by S R Dyble
"If all of this is true, why are you now with Kit, why did you tell us that you met him on your photography course?"
"Because I did. It's hard to put into words, but Kit was sent to protect me, undercover. His mission was to get close to me, to protect me."
"I can't believe this," my grandad got up.
"Please hear me out, I know it's mad. I need to tell you."
"Why now?" he questioned me. "Surely you've known about this for months? Why are we only being told now?"
"To protect you," I said simply.
"The less people who know about Delta the better. The more people that know about it, the more people who need protecting."
I looked at my grandma, feeling guilty for putting the fear in her eyes. Maybe Kit was right, I shouldn't have told them.
"So, now we're going to need protecting?"
"I don't know how to tell you this."
I was massively starting to regret this, but even though my grandad stood before me, looking positively livid, I felt so much relief.
"You're already under the protection scheme."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that recent activities and possible threats recorded by Delta means you're potentially in danger and therefore need protection..."
I took a gulp, feeling my mouth suddenly dry.
"Oh my god," my grandad brought his hand to his head.
"The fire?"
"Okay," I started, trying to explain this the best I could.
"At Delta, there is a safe house—a place where those under threat can live and stay safe. Maddie, up until recently worked at Delta. She and Kit were close and when we got together, she got jealous."
"So she burnt our god-damn house down?"
"I know it's hard to take in, but please try to understand."
I think my grandma had reduced to pure shock and I was really regretting this now.
"She's not well, Grandad, she fooled all of us, including me. There's a lot more to the story that I haven't yet told you."
"I don't think I believe this. This can't honestly be true. Perhaps we need to call an ambulance," my grandad looked at my grandma who sat still staring at us.
"What? I'm not mad grandad!"
"This doesn't make any sense!" he answered.
I stared down at my hands in my lap.
"You always tell me that I can tell you anything. I'm doing that now and you don't believe me…"
"I never said that," he answered, taking a seat.
"If Kit was sent to protect you, why are you now pregnant with his baby?"
"Isn't that obvious?" My grandma shocked us both by piping up.
"He fell for her, obviously."
"So, now you put all of your faith into this company, in this underground firm your father supposedly created?"
"Delta is now technically mine. When I turned twenty-one, the rights to Delta automatically were handed to me. And yes, I'm trying to. They've saved me on more than one occasion."
"More than one occasion?" my grandma asked.
I nodded and realised I'd have to start from the very beginning and tell them everything.
An hour later it was getting dark outside but they knew everything. Every last detail about Delta and what had happened up until that point.
"I think I'm going to faint," my grandma said and I rushed to her side.
As I looked at her face, I realised lifting the burden and guilt from not telling them, wasn't worth it. I never wanted to hurt the people I loved so much.
"I'm so sorry." I stood up from her side. "I should have never told you. This is why they told me not to tell you."
"They told you that? They had you lie to us?"
"At first, I thought they were just trying to protect Delta, because Delta is top secret. Not even the police know about them. Now, I know that's not the only reason. They had me keep it a secret to protect you. Now I understand why. This is too much."
They both stared at me.
"You've been in so much danger, Eves, and we knew nothing about it," my grandad said and my grandma began crying.
"I'm so sorry," I said, feeling absolutely awful.
I backed myself onto the couch and held my head in my hands.
"Eves," my grandad made me look at him.
"Are you safe now?" he asked.
How could I answer that question?
"I don't know," I answered honestly, "but we've done everything we can. He's done everything…" I trailed off, feeling lost in the sentence asked.
Silence loomed and I wasn't sure what could possibly be said next. I'd turned what was supposed to be a happy day, finding out my baby's gender, into a mess. Kit was elsewhere about our baby being a girl. I'd just unloaded everything I'd been told to keep secret onto my grandparents because I'd been selfish.
"How have you coped?" my grandma asked and I looked at her.
"How have you coped keeping all of this to yourself? You're pregnant, and you've held all of this inside."
I nodded. "I just couldn't keep it from you any longer, it was killing me."
My grandad just stared at me from where he stood near the fireplace.
"Please just understand, everything that has been done has been done to keep us safe," I said as he stared at the clock.
"It'll take time to absorb this."
I nodded, and suddenly it was as if his ice layer had cracked and he took a deep breath.
"I can't believe he never told us. He had this whole other life."
"He did what he had to, you have to know that. Nothing he did was ever to hurt any of us."
He nodded. "I know that."
"I can't believe you were in a car crash and we knew nothing about it," my grandma breathed.
"And that you were kidnapped and put through all of that—"
"I wanted to tell you so bad, gram. I was just doing what I thought was right."
"I'd like to meet this Delta," my grandad said and I felt overly nervous.
"You said your Dad built this company from scratch, that your mother was practically his partner. I wanna see it."
"So, you don't wanna go in there and punch a load of people?"
"Yes," he said, shifting.
"But I won't. Despite everything, and the time I need to still process this, they protected you when I didn't. I can't be mad about that."
