by M. A. Innes
“Cool.” Kevin seemed honestly entertained to see the other side had another pattern on it. That had Bryan beaming around the binkie.
Kevin didn’t even seem to notice. He leaned over and looked into the basket. “You’ve got cars.”
Bryan was still smiling as Kevin reached in and pulled out the bag. As he dumped the cars out, Bryan reached over and pulled another cookie out of the bowl. Passing it to Kevin, he picked out a small black truck and stretched out on the floor.
Kevin ate the cookie and lay down beside him, picking out a red sports car and starting to push it around the little fake neighborhood.
And that was it.
No more worries and no more what-ifs.
Cookies and Matchbox cars were all it had taken.
Chapter 2
Bryan
“But I haven’t seen who the bad guy is yet and my picture isn’t done, damn it.” Kevin’s frustration had some of the grown-up world coming back to me.
Not enough to really connect the dots, but I was sad for him that he couldn’t finish his picture.
“Don’t finish my picture. I’ll come back and do it next time.” Kevin waved as Jeremy dragged him out, shaking his head.
As they closed the door, I looked up at Daddy, not sure what to do.
Daddy chuckled. “Kevin has homework and you need to be changed. He can come play another time.”
Oh.
That had my little side sliding away even more, and I glanced down at my jeans. I hadn’t even realized I’d used my diaper, but it wasn’t noticeable. I lifted my eyes back up to Daddy and then the door.
He shrugged, understanding my question. “I’m your Daddy. It’s my job to know these things and you guys were playing through two cups of milk, so it was bound to happen sooner or later. I’m sure they didn’t notice.”
That made me feel a little better, but I wasn’t sure what to say. I wasn’t sure I was ready to be big yet because that meant I had to talk about Kevin and Jeremy coming over. Picking up my binkie, I looked at Daddy. “Wet.”
Then I started sucking on it and waited.
Daddy chuckled. “I can take a hint. Come on.”
He stood up and took my hands, pulling me up. Once I began moving, I felt the full diaper between my legs and peeked over at the couch where Jeremy had been sitting.
“I’m positive they didn’t notice. No worrying, Baby.”
Daddy could read minds.
I just sucked on my binkie, but it made me feel better that he was so sure. As we walked back to the bedroom, I looked back at the coloring book on the table. I hadn’t finished mine either. Taking out my binkie as he laid me down on the bed, I frowned. “Colors?”
Daddy nodded. “Kevin will come back over another time and finish coloring. He likes Scooby-Doo too, so that should be fun.”
Nodding, I lifted my hips when he gave me a pat and started stripping off my pants. “Good boy.” Daddy started cleaning me up and was silent for a few seconds as I relaxed. “It was nice having someone to play with, wasn’t it?”
I had to nod again. Daddy was right.
“It’s going to be even more fun when you have other littles to do things with. I bet Hailey has fun toys, and I think Cody would love your soldiers.” Daddy liked being right because he smiled as I looked up at the ceiling and just sucked on my binkie.
Daddy taped a new diaper around me, but instead of putting my pants on, he lay down on the bed next to me. I curled into him, tucking my feet up so I was pressed against him like a ball. His hands started stroking down my back and I closed my eyes. It felt like the day had been weeks, not just hours, long.
“I know it was scary, but I think Kevin liked hanging out with my sweet boy. You even shared your toys and your cookies.” Daddy kissed my head and kept rubbing my back. “I was very proud of you.”
I was proud of me too.
Letting the binkie fall between us, I snuggled closer. “I liked playing toys.”
Daddy laughed quietly. “So did Kevin.”
Glancing up, I tried not to act nervous but I probably failed. “Did you tell him to play with me?”
I wasn’t grown-up me yet, but I was halfway between and felt very…exposed.
Daddy shook his head. “The plan was for them to come over quietly while you played. They’d stay for a little while and then leave.”
“That’s it, Daddy?” That was what he’d said before, but they’d hung out for a long time.
“Yes.” He kissed my forehead. “They weren’t supposed to be here for two hours.”
That long?
“We colored.” And it’d been fun.
Daddy hugged me tightly. “And played with the cars and toys and had cookies.”
“He eats a lot of cookies.” Lots of cookies. Jeremy needed to learn to tell him no.
Daddy kissed me again. “I’ll make sure to get two bowls out next time.”
Good, because he’d eaten mine too.
“I shared.”
“You did. I was very proud of you.” Daddy’s hands started the soft rubbing motion that had me yawning. “He had fun watching cartoons with you and wants to come again.”
“Not little.”
“No, not like you, but think of him like a big brother who was hanging out with his little brother.”
I snorted. I knew what that meant. “Not babysitter.”
“No.” Daddy was trying not to laugh but failing miserably. “Not as a babysitter. Just a friend.”
That could be fun.
“I think you’re going to like having more friends. Think of how fun it will be to have other littles to color with. Once Cody’s house is done, you’ll get to play in his sandbox.” When all I did was nod, Daddy kept talking.
“You had a good time hanging out with them at the barbecue and shooting the water guns. That was almost like being little.”
I grinned. “That was fun.”
