by Nicole Dykes
I didn’t know he was home.
His deep voice is strong and confident as he addresses me. “So, you’re staying then?”
Oh shit. Was he listening the whole time? “Eavesdropping?”
“It is my house.” He sits down across from me at the table. “And sound kind of carries.”
I nod my head as I take a sip of coffee. He hasn’t been home much since I yelled at him about Kayleigh, and we haven’t talked much when he has been home. “I need to talk to Claire, but if she's okay with it, yes. Of course, I’ll find somewhere to stay soon.”
He waves me off. “There's no rush.” His eyes meet mine, and I can see the last few days have been tough on him. “I’m sorry I was a dick, Maddie. It had to be hard seeing your sister like that.”
“It was.” Seeing Kayleigh’s beautiful face marred by someone I don't even know killed me. I have no idea what her life has become. “Still, I had no right to attack you. You were right, it wasn’t your job to take care of us.”
His right hand grips the back of his neck, showing off the black ink swirling over his bicep. “Hell, Logan and I have always cared about the James sisters.” He winks, and I laugh. It’s true. Long before I dated either of them, they were my friends, and when my dad wasn't home, they spent a lot of time at my house.
“I swear, I knew she was stubborn, but I thought she would stay away. I mean who in their right mind would come back to that?”
“Kayleigh is stubborn. It’s just who she is and always has been. If you tell her one thing, you can bet your ass, she'll do the opposite.”
“I know. But she hated our father so much, I thought she would love the escape.”
Shane nods his head, deep in thought. “Some people love chaos, Maddie.”
“I don’t even know how long she lived with them or anything.”
“When I moved back to town, she was here. And then around seven years ago, she left.”
“Do you know what made her leave?”
He drops his arms, sitting up straight in his chair, but looks slightly uneasy. “Some guy.” His eyes dart back to mine. “And for the record, when I moved back and found out she was here, I tried to find you. Well, first I tried to get her to leave, but then tried to find you.”
“You did?”
I feel like a total ass.
“Yeah. This time I had help from Silas Cole, who is now a cop. He wasn't a cop then, though. And truth be told, I didn’t even know where to start.”
“I’m sorry, Shane. You were such a good friend to me. I've made a lot of mistakes, but I really am determined to make it right.”
He just shakes his head at me, giving me a small smile. “You’re here. That’s what matters.”
“Megan is twenty-four now. My baby sister who was ten the last time I saw her is twenty-four. A grown-ass woman and I have no clue what her life has been like. Who she is now.” I look down at my coffee feeling intense shame but then look back up at Shane when a thought pops up in my head. “Do you think Silas could help me find them? I tried asking my aunt, but she told me Megan and Carrie both left after high school.”
“I’m sure he could, but are you sure you want to open that can of worms? Could be painful.”
“I’m done running from pain. It doesn't do a damn bit of good.”
“All right.”
It’s time to face my past. All of it, no matter how agonizing it may be.
Twenty-Nine
Maddie
I’m nervous as I drive the short distance to Logan's house, but I also feel invigorated after my talk with Jess and Shane this morning.
This is a huge step, I know, and probably a crazy one. But I’m thirty-two, not a scared eighteen-year-old girl anymore.
I’ve had an amazing career and enjoyed the city life, but it’s lacked substance. I realize that now. I shied away from intimacy and making any real friends. I haven’t been able to get genuinely close to anyone in the years I’ve been gone.
I pull into Logan's driveway and climb out of my car, walking slowly to the door.
She's a thirteen-year-old girl, nothing to be afraid of.
I ring the doorbell. A ridiculous smile, reminiscent of my adolescent years, takes over my face when a shirtless, sweaty Logan answers. “Hey, come on in.”
I walk inside, trying to avert my eyes, but damn, he’s hot. Now that I’ve felt his touch again after all these years, I can't get enough.
He closes the door, and I gesture toward him, acknowledging his appearance. “Where have you been?”
“Went for a run. It helps clear my head.”
We used to go on runs together before school. I smile at the memories of running along the gravel road, my chest and legs burning, but still managing to keep up with his long strides.
I turn when I hear Claire making her way down the wooden stairs, dressed in jeans and a black tee, her sneakers squeaking as she hops happily off the last step. “Hi, Maddison.”
Her bright smile gives me hope as I greet her. “Hi! Are you ready?”
She nods exuberantly, and Logan tosses her an apple that she easily catches. They’ve fallen seamlessly into a routine.
“Thanks.”
“No problem. You girls have fun.” He gives me a quick wink as he starts up the stairs, my eyes glued to the muscles of his back.
I hear Claire clear her throat, and I quickly adjust my focus back to her. Shit. I may be thirty-two, but he sure makes me go back to eighteen.
“Let's go get you that dress.”
Claire bites into the apple Logan gave her as she follows me out to my car.
On the way there, nothing but awkward silence fills my car until we’re nearing our destination and I notice Claire gnawing on her bottom lip, just like I do when I’m nervous.
“Are you okay?”
She nods her head, but I’m concerned and praying she’ll confide in me. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just curious.”
“About?”
“Are you and Logan, like dating?”
