by Brian Godawa
Joshua shoved his sword through Balaam and pinned him up against the wall.
He withdrew the blade and Balaam fell to the ground clutching his bleeding gut and groaning in pain.
And then Joshua began to hack at Balaam with his sword. The gurgling screams of the dying seer echoed through the cave.
Blood splattered against the wall and all over Joshua.
Balaam’s screams ceased as his life left his body. But Joshua kept hacking like a madman in mindless fury until he was covered in gore.
A shudder went through Caleb because Joshua’s visage reminded Caleb of Ashtart, the goddess of war drenched in the blood of her berserking terror.
This was not right.
“Joshua!” yelled Caleb.
But Joshua did not stop.
“JOSHUA!”
Caleb held Joshua’s arm from another swing.
Joshua spun and shoved Caleb to the ground.
He then released his fury upon Caleb, who barely drew his sword in time to block the barrage of blows raining down upon him.
“Commander!” yelled Caleb.
But Joshua kept pummeling him, eyes filled with blinding rage.
Caleb would not return the blows. He would not fight his Commander, his friend.
Caleb’s strength was not comparable to Joshua’s. He was weakening. And he would not go on the offensive.
But then Joshua hit Caleb’s sword out of his hands and it clattered against the rock wall.
Joshua raised his sword high to plunge it into his comrade.
In his eyes, Caleb saw the fury of madness.
Caleb yelled, “In the name of Yahweh, Joshua, stop!”
And Joshua stopped in mid-air.
His eyes suddenly filled with sanity.
He lowered his blade.
His conscience flowed over him.
His sword dropped to the ground.
He fell to his knees.
And he broke down weeping.
Caleb breathed a deep sigh of relief. He had been saved. Yahweh had spared him from the madness of his General, the man whom he now held in his arms like a crying child.
No words were needed. They both knew what had happened. Joshua had been overcome by his own righteous indignation. He had become so obsessed with Yahweh’s war that he forgot he was a servant and not the sovereign. He became momentarily blinded by the delusion that he could do no wrong. And when his hatred for evil was projected outward, he was overwhelmed by his rage and forgot the evil in himself.
His momentary madness was the potential of every living person. This simple yet profound truth was what kept Caleb humble in his own perception of himself.
Being an instrument of Yahweh’s wrath was a dangerous responsibility that was not without its damage to the human soul. This new age of iron was a violent and wicked world. The Creator, though being the foundation of all that is good and true and beautiful, had to confront that world of wickedness with the righteous fire of holy violence, otherwise evil would fester and cannibalize everything.
But the problem was that the instruments of Yahweh’s wrath were still men. And the taking of human life, though morally justified, was still the destruction of man created in the image of Yahweh. And once you had taken human life, it changed you. You were no longer an innocent. You had stepped into a polluted river of pain that cried out for redemption, for atonement.
Joshua and Caleb stayed outside the camp of Israel for seven days of purification, along with Othniel and all the men who had killed anyone in the destruction of Midian. It was required of Yahweh as a consecration of his holiness. Even the spoils that they captured would have to be purified.
They killed every male, adult and child, and every woman who had lain with a man, since these were the ones who had seduced the sons of Israel into their idolatry. The young girls who had not lain with men were taken as captives. These captives as well as their clothes, and personal items were all cleansed in the waters of baptism, along with the Israelite soldiers.
Thousands of sheep, cattle, and donkeys were also cleansed through water as spoils of war and divided among the peoples. So too the thousands of shekels of items of silver, gold, bronze, and iron were purified through fire and also apportioned out to the tribes.
On the final day of purification, Joshua and Caleb were getting ready to return to camp. They were in Joshua’s tent eating a small meal of goat and bread.
Joshua took a sip of wine from his goatskin flask.
Caleb watched him closely. He had been watching Joshua closely these seven days.
Joshua looked refreshed. And he looked different. Like he was a changed man from the one whose pursuit of rigid excessive holiness rose to a crescendo of self-righteous vengeance and hate.
He had come to the end of himself and was crushed by his own unrighteousness. He had learned that his entire goal of being what Moses was not, a perfect man of obedience to the laws of God, was a delusion.
Joshua was a broken man.
All he had left was his faith in Yahweh.
And Caleb knew that was all he needed.
Joshua, however, was not so sure.
“Caleb, I do not know that I can face the congregation and Moses.”
“Why not?”
“Because I failed them, and I failed my god.”
“That is why we have atonement, Joshua. Or are you saying Yahweh does not know what he is doing?”
“Of course, not, my gadfly friend.”
Caleb smiled at the remark.
But an ominous tone came over Joshua, “I have not told you everything.”
Caleb waited for him to gather the courage to speak.
Joshua finally said, “When I was hewing the body of Balaam, I saw who I really was. And I saw great darkness. I saw the Abyss.”
“Welcome to the human race,” said Caleb.
“No. This was more than mere sinfulness. I fear that the madness you saw was not temporary. It was who I truly am.”
Caleb was silent.
“I am going to resign as general of the army upon my return to the camp. I will recommend to Moses that you are fully capable of replacing me—more than capable. More a leader than I.”