Cody was little a lot. He loved that side of himself and didn’t mind talking about it. It was overwhelming sometimes…but he probably would be fun to play with. “Hailey has a big dollhouse.”
“Because evidently, Hailey has more money than God.” Daddy snorted. “But I’m sure you can go see it sometime if you ask nicely.”
Hayden started out kind of quiet, but he was more like Cody. He liked talking about being little with people who understood. “He had pretty shoes.”
“Then tell him that. I’m sure he’d love to know that you like his stuff.” I heard the smile in Daddy’s voice as he continued. “And think of it this way: Nothing you wear will surprise anyone and you’re going to look almost boring in comparison.”
That made me giggle. “Not boring. Cartoon shirt.”
My shirts were great. Maybe they weren’t as fabulous as a dress or pink shoes but still great.
“I’m very sorry.” Daddy was still laughing. “You have wonderful clothes too.”
I wanted to laugh, but I yawned instead. “Tired.”
“Come here. I think it’s nap time for my boy.” Daddy tried to make me get up, but I groaned, not willing to move. Laughing, Daddy sat up and rolled me over.
“Tired.” But I moved anyway since he seemed so intent on my head being on a pillow.
“You’re going to fall off if you sleep on the edge.” Once I was lying on the pillows with the covers wrapped over me, I realized he might have been right.
Daddy started stroking my head softly as he lay back down beside me. “We’re going to have so much fun with the other guys this weekend.”
As I drifted off, I heard Daddy talking about all the things we would do and how it was going to be so wonderful to know I had friends who really understood me. What he seemed to forget was that he was my best friend in the world and I already had him, so everyone else was icing on the cake.
****
“I don’t see why we have to go talk about it.” I huffed as Mad stood there bouncing his foot and pretending to look at a watch he never wore to begin wi
th.
“We’re going to be late for dinner.” He gave me a look like he wouldn’t let me weasel out of anything. “We have reservations.”
We might have had reservations, but I was thinking about having a heart attack and that trumped dinner.
“What if they bring it up?”
Mad snorted. “If they don’t, I will. It went great and we need to clear the air. It’s going to be fine.”
I don’t know what I’d been thinking to agree to dinner the same day they’d been planning to come over. Well, I hadn’t been thinking. He’d brought the idea up after sex and clearly my brain cells hadn’t been working at full speed.
No more conversations after sex unless they involved something simple like love or dessert.
There was a part of me that said he was right and I was insane. It just wasn’t the loudest part of my brain, so it was easy to ignore. But he really was right. Since they hadn’t left right away, that meant it hadn’t been too weird for them.
And Kevin had colored.
He’d even said he wanted to come back and finish his picture. There hadn’t been any embarrassment or hesitation either. Remembering that made it easier. I just had to keep that image in the front of my mind. If he wanted to do it again, it couldn’t have been too uncomfortable.
That didn’t mean I would hurry to finish getting ready, however.
Eventually, I was done and we had to leave or Mad’s head would’ve exploded. He didn’t get frustrated with me often, but he seemed to think it was tough-love time. Which part of me appreciated, but part of me wanted to throw my crayons on the floor and pout.
I’d never pitched a fit. Maybe it would be a good way to release tension.
Looking at Mad’s face as we left the apartment, that might not be the best way to get out of dinner. Kevin might find it funny, though.
But he’d get pissed if we missed out on steak because I was a brat.
Before I was ready for it we were at their door. Of course, Kevin had to be the one to open it. He was really the rip-off-the-Band-Aid kind of guy, so he jumped right in. Maybe that was a good thing?
“That was cool. You’ve got toys. Jeremy said I ate too many of your cookies. Do you ever use a bottle or just the sippy cup?”
Maybe not.
I forced myself not to take a step back. He was smiling and bouncy, and I wasn’t going to act like an idiot. “Um, yes. And yes.”
“Damn. Don’t tell Jeremy or he won’t let me have any next time.” Then his grin popped back into place. “Oh, that’s cool! Are they big bottles or the same size as regular ones?”
Mad owed me dessert and probably something alcoholic later.
“Same size.” I swallowed hard and fought the urge to look at Mad for help. If I couldn’t talk to Kevin, it would be even harder with everyone else. “It’s mostly for relaxing.”
Kevin nodded. “I can see that. Isn’t it some kind of reflex or something? I think I remember that from a class.”
He didn’t seem to expect an answer, however, because he turned and looked over his shoulder. “I told you that you should’ve stopped earlier. They’re here.”
Jeremy was grumbling in the background, but I was just glad I wasn’t the one making us late anymore. Mad couldn’t complain if it was Jeremy’s fault. When he met us at the door, he shrugged. “Sorry, last-minute email turned into a phone call that would never end.”
Mad chuckled. “I know the feeling—no problem.”
Sure, it was no problem when it was work related, but have an existential crisis and suddenly you need tough love and a strict schedule.
Kevin must have seen something on my face because he looked at me and chuckled. That had Mad looking at me suspiciously, so I gave him a questioning expression like I had no idea what he was trying to say. That just had Kevin laughing more.
“Come on.” Jeremy glanced between both of us and shook his head. “You guys are insane.”
