Lost in the Mist

by Wanda C. Keesey

  The two couples waited for the dessert to be served, voicing their approval.

  "Thank you, Val. It looks good. Did you have anything to do with making it?” Brian took a bite of the dessert. The buttery rich cake melted in his mouth.

  "As a matter of fact, I make all the desserts. I love to bake."

  Swallowing to clear his mouth, Brian gave his approval. “It's very good. I don't think I've eaten anything this week that wasn't, but this really hits the spot.” He cut off another bite.

  "Well, thank you, Mr. Eckart. Ladies, Mr. Handley, enjoy the rest of your supper.” Walking quickly to the swinging door, Val looked back with a smile, before disappearing into the kitchen.

  After the door settled in its frame, Connie told Brian, “I think you made her day and maybe a conquest.” She smiled at the quick glance he gave toward the kitchen.

  "It's one of the hazards of being a debonair gentleman. I leave broken hearts everywhere I go.” Brian looked across the table at the other couple.

  "That's one of the ageless problems for us handsome men types. But we can handle it, we learn young,” Joe said, planting a kiss spiked with lemon glaze on his wife's cheek.

  "Well I think if it's such a big problem, you should do something about it. Like carry a dead fish in your pocket. That would keep the crowd of women manageable,” Tracey said as she scrubbed at the sticky mess on her face.

  Watching Tracey's teasing eyes, Brian reached under the table and took Connie's hand, putting his palm against hers, he wove his fingers between hers, he felt her fold her fingers over the back of his hand as he did the same. “What about you? Do you have a crush on me?” he whispered.

  "Well, now that you ask, I just might.” Connie didn't try to evade his kiss, instead she allowed herself to enjoy the thrill that enveloped her.

  "Ah hum, we hate to break this up, but do you two love birds know what time it is?” Joe smiled at his friends. “We should get the car packed and make sure the food will be ready when we are."

  "You're right ... I guess,” Brian agreed. Reluctantly he released Connie's hand.

  Connie and Tracey headed for the kitchen, carrying the soiled dishes, cups and flatware. While Brian and Joe went to the parking lot, to clean out the trunk of the Volvo and decide what could be packed tonight and what could wait for morning.

  * * * *

  Tracey's first words were, “Okay, what's going on? And don't say nothing."

  "I truly don't know,” Connie said, then added with a smile, “I guess we like each other. I want to get to know Brian better and I don't know if it will lead to anything. We'll just have to wait and see."

  "Put those dishes down. You're our guests and we don't allow guests to do the work.” Val wiped her hands before taking the stack of dishes from Connie. Tracey put hers on the sink.

  "We wanted to know if everything is going to be ready for tomorrow. We'll be getting up pretty early,” Tracey said.

  "It'll be ready at four-thirty. Would you like to have breakfast before you leave?” Val started to rinse the dishes and stack them in the dishwasher.

  "We want to be on the road as early as we can. Betty said you would be able to pack us some pastries.” Tracey waited.

  "Of course. And plenty of coffee, and ice water."

  The arrangements confirmed, Connie and Tracey went to join the men in the parlor. They had maps spread out on the coffee table.

  "Okay, I guess we're ready.” Joe started folding the papers and stacking them. “Tracey, do you feel like taking a walk before bed time?"

  "Not tonight, I'm really tired and we have a three AM alarm, remember? Come on, let's go upstairs, we need to take a hot shower, it will help us sleep.” Tracey helped her husband gather the maps and led the way to their room.

  "Hot shower, sounds like a good idea. What do you think?” Brian leaned back on the sofa, his hands behind his head, watching Connie.

  "Yes, I'm going to take a hot shower, then I'm going to bed ... alone.” Connie smiled as she turned and left the room, hearing Brian's protest behind her.

  As she prepared to enter the bathroom, there was a soft tap on the connecting door.

  "Yes?” she asked, opening it a crack.

  "I don't suppose you've changed your mind, about the shower I mean,” Brian asked.

  "I didn't change my mind. I'll let you know when I leave the bathroom. I'll try to save some hot water for you.” Connie's good sense won out over her body's lust.