“No,” said Caleb. “That is not true, Joshua. You must not do this.”
“There is nothing else I can do, Caleb. I am sorry for what I put you through. I have failed my people and my god. I have failed my truest friend. Let me make this right.”
Chapter 29
The congregation of Israel gathered in the open areas and aisles around the tabernacle to hear Moses speak to them. He had recently been up to the heights of Mount Nebo to speak with Yahweh, so he was veiled again because of his transfigured brightness.
Joshua had not been available to assist him because he was outside the camp according to the laws of atonement. So Moses had asked Eleazer and his son, Phineas to accompany him. Eleazer was wearing his high priestly garments, with turban, blue garments, ephod, and breastplate of righteousness.
But today was the day that Joshua and his soldiers returned to camp after being purified. Joshua met Moses at the Tent of Meeting and the two of them embraced.
Joshua said with sad eyes, “Moses, I have to speak with you.”
Moses looked at Joshua. He could tell something was wrong with him. He looked troubled, like the fight had been beaten out of him.
“We will speak, Joshua,” said Moses. “But first, I have a word from Yahweh. There will be much of interest to you.”
Joshua sighed with discouragement. His spirit felt so heavy, he wanted to confess his tortured soul, release the burden, and accept his fading relevance into the mists of forgotten history.
He followed Moses to the open gateway of the tabernacle. He looked out upon the masses of Israelites. His brethren. Those he was sworn to protect with his very life. Every one of them, precious in the eyes of their shepherd, their father, their god.
They applauded and shouted praises to Yahweh, but also to his se
rvant Moses and their deliverer Joshua.
It made Joshua sick to his stomach. He had failed them, and they held him in such high regard. It was a mockery of the truth. He could not wait to get it all over with.
But he also knew how fickle the masses were. They would worship you when you brought them success or food for their bellies, but they would impale you on a pole if you crossed them, or failed to live up to their expectations.
The people were a mob.
Yahweh did not pick them because they were more righteous than the other nations, or for anything in themselves. He chose them as his people from his own mysterious sovereign will, for his own mysterious sovereign purposes.
Joshua’s eyes met Caleb’s. Caleb was watching his beloved commander with heartfelt concern. He smiled to assure Joshua he was with him in heart and soul, even if he disagreed with what Joshua was about to do.
Eleazer and Phineas stepped up next to Joshua. Three new young prophets of Israel were also brought by Moses to stand in this coterie of authority. The older prophets had died out over the forty years of wandering. They were not as needed since Moses spoke face to face with Yahweh. But these new ones were being raised up for when Moses was gone, which Caleb felt was imminent.
Moses pulled off his veil and his face shone with brazen light. His voice boomed over the camp with authority. Joshua remembered when Moses relied upon his brother Aaron to be his spokesman because he had no faith in his own abilities. What a difference from those earlier days.
“Children of Israel! I have been to the mountaintop of Nebo and I have spoken with Yahweh!”
It still amazed Caleb that Moses was the only man to ever speak face to face with Yahweh and live. He would probably be the only one who ever would.
“We stand on the threshold of entrance into Canaan, the land promised to our forefathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob! I have seen this land from the mountaintop, and it is a land that Yahweh has told me I will not enter!”
The crowds murmured with gossip. How could this be? The very mouthpiece of Yahweh losing the reward after forty years of obedience?
Of course, Joshua had known of this. He was not surprised, nor was Caleb. They knew that Yahweh had vowed to withhold the promise from both Moses and Aaron for their act of consummate pride at Meribah.
Moses muttered to Joshua under the crowd’s noise, “I asked him again if he would change his mind, and he got impatient and told me ‘Enough!’ I was not to speak of it ever again.”
He turned back to the crowd. “My time is now at its end and I will be gathered to my fathers!”
More murmurs. Someone yelled, “No, Moses! You will live!”
Moses raised his hands to calm them down.
“I will die. As all men die! But Yahweh, the god of the spirits of all flesh, has appointed a new man over the congregation. He shall lead you out and bring you in so that you may not be as sheep without a shepherd.”
Joshua broke out into a cold sweat. He suspected the worst. That he would be that man. For years he had sought the honor, but now that he was about to receive it, he knew he did not deserve it and was going to turn it down. He was so unworthy of the privilege. He looked at Moses with panic.
Joshua tried to shake his head enough for Moses to see, but not the congregation.
“That man will be a man in whom is the Spirit of Yahweh, Joshua ben Nun!”
The crowd broke out into wild applause.
Joshua took the opportunity to mutter to Moses under the din, “No, Moses, you do not understand. I cannot do this.”
Moses said, “Neither could I.”
“No. What I mean is that I will not do this. I was going to resign from my command this very night.”
Moses said with a smirk, “I think Yahweh may have a difference of opinion with you.”
The prophets were nodding their heads in agreement with Moses’ proclamation. Everyone it seemed was hearing from Yahweh except Joshua.
He laid his hands upon Joshua. “By the word of Yahweh, I invest in Joshua ben Nun my authority that all the congregation of the people of Israel may obey!”
More applause. The people loved ceremonies of such royalty.
Joshua made one last attempt, “I am unworthy of this commission.”
