with him still, and he is with me. I just couldn’t understand why I’d be in love with my sister’s soul mate. And now I know why.”
“For once in your life, please be reasonable, Madeline. You can’t go back to Huntsville to be with him. It’ll set off too many—”
“He’s not in Huntsville anymore,” I said as a tiny flicker of joy relieved a little of the brutal sorrow and guilt I was feeling, already knowing I’d killed my best friend and my own twin. “He’s in Radcliffe. He was just there to visit the grave for my birthday.”
Mama stared at me, incredulous. “But what about the ring Ryan gave you? He seemed so excited about it.”
“Did you not hear what I just said? My soul mate is Nico. I belong with him, not Ryan.”
Mama’s phone rang on the coffee table. She glanced down, and I saw her brows pinch.
“Ryan’s calling me.” She looked up at me, her eyes going wide. “Did you tell him already?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I haven’t even told Nico yet.”
She picked up the phone and answered. “Hello?”
I watched her as everything I’d just found out sunk in.
“No, she’s not,” she said, and
I barely listened, still lost in thought.
It was true. If she hadn’t separated me from Nico like this, we would’ve been separated anyway, except I’d be sitting in prison right now with no chance of us ever being together again.
“Okay, calm down,” she said as her conversation with my self-proclaimed fiancé finally registered and my heart was back to working double time. She squeezed her eyes shut. “No, I don’t know a Nolan.”
“Oh, fuck,” I muttered, remembering Nolan’s last text. What had Nolan done?
“I have no idea.” She shook her head, glaring at me. “I hardly had a chance to talk to her today. Yes, I’ll let her know you’re trying to reach her.”
She hung up and eyed me, lips pressed tightly. “You spent the weekend with Nico?”
“Well, yes,” I said, lifting my chin because I could already hear the disapproval in her voice. “But I didn’t sleep with him or anything. He was out there for the weekend too, and we ran into each other, but we stayed in separate hotels. We were both still under the impression that I was Maggie, and he wouldn’t dream of getting involved with her that way.”
I left out the kiss and the fact that I’d not just invited him but insisted he stay in my room. The reminder that he wouldn’t do that to Madeline—me—despite what he was feeling, warmed my heart suddenly.
“Well, seems Nolan posted a picture with a message on your Facebook wall, mentioning your weekend, and tagged Ryan with it. After his post today about getting engaged and now all his friends seeing this new one he’s tagged in, naturally Ryan’s upset.” My jaw dropped along with my stomach as I reached for my phone. “And from the sound of his voice, he’s been drinking.”
I clicked on one of the Facebook notifications and read Nolan’s post. “Oh, my God.” I brought my hands to my mouth as I saw the post. My insides went crazy for two reasons: what he’d written and the photo. The photo was of Nico and me on his bike. Unlike the few older photos or paintings I’d seen of us when we’d been very young, this one seemed more recent, likely just before the accident. I was sitting backwards on the front of his bike so we were facing each other. My leg came over his and rested behind him on the bike. We were kissing, and our body language alone told the story. The way he held me so possessively and the way my hand caressed his big arm, the expression on our faces as we kissed so deeply, screamed of lovers intensely in love. It broke my heart that all these years he’d been living with the torment that he’d lost the love of his life so tragically.
But it was hard for my heart to get too caught up on that when I remembered the comment Nolan captioned it with. I reread it and cringed.
Is this engagement with Ryan some kind of joke? Does he know you spent this past weekend with the guy you really belong to?
I gasped with a wince because I knew, despite Ryan’s efforts to work on his temper, it wouldn’t be enough not to have him fuming over this. Thankfully, Ryan hadn’t commented on the post, and he’d since untagged himself. I saved the picture but deleted the post and made a note to change my setting so I’d have to approve posts on my wall before they could be seen.
I scrolled through the several texts I had: the couple from Nolan I hadn’t responded to, the one he sent just before I left the hotel room. and then another warning if I didn’t answer or respond he’d have to get petty. Apparently, he hadn’t been bluffing.
Clarisse texted me to give me a heads-up about the post on my wall. And then there was a text from Ryan. I took a deep breath and braced myself before reading it.
So Nolan’s the guy from your past? Why the fuck is he tagging me on Facebook?
It’d make sense Ryan would think Nolan was speaking of himself. The picture was at least seven years old. Ryan would know this was an older photo. Nolan and Nico did look a lot alike. If Ryan checked out his profile at all, he’d see all the motorcycle photos and Nolan’s equally tatted arms.
Just then, I got another text from Ryan, and I read it, trying to stay calm.
Is FUCKING this guy all weekend what you meant by staying in TOUCH? Then you went ahead and kept my ring?
