“It does,” he countered, losing himself in the tight way she held him. “But…”
Laurel gazed at the creek and then up at the willow tree. “I like it here. You picked a good place for me to rest.”
His mind wanted to refuse this as truth. He decided to stop fighting, needing to get all the things he wanted to say out. “It felt right when I found this place. You would have been happy living here. We should have moved here. You would have been safe.”
She turned to him with a smile that broke his chest wide open. “I would have loved this house, you’re right.” Her gaze fell to the home behind him. “But this was never meant to be my home.”
He sucked in a harsh breath, the world feeling like it was slipping away from him. “It should have been.”
She gave a dry laugh. “Should have, could have, might have, those are all possibilities that will never be.”
His stomach roiled. He’d been saying those statements for far too long. To ground himself, prove this was truly happening, he looked out at the pebbles and gravel half-buried in the muddy creek bottom. She moved closer, leaned her head against his shoulder, and said, “You know why I’m here. You know what we have to talk about.”
Hayes shut his eyes against the exposed wound in his heart. “What if I don’t want to talk?” He enveloped her, holding her tight to him. “What if I just want to keep you like this and not let you go away again?”
“We don’t get that choice, but choose if you’re ever going to forgive yourself.”
“How can I?” he said, time seemingly halting. “It’s my fault you disappeared.”
Laurel leaned away from him. Her gaze was sharp like it used to be when she got annoyed with him. “You’re looking at this all wrong.”
“How else am I supposed to look at it? I let someone live, and that choice cost your life.”
She placed her hand on his arm, a warm, touching comfort that seemed familiar. “The alternative would have been that you killed an unarmed man. That’s not you. That won’t ever be you.”
“But if I had, you’d still be here,” he said.
She slowly shook her head. “I’m not supposed to be here. Nothing you could have done would have changed that. Maybe the manner of how I died might have changed, but I would have gone, regardless.”
“I don’t believe that.”
She laughed softly. “Not even you can change what’s written in the stars, Hayes.”
He wanted to shout that he could fix all this. Make it all right again, but control had been lost to him a long time ago. Water trickled around rocks and over twigs. Everything was too vivid. Too real. “Were you afraid…when it happened?”
She shook her head. “No. I didn’t feel anything. Didn’t hear anything. It happened so fast.”
His eyes welled. He blinked to clear his eyesight, only to make sure he kept seeing her. “It didn’t hurt?”
“Nothing hurt.”
Hayes gathered her in his arms, just for this second. He held on tight, having no idea how much time he’d get. “Did you wonder if I’d come?”
“It all happened too fast for any of that, Hayes,” she explained gently. “You have to stop blaming yourself. Don’t waste any more time. Be happy. If not for you, for her.”
He knew exactly who she was talking about. “Maisie.”
Laurel leaned away and smiled bright, the deep love for Maisie shining in her expression. “You’re nearly there. So close to having what life is all about. People. Family. Friends. Love. It’s all that matters, Hayes. If you want to do right by me, then forgive yourself for you, forgive yourself for her. Be happy. Be good to her. Be good to each other.”
Hayes shut his eyes, feeling Laurel’s pulsating energy next to him, swearing she was right there. Her floral perfume smelled the same. The press of her head on his shoulder was so familiar. The words she said, all the things he knew she’d say to him. Warmth began to fill the broken, cold, dead parts of his heart. Somewhere in his mind, he knew this couldn’t be real, but his heart didn’t listen.
“I miss you,” he told her, holding her close. “We both miss you so much.”
She met him with teary eyes. “I miss you and Maisie too.”
He caught those tears and wiped them away. “I could have saved you, if I’d only gotten there in time.”
“No, Hayes, you couldn’t,” she said, closing the distance until her arms were around him tight. “Stop slowly dying for me. I never wanted that. If you do anything now, live for me.” Then her smile warmed. “Make Maisie’s dreams come true. All of them. You and only you can do this for her.”
