by Holly J Gill
I slowly made my way to my car, my heart sinking into the pit of my stomach, leaving me feeling empty and alone. The man was torturing me.
I sat inside my car and stared into space, imagining us.
I drove back to Harrogate and once home, I flicked on the lights and went to the kitchen to make myself a cuppa. I stared out onto the open plan kitchen, diner and sitting area where children’s toys were still littered. I didn’t have time earlier to tidy away.
I wanted a baby. I wanted a man. I wanted to feel loved and cared for. I felt jealous of Sophie, and I felt shit about it because she was my best friend. I wanted to have someone to hold me tight and whisper sweet nothings, tell me about their crappy day. I should have someone too, to share the good times and bad times with.
I wished I could tell Ross how I felt about him, only did he feel the same. I sighed. I wondered if there was another way to get to Ross without going through Sophie or Calvin?
That number thing was going to irk me the entire night. I knew it.
A loud knock sounded at the door startling me. I rushed to the door opening it to find my sister Harriot standing there. I wished it was Ross instead.
“So you are just going to ignore your damn phone or what?” she said abruptly.
“What? you never called,” I said in defence as she brushed past me and entered my home.
“I did, several times,” she sneered.
I closed the door and turned around to face her. I walked into the lounge to grab my phone and saw that there were no missed calls from anyone. The last person to call me was Sophie, checking if I was still up for a meal.
“There are no missed calls,” I said through gritted teeth showing her my phone.
“Yeah, whatever. I bet you just deleted them,” she growled.
“Excuse me, why the hell would I lie?” I did not appreciate her tone one bit. Who the fuck was she to come into my home and talk to me so disrespectfully?
Harriot and I never really got on. Even as kids, we fought all the time, and she was my mum’s favorite. Always getting what she wanted.
“You’ve always played games, Donna, it’s about time you grew up,” she sassed, belittling me.
“Don’t start on me. I am sick and tired of you accusing me of things when they aren’t true,” I argued.
“I don’t have time for this,” she said dismissively.
“What do you want?” I asked, already fed up of her being in my house. I was about ready to kick her arse out.
“Mum has been trying to call you too, but as I said, you never answered. I offered to pass by your house to check that you’re still alive given you ignore us,” she huffed standing in the hallway like a smug bitch.
“More like you all pushed me away, excluding from your little deluded bubble. Heaven forbid it should pop. What does she want?” I said harshly.
“Grandma has fallen, and she’s been in hospital. She’s home now,” she told me looking down her nose at me. Was I seriously hearing that? That had just happened to Ross’s Grandma, how strange was that?
I tried thinking about what she said.
“Hang on, when did she go into hospital?” I asked, confused.
“Last week.”
“And you’re telling me this now?” I hissed.
“Yeah, so? You should ring Mum more often.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell am I? A fucking mind reader? You all get worse. This is ridiculous, and you wonder why the hell I don’t bother with any of you? This family is a joke, an absolute joke! Tell mum that notifying me a week late is not acceptable. And you can get the fuck out of my house…just go…” I shouted.
I opened the door and watched Harriot leave. I closed the door in her face when she turned to stare at me. I had no idea what was wrong with those people and why the hell I was always kept in the dark? My grandmother was in the hospital, a week ago …a week, and they decided to tell me now. What was the use? They take the damn biscuit and run. I had no idea what the heck I did that was so wrong growing up, but boy, did they make me suffer.
I sat on the couch holding my head in my hands with tears streaming down my cheeks, they always got me in this state. I had done nothing wrong.
I picked up my phone and decided to ask my mother what the hell was her problem and why she waited a week to tell me about my grandma?
“Donna,” she snarled. I was certain Harriot had already called her and told her what happened.
“Why didn’t you call me about Grandma?” I asked, my heart was filled with sadness.
“Why haven’t you called me?”
Here we go again, the same old shit, blaming me.
“I’m not a mind reader Mum, and when I do call you, you’re always too busy to talk,” I snapped.
“You should call me to find out what is going on in the family,” she bit back.
“It works both ways. I’m busy working all the time, and sometimes I forget and need to be notified, especially in an emergency. You called Harriot without a problem,” I said.
“That’s because she cares, and you don’t.”
I was totally flabbergasted at that. I was never going to win this argument.
“So what happened, is Grandma alright now?” I asked, not needing to elaborate on her comment, even if the knife twisted in my heart.
“She fell and broke her arm, and yes, she’s ok,” she told me.
“Seriously Mum, that is bad. You should have called” I said through gritted teeth ringing off without bothering to say goodbye.
I crawled into bed with a heavy head and heart. I’d see my Grandmother tomorrow, right now I would be of no use to anyone.
Chapter Four
Ross
My heart thumped hard against my ribcage. Inside the hospital, I raced to the accident and emergency department where my mother said my grandma was. Once inside, I located them, finding Mum holding her my Grandma’s hand.
“Ross sweetheart, you didn’t need to rush here,” Mum said, standing to give me a hug.