Moses looked at him with pity. “My dear Joshua. Of course you are unworthy. But Yahweh declares you worthy. Will you finally give in and accept that you are wrong, if Yahweh himself tells you?”
Joshua looked dead into his eyes. He nodded slightly. Yes, he would. He would have to. He could not argue with Yahweh’s choice.
Moses said to Eleazer, “Bring forth the Urim and Thummim for the confirmation of the word of Yahweh.”
Joshua’s eyes went wide with fear.
Eleazer reached into his pouch that held the “Lights and Perfections.”
He held them before Joshua who had dropped to one knee in reverence.
Eleazer said with a loud voice, “Almighty God, Yahweh Elohim, we beseech you to confirm the appointment of Joshua ben Nun as leader of this people!”
And then a miracle occurred. The entire congregation went silent. Their muttering and murmuring just suddenly stopped. It was as if they were all holding their breath.
They were all holding their breath.
A gust of wind seemed to flow over the three prophets alone, blowing their cloaks with ethereal movement. They began to chant a hymn of praise. But their voices sounded strangely divine and in perfect unison, as if they were Bene Elohim from the throne of Yahweh. They had become the representative witness for the heavenly host on earth.
Eleazer reached in his chest pouch and withdrew the two gemstones.
Those in the congregation could not see them for their size, but they could see the light that they produced.
They sparkled with the glory of the Lord, and Eleazer said, “Is Joshua your chosen leader for Israel to enter Canaan?”
The lights and perfections glittered and sparkled until a beam of their light settled on Joshua’s face and he glowed in holy aura.
The crowd cheered. The prophets ceased their heavenly praise as one. Joshua looked over to see Caleb watching him with a proud smile.
So he was right again.
Moses said to Joshua, “When I am gone, these prophets will help you discern the will of Yahweh.” Joshua nodded in submission.
Moses then turned to the assembly of elders and judges, and the people behind them and gave them the charge to listen to the statutes and rules that Yahweh had given them that they would go in and take possession of the land that Yahweh was giving them.
“And beware lest you raise your eyes to heaven, and when you see the sun and the moon and the stars, all the host of heaven, you be drawn away and bow down to them and serve them, things that Yahweh your god has allotted to all the peoples under the whole heaven. But Yahweh has taken you to be a people of his own inheritance, as you are this day.”
He called heaven and earth to witness against the people that if they obeyed his Law, they would be blessed, but if they did not and did what was evil in Yahweh’s sight, they would utterly perish from the land instead of possessing it. Yahweh would scatter them among the nations.
He then read the Law that he had been writing down for so long. He recited it in the presence of the whole congregation before pronouncing a blessing upon them.
And then he concluded by saying to Joshua in the sight of all Israel, “Joshua ben Nun, be strong and courageous, for you shall lead this people into the land that Yahweh has sworn to their fathers to give them. You shall put them in possession of it. And know this: It is Yahweh who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
Joshua looked out upon the people before him. He was amazed that Yahweh would take a broken man and lead a broken people to be his own inheritance in a land of such adversity and hardship.
But there was something in the words of Moses that resonated within his soul. He had lost e
verything; his wife and family, his love, any shred of compassion, and had become a man of war. He felt like a pile of dead man’s bones that was resurrected from the grave and animated with a new spirit. He would be strong. He would be courageous. He had nothing left to lose, and everything to gain by trusting his incomparable god, the god above all gods.
Caleb did not take his eyes off his beloved general and friend. He could not contain his smile. His heart was full of hope. He was eighty-years old, but he felt so young and virile in his health and strength.
All his life he had waited for this. Now they stood at the threshold of triumphal entry into the Promised Land. Yahweh had told him that he alone would enter that land along with Joshua, while all the others of his generation had perished.
He was the son of Jephunneh, a Kenizzite, and a convert to Israel. But he had always felt that he had to prove himself by vigilant deeds of faithfulness. He had hoped to earn his worthiness to be called an Israelite.
He remembered the day he and Joshua were captured by the Anakim near the caves of Machpelah. It was that day that he set his heart upon inheriting the land where Abraham was buried. There was no land more holy than this, no land more desirable to him. He knew the monsters that ruled that territory, but he was not afraid. He would cut down every last one of them by the power of his god to claim his inheritance, his birthright.
Moses was weary from his speech. He was weary with life and with age. He was one hundred and twenty-years old. His eyes had not dimmed and his physical vigor had not abated. But his soul was weighed down with resignation. He had been the instrument of Yahweh’s deliverance out of Egypt. He had shepherded an ungrateful people in the desert for forty years; he saw great and mighty signs and wonders. Yet he too was mortal. He too failed to uphold Yahweh as holy when he rebelled at the waters of Meribah. And for his disobedience, he too would never enter the Promised Land.
To have come so far and through so much and yet not receive the reward had broken Moses’ heart. He only found consolation in the fact that Yahweh was the great “I Am,” the god of the living, not the dead. So Moses knew that he was one small but important part of Yahweh’s plan to one day bless all the nations through the Seed of Abraham. Moses was but the planting of that seed that would ultimately blossom and grow into a tree that would fill all the earth with its glory.
