by S R Dyble
Kit looked at me for a little while before turning his eye contact to something other than my eyes.
"I dunno, I got carried away?"
I shook my head, knowing there was more to this.
"I thought you weren't going to lie to me anymore?"
"Who said I'm lying to you?"
"You're averting from the truth which is just as bad."
Kit sighed and made a move to get out of bed. He began walking to the bathroom and I frowned at how arrogant he was being towards me. Kit was arrogant at the best of times, but he really didn't seem to have the time of day for me and I sat with the sheets wrapped around my chest, watching him walk to the bathroom.
"Do you still blame yourself?" I blurted out, just before he reached the bathroom door.
He froze but didn't turn around and I watched as every bone in his body seemed to freeze on edge. Not answering confirmed it for me and I got out of bed to meet him but instead of waiting for me he disappeared into the bathroom. I could have sobbed at the way Kit was treating me. After everything that had already happened, now he was totally blocking me out and I couldn't help but think this was because I was no longer the only girl in his life. It feared me deeply that he could have feelings for Maddie. At first, I decided to get dressed and leave. Then as I heard the shower turning on I gripped at my remaining clothes and pulled them off before stalking into the bathroom. I wasn't sure if Kit had heard me, water was trickling over his face as I opened the door and I stood taking him in as steam filled the room. The marks on Kit's back were clear as I walked up and into the walk-in shower and placed my hands on his back. I kissed him there, all along his back and reached my arms around him before pressing myself against him to hug him from behind.
"I still want you..." I said against his skin. "Only if you're honest with me."
Silence lingered and I feared that he would reject me again. It didn't last long because Kit turned around and captured my mouth, lowering his hands and gripping at my arse and hips. Up until then, I felt as if he was really reserved with me, but intimately we connected on a different level. He kissed me passionately and held me close. Standing beneath the hot trickling water in Kit's arms, I looked up to his face that had now changed. It was similar to the look I'd seen before. He looked worried.
"Talk to me," I pleaded whilst looking him in the eyes. He sighed and shook his head slightly before escaping my grasp. He left me there in the shower as he reached for his towel and wrapped it around himself.
"You can't just block me out, Kit!" I raised my voice a little as he stood over the sink with only a towel wrapped around his waist.
"You were fighting to have me back, now you're pushing me away. What the hell is going on? Have you changed your mind?"
He stared back at me as if I were a fool.
"This has nothing to do with that."
"Then what is it? Tell me."
Shaking his head, he continued to dry himself.
"I can't put any more worry onto you, Eves. I won't do it," he said without turning around but his words hit me frontal.
He was keeping something from me, and as Kit left the bathroom water ran into my partially opened mouth as I stood thinking about what it could be. I spat the water and quickly got out of the shower to wrap a towel around myself before facing Kit.
"Fine," I said the second I saw him.
He was standing looking in on his Delta kit that was inside of his cupboard. No doubt he'd need to be heading there again soon.
"You don't wanna tell me, that's fine. There's no reason for me to be here."
"What?" he looked at me.
"I told you didn't I?"
I was losing my shit as I stalked back to the bathroom.
"No. Eve, wait."
I heard him rushing after me but it was too late. I shut the door and locked it, leaving Kit to smack on the other side.
"Fuck it, Eve, what are you doing?"
"Getting dressed, then I'm going home. I don't belong here," I said the last of my sentence quietly.
"What are you talking about? Open the goddamn door before I knock it down."
His words angered me more as I finished getting dressed and opened the door. I swiped passed him and towards my bag on the chair.
"Where are you going?" he questioned after me.
"I'm leaving, where do you think I'm going?"
"No, Eves, you can't just leave." He stalked after me.
"Yes, I can. You can call my bodyguards and tell them you're done with me for one sitting."
"You're acting fucking crazy," he muttered before placing himself between me and the door.
"Get out of the way or I'm gonna show you the meaning of crazy!"
"No, I'm not gonna let you do this again. You can't just run away from everything every time it gets hard, Eves!"
His words were only making me angrier, even if they were true.That's exactly what I did. I'd get hurt and I'd put my barriers up, but how could he blame me? Knowing Kit had been so painful and it just wasn't getting any better.
"I told you, no more lying! I'm not gonna stay home like a damn idiot whilst everyone including Maddie knows everything about everything that's going on whilst I'm kept in the dark!"
"Jesus, Eves, it's not like that..." Kit sighed.
"And I've told you, me and Maddie are just partners. That's it—"
"Save it, I'm not a mug, Kit."
I pushed him out of the way and I was surprised that he actually moved.
"I'm just fucking scared, Eves, okay?" he blurted from behind me just as I was about to open the door.
It made me freeze and I glanced back around at him.
"Yes, I blame myself for your family's death and I'm fucking scared I can't stop it happening to you as well. I keep fucking up, that's what's really bothering me. I keep making mistakes and I'm so afraid that one day my stupid mistakes are gonna be major fucking mistakes." He took a breath.
"I don't want you to be scared too, I have to be strong for you and make you feel safe, so you can trust me. Or else, what good am I?"
I faced him and shook my head.