I smiled and nodded, and without being able to help it I started crying. I felt so overwhelmed.
We each heard a knock at the door then and my grandad gave me a look of reassurance before going to answer it.
Silence was all I could hear, then footsteps and I stood up feeling panicked.
"Grandad are you okay—"
Kit rushed into the room, staring directly at me and taking a deep breath.
"Jesus, Eves," he said looking away.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"I've been ringing you constantly, where's your phone?"
Shit.
I'd left my phone inside my bag that was left in the hallway. I'd picked out my scan photos and had left my bag there without thinking.
"Why didn't you just ask the men you have watching over us? They'd know she's here, wouldn't they?"
"You told them?"
I nodded, not looking at him.
"I had to," I said then, pleading with his eyes.
"I must ask Kit, why you yourself and the ones you work for, told my granddaughter that she couldn't talk to us about this."
"It's not like that," Kit answered. "We have a duty of care, we answer to that."
His face was set like stone, serious but as diplomatic as ever.
He looked like a leader, like a boss.
"Look, I don't expect you to understand, I really don't. I'll understand sir, if you feel the need to punch me right now, but you don't understand the danger in telling you. The danger Eve has now put you in."
Hearing him say that broke my heart and I didn't understand him. How had I put them in danger? They
were already in danger.
"Seems to me like we're already in danger, or else, why the need to have surveillance on our house?"
"They're just a precaution, the person who set fire to your house knew I was here. They were after me. For that, I can only apologise."
"I don't give a damn about a house! I care about my wife and granddaughter."
My grandad turned away from him, expressing his anger in a different direction.
Kit stared at me then, full of disapproval and the longer he looked at me, the more disappointment I saw in his eyes until it was too much to bare.
"I told Eve that I'd like to go to Delta," my grandad said.
"Of course," Kit replied.
"Good."
My grandad thought some more and I waited for the next line to be spoken.
"So, tell me what the plan is. How do we protect them?" my grandad said, looking at me and then back to my grandma.
"I don't need taking care of," I said quickly, feeling like a child under their stare. I was about to explain how I already had chaperone's but my mind had been led elsewhere.
Kit scoffed and shifted on his feet.
"I'm sorry, was that funny?" I glared at him.
I got that he was mad at me, I got it. I was pissed off at him too for not understanding why I needed to tell them.
The more I stared at his arrogant expression, the more crazy I felt until I had to remove myself.
"I'm really sorry," I said, placing my hand on my grandad's shoulder.
"I'll call you soon. I need to go home right now." I looked at my grandma and she offered me an understanding smile.
Getting up, she gave me a hug.
"Thank you for telling us, although it probably won't ever sink in, I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to keep this to yourself."
I nodded, "I'm sorry I couldn't bring you a better surprise."
"You did," she frowned and looked at my stomach.
Then my grandad came to me for a hug.
"Are you sure you don't wanna stay here?"
I shook my head, "I'm safe at home, trust me."
He gave me the best smile he could.
"I don't know, Eves, I…" he trailed off, trying to gather his words.
"I know," I nodded. "It will take some time to process. I'm sorry I can't stay longer to talk it through with you. We will, though, I promise."
Again, he nodded.
"Take care of yourself and our little girl," he said gesturing to my stomach.
I didn't wait for Kit, in fact, I thought about ringing Bob to pick me up but that opportunity had already passed and it was irresponsible to not just get into the car with Kit. If I wasn't pregnant, I probably would have stayed at my grandparents or would have found another way home. Truth was, I just wanted to sleep in my own bed.
He didn't attempt to talk to me on the way home, and I was relieved. It was getting late and I needed to sleep before dealing with this. Once home I didn't wait for him to go to bed. Once upstairs I felt even more exhausted and after I dressed in my vest and shorts I stared at myself in the long-length mirror, turning on a side to fully see my stomach.
As I did, Kit came into the room and looked at me. I watched as he collected some things from his chest of drawers and then left as quickly as he came. The emotion it left on my chest hurt as I crawled into bed.
I laid there alone for what felt like forever, trying to figure this out. I knew I'd done wrong, but yet I also felt like I'd done the best thing. I couldn't keep lying to my grandparents the rest of my life.
My parents had.
I wasn't my parents, I obviously wasn't as strong as them. But maybe I needed to be.
I kept swirling everything around and around in my head until exhaustion took over and I drifted off.
"Just like her mother…"
I knew I was in a nightmare. I knew it. I just couldn't find my escape. I couldn't find my way out. I couldn't escape this bar unless I thought about something different. Once I thought about Kit he was brought before me, crouched on the floor like my parents had been. Only, he couldn't see me. He was bound, his mouth tied with a cloth. His face was slashed and bruised and I sobbed, trying to get him to see me. I knew what was coming. I wasn't expecting Kit's father to come forward, with the man I'd seen him at the fight ring with. Kit's trainer. He didn't stand a chance, Kit was bound and he made him stand only so he could kick him to the floor again.