“Damn right, I needed to come,” I argued back. There was no chance of keeping me away from the one woman I treasured all my life.
I walked to the opposite side of the bed as Grandma held her arms out wide like she always did. She wrapped her arms tightly around me and almost squeezed the life out of me before planting a kiss on my right cheek. “Oh, I am alright, sweetheart.” She said.
She moved me away, “Please tell me you have a girlfriend and you’re keeping her a secret from everyone,” she announces. This has been her line for the past, well, many years.
I lowered my head.
“Miranda, go and get us some drinks,” she ordered Mum. Clearly, I was here for the lecture again. This time despite her being in a hospital bed.
“Grandma, you should be resting, you know that right.”
I had lost count how many times she had told me off, so I rolled my eyes, preparing for it.
“Ross, my pumpkin, stop dedicating every second of your life to work, find a woman, make me a Great Grandma for goodness sake,” she said it with a sparkle in her eyes, but I knew she was serious. It was her dream to become a Great Grandma.
“I know,” I hesitated.
“You need to find someone who’ll look after you, put a smile on that damn miserable face of yours. Heck, even Calvin has managed to find his first love and marry her.”
“I get it, Gran,” my voice drifted off as I looked to the door, hoping someone would save me.
“Is there no-one, not even at work?” She continued.
I glanced at her with my puppy eyes and chewed the inside of my lip.
“There is isn’t there? I know that look, boy… come on, spill the beans and make me a happy woman…”
“Well, I’m interested in her. I was with her until I got the call from Mum about you,” I foolishly told her, aware what was coming.
Her eyes widened, “Excuse me…you dumped a woman to come rushing here?” she raised her voic
e. “Please tell me you got her number?” I scrunched up my nose like a naughty boy. “Ross, please tell me you did?”
“I was going to…look…”
Her finger came up, and I knew exactly what was coming when Mum, thankfully walked back in the waiting room.
“Are you aware that Ross was on a date this evening?” she asked.
“No,” she replied, shocked. “Were you?”
“It wasn’t a date. I met Calvin and Sophie for a meal, and Donna happened to be there…”
“The line dance teacher?” Grandma and Mum said together.
“Yes.”
“Then you ring Calvin and get her number,” Grandma added. “That’s a feisty one, she’ll keep you in line alright.”
I shook my head. My family were the absolute worse. In a good way.
“I will tomorrow, they’re celebrating tonight. Sophie is expecting,” I told them hoping to change the subject.
“I would rather hear you’re the one having a baby, my great-grandchild.”
I lifted my brows, if anyone was able to get away with giving me mouth, it was her. My life would be empty without her.
I stayed with Grandma and Mum until all tests were done and she was sent home with just some bruising. She was told to rest her ankle, and not to go chasing all the hot men…and trust me she would, and still did. My Grandma was such a character, and that was why I respected and loved her so much.
Are you free for a drink?
I messaged Calvin, hoping to hear back from him soon. My phone pinged with his reply.
Yeah, usual place and time?
I agreed. After having a stressful morning, trying to sort out a case which really was not looking hopeful, I needed to step away, reboot.
“Hey Cal,” I said strutting towards him as he was propped up at the bar wearing his grey suit.
“Hey there, how're tricks,” he asked.
“Good, I think,” I answered, and with our drinks, we located a table close to the river.
“How did things with you and Donna go?” Cal asked, sipping his hot drink. I scrunched my face.
“Yeah, good, until my Grandma got rushed into hospital, she’d fallen, but she’s ok,” I told him as a concerned frown creased his forehead. “I didn’t get her number…I don’t suppose…”
“Yeah sure, I’ll get Sophie to message it to you. So it went well?”
“Yeah, I think so. You know how it is. Anyway did you hear about the formula one race?” I said changing the subject, not wanting to talk about Donna, aware it would only make me think of her more and then the case had no chance.
Chapter Five
Donna
The next morning, I jumped into my car and headed out, calling into a store to get some fresh roses, her favourites, and a box of dark chocolate. When I turned off the engine outside her house, I simply sat and stared at the house. I had no idea what my mother had said to her, or whether I would be welcome.
I knocked at the door and waited for an answer.
“Donna,” Grandad said, surprised.
“Grandad,” I leaned forward, kissing him on the cheek while holding the flowers and chocolates.
I made my way through to the sitting room to find Gran, reading. She loved to read romance novels. If I had more time, I would have brought her some books.
“Sweetheart,” she said, smiling cheerfully. I wrapped my arms around her cuddling her, and kissing her on the cheek like I had since I was a child.
“I am so sorry, Gran, I would’ve come sooner. I only found out last night,” I told her kneeling beside her taking hold of her good hand. She glanced over me at Grandad, who stood shaking his head.
“What is it?” I asked.
“It’s nothing sweetheart…don’t you worry!” She cupped my face.
“No, please tell me?” I insisted.
“Honestly, it’s nothing for you to worry about, and you certainly don’t need to explain yourself to either one of us,” she stared into my eyes.
I sensed they knew exactly who was at fault I wasn’t here sooner.