  "There's no hurry. I'm planning a cold shower, unless you change your mind."

  Looking into his mischievous eyes, Connie smiled. “You better count on a chilly shower, and a lonely night. I'll see you in the morning.” She started to close the door, but stopped when Brian pushed it open wide enough to lean forward and press his lips to hers in a quick kiss.

  "I'll meet you in the kitchen at three-thirty.” His voice was husky, and his eyes half closed. He backed away from the door. Connie slowly closed it. It took will power for her to release the knob and turn around.

  * * * *

  Connie let the hot spray sting her body as she willed herself to relax and enjoy her newly found happiness. But her mind kept returning to Victoria. Married to a man out of duty, yes they were finding a mutual respect and maybe love for each other, but her future was uncertain.

  As she left the bathroom, Connie tapped on the connecting door. “I'm finished, Brian, the bathroom's all yours."

  She heard his soft reply as she went to her own room.

  I have to read the journal, maybe I can learn something more. She took the book to the armchair and settled in, pulling her feet up under her. I won't read for long, I do have to get some sleep. The dial on her wrist watch told her it was eight-thirty, if she got to bed by nine-thirty at the latest, she would still get enough sleep. Connie turned her attention to the yellowed pages on her lap.

  6 April 1862

  Evan has again forbidden me to go into the streets. It is unsafe, he says. I believe his new commission as Lt. Colonel has made him more demanding even in his own house. I can not go to work at the hospitals. There are fewer patients and many willing to help. Perhaps they will not miss my meager assistance, but I will miss the helping. Carpy still comes each day. We go door to door and collect old clothing and blankets for the injured, there is less and less to be found. Mama and me and Lacy and Sadie tear the cloth into bandages and boil them as Papa had taught us. We mend the blankets and quilts to be reused. Some of our benefactors make new cakes of soap from the bits and pieces too small to use as they are, or new candles from the leavings of old, and from bees wax when it can be found. We find sweetness in honey of the bee's hives, and make coffee from grinding roots and chicory. Tea can be boiled from dandelions or sassafras roots. There is much that is needed. Many have little or no food. Gardens have been ravaged and trampled under. Fields burned or cut down to use as camps for the armies. Evan sees that we have flour and meat on occasion, but we must find nourishment in the fruits and vegetables we are still able to grow or find. There is little meat. Tonight we will have turnip soup. Times are hard. And I fear they will be worse before this war is done.

  I will be back to helping at the Chapel and the House soon, on this Evan and I differ. Carpy brings stories of battles that bring with them an increase in wounded. The fighting is all around us. I have begun to make preparations. I will do my part.

  If Victoria was having an affair with Carpy, it didn't show in her writing. Connie was more puzzled than ever.

  24 June 1862

  The war is getting closer. Soon it will be time to send the others away to a safer place. I must prepare my arguments. Evan has talked of my travel plans as well. I remain strong. I will not leave. Now more than ever I am needed here.

  13 August 1862

  Much time has passed since I have written. Cloth for bandages can not be found nor can the thread to sew wounds. The hair from horse's manes and tails is taken and boiled to soften it for this gruesome task, the wounds are
then bound in old bandages that have been boiled to clean them. We have children searching the countryside for what food they can find. It is all put into a pot and boiled into a soup for those poor souls. I fear that one day there will be nothing to flavor the water.

  5 September 1862

  Evan was home when I returned today. He still wore his uniform. “Evan,” I asked, “You're home early. Have your worries lessened?” I was hopeful, but it was not to be.

  "I have come to talk with you. Come to my office.” His manner was solemn. He led the way while I removed my coat and gave Lacy my bloodied apron.

  "You must get ready to leave. I will have transport for you in two days. A caravan leaves for the South, you, your mother and Lacy and her family, James and Sadie will be with it.” He kept speaking of the things I should do in preparation. My ears were closed to his instructions.

