by S R Dyble
"Okay, let's read these results."
Finally.
Kit and I stared at Doctor Simone impatiently until eventually he put us out of our misery and I could take a sigh of relief.
"Everything here seems perfect. Tomorrow on your scan we can check for any bruising, although you never received any trauma to your stomach during the accident?"
I nodded my head in agreement.
"I'll be checking anyway and we'll see how your little boy or girl is doing."
Once hearing that our baby was okay I felt a weight lifting in the room.
"Thank you," Kit said, moving forward to shake Doctor Simone's hand.
Nodding, he began clearing his equipment away and so I thanked him and excused myself the second Kit's brothers re-appeared to see Doctor Simone off. They each stared at me, their eyes full of questions. I couldn't face them just now, I needed to be alone.
In Kit's bathroom, I started by fishing through my hair for the hundreds of pins Lilly had used to pin the sections of my hair up. I would need to ring her to tell her what had happened. I wasn't ready just yet. I still hadn't processed everything myself. Once I was confident I'd found all the grips, I let my hair fall loosely and that's when Kit edged the bathroom door open to stare at me. He propped himself up against the door frame with his arms crossed.
"You just gonna stare at me?" I asked.
"Depends, are you still mad at me?"
"Mad isn't the term I'd use," I answered honestly.
I planned to get a shower to clean away not only the muck on my body from being chucked about, but to try and rid myself of some of the tension. I pulled my hoodie off and Kit moved forward, noticing a large scratch on my forearm. I'd received it during the crash, when I'd been pulled from the limo and shoved into the van.
"How do we know he won't come back?" I asked, not looking at him in the mirror.
"We don't."
I wasn't expecting such an honest answer and it said a lot.
"So, how can we stay safe if we don't know that?"
Sighing, Kit traced his hand up my arm and brought his face to kiss me there. For some reason, I flinched and pulled away from his touch. I turned to face him and he looked equally as confused and hurt by my actions.
"I need some space," I told him honestly.
Sure, I'd just been kidnapped for the third time. Yes, I'd screamed for Kit and pleaded for him to be okay because I did love him more than anything. That didn't change things. He'd still been running off to Maddie to discuss his problems, confiding in her instead of me. Not even in a friendship way, because if they were only friends, why didn't he tell me about it? What did he have to hide?
"Shutting me out isn't the answer," he answered and it made me scoff.
"I don't think it's me that shuts you out..."
"I wish I could change all the stupid mistakes I've made since you've come into my life, honest to god, I do. I hate repeating this with you. I know why you're upset, I get it."
I couldn't speak even if I wanted to, because I felt numb. It's exactly how I felt when I needed time to gather my thoughts.
"I could have lost you tonight."
I'd never seen Kit cry, not really. I wasn't sure I ever would but I could hear his voice croaking and it made me stare at him in the mirror.
"You and our baby. I could have lost you both. So please, just let me touch you," he pleaded and it made my eyes well up as he reached to pull me closer.
Before he even had a chance, I turned around and held onto his face as I planted a kiss on his lips. Kit's arms came around to scoop me up as my fingers trailed through his hair. We held each other for a while, just holding each other because we could. I felt so lucky to still be able to do that after what had happened.
"Promise me, Kit," I said looking at him, "Promise me it's never been more than a mission with her. Swear to me."
"I swear to god," he answered and I nodded.
"I'm so sorry, Eves," he breathed against my ear. I could feel the enormity of his guilt and it washed over his face as I looked at him.
"Tonight wasn't your fault. Well, not the part where our limo was crashed into and everything that happened after..."
"All this time, he's been after me. I've been blind and a fool, and by doing so I've put you in danger."
"No," I shook my head, not having any of it.
"You did what you thought was best. Besides, who's to say that your father and his men aren't just one group trying to get to the pair of us? Like you said, revenge is worth a lot."
"Tonight, you had to see me how I used to be. I pray you never have to see me like that again."
I just stared at him, remembering the look he'd had on his face during the fight. His eyes…
After my shower, I dried quickly and got dressed into some comfy pyjamas. I needed that comfort desperately and back in Kit's room, I placed my dress over the chair in the corner and stared at how mucky it was. I wasn't sure a dry-clean would do the job. I sighed and made my way over to the bed where Kit sat upright and bare-chested, trying to watch the Tele. I got into bed, closing my eyes once my head hit the soft pillow. Once I opened them, I saw Kit's busted eyebrow being held together by a strip as he stared at me. I ran my thumb across his cheekbone whilst holding his face in my hands. I made sure to do it gently. Every risen part of his expression looked bruised in some way.
"You really are a fighter," I said.
Scoffing, he smiled at me. "Has it only just hit you?"
"Kind of. I've seen you fight, train with little kids, hit a punching bag a few times. I've never seen you fight like you did today."
Kit's smile faded thinking about it. He'd already mentioned before how he'd been different. I hated bringing the subject back onto his mind.
"I don't want you to see me like that."
I nodded. "I know, but you're here. You won."
I tried to pull the conversation in another direction, hating how pained he looked thinking about how tainted he'd been during the fight.