But that didn’t make my concerns any less valid.
Maddox took my hand as we all started for the elevator. Most of the conversation bounced between work and school, making it easy to relax. As we got to the parking lot, Jeremy looked over at Kevin and tossed him their keys. “You drive so I can finish this email on the way over. Then I’ll be done for the night.”
Kevin sighed. “My wallet is upstairs. You said I didn’t need it.”
Jeremy shrugged. “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
“I’ll be right back.” Giving Jeremy a frustrated look, Kevin headed toward the stairs, taking them two at a time.
When he was halfway up, Jeremy turned to me with a serious expression that made me want to squirm. “Thank you for letting him play with you earlier. Our parents weren’t that big on letting us have a real childhood. Toys meant messes and them having to actually do things with us, so he really didn’t get much of a chance to goof off as a kid. He had a lot of fun, and I just wanted to make sure you knew I appreciated it.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. Finally, I shrugged, trying to act casual. “It was fun having someone to hang out with.”
That sentence should not have been that hard.
“If he wants to hang out again when I’m little, that would be great.” Ha, functional adult response.
Mad must have approved as well because he squeezed my hand, tugging me closer so my arm rubbed against his. Focusing on Jeremy, Maddox nodded. “Once everyone else relaxed, it was probably a good way for him to relax too.”
Jeremy nodded. “He’s not traditionally little like what I’ve seen online, but he had a great time, so maybe there’s something to it that works for him too. Most of our domination and submission is in the bedroom, with just some of it coming out in other places, but maybe giving him other ways of relaxing or submitting would be good for him.”
I could see what he meant by Kevin not being a traditional little. He never seemed to sink into the same headspace I associated with my role, and he kept up conversations with Maddox and Jeremy while we were playing, but I knew he had fun playing with me.
“Maybe it’s something you guys can talk about with Dr. Shepard?” The words came out before I could process the thought, but it seemed like a reasonable step.
Jeremy nodded. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.” Then he grinned. “He’s going to love telling Dr. Shepard about it.”
I blushed but knew he was right. “Dr. Shepard will like knowing that his idea worked.”
I still had a hard time thinking of him as Miles when we were talking about work, but he definitely hadn’t been Dr. Shepard at the barbecue we’d gone to the other day when he’d been running around the side of his house with the water gun.
Before Jeremy could respond, Kevin came bounding back down the stairs. “Come on. I’m starved.”
Chuckles rolled through the group as we all nodded and headed for the cars. I’d never thought about how it would feel to have friends who really understood me. Wanting to be little was something I’d always felt like I had to keep hidden, but seeing the open way Jeremy and Kevin had accepted it had the last of my fears settling. Sure, I might not ever be as confident about it as Cody or Miles, but maybe there wasn’t as much to fear as my brain wanted me to believe.
Chapter 3
Maddox
“I just wanted to thank you and make sure Bryan knows how special this was for Kevin.” Jeremy reached out and squeezed my shoulder before letting his hand drop to his side.
We both watched as Kevin talked a mile a minute while dragging Bryan over to the cars. Jeremy had given me a look and slowed down as the guys headed across the parking lot, so I’d dropped back with him.
The tightening around his eyes and the way his lips pressed together made it clear he’d been thinking about something, but I hadn’t been worried. Jeremy had already sent me a quick text telling me how great he thought the afternoon had gone—and apologized for Kevin eating all of the cookies.
“I’m glad it worked out.” I smiled and shrugged. “If y
ou guys were more conventional, it could have been awkward.”
He chuckled. “Conventional would not be how I’d describe us.”
It was my turn to reach out and squeeze his shoulder. “Well, I know we appreciate having friends we don’t have to hide shit from. Bryan is still getting comfortable with sharing that side of himself, but he sees you guys as family.”
“Same.” Jeremy smiled wider, deep emotion showing just behind his eyes. “Our relationship was never the same as other brothers, and my mother wasn’t big on us playing and making messes. I can’t remember the last time he colored and got to relax like other kids would have. I know he sees Bryan as a best friend, but when they were playing, that was the closest thing he’s ever had to a typical sibling relationship.”
“They were so funny together.” I wasn’t sure what to say about Kevin and Jeremy’s relationship, because while we tried to understand, it wasn’t something we discussed at length. “Bryan was always too afraid to share that side of himself and open up with his family. But he can’t talk to them like that and I get it. But he was so worried about what you guys would think. I just wanted to thank you for coming into it with an open mind.”
Jeremy shrugged like it was no big deal. “We had a chance to read up on it and figure out why he was drawn to it, so we had a good idea about what to expect. Honestly, it’s not the oddest thing I’ve seen online, so it was easy to get why he liked it.”
I chuckled. “He doesn’t always see it like that. Fear makes it hard to see things logically. He was so relieved it went good earlier that he crashed and slept until it was time to get ready.”
“Kevin was wired.” Jeremy shook his head as he watched Kevin waving his hands excitedly, probably telling Bryan something outrageous. “He kept asking if I thought he’d done a good job and if he’d played with Bryan right. He was desperate to show Bryan that he didn’t have to hide that side of himself anymore.”