Apparently, he was drunk. My insides were lit, and I wanted to respond by telling him to go fuck himself. He was the one who insisted I keep the damn ring. But I didn’t bother. If, in fact, he really was drunk, there’d be no arguing with him. I’d seen that side of him already, and the last thing I needed was to incite him when he was like this. So, I just ignored both texts
“I haven’t talked to her yet,” I heard Mama say into her phone. When I glanced up, she frowned. “Yes, I’m sure. I’d tell you the truth, Ryan. I have no reason to lie.” She gave me a look then shook her head. “I don’t know what to tell you. I know nothing about it.” She paused for a moment, lifting her brow. “You need to calm your ass and remember you’re talking to her mama.” She paused again then shook her head. “Okay, I’m hanging up now.”
Hitting something on her screen, she sighed before addressing me. “Well, he’s a drunken mess.” She shook her head. “I saw the post before you deleted it. That Nolan. Those boys have good hearts, but they’ll always be terrors.”
As if hit by a tidal wave of everything I’d learned in the past few days, I was suddenly overcome with the need to hug my mommy. I rushed to her and did just that. Then I cried and cried until I didn’t think I could squeeze even one more tear out. It was like the dam of emotions accumulating over the years had finally reached a breaking point.
I’d finally calmed as I sat on the sofa that Mama had walked me over to. We’d been sitting there for a while as it all sunk in.
“I killed my sister and best friend.” I sobbed.
“No, baby,” she said, smoothing out my hair. “They found more than just a trace of marijuana in your system that day, but it still hadn’t been too much—just more than what they’d found in Maggie’s system like I’d suspected they would.”
She explained how she’d read enough about the stuff when she first got the inkling that we were doing it. She knew it remained in your system for days after using. “You were headstrong, always had been, but you wouldn’t take such a chance driving while under the influence. So, I was certain you hadn’t been smoking that day. I just couldn’t take the chance that the judge would see it that way if there was any still in your system from days prior. Two people were killed in the accident. I wasn’t about to risk you going to prison for the rest of your life.”
Like all this hadn’t already been enough to convince me Mama was one heck of a liar and I obviously got her skills in that department, she added more to her impressive resume of a conniver.
“So, this is what’s going to happen because I already know you’ll be running to that boy first thing. If Ryan ever finds out about Nico and how he pertains to your past, this is what you’re going to tell him. You say Maddie didn’t appreciate him, that he turned to you for solace when she cheated on him, and that you two started falling for one another, and now that you’ve reconnected with him, there’s no denying your love for one another. He cannot know about the cover-up or that you’re Madeline.” She shook her head, drilling that part in good. “I trust Nico would take this to his grave if he thought it might get you in trouble. But Ryan’s the scorned ex now, and we know how ugly he can get. No one can know about this, ever.”
I stared at her in awe. “Mama, how did you just come up with all that?”
She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “You don’t think I’ve been preparing for the day you might remember and go running back to that boy? There’d be nothing I could do to keep you two apart, and I knew it. Best I could do was come up with something that might be believable to everyone else. You think you can pull it off if you have to?”
I nodded, staring at her, completely stunned. “I know I can, but why? Why are we such good liars?”
For the first time that night, Mama smirked. “When you’re a single mom trying to raise two girls all on your own while dealing with an ailing mama, there’s a lot of times you have
to flutter your lashes and tell a few lies. Most of my fibs were harmless, but they got us a few extras and extended the due dates on bills and such.” She lifted a brow. “Seems, when you fall in love with a man your mama has deemed completely out of the question, you become the queen of fibs too.”
“I figured as much,” I said, smiling for the first time since I’d gotten home.
I’d just rested my head against her shoulder again when we heard the skidding tires outside. Both of us sat up straight, and I wondered if Ryan was actually driving in his condition. We stood from the sofa as we heard the car door close outside. Mama walked to the door, and I rushed to my bedroom to retrieve the ring. I heard the loud voices and instantly rushed back to the front door, holding the gift bag.
“Get your drunk ass the fuck off my property!” Mama roared as I reached the front door.
Ryan was at the bottom of the porch steps, slurring obscenities at her. “Here,” I said as I walked out the front door, holding out the gift bag. “Take the ring and get the hell out of here, Ryan. I can’t believe you’re driving like this.”
When I got close enough to hand it to him, he took it but also grabbed me by the arm and pulled me toward him. “And I can’t believe you’re already fucking someone else.”
“Get your paws off me!” I said, trying to pull free, but he only held my arm tighter.
Memories of the night at the bar assaulted me even as I tried in vain to wrestle my arm loose from his grip. “Is Nolan the same fucker from that bar? The one you couldn’t take your eyes off?”
“Get your filthy drunken hands off her!” Mama screeched then rushed into the house when he didn’t.
In the next few seconds, Mama ran out of the house, wielding a bat, when the loud roar of a motorcycle riding up onto the lawn got all our attention. Nico leapt off the bike, and Ryan let go of me, turning around just in time to catch Nico’s right hook to the side of his head. That was all it took to knock Ryan’s drunk ass out.
Girl In The Mirror (Looking Glass Book 1) Page 26