"I don't mean like that." He stared away from me.
"I can fight with control, your Dad taught me how to. That's not what I was doing today."
I waited for him to continue, not interrupting so he could get this off of his chest.
"The techniques used on me by my dad's trainer were barbaric. He would train me and punish me, hurt me so that I wasn't only trained but endorsed with anger and pain. Once I got older, I put a stop to it. That type of abuse does a lot to a person, making them tainted just like they wanted."
He sighed, looking ashamed.
"The way I used to fight, I had no control. They made me crazy—a fighting machine filled with bitterness and anger."
"That's not who you are," I said. "I know who you are. You may have lost control today but you were fighting for us, for survival."
Nodding, he absorbed my words and I could see him processing them.
"You protected us, Kit," I reached up and kissed his neck.
When I looked back at his face, his eyes were shut. As if he were savouring the touch and taking deep peace from it.
"You make me wanna be a good person, Eves. I wanna be good for you."
"Are you serious?" I scoffed, not believing his words.
'Do you honestly believe you're bad?"
"I've got a lot of improving to do, let's just say that."
"Listen to me," I made him look at me.
"They made you feel like you weren't good enough, pushed you to be the best. Do you realise what you're capable of? You've taken on an undercover company, you're leading those men. I saw the way everyone looked at you at the ball. Especially the guys that work with you. They look up to you and you're the best example you can be. You do my dad proud. He would be proud."
It was hard seeing Kit like this. Earlier he'd been a fierce warrior and now he sat unsure of himself. It made me love him all the more. To see this side of him made him real. It meant he truly cared.
"You've protected
us, and you've kept me alive, what else do you want from yourself?"
"I keep upsetting you, doing stupid things and missing things right in front of my face. I went to Maddie, I did it to protect you so that I wouldn't upset you, I ended up doing that anyway. I should have known she was up to something."
"She definitely had alternative motives…"
I thought about it longer as silence lingered.
"I know why you went to Maddie, although it hurts, I get it."
I took a deep breath, feeling wisdom from a quote I'd read from a Nicholas Sparks novel.
"Everyone makes mistakes, Kit. Even people we love."
Lifting his hand, he brushed a section of my hair out of my face and kissed me.
"Be real with me, Kit. If there's even the slightest smidge of doubt in your mind about us, tell me."
He shook his head as if he couldn't believe what I was saying.
"You have no idea how much I love you."
My face lifted, allowing me to smile shyly, feeling the familiar sensation in my stomach when he made me feel like that.
"I love you more."
I wanted to believe everything would be okay. I honestly did. This was my fourth scan before my twenty-week scan and it terrified me. It terrified me because of the reasoning behind each of those scans. It terrified me that if I couldn't protect my baby inside of me, what hope did I have once they were born?
The difference was that now, whilst my baby grew inside of me, I had to stay alive. I had to. Once my baby was born, I'd be able to give my life to protect theirs. I could fight till the death to protect them. Right now, I couldn't do that.
As I sat there, my mind fogging and fighting against me, Kit placed his hand on my leg and I looked up to see Lilly as she entered the waiting room. Thankfully, the room was empty because she was crying, then she rushed towards me and wrapped her arms around me. Shortly before leaving for the hospital I'd rang her. It was delayed and I had to apologise profoundly. I was just such a mess after what had happened that I couldn't bring myself to call her the night before. Instead, I slept peacefully in Kit's arms. The only place on earth I could ever find peace.
Neither of us could speak, we just cried and I knew that she got me.
"We'll talk later," she said and I nodded.
It wasn't long after taking a seat that my name was called and both Lilly and Kit accompanied me into Doctor Simone's room. After introductions, I laid back on the bed and closed my eyes, allowing myself to meditate for a short while as Doctor Simone prepared. I honestly felt numb. My mind and body felt numb and I wasn't sure I'd ever feel like myself again.
Too much had happened and I was so afraid all the time. Being a parent was terrifying enough without the added worry. Once we were done, Kit would need to return to Delta to try and find more intel on his father's whereabouts. He sounded confident when he said he didn't think we'd see him again. That he was using that one fight to mask everything, to use as a permanent fixture that his main guy had won and claimed the title. Once he had that he could start a fresh, hiring new fighters to train. Hiring new employees to work with. That meant he wasn't only valuable to Kit for obvious reasons, but he had to be found because of his intentions. He was literally a madman on the loose.
"Okay, I'll just be a few moments finding him or her."
By now, I knew everything that was going to be said to me. The only difference was that the private hospital had something to offer that the public hospital didn't have.
"You ready to see them in 3D?" Doctor Simone asked, shortly after finding our baby and checking that everything was okay.
Once we knew that, we were able to enjoy seeing our baby’s beautiful face in 3D. They had a cute button nose and puckered lips. My heart melted and by the looks of it, so did Lilly's. Kit just stared, looking absolutely gobsmacked. He was hard to read and eventually he smiled at me, picking up my hand as he had done before to kiss my skin.
Once outside, Lilly gushed some more over the 3D images and we each got a drink in the cafe, absorbing what we'd just seen.