  "I will not leave.” I said when he was silent at last. “I will tell Lacy to get ready and what to take and how to pack, and I will get Mama ready to go, but I will not. I am needed here, and I will have your protection and that of Car ... Corporal Carpstairs."

  He was as a statue.

  Connie found that she was holding her breath.

  "I will stay. There is no more need for discussion on that point. You must tell me what to get ready for the others.” I waited for him to speak.

  "What are you saying?” His eyes were filled with anger.

  I was afraid, but knew I must stand firm. “I am telling you as I have before. I will stay with my husband."

  "I won't be here.” He stopped and looked at me hard before he continued. “Victoria, I will be working all day and night. Many strangers will come to this house and I will go to meet others. The Confederate Army moves north to meet the Federal, we must make ready. When battle takes place it will be too near to this place for you to be safe. You must leave."

  "I will not..."

  "But you will. By God and all that is holy, you will.” They were his last words on the subject as he left the house and rode back to join his troops.

  I packed Mama's trunk. Lacy and Sam had enough to do in getting their own children and their meager possessions ready for travel. James and Sadie prepared food for the trip and packed what household items they could.

  Carpy came with the wagon to gather the travelers. We had a tearful parting. Mama tried to make me go with them. I stood firm.

  "He will be furious, you know. He will say I did not do my duty as instructed,” Carpy tried to warn me.

  "He will get over it. I must do my duty as I see it.” I was concerned with the trouble Carpy could be facing. “Will you be all right? Can I ease the blow by coming with you to talk to the Colonel?"

  "I think not. I will be accused of standing behind your petticoats.” He bowed his head, turning his hat in his gloved hands. “May I be so bold as to suggest..."

  "Say what is on your mind, Carpy, we don't have the luxury of time.” I think I was a bit sharp with him, but he met my eyes.

  "Would you permit that I suggest to the Colonel that I be given the full time duty of protecting Mrs. Brewster. I could sleep at your bedroom threshold to safeguard your being.” He shyly lowered his eyes. “That is if this meets with your approval."

  "You would do that? Of course it meets with my approval. The Colonel will feel better knowing he has a trusted man on the job. Yes, you suggest that to him. I'm sure he will approve."

  I knew he would be angry, very angry. His last words were an order that I would leave the city with my mother. It is about time he learned that I don't take orders.

  I heard his horse galloping in the street. As he drew to a stone scattering halt at the door, I was waiting for him. Another rider cantered in our direction. I recognized Carpy's mount.

  Evan was like a bull, so angry his face was red with rage. The foul weather did nothing to improve his mood.

  "Are you trying to kill that poor animal, Sir?” I tried to sound as angry as he looked.

  "You would do well to be concerned for your own safety, Madam!” His eyes were afire, his fist held the bridle of the frightened horse. His fury was barely under control. “What do you mean by defying my instructions? You will pack and prepare to leave this minute."

  Carpy dismounted, taking Galahad's lead from my husband, he led both horses to the nearly vacant carriage house out of the rain. I could read nothing in his stern face.

  "Come inside, the world need not know of our conflict.” He opened his mouth to protest, but knew I was right. He followed me through the door into the parlor. The ticking of the mantle clock filled the still air. When I turned, Evan was pulling the riding gloves from his hands. He did not remove his coat.

  "I have told you, I will not leave.” I tried to be calm, but my heart hammered out fear. “I am needed here. You are here. And my place is here with you. Do you plan to leave?"

  "Of course not. I have a duty...” His voice was calmer, but the words were filled with impatience. “Damn it woman, your duty is to obey your husband, and I want you to go to a safe haven."

  My own anger grew, so it was “my duty to obey". I did not speak for fear of what I might say.

  "Be reasonable, if you stay, I will have another worry. Do you not think I have enough? This house will be filled with strangers that I must house and feed. If I allow you to stay, I will not be able to give my whole attention to my duties. I cannot come when there is trouble.” He held my shoulders and looked into my eyes. With a deep sigh, he drew me against his chest and held me tight in his arms. I breathed deeply of the wet wool and mix of smells that were him, horses, leather, cigars, stale whiskey, the smells of a man.

