by Bill H Myers
“No Walker, she doesn't. I told her it was your idea. I told her you wanted to meet her. I told her that's why you volunteered to drive her to Oasis.
“At first, she wasn't too keen about getting in a motorhome with a stranger. So I told her how great a guy you were and how you helped us buy Mango Bay. I even told her how you rescued Oscar and dealt with the dog-nappers. After hearing that, she was interested. So I kind of took it from there and put you two together.”
“Polly, what about Lucy?”
Lucy is Polly's daughter, the one I'd been dating on and off for a few months. Nothing serious, just dinners out, sometimes a movie. But we'd been dating and Polly had given us her blessing. I wondered what had changed to cause her to set me up with Lori.
“Walker, I asked Lucy if you and she were ever going to get serious. She said she didn't have time to get serious with you or anyone else. So since everyone else living in Mango Bay has been trying to set you up with Miss Right, I figured I'd give it a shot. With Lori. ”
I shook my head. “Polly, next time you want to set me up with someone, just tell me. Don't trick me, just tell me. Okay?”
“Sure, next time I'll tell you. I promise. But maybe there won't be a next time. Maybe you and Lori will hit it off. Speaking of which, how's it going so far?”
Instead of answering her question, I said, “Polly, I gotta go.”
I ended the call.
Chapter Twelve
I wasn't sure whether I'd ever been on a blind date before. Especially one that I didn't know was a blind date. But according to Polly, driving Lori to the Oasis Ranger Station was a blind date.
She'd told me that Lori wasn't in on the plan. But I wasn't so sure about that. Polly had already misled me once that day with the intestinal distress story. It was possible much of what she'd told me on the phone was also less than the truth.
It could be that Lori didn't know anything or was in on it from the beginning. Either way, it'd probably be a good idea to clear the air with her. To make sure she knew I wasn't in on Polly's scheme.
When I got back in the motorhome, Lori was still sitting on the couch, the place she'd been when I'd gotten Polly's call. She looked up at me and smiled.
I pointed to my phone. “That was Polly. She told me that, apparently, I'm on a blind date with you right now. She said you might not know anything about it.”
Lori laughed. “Are you saying you didn't know Polly was fixing us up? You thought you were just driving me to the ranger station and that's it?”
I shrugged and held my hands palms up. “No, I didn't know she was setting us up. I thought I was doing a favor for a friend. Driving you to Oasis and back.
“I'm not complaining though. It's just not what I thought I was getting into.
“Don't get me wrong. I kind of like the idea of being on a blind date with you. But had I known beforehand, I might have cleaned up in here a bit more, dressed better and tried to be more charming.”
Lori smiled. “Walker, Polly told me all about you. She said you were a great guy. Honest, trustworthy, and not bad to look at. She also said you were somewhat naive when it came to women.
“It appears she was right on all counts. But now that you know we're on a date, I'll expect you to be more charming. You can start later this evening by making me dinner.”
She pointed to the kitchen. “I hope you've got enough food in here for both of us.”
I nodded. “I've got plenty of food. As long as you don't mind it coming out of a freezer box.”
She laughed. “Freezer food is fine with me. As long as you serve it with wine.”
She patted the spot on the couch where Bob had been sitting. “Now come over here and sit by me. There are a few things we need to talk about.”
As I started towards the couch, I noticed movement outside the motorhome. The three young men from the car beside us were heading back in our direction. They were walking fast, each one carrying two cases of beer.
When they got to the car, the driver waved in my direction, signaling he wanted me to come out and see him.
I nodded to Lori. “Our friends are back. They want to talk to me. Will you miss me while I'm gone?”
She laughed. “Miss you? I don't know you well enough to miss you. Go see what they want.”
Chapter Thirteen
The driver of the car had stacked the two cases of beer he was carrying onto the hood. I walked up and he said, “Man, you should have seen it. There was beer everywhere. Busted cans and cases all over the road. A real mess. Smelled like a brewery. But we didn't jump right in. Too many police standing around.
“We played it cool. Just stood back and watched. Wanted to see if anyone was going to make a move on the beer. Wasn't long before it happened. Four guys climbed down from the overpass and started stacking cases on the side of the road. We figured they were the cleanup crew because the police didn't do anything to stop them.
“We decided to help. We started stacking cases off to the side. After we'd stacked up enough to hide behind, we grabbed two each and just walked out of there, like we were doing them a favor. Nobody stopped us.
“We were thinking about going back to get some more, but they've got one lane almost cleared. Traffic will be moving soon.”
I nodded. “You did good. But you better stash that beer. Don't let the troopers see it. Better keep your tunes turned down too. No need to bring attention to your car and give the police a reason to stop you.”
The man nodded. “We got that part figured out. We gonna sit here and be model citizens. But when we get home, the party starts. You wanna join us?”
I pointed over my shoulder to the motorhome. “Can't. My wife and baby are in there waiting for me. She says my partying days are over.”
The man smiled. “Sorry to hear that, bro, but thanks for telling us about the beer. We don't have a case to spare, but if you want a cold six pack, grab it.”
I looked over my shoulder, shook my head and said, “Thanks, but the wife said I can't. She says no drinking around her and the baby.”