I nearly drive off the road, startled by her question, but quickly correct and stay in my lane. “Why do you ask that?”
She shrugs her small shoulders as she looks out the window at the vast nothingness that is western Kansas as we reach the outskirts of the town. “I saw you leaving his room really early this morning.”
“I'm sorry, Claire. I’m sure that’s weird for you.”
I can see her expression out of the side of my eye, and she’s looking at me like I’m crazy. “Why? I mean, you obviously had a thing, or I wouldn’t be here. It makes sense you guys still have feelings.”
I pull into a parking space in the store’s lot. Putting the car in park, I turn to her completely in awe. “God, you are so much more mature than I was at thirteen.”
She just shrugs confidently, reminding me of Shane and Logan. “Well, I’m almost fourteen.”
I laugh. “That's true, but I think you may be more mature than I am now.” She giggles slightly, and I try my best to answer her. “The truth is, I’m not really sure what Logan and I are doing. I think he's trying to forgive me, but I hurt him badly.”
She nods her head as she listens to me. “I think he's already forgiven you. He just doesn’t know it yet.”
That makes me smile, but I’m afraid to get my hopes up. “I’m not sure I deserve it just yet.” Now I’m the one chewing on my bottom lip. “I hope to someday ask for your forgiveness, too. I don’t blame you at all if you’re angry with me, Claire.”
“I’m not. I mean, maybe if I had a terrible life I would be. But I don’t know, my life was pretty great until my parents died.”
I reach out cautiously covering her hand with mine, and I’m relieved when she doesn’t pull away. “I’m so sorry. They sound like amazing people.”
“They were.” Her pretty, bright eyes fill with tears I can tell she is fighting. “But it’s strange. After they died, I kept having the same dream over and over, my mother telling me to find you.” I choke back
a sob in my throat as she wipes away a tear that falls. “I mean, I don’t think it was really her or anything, but she always told me she would help me find you if I ever wanted her to.”
“I’m so glad you did, Claire. I’m so happy I get the privilege of knowing you.”
“Really?”
She looks surprised, which rips my heart out. “Yes. Really.”
“I was afraid I’d be screwing up your perfect life or something.”
“No.” I shake my head, gripping her face in my hands and locking my eyes with hers. “My life has been missing something all these years. I gave you up for so many logical reasons, but believe me, I had the completely reckless idea to keep you. In the end, I needed you to have a better life. I would have loved being a mother, but at the time, I think I would also have . . .”
“Regretted it?”
“I never wanted to chance that because you didn’t deserve it.”
I cried myself to sleep so many times when I was pregnant with her. The desire to keep her was so intense, but the fear of turning into my mother or Logan resenting me was stronger.
“It’s okay, Maddison. Really. I’m just happy you want to be here now.”
I smile at her, still holding her face in my hands. “I do. In fact, if it’s okay with you, I’m thinking about moving here.”
Her eyes brighten, and that makes my heart soar. “Really?”
I nod. “Yes. I want to be near you. If you start to feel angry with me, I want to be there. I want to experience everything with you.”
Another tear falls, and I pull her into a tight hug, shedding my own tears as she clings to me. I hold her and smooth her silky hair out with my hands, reveling in all the emotions I've avoided all these years.
I sniff and pull back, my hands still on her shoulders. “Wow. Okay.” I release her reluctantly and wipe my face, smiling. “Enough of that. Let's talk boys.”
She laughs and wipes her face. “Okay.”
“So, Dusty, huh? Is he cute?”
She nods her head excitedly. “So cute, but kind of dumb.”
I laugh at that. “They always are at that age.”
“Yeah. I guess. He's like, impressed that I’m not from here. Everyone at school stares at me like I’m a zoo animal or something. But at least they’re mostly nice."
“Yeah. It’s kinda like that in small towns. You’re a hot commodity, a pretty city girl. You’ll probably get a lot of attention.” My tone turns serious. “But you don't necessarily have to fall for the first cute boy. It’s okay to take your time.”
She giggles innocently. “Please tell me this isn’t my sex talk. They already covered that in sex ed.”
“Yeah, they teach about protection, but I just want to make sure the emotional aspect is covered, too.”
“Well, I don't know about waiting for marriage or anything, but I’m definitely not having sex anytime soon.” I take a moment to take a breath of relief as she continues, “There was this girl I knew. We were in the same group home for a bit, and I swear she slept with every guy she met. Like, thinking they would fall totally in love with her. And when they didn’t, she was always so sad.” Claire lifts her shoulders in a sad shrug. “It just seems like sex complicates things.”
“It does.”
It really does.
Thirty
Logan
“Fuck, their defense is weak as hell this year!”
I laugh and shake my head at my brother, who is sitting next to me in the stands at the annual homecoming football game.
We both played football in high school. We didn’t really take it seriously, just something to do. As you can imagine, homecoming is a big deal around here, even though most of us never left in the first place.
Maddie and Claire are sitting on the other side of me, huddled up under a blanket. Last week was hot as hell, and this week there is a chance of snow. That’s Kansas weather for you.
Maddie and Claire have been spending a lot of time together since their trip to buy a dress for Claire's dance tonight, and I have to admit it’s good to see.