Hayes’s chest tightened. “I wanted your dreams to come true too.”
“They did,” Laurel said. “I had you. I had Maisie. I had everything I ever wanted and more.”
“You didn’t have time.”
She lifted her hand to his face. “Move forward. It’s time for that.”
Her voice became distant, her warmth slowly dissipating, replaced by a cold void Hayes couldn’t run from. He wanted to scream, to run to her, but suddenly, his eyes snapped open.
Shadows spread across his ceiling. “Fuck,” he breathed, sitting up, drenched in sweat, thrusting his hands in his hair. It’d all been a dream, or his subconscious, but his feet were moving anyway. When he reached the back door, he flung it open, not sure what he’d find.
The early morning was just the same. The fog. The wet earth. The quiet. He shut his eyes, swearing he could still feel Laurel right there. But when he opened them, he was alone.
16
A ping on Maisie’s window jolted her awake. The clock read 5:02. She slid out of bed, quickly moving to her window. She was completely unprepared when she realized Hayes had thrown a pebble at her window. She opened the window before he could throw another one. “What are you doing?” she called down to him.
He stood near the porch light, the morning fog hanging over the wet earth. He wore a T-shirt and jogging pants, his hair a wild mess. Obviously he’d either not slept yet or had just woken up. “We need to talk,” he called up to her.
She leaned out the window. “Now? I thought we were meeting later?”
“I couldn’t wait. I didn’t want to ring the doorbell and wake everyone up, and you’re not answering your phone.” She always silenced the ringer at bedtime. “Open the window all the way, I’m coming up.”
“You’re coming up,” she repeated, then gaped at him. “Seriously?”
He hopped up on the porch’s railing, climbed the pillar and then hoisted himself up onto the roof. Maisie’s heart raced a little bit faster the closer he got. Admittedly, this little stunt fulfilled some teenage fantasy she’d once written about in her diary.
When he reached her, she stepped aside and he climbed through the window, which she closed after him. She turned to him as he moved to her bed. “I’ve got to say this is probably the most romantic gesture anyone has ever made for me.” He sat down on the bed and then his eyes met hers, and her smile faded at the darkness in their depths, the emptiness there. “What’s wrong?”
“We need to talk.”
Her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach. She wanted to move to him, comfort him, and yet, her feet wouldn’t move her there, stuck in the worry that what he was going to say would ruin everything. “Okay. Then talk.”
He shut his eyes thrust his hands in his hair, bowed his head. “This is…this isn’t easy for me.”
The despondent tone of his voice. The shaking of his hands. The curl of his shoulders. She sat on her bed next to him and took his trembling hand. “Hayes, it’s me. Talk.”
He kept his head bowed, looking smaller than she could ever imagine he could. “I killed Laurel.”
She blinked, a cold bite hitting her stomach. “I don’t understand what just came out of your mouth.”
“I wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger, but I was the reason Laurel got shot. What you don’t know is, I was working gang crime in Denver. We had a big bu
st, but I shot the leader in the shoulder, instead of killing him, because I wanted him to be put to justice for the crime wave he spread across Denver.” Hayes gave Maisie a quick look and then averted his gaze again, his voice trembling. “That leader went after Laurel in retribution.”
Her head spun. “But they said it was a robbery gone wrong?”
“The gang’s involvement was kept out of the media because of the ongoing investigation, and because we didn’t want to spread more fear.” Maisie gripped her middle as he went on. “I hate myself for it. I wish I could go back and take that shot again. Or get there in time to protect her.”
Maisie felt the ground drop out from under her. She forced the words out of her dry throat. “Is this why you walked away from being a cop?”
His nod was slow, and he looked so very tired. “I am the reason she is dead.” His voice had never sounded so empty, so full of shame. “I was supposed to protect innocent lives, and I put a bull’s-eye on my wife’s back. I didn’t protect her. I failed her. I failed you by taking away your best friend. I failed everyone, including my honor to the badge.”