The man nodded. “Been there. Know what it's like.”
He and his buddies went to the back of their car and put the six cases of cold beer in the trunk. They closed and got back in their car, and, as promised, sat there like model citizens. Didn't even bother to turn the stereo back on.
As I walked away, the driver gave me a thumbs up. I thumbed him back and headed to the motorhome.
Inside, Lori was still sitting on the couch. “What did they say?”
“They invited me to a party.”
“No really, what did they say?”
“I'm not kidding. They said they were going to have a party and they invited me to join them.”
“Really? And what did you tell them?”
“I told them I couldn't because my wife was up here in the motorhome with our baby, and she wouldn't let me party no more.”
“You told them we were married? That we had a baby?”
I nodded. “Yep, that's what I told them. And you know what the guy who was driving said? He said he felt sorry for me.”
Lori cocked her head. “He felt sorry for you? Are you kidding me? You'd be the happiest man in the world if we were to get married. No one would ever feel sorry for you then. But don't get your hopes up. It's not happening.”
She crossed her arms, still shaking her head. “What did they say about the accident? How long before traffic gets moving again?”
I laughed. “Don't change the subject. Tell me more about how I'd be the happiest man in the world if we got married. That sounds like something I need to know about. So tell me more.”
She shook her head. “Not now. Maybe later. After we get to Oasis. But only if we get there before dark. Any chance of that?”
I pointed out the window toward the wreck. “They've almost got one lane of the road cleared. It won't be long before we're moving.”
* * *
Ten minutes later, we were on our w
ay. Slowly at first as the troopers waved cars through the single lane beside the overturned beer truck. We could have been moving quicker, but every car in line slowed to check out the damage.
From what I could see, it looked like a small car trying to make the exit cut across traffic, right in front of the beer truck. The truck driver swerved to miss the car, but it was too late. He smashed into it, pushed it up against the metal guard rail, slicing open its fuel tank. The fuel ignited, causing the fire.
The driver of the beer truck was standing on the side of the road talking to an accident investigator. Beside him a young woman who looked to be the driver of the burned out car. They both looked shaken but otherwise unhurt.
As traffic sped up on the other side of the accident, I kept the motorhome in the right lane so as not to hold up drivers who were in a hurry to make up the hours we'd all lost while stuck behind the wreck.
When we got up to speed, Lori asked, “How long before we get there?”
I pointed to the GPS. “It says we should make it around five-thirty this afternoon. That's assuming we don't get stuck in traffic again.”
Up ahead, I could see traffic slowing. This time it wasn't because of an accident. It was the toll booths leading to the section of I-75 that stretches from Naples to Miami.
We stopped at the booth, paid the three dollar toll, and headed out. We would be on the toll road for the next twenty-five miles.
Chapter Fourteen
Two miles past the toll booth, I saw the first alligator. It was sunning itself in the ditch off to my right. I pointed to it and said, “Alligator.”
Lori nodded, apparently unfazed at seeing such a large reptile close to the road. To me, seeing a twelve-foot gator on the side of a major highway was not an everyday thing. So every time I saw one, I would point to it and say, “Gator.”
After the first five, Lori stopped me. She said, “Walker, we're going to see hundreds of gators before this trip is over. There's no need to announce each one. So here's the new alligator rule.
“If I'm on foot and a gator comes up behind me, say, 'Gator'. Say it real loud. Otherwise, no need to say anything. Got it?”
I nodded reluctantly. “Okay, whatever you say.”
From then on, every time I saw one on the side of the road, I'd think, Gator, but not say it out loud. To me, seeing something so large and prehistoric on the side of the road was still worth noting.
Eight minutes after leaving the toll booth, Lori's phone chimed an incoming call. She answered.
“Polly, what's up?”
“Yeah, we're still on the road.”
“I know, he told me.”
“And he believed you.”
“No, I haven't told him that part yet. But I will before we get there.”
“I'll call you later and let you know how it goes.”
“Bye.”
She ended the call.
“That was Polly.”
I nodded.
“She said I needed to tell you the real reason I wanted you to drive me to Oasis.”
Lori reached over and lightly put her hand on my arm. “So when I tell you this, I don't want you to be mad. I want you to remember we're still on a date.”
“Okay, we're still on a date. So tell me. What's the real reason I'm driving you to Oasis?”
She looked at the road ahead and then back at me. “Well, I really am a veterinarian. And I'm really going to Oasis to care for a panther that got hit by a car.
“But the thing is, there's this guy there I sometimes stay with. His name is Kenny. He works for the park service and lives there at Oasis. Like I said, sometimes I stay with him when I'm there treating an animal.
“For some reason, Kenny got the idea that we were in a serious relationship. But we're not. I just needed a place to stay when I was at Oasis, and Kenny offered his spare bedroom.
“I didn't want to lead him on, so last time I was there I tried breaking it off with him. But it didn't take. He still thinks we're meant for each other. Of course, you can't blame him for that. I'd be a real catch.”
I laughed. “Oh yeah, you'd be a real catch. Probably have guys standing in line just to hold your hand.”