"You don't have to be strong for me twenty-four-seven, Kit. You're human. Everyone makes mistakes and you're asking too much of yourself. I don't need you to protect me—"
"That's what I do, Eves. I protect you. I won't ever stop protecting you. I'm trying to protect you and our baby because all this worry isn't healthy. I'm trying so hard not to fuck up and I just keep doing it anyway."
His words were making me cry, I tried to stop it by looking away but I just couldn't help it. I dropped my bag and walked over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and getting myself comfy against his chest. After hugging me he brought his fingertip to my chin so he could direct my head up to look at him.
"I can't force you to talk to me," I said defeated.
"But, if you don't want to, I..." I trailed off and looked away, afraid of what it meant.
"I"m trying to let go of that guilt, the guilt I have linked to your family."
I looked up into his eyes and nodded.
"And I'm trying not to fuck up anymore, I swear to god."
"You have nothing to be guilty for, you have to know that."
Kit shook his head and walked away from me so he could sit on his bed.
"Your dad was the first person to show me what it was like to have a father. A real one."
Hearing Kit talking about my dad formed a lump in my throat. I moved towards him and stood between his legs as I brought his head to my chest. Cradling it there, I ran my fingers through his hair as tears welled up in my eyes.
"I knew something was happening, and I didn't make him listen. If I'd have just..." Kit couldn't finish his sentence and a tear ran down my cheek as I held onto him tighter.
"See?" Kit pulled away from me and gestured at me crying.
"This isn't fair on you. Me bringing them up like this, it's not good for you… I just keep hurting you, all the time."
He brought his head to my stomach and I frowned as his ear pressed against my centre, as if he was trying to hear something. Instead, all we heard was the door slamming open and we both stared at Nick standing in the doorway.
"Where the fuck have you been? We've been calling you!"
I stared back down at Kit, fear building in my chest just listening to Nick. Reaching for his phone, he cursed.
"My fucking phone isn't working," he said after clicking the button over and over.
"What is it?" Kit gently moved me to the side and got up.
"Maddie, she thinks she's got something. She needs us there."
Nodding, Kit sped around his bed and threw his Delta bag over his shoulder before facing up to me.
"Stay here, okay?"
I frowned but nodded, not knowing fully what I was nodding at.
"Jax is here, and so are Eric and Jason," Nick then said and just like that, they were gone.
I didn't even get a chance to ask what the hell was going on. All I knew was that Maddie needed Kit and he left to get to her. I wasn't going to deny it, I was jealous. It made me sound bloody awful because for whatever reason this Maddie girl was actually trying to protect me. Whether she was under orders or not, it's what she was doing. I just felt this huge hate towards her, like she was trying to replace me by taking my spot next to Kit. All I could think was that this had come from the hurt I'd first felt knowing Lilly had seen them both locking lips. That added to the fact that I knew it was still happening, made me feel sick with jealousy. I realised I didn't want to be here as I searched my eyes around Kit's room. I wasn't sure why, but I just didn't want to be here. I was so confused and my body felt exhausted and frail on my legs.
I settled on the fact that I probably needed a relaxing bath tonight and an early night, and I wanted that at home. Gathering my things, I made tracks but heard noises coming from Jason's room. Not just any noises, guitar strings being plucked along with the soft singing that wasn't loud enough to hear clearly. It was an acoustic guitar and it didn't sound like a stereo. His door was open and I stood awkwardly wondering if he'd mind me being here. Astounded, I watched his fingers as he sat on his bed, playing like an expert.
"Wow, Jason, you can really play," I said once he saw me standing there.
"Eves!" he sounded shocked and placed his guitar down. "You scared me."
I gave him an apologetic look and glanced back at the guitar that he'd dismissed.
"You're really good," I said again and he thanked me.
"I don't really play much anymore…"
"I just dug it out of my cupboard," he added reluctantly.
"That was insanely good considering you haven't played for a while."
He smiled and I enjoyed seeing the look on his face. It wasn't often that he smiled like that. Not that I saw, anyway.
"Well, see you soon," I said and I left him sat there and frowned as I headed downstairs. Wondering if he'd ever fully like me.
"Morning, Sweetie," Jax said to me as Jason bobbed his head after I moved aside so he could pass me. He went straight for the fridge and I gave them both a flat smile.
"I'm gonna go."
They both looked at each other and eyed me, studying me, and I wondered why.
"Okay," Jax eventually said.
"I've gotta go to work, but I can—”
"I'll drop her off," Jason cut in.
"You don't have to drop me off," I answered quickly.
Oh wait, someone did need to drop me off.
I forgot for a second that my life was in constant danger. That I always had to be afraid of the unknown. I didn't even know where Kit was, and I didn't know how much danger he was in. All I could do was worry about him. I settled on the fact that it would probably always be like this, as I thought about it longer I began to cry, knowing what that meant for my baby.
"Hey," Jax said sweetly.
"I'm sorry," I said wiping my face.
I felt like a fool for weakening in front of them and to my ultimate shock, Jason moved around the counter and held me at arms length before bringing me to his chest where he gave me a warm hug. His hand cradled the back of my head as my damn hormones unloaded onto me.