"No!" I screamed, begging them to stop until I saw him revealing a knife. With Kit's face pushed down into the floor, I started to hear the blood curdling screams as this guy pierced his skin with the blade. I screamed at the top of my lungs, trying to stop them but I couldn't move my body. All I could do was watch the torture, screaming and begging them to stop until—
"Hey, hey!"
I scrunched my eyes at the bright light burning into my stinging eyes. Once I felt my drenched cheeks I tried wiping them free of tears but it was useless. I was still crying and despite Kit being here I lifted my legs without crushing them into my stomach and I sobbed into my hands.
"Eves," Kit pulled at me, pulling me onto his lap as I continued to cry.
"Hey, you're safe," he said, kissing my temple. Although I wasn't asleep anymore, I was still stuck in the nightmare and I fought against my mind to rid myself of the images.
I groaned, wishing I could scrape them from my mind.
"I'm fine," I eventually said trying to be strong, and I left him there to go to the bathroom.
I made sure to lock the door and I sat on the toilet, wiping my face as I tried to comfort myself.
"Eves?" Kit spoke through the door but I wasn't sure what to say. I could tell by the way Kit had sat on the bed that he hadn't been in the bed with me prior to waking me up. That he had decided not to come to bed at all.
It showed how mad he was with me and it tore me to shreds.
"I'm fine, Kit, I just need to go back to sleep."
That was the last thing I intended on doing. It was now roughly about 3am and I knew I'd be awake for the rest of the night.
When I came out of the bathroom I passed him and went straight back to bed, without a word being spoken from him. He didn't follow after me and I didn't expect him to. He didn't even wanna be in the same room as me, I'd fucked up that bad.
To my surprise, I fell back to sleep after an hour of staring at the wall. I'd managed to re-think everything that I'd done, and the next morning I woke up later than usual after I heard Kit rustling about downstairs.
Behind the bedroom door, I had my thin dressing gown hung up and I pulled it on. It was a thin dressing gown because those fluffy ones always gave me heat stroke after five minutes of wearing them. This dressing gown was purely to cover up, but I kept it open at the front so my body could still breathe.
I found him in the kitchen, with his back facing me where he sat at the kitchen counter.
He bit a chunk from his toast, looking like it repulsed him so he pushed it away as I got further into the room. I didn't expect the best reception, but I did at least expect him to acknowledge me.
I looked back into the living room and saw the blanket he'd used still sprawled over the couch.
"Do you wanna talk about this or continue to act like I don't exist?"
He didn't turn to face me.
"I'd love to Sweetheart, but I'm having to start early on this damage control to rectify the issue you've just caused. Hence why I'm reading this paper that I stayed up all night writing."
"Paper on what?"
"A plan on how to keep your grandparents safe and contained now you've told them everything."
"They're not gonna say anything, Kit. Surely you're just being dramatic..."
"Dramatic?" He eyed me. "Was it dramatic when I had to do all of this for you? For Lilly?"
I didn't know he'd sat and mapped out a plan for Lilly's protection. I didn't know, because he'd never told me.
"There's more pressing issues now, Eve. I can't
guarantee their safety if they're a danger to themselves because they know too much!"
I jolted at his last words.
"I don't expect you to understand," he said harshly.
"You're right," I said after a while and I started to walk away as tears formed in my eyes.
"Look, I know the real reason why you're so upset. You think I don't, but I do..." I said, turning to face him.
Finally, he faced me, but only to frown at me as If I were crazy.
"I'm sorry for not giving you a son so you can keep your perfect male bloodline going. I'm sorry I didn't follow my orders and for once I put my needs before what I'm told to do. I couldn't keep lying to them." My voice broke and I watched as the muscles on his back tensed as he turned back around.
"You just don't get it," he answered.
"I'm not bothered about having a girl or a boy."
Well that was bullshit.
He faced me and I held onto myself, preparing myself for what he had to say.
"This isn't about the baby’s gender," he lied.
I scoffed and rolled my eyes.
"I will love them no matter what…" he started.
"Having a boy would mean I could eventually train him. Train him to look after himself when I can't be there. Having a girl, it's just another person I'm gonna have to protect. Loving them so much and being terrified of not being able to protect them. Not only from dickheads like me but from the world. I can't expect you to understand, you've never had that responsibility, that fear that you can't protect the people you should be protecting. It's my job to protect you both. Now, on top of everything I have to lay new plans to protect your grandparents because you broke the rules and told them everything."
I thought about just walking away, instead I stood firm.
"You wanna know what I dreamt about last night?" I asked and when he didn't answer my heart chipped away.
"All of my nightmares are of people I love, being hurt or like last night, tortured. People that I should be able to protect. You're right though, Kit. I don't understand…" I took a deep breath.
"I couldn't possibly know what you're going through but I had to tell them. I just had to. It was destroying me, keeping it from them. And I'm sorry. I truly am."