She ignored my comment and continued. “So anyway, there's not really any other place for me to stay when I spend the night at Oasis. The nearest hotel is fifty miles away. And since I didn't want to be tempted to stay with Kenny again, I figured if I showed up in a motorhome, I could stay in it.
“And even better, if a showed up with a man, it'd be clear to Kenny I was seeing someone else and he'd finally understand it was over between us.”
I nodded but didn't say anything.
She continued, “It was Polly's idea. She said you were the perfect guy for this. You were single, had a motorhome, and would be believable as my boyfriend.
“So what do you think? Can you be my pretend boyfriend for the next few days?”
Chapter Fifteen
“Your pretend boyfriend? That's what this is really about? You're trying to break it off with some poor guy, and I've been recruited to be your pretend boyfriend?”
Lori nodded. “Well, yeah, that's part of it. The other part is I really did want to meet you. Plus I liked the idea of traveling in a motorhome.”
She took a breath and when I didn't say anything, she asked, “So are you mad at me for not telling you the truth up front?”
I shook my head. “No, I'm not mad. As long as you've told me everything and you're not leaving anything out.”
She put her hand over her heart. “Walker, I promise. This is the whole story. I needed a pretend boyfriend. You sounded like the perfect candidate for the job. And Polly made it happen.
“You don't have to do it if you don't want to. But it sure would help me out if you would.”
When I didn't answer, she asked, “What do you say? Are you up for it?”
I waited a few seconds and then said, “Yeah, I'll play your pretend boyfriend. But I have a few questions.
“First, this guy you're trying to break up with? Kenny? Is he going to be a problem?”
She shook her head. “No, he's a nice guy. He won't cause any trouble. It's just that he gets lonely working and living at Oasis. And when he met me, he fell head over heels. But you can't really blame him. I'd be quite a catch.”
I laughed. “Yeah, I think you mentioned that. You'd be a great catch.”
She nodded. “I would be, wouldn't I?”
Before I could answer, she continued, “Anyway, there aren't any single women living at Oasis. The only women Kenny sees are the tourists that stop in to pick up brochures and ask for directions. Not many of them are looking for a date.
“So Kenny gets lonely. But like I said, he's a nice guy. There won't be any trouble. I just want to be sure he understands he and I have broken it off. That's where you come in.”
I nodded. “So I get to play your boyfriend? And my job is to make sure you and I are seen as a couple?”
She nodded. “Yes, people need to think you and I are together. A couple.”
“Good. I can do that. But like I said, I have a few questions.”
Lori smiled. “We'll get to your questions in a minute, but first, there's one other little thing you need to know. You'll have to be with me when I examine the panther. You'll be my assistant, and you'll have to do whatever I ask.
“I may have to do some surgery, and you'll have to be there. Think you can handle that?”
I smiled. “So, in addition to being your pretend boyfriend, I'm also going to be your pretend surgical assistant? Is that right?”
She nodded. “Yeah, pretend boyfriend and pretend surgical assistant.”
Satisfied with her answer, I asked, “What do I get out of this?”
She laughed. “I've already told you what you get. You get to play my boyfriend. That should be enough.”
Before I could ask more about the benefits of playing her boyfriend, her phone chimed with another incoming call.
<
br /> She looked at the caller ID. “It's him.”
“Hey, Kenny.”
“Yeah, they got the accident cleared up and we're moving again. We should be there before six.”
“I know. We tried, but traffic held us up.”
“Good. I'll call you when we get to the gate.”
She ended the call.
“He said to call when we get there, and he'll unlock the gate. You'll get to meet him then.”
I nodded. “That should be interesting. Me, the pretend boyfriend, meeting the soon-to-be ex-boyfriend with you in the middle. Someone should get this on video.”
Before I could ask Lori more about meeting Kenny, the GPS announced our exit was just ahead. We would finally be getting off I-75. I slowed the motorhome and was rewarded with a horn blast from the car behind us. The driver pulled around and gave us a middle finger salute.
Driving the motorhome, I'd gotten used to this kind of thing. Some people are jerks. Nothing you can do about it. But sooner or later, these jerks will give the middle finger salute to the wrong people and end up regretting it.
We took the exit, slowing for the sharp curve that put us on Florida state road 29, the two-lane blacktop connecting I-75 and Alligator Alley. Three miles down 29, a sign announced we were entering the Florida Panther Refuge. Just past the sign, twelve-foot-high chain link fences lined both sides of the road.
I turned to Lori. “What are the fences for?”
She knew the answer. “To keep panthers off the road. A lot of them get hit by cars around here. The feds decided the best way to protect them was to build fences.
“Every few miles you'll see a tunnel going under the road. That’s where the panthers are supposed to cross. But they don't always use the tunnels. That's why you need to slow down through here. A panther might try to cross and it'd be bad if we hit one.”
She was right; it'd be bad if we hit anything with the motorhome. I'd been going fifty, but even at that speed, it'd be hard to stop if a panther ran out in front of us. I lifted off the accelerator and slowed to forty.
Thirty minutes later, we reached the intersection of 29 and US 41, the original Alligator Alley. I turned left on 41, toward Oasis Station.