"Don't be sorry," he said gently.
Once I'd managed to compose myself a little bit he let go of me and I wiped my face clean of
tears.
"I don't know what the hell is wrong with me," I admitted.
"You're pregnant Eves, you don't need an excuse to cry," Jax said.
They both stood back, Jason held his arms crossed over his chest, resting against the counter whilst Jax kept his position situated at the other side of the counter.
"All of this would be too much for an average person to handle, don't be so hard on yourself,"
Jason added. I nodded, I couldn't believe Jason was acting so brotherly towards me. I didn't think he hated me, but I wasn't sure he cared much for me apart from the fact that I was pregnant with his niece or nephew. These brothers, despite their upbringing, were big on family, I knew that. I knew that from just being around them. It had been the first time Jason had shown me that side of him, towards me anyway.
"Do you still wanna go home?" Jax asked, and I nodded.
I needed to be alone right now.
"Can you just make sure someone rings me—let me know Kit is safe?"
They both nodded and Jason headed into the hallway where he waited for me. Smiling at Jax I hugged him as he approached me.
"Promise me you'll ring if you need us?"
I nodded, leaving to meet Jason in the hallway.
"You own a garage, right?" I asked Jason as he drove me home.
I was beginning to realise that Jason was a generally quiet person unless you spoke directly at him. It wasn't that he was rude, he just didn't speak a lot.
He nodded, "Yeah, I bought it after we moved here. In Australia, I worked in a few different garages."
"A few?"
"Yeah," he chuckled.
I wasn't interested in any of the brothers like I was Kit, even though they were all massively handsome in their own way. They were all incredibly hot when they laughed or chuckled. They all had the same trait, and it meant I couldn't help but smile along with them, despite currently feeling god awful. Worrying about Kit and wondering what the hell was going on. All I could think about was them leaving, and where they were going.
"I had a lot of time on my hands after I came back from the army."
I nodded, "I can see you in the army. You have that discipline about you."
Smiling, he thanked me but in question, wondering if it was actually a good thing.
"It makes me wonder why you don't work at Delta too, surely an ex-soldier is what they hire?"
Had I asked too much?
Jason sort of froze a little bit and he wasn't so easy going anymore.
"Yeah… It's been brought to my attention. It's not really for me. I did enough of that crap in the army."
I nodded, wondering if Jason had experienced some really bad shit being in the army. As we neared my home, I relaxed a bit more. I was craving solace, in the hopes that I could ease my head of some stress and worry. Although, I wasn't sure I'd ever be free from worry. Especially now that I was pregnant. Naturally, mothers were burdened with constant worry over their children, but I had a real reason to worry. I'd tasted that fear first hand on more than one occasion. The thoughts linked to that fear clouded my mind and I had to blink hard to rid myself of them as I reached for my seat-belt to unbuckle it.
"They're here," Jason said then and I looked around frantically.
"Who are?!" I asked whilst searching behind me.
"The guys watching over you, Eves, calm down."
Closing my eyes briefly I looked at him and nodded whilst trying to relax into my seat. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest.
"Are you okay?"
I nodded and said sorry for my outburst.
"Do you need me to come inside with
you?"
I shook my head and gathered myself along with my bag.
"Thank you for dropping me off."
He smiled and nodded.
"Anytime."
I got out and took a deep breath of fresh air then rushed inside. Once I got to the door, I waved at Jason who gave me a small wave back. I already knew he wasn't going to leave until I shut the door so I did that and locked it before placing my bag on the hanger.
"Can you come over?" I sobbed down the phone.
"What's happened? Is it the baby? Are you okay?"
I could hear Lilly's keys clinking together as she picked them up.
"Everything's fine. I just don't wanna be alone."
I know, I didn't want to be at Kit's house, I wanted some solace. That was before I got home and realised just how alone and lost I was. My grandparents weren't here and I wouldn't be able to confide in them anyway, they didn't know anything about Delta or who Kit really was.
"I'm coming, babe." Lilly hung up before I had time to tell her to drive carefully.
Placing the phone down I looked around the kitchen and then headed into the living room. In each room, I felt as if the walls were closing in on me until I realised what was happening.
A familiar blackness was filling my head and I braced myself against the wall and sank to my knees as the buzzing in my ears got louder.
"EVES?!"
"Oh god, Eves, look at me!"
Opening my eyes as if I'd just been woken from a deep sleep I focused my eyes and stared at Lilly who had my face in her hands.
"Eves, are you okay?"
I nodded and looked at my current position and it dawned on me what had happened.
"Oh god. Did I pass out?"
When I slid down the wall, I remembered the buzzing in my ears and the blackness in my eyes.
"I don't know, I'm calling an ambulance."
"No," I urged her not to, holding onto her arm.
"Eves, you're pregnant. You need to get checked for the baby’s sake."
I couldn't believe I'd passed out, I knew it happened sometimes during pregnancy but it was still a huge shock. Nodding, I started to get up but Lilly told me to stay put.
"I need to get my pregnancy notes, there's a number I can ring for advice."