The cafe was empty so it meant we could speak quietly in the corner without being heard. I answered any questions Lilly had and so did Kit, sipping on his coffee in-between.
"I wanna teach Eve how to drive," he said to her and I shot my eyes at him.
"Hear me out," he said as we both stared at him.
He placed his cup down and leaned in closer.
"In case for whatever reason you ever need to get away, you'll always know how to jump in a car and drive."
I thought about it for a while as they both stared at me.
"What do you think?" he asked.
I nodded, agreeing that being able to drive away should I ever need to would be the best thing to do for the baby.
"I'm in."
Kit had driven us to Delta just to teach me how to drive. It felt weird to drive here just to take a few mandatory circles around a carpark. Nonetheless, we needed the protection that came from practising on the grounds. Passing the security stations, as always I sat uncomfortably ready to dart at the mere sight of masked men. I decided to stare at my lap instead, wondering if I'd ever be able to face a masked man again without cacking myself. Once we passed the two buildings, I tried to rid my mind of the last memories I had here with Maddie and how she'd outed Kit to me. Since then, I'd not had much desire to speak to Kit about her. I knew she'd been knocked from the team, but that's as much as I did know. That didn't mean she'd been knocked from Delta. Part of me hoped she hadn't been fired completely. I knew that made me sound crazy after the trouble she caused. I really did feel sorry for her alongside the obvious hate I felt towards her for trying to break me and Kit up. After all, she loved Kit and I felt for her knowing how she must have been feeling. I still thought she was bloody crazy, nonetheless. My mind then wandered to the fight that had happened afterwards, wiping all thoughts of Maddie from my mind as like every time, my own screams echoed in my ears just remembering it. I blinked a few times and focused. We were currently in Jason's land rover and it was night time, which meant Delta was pretty quiet. Once past the two main buildings Kit drove us through sections of woodland until I saw for myself the training grounds with built-up assault courses. They were situated within the woods and were well-lit. Furthest away from the building was a large stretch of payment. I assumed this was to be my training ground.
"Why is this here?" I asked.
"We sometimes use this as a place to run laps. Most of the time it's left empty so we won't be disturbed here."
I nodded, preparing myself for this. Once I was ready, I got out of the car and passed Kit as he headed for the passenger side. Once he'd stopped me halfway to kiss me, I pulled away and stared back at him as I got into the driver's seat.
"Okay, you ready? " he asked and I nodded as I pulled the seatbelt across my body.
Once I'd positioned the chair to suit me, I waited for him to start.
"So, this is the gear stick, this is the handbrake."
I nodded, already knowing all of this.
"You see those three pedals at your feet?"
"I think so…" I said sarcastically and Kit eyed me.
"Yes, I can see them."
"From the left, that's the clutch, brake and accelerator - that's what makes you go faster."
Again I nodded.
"Why can't I just learn in your car?"
"Because my car is electric. It's an automatic. You need to know how to drive a manual in case you ever get caught needing to drive one."
That made sense.
Kit reached over to turn the car on and my heart started beating as the car revved, pressuring me with just the sound...
"Okay, you're gonna press down the clutch and place it into first gear. Then you're gonna slowly let go of the clutch until you feel a bite."
I listened to him carefully, then nodded.
"You can do this, Eves," he said.
I placed my hands on the wheel and did as he sai
d. Taking a deep breath, I released my foot from the clutch and the car chugged forward before stopping abruptly.
"Shit," I cursed as Kit reached over to turn it back on.
"No big deal, you stalled. Try again, only slower."
Frowning, with more determination, I tried again.
"You took your foot off too quickly."
I did the same again, this time trying to be more gentle in taking my foot off. The same happened again and I sighed as the car chugged at me. Again, I tried and the same thing happened.
"Not sure Jason was aware of the damage that would be inflicted to his car when he offered to let us use it," Kit smirked.
I glared at him, feeling more angered. I tried again, this time the car edged forward slowly and I stared past the steering wheel.
"That's it," Kit said. "Now, don't forget to steer."
I did just that and brought the car to the edge of the pavement before turning the wheel.
"Don't wait until the last minute to turn."
I was listening to everything he was saying, but didn't answer. Instead, I focused on driving.
"Okay, in a second, you're gonna press the brake slightly before pressing the clutch down and placing it into park."
I didn't answer and I could feel him staring at me.
"Okay?" he asked just before I was about to press the brake and it caught me off guard. I pressed the brake too hard and again the car jolted forward and eventually stalled.
"Jesus, Eves," Kit said, holding onto the handle above his head.
"You distracted me!"
"You could just answer me," he said as I sat back in my seat, smacking my hands against the wheel.
"Again," Kit said and I glared over at him.
"Don't hate the teacher," he said looking at me.
"I don't hate the teacher. The teacher is pissing me off though. You're not training one of your men at Delta! Back off."
"Again," he said again and I pressed my teeth together before pressing the on button.
I repeated everything Kit had already taught me and then I tried to put the car into park by gently pressing the break.
"Good," he said and I smiled, feeling proud of myself.