I was watching a few line dancing videos for ideas on what I could teach the class next. I had a few ideas, but some of the moves would be harder for some people in the class. They liked the easy steps, but easy was boring. I liked a challenge, but what the dancers wanted they got.
A knock sounded at my door, and when it opened, I was greeted by Sophie.
“Hey, Donna.”
“Hey, preggy. Get in here,” I shouted, shutting down the music. She came in with Kacey instantly going to the toys and starting to pull out the princess costumes.
“So, how did it go with Ross?” she asked.
“It went well, I think,” I said, making my way into the kitchen to make a cup of tea.
“What do you mean?” she questioned leaning against the kitchen worktop folding her arms, her eyes were already positively glowing in pregnancy.
“His Grandma was rushed into hospital, so he had to leave. Anyway…my sister turned up when I’d got back, and told me that my Gran had fallen and broken her wrist a week ago,” I told her.
“Are you frigging serious?” she replied as stunned as me.
“Yep, so with me having the day off today, I went to see her, took her a bunch of flowers with her favourite chocolates, and strangely I think they know why I hadn’t visited before. I really am fed up with my family. I called my mother, and as usual, it turned into an argument. I told her I was sick of not being told anything, and she dared to tell me that I should ring more often to find out, I mean is that even normal?” I threw my hands up in exasperation.
“They are crazy and…I just don’t understand why people have to be so pathetic. Pick up the damn phone and call…” Sophie added as I passed her the cup of tea, and we sauntered outside onto the patio. Kacey joined us pushing a dolls pram.
“I’m so fed up with it Sophie, I’ve tried so hard over the years to make them proud of me, and instead, I get this. Why do I even bother, seriously? All they ever do is hurt me,” I told her as the sun-warmed down on my skin.
I love the sunshine. It always heightened my mood.
“When you’ve mentioned them in the past, I’ve thought about the situation, and I honestly believe it is nothing you’ve done. Besides, you don’t need to prove anything to anyone, but I know we all do it. We all crave that sense of acknowledgment from family, hence the reason you need a man…” she stated.
“Has Calvin spoken to Ross?” I asked, needing to get my mind off my family
“Yeah, you know those two always speak. Why?”
My heart raced, and my tummy flipped, picturing the handsome man who had sat across me doing things to my body.
“No reason, just curious.” I instantly decided to drop it.
“Did you exchange numbers?”
There was the question I knew was coming…damn you, Sophie.
“No,” I admitted.
“Why?”
“Because we didn’t have time, he was in a hurry. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I doubt he’s even interested in me. I bet he found me dull and boring,” I added.
“Are you kidding me? Dull and boring is far from what you are. Would you like his number?” she cocked her brow.
My heart hammered against my chest, this wasn’t happening, she never asked me that, did she?
“No, it’s fine. So how is Calvin?” I tried to change the subject.
“Erm…not so fast lady. Do you want his number?” she arched her brow.
“Tomorrow you have the scan, don’t you?” I recalled.
“Yeah, we do. And I know you're trying to change the topic. You need happiness, Donna, you deserve to have that special person in your life. Now whether its Ross or another person you have to try, otherwise…”
“I’ll grow damn old and on my own. I am aware of that, by the time I’ll get to have kids I’ll be running around a nursing home with a Zimmer frame,” I laughed.
“And that is something we ne
ed to stop. We need our children to grow up together. How wicked would that be? You, Ross, Calvin and me, and the little ones. It sounds good to me,” Sophie said.
“Now you’re talking out your backside.”
“You know… we’re having a little gathering tomorrow night, and you’re invited. Ross is going to be there,” Sophie hinted.
“Oh, right, ok. Do I have to come?” Sophie nodded. “Rather you than me listening to him and that his lawyer stuff,” I said jealous.
“Mmm, and you love it. I have to get going. No excuses.”
Sophie headed into the house, leaving me to ponder about Ross at hers tomorrow night, and me…stuck here with nothing to do. I sighed.
For the first time, I had to make a decision about me, my life, my future and here I was still unsure if Ross even liked me. He might just be acting pleasant simply because of who our best friends were. This was shit, total shit. Why did I always have to think negatively about everything?
Because I was always the one to fall flat on my face, to be humiliated. It had happened to me time after time and now…
I turned around to see an envelope with my name written across it in large letters and underneath a phone number and the name. Ross’s number was followed by some kisses. Sophie had left me his number. Crap, Sophie left me Ross’s number.
For what felt like hours I gawped at the number, arguing with myself about what I should do. I typed the number into my phone and ambled around the house. The phone taunted me. I was aware I could call Ross if I wanted to. But, why did I get a sick feeling he might be cross at Sophie for even giving it to me. Did she even have the right to hand out the number without his agreement?
I laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling. I kept turning my head to look at my phone. I turned my back on it and tried to get some sleep, but I had a feeling it would be a long night. Why did Ross get to me so much?
I sat up hitting the bed in frustration and picked up my kindle to start reading, but the phone on my bedside cabinet kept distracting me.
***