Tears flooded her eyes, coldness seeping into all the warm spots in her soul. She heard every desolate word that came out of his mouth, but she realized that, even with the shame he carried, he’d done the unthinkable days ago. He’d ignored his pain, his shame, his fear, and went back to the job to protect Maisie. To right a wrong in her life. “Is this what you were keeping from me?”
“I didn’t protect her,” he barely whispered. “I was worried you’d hate me. That I’d break your heart all over again by telling you this. But deep down, I’m also scared that I won’t be able to protect you if the time comes. I can’t lose you, Maisie.”
He thought he’d failed Laurel. That he’d fail Maisie too. Her heart broke for him as she cupped his face and forced him to look at her. Tears were in his eyes, and that pain slowed time around her. “Hayes, my God, is this what you’ve been carrying with you all this time?”
His voice blistered. “It’s the truth—”
“No,” she snapped, unable to control the raw emotion fueling her voice. “It’s not the truth. This is a lie that your pain has told you. Laurel’s death isn’t your fault. The man you shot in the street did that to her.”
“But I—” She placed a hand over his mouth.
“You need to listen to me now,” she said firmly. “I refuse to let you live another day thinking that you’ve somehow caused this. You did not cause Laurel’s death.”
He shut his eyes.
“Look at me, Hayes,” she snapped. He opened his eyes to the tears in hers. “This is not your fault. You didn’t put a bull’s-eye on Laurel’s back. An evil person hunted her. And if I have to tell you that every fucking day for the rest of my life until you believe me, then that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
He placed his hands over hers on his face. “For the rest of your life?”
“Yes. For the rest of my life.” She tightened her hands. “We didn’t go through all this to have you hate yourself for something you couldn’t control. Don’t let him win like that.”
Raw emotion bled in his gaze as his expression turned warm and attentive on her. “If it weren’t for you, I don’t know where I would have ended up. You picked me up when I couldn’t get off the ground. You stayed right there when any other sane person would have walked away. You breathed life back into me.” Her breath hitched, and tears rained down her cheeks at the truth he’d never said. He swiped her tears away and went on roughly, “I’m not sure I’ll ever achieve it, but damn will I try to show you that kind of love back.”
She took in every word he said. She rose up on her knees, closing the space between them. “Hayes Taylor, are you telling me that you love me?”
The corners of his mouth curved. He brushed his thumbs across her cheeks. “Maisie Carter, of course I love you.”
“Well,” she said, warmth radiating out of her chest, “it’s about damn time you admit it, because I love you too.”
His mouth sealed over hers, and all the things she didn’t know about Hayes suddenly blended into one truth. Somehow, against all the odds, against all the pain, against all the misery, they found a way through the darkness of grief and made it out on the other side. That wound would remain, bleeding with guilt, but she’d help heal it.
When urgency overtook all the raw emotion, they ripped at each other’s clothes until he lifted her onto the bed and covered her body with is. Bare beneath him, there was nothing between them now. No more dark lie causing Hayes to keep his distance. No more fears pulling him away. His heart was bared to her, and she held it tight.
“I want to feel you,” he said, pressing a kiss near her ear, his hardened length stroking over her wet sex. “Are you protected?”
“I’m on the pill.” Breathless, she angled her chin, allowing his access. “No STIs either.”
“I’m safe too.” His head lifted, gaze locked onto her. Emotion and rawness lived in those eyes. Love. Every single part of her soul, he knew; the darkest of the dark; every weak spot, and every great and strong one too. And she knew his, felt all of him now.
Locked in his smoldering eyes, he lifted his hips, placing his tip at her entrance, waiting for permission. She slid her legs up around his hips and guided him deep inside her. She moaned. He groaned. And if he planned on saying something else, those words died as he slid in and out, a low growl ruminating from deep in his throat, pushing all of him inside her.