  Softly I answered his plea. “Forgive me, my husband, I don't mean to cause you more worry, but I feel my duties as a wife and woman call for me to do what little I can to bring comfort to our wounded and dying.” I looked up into his face. The beard and mustache were caked with mud from the rain and dirt of the road. “I must stay. If you can spare the Corporal, he has offered to be by at my side and protect me."

  His face softened. “He has told me. I'm afraid I have accused him of having designs on what is mine."

  "You did WHAT?” My mood turned black. How could he say such a thing? But he was quick to soothe my feelings.

  "I know, I know. I was being unfair. I trust you ... I trust you both. The Corporal has been loyal and chose to stay with me rather than follow his yearning to join the regulars.” Evan released me and started to replace the worn gloves. “You can stay for now. But I will insist that you prepare your cart for travel and have it at the ready. If I send word that you are to leave, you are to go at once and Carpstairs with you. At night he will sleep at your door, in the hall. I will see to the provisions for the house and those who stay here, but you are NOT to play the hostess. These are not gentlemen. They are soldiers with war and killing on their minds. They are use to taking what they want. I will give the Corporal his orders as I leave, and you are to obey them and him ... or I will throw you in a wagon, and I will personally see that you are taken somewhere safe."

  His hands on his hips, he looked down at me as if I was a wanton child. As perhaps I am. “Does this meet with the lady's approval?” I could see the flicker of a smile, his anger gone, for now.

  "It does, Sir. Thank you.” I stood on my toes to kiss him.

  He quickly went to the door. “It may be some time before I can come home again. Send Carpstairs if you have a need I can fill ... and be safe,” he added as he went into the rain. I reached the door as Carpy was ordered to get the Colonel's horse. Evan turned back to look at me. His mouth opened as if to say something, he closed it again with a shake of his head, smiling he came back to me and kissed my forehead.

  "Ride slower on your return, lest you are reduced to walking,” I harped at him, as he approached his mount. “My thoughts and God be with you, Evan.” I turned and reentered the house before he could respond.

  10 December 1862

  Annabelle has remained. S
he has renewed her relationship with Carpy. Her brother, Simon is with Maxi, her father having died last year following her mother's loss to small pox, she is alone. Evan offered her a place in our home. We work together and talk of better times.

  A battle is brewing. For some weeks now the Union armies have been encamped on the banks across the river. Their big guns look down at our small town. Evan sent word this morning that Carpy was to move me and Annabelle out of the town. He has arranged for us to work at the field hospital behind the Confederate lines. It seems that our town is to be a battle ground. I remember what you once told me, Kone. That more than one battle would take place in our little city. How many more battles can we survive?

  General Burnside has held council at the Lacy Mansion for some time. General Lee watches over the city from a perch on Marye's Heights. Both their campfires can be seen at night.

  Meggie, my mare, must have known that this day was more than an ordinary day at the hospitals where she can get fat on the grass that peeks out of the snow. She fought the harness on the pony cart as Carpy fastened the stays. Her pace was brisk and her step high, as she bounced like a young foal over the uneven dirt road.

  Annabelle and I have been given a tent of our own far into the wooded area behind the hospital tents where the wounded from town have been moved. Carpy looks longingly at the troops gathered nearby.

  11 December 1862

  We woke to the pounding of shells, and crashing of explosions. The glaring bursts of light that should be a call to celebrate, bring instead unspeakable terror. I would that I could read this as the past and not have to live it as the present.

  [Back to Table of Contents]

  Twenty-Nine

  Thursday

  It was still dark when the two couples piled into the small car. Brian and Joe finished packing the blankets, food and drinks in the trunk. The expedition started out.

  "Why was it again that we had to leave so early?” Tracey groaned as she settled in the back seat, leaning back, she closed her eyes.

  Joe kissed her waiting lips. He was rewarded with a small smile and a sleepy nod. Holding his wife's hand, Joe, dressed in the uniform of a Confederate soldier spoke to Connie, “Have you had any new ideas about your visit with the Union soldier at the Federal encampment?"