Maddie and I have also been spending time together behind the scenes in the barn, in my room after Claire is asleep, in my truck.
We’re like teenagers again, but with all the adult uncertainty sprinkled in.
I don't know what the fuck we’re doing, but I can't seem to stop.
“I thought that was you, asshole.”
My head shifts to see who is talking and see its Sy, or Officer Cole, as his badge reads, his white smile shining over as he and Shane shake hands. “You working Homecoming, Sy?”
“Busy night.”
He nods hello to me, and then his eyes dart over to Maddie like he's seeing a ghost. Someone disappears from this town and believe me, people notice.
Maddie leaving was the subject of all the gossip around here for a year.
“Maddie? Holy shit! You came back?”
Maddie looks up at him from her blanket, her nose red from the cold. “I believe you had something to do with that, Sy.”
He smirks, fucker loves his job. He comes from an oilfield family too, but he had no interest in it. He drifted for years after high school, but then one day, he up and decided to become a cop. “True, Jamie.” He winks at her, and she shakes her head as he nods to Claire. “This the offspring?”
Claire wrinkles her nose at his term, and Maddie nods her head proudly. I figured she'd run. And I definitely never thought she would want to go to public with events that would no doubt start the town's whispers, but she's embraced it.
Still, I’m waiting for her to bail. A deep-seated fear in my gut, telling me not to let my guard down completely. If she hurts Claire, I’ll never forgive her.
“Actually, my legal name is now Maddison James, and yes, this is Claire, my daughter.”
Claire smiles, tears shimmering in her pretty eyes.
I turn to Maddie. “You changed your name back?”
“Yes. Jamie just doesn’t fit anymore.”
Sy’s radio on his chest alerts with a woman's voice stating some dispatch code out at the rock quarry, and he responds. Releasing the receiver, he turns to Shane. “I gotta go, but I do have some info for you later. I’ll be by the tavern after my shift.”
“I’ll be there,” Shane promises as they bump fists and Sy waves to the rest of us.
“He has information for you? Who the hell are you tracking down now?” I ask as the band goes into its performance for the halftime break out on the field.
His eyes drift to Maddie, who answers for him. “My sisters, Carrie and Megan.”
“You have sisters?” Claire addresses Maddie with eager curiosity.
When she first got here, she was reserved and happy to just camp-out and wait until she was old enough to be emancipated, and now . . . Now, she's part of the family.
Maddie adjusts the blanket, pulling it up higher and tucking it under her chin. “I have three. But I’m not sure where two of them are.”
“You have Sy tracking them down?”
Shane cups his hands together, placing them in front of his mouth as he blows warm air into them. “All Maddie's idea.”
Her eyes lock on mine. “I need to know they’re okay.”
I nod my head in acknowledgment, surprised by the new information. Maybe she really is ready to face the past head-on.
After the game, we all go back to my house where the girls go back to Claire's room to get her ready to go to the Homecoming dance.
Shane and I take a seat on my couch, and I have to ask, “You’re really okay with Maddie reconnecting with her sisters?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
I lean forward on the couch, slouched, and turn to look over at him. “You gonna tell her about you and Kayleigh?”
His eyes darken. He's trying to hide his emotions but is doing a shitty job of it. His jaw is tense. “How the fuck do you know about that?”
I roll my eyes and lean back against the couch. “It’
s a small fucking town. I’m pretty sure Mrs. Johnston knew, and she's eighty-five and sits on her porch with her ten cats all day.”
“Fuck off, Logan.”
“Ah, it’s funny when my past comes back, but not so funny when yours does?” I’m just giving him shit, and he knows it.
“It wasn't anything. There's no reason to tell Maddie.”
“I don't know, man. You fucking her little sister is kinda a big deal.”
He grits his teeth, and I get the feeling it was more than just fucking with Kayleigh. I always thought it was either just a rumor or it was meaningless, so I never brought it up. Not to mention, I was a little bitter about another James sister at the time.
He stands up and hollers upstairs, “You girls about ready?”
I chuckle and slap his back. “Fuck, she really did a number on you, huh?”
“Fucking James girls. Curse on the Kellers.”
I look at the staircase. There were so many times I thought the same thing, but now I’m not so sure.
Minutes later, Maddie escorts Claire down the stairs, and it’s uncanny how similar they look.
Claire’s long hair is down and curled, she has some makeup on, but not enough to make me lose my shit.
Her dress is dark red and lands past her knees. If it were up to me, every inch of her would be covered, but she and Maddie managed to find a dress I don't hate.
Although, there’s no doubt she'll definitely get some attention tonight. I'm glad Shane and I are going with Maddie to drop her off. Can't hurt for the little assholes to see us with Claire before any ideas form.
Christ. A couple of months ago, I didn’t even know she existed, and now suddenly, I’m the father of a teenage girl going on her first date. “You look nice, Claire.”
“Maybe too nice,” Shane adds.
Maddie rolls her eyes and smiles at Claire. “Ignore them. You look beautiful, and you’re going to have fun tonight.”
“Not too much.” It comes from both Shane and me, and Maddie and Claire brush us off, laughing, as we walk out to my truck.