She lost herself in the pleasure when his hand pressed to her hip, pinning her to the mattress while he worked her in long, slow strokes. She explored the flexing muscles of his shoulders when he sealed his mouth over hers in a move so possessive, she felt all the unknowns, all the questions about them, immediately disappear. He couldn’t get any closer, keeping himself pressed against her, his weight leaning on his arms as each thrust became harder and faster. She squeezed harder, desperate to keep him in. Because this wasn’t just sex. With them, it was always more.
“You’ve got me, Maisie,” he whispered against her mouth. “All of me.”
“Yes,” she breathed. “I love you, Hayes.”
He kissed her cheek, her neck, then brushed against her ear. “I love you.”
He had a point to make, and he made it. One hard thrust after another. Each one sending her back arching and her toes curling as his pelvis fed pleasure to her clit, along with the thick hardness driving inside her, making her feel perfectly full of his love.
That’s when she froze, wanting this to last a lifetime. Right there, in this bliss with him. But then she was falling into this new place. A safe place. A happy place. A feeling she’d chase again and again, and this time, locked together, he went with her.
17
Two weeks later, early on a Saturday, Hayes’s suggestion to spend the morning downtown turned into an impromptu trip to the farmer’s market. Maisie caught the sizzle of meat and the vendors calling out to customers. She had dragged him into the market before he even knew where she was going. In the park on Main Street, Maisie passed by the rows of tables and booths filled with local, seasonal produce. Off in the distance, the Rocky Mountains and their snowy peaks stood high.
“What about steaks and zucchini for dinner?” Hayes asked, his gaze on the produce booth.
“Yes, and yes.” She smiled.
He dropped a quick kiss on her lips. “I’ll catch up.”
“Okay.”
With him moving toward the booth, Maisie kept walking ahead, drawn by the floral scent coming from the roses and lavender ahead of her. Two weeks had gone by since the party at the brewery, and she still didn’t exactly know where she was going to go from here. She knew she’d done her part to push the brewery ahead and help them stand out in the crowd of craft breweries in Colorado. Clara had given her a way out to find her own path now, whatever that may be. She’d be crazy not to take it. And yet…and yet what else was she going to do? A handful of part-time
jobs to make ends meet wasn’t satisfying anymore, and as much as she loved throwing the parties at the brewery, and would continue to do so, she needed something…more.
The thought stayed with her as she stopped by the booth with the fresh flowers. “I’ll take a dozen of the daisies, please.” Her absolute favorite.
“Wonderful choice.” The lady behind the table began packing them up.
Warmth and strength engulfed Maisie, and quite possibly the yummiest cologne known to man, as Hayes wrapped his arms around her from behind. “I love that, in a farmer’s market, you go straight to the flowers.”
“Why, what’s wrong with buying flowers?” she asked, leaning back into him.
“Nothing wrong with it, but I think it’s sweet you always gravitate to all the beautiful things.” He kissed her neck and said softly in her ear, “You just can’t help it.”
She smiled and stayed there for a minute. Just being happy. They deserved that.
When the lady brought the bundle of flowers over, Maisie paid for them. “Thanks.”
“Enjoy the lovely day,” the woman said with a smile.
They carried on through the market, striding by the booth with the woodsy scent from the smoky cured meats when Hayes asked, “Can I show you something? It’s not far from here.”
She noted the twinkle in his eyes. “Am I in for a surprise?”
He hemmed and hawed a little, and then he gave a big, bright smile. One that Maisie hadn’t seen in a very long time. “I’d say that’s a definite yes.”
She grinned in return and linked arms with him. “Then yes, you know I love a good surprise.”
Soon, they left the crowded market behind, making it back onto Main Street. People flooded downtown on Saturdays, not only for the market, but for all the quaint little shops the downtown had to offer. They strode past a food truck, and Maisie’s mouth watered at the greasy aroma flowing out in the air. A look at the giant burger with overflowing cheese had her turning toward Hayes. “We need to come back here for lunch before we go home.”
Sassy Blonde: USA TODAY BESTSELLING AUTHOR Page 18
