Unfortunately, through the years of being lugged around, the tree died. But we want you to enjoy its final, tasty pear. It’s an original!
Also, we’re honored to present you with this CD. It’s the greatest hits of our old friend, David Cassidy. You might not know who he is, but your parents probably do. Enjoy!
Happy 1st Day of Christmas!
The Traveling Elves
December 15
On the 2nd Day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Two Turtle Doves
Dear Charlee:
There’s no other way to say it, the story behind the Two Turtle Doves is a bit embarrassing. We wrote the verse a long time ago on a family journey to Papua, New Guinea, where we knew we could find the greatest variety of doves. But when the day arrived for the big trip, I developed a case of excessive ear wax and was ordered to bed for ten days. My wife and the little elves would have to go alone.
After two long days in the air, they arrived safely at the island and set off in search of your Two Turtle Doves. They knew just what they wanted. They even had a gold cage to put them in with a diamond-bedazzled water feeder mounted on the inside.
Before long, my wife succumbed to the scorching temperatures, and while she cooled off in the ice cream section of the local grocery store, the kids dug the cell phone out from the sleigh’s glove box. They called me at home, filled me in on the latest news, and asked what they should do.
“Let Mom cool off while you go find the two urtle oves,” I said on the other end of the phone.
“What, Papa?” the little ones answered back. “We can’t hear you very well.”
“Can you hear me now?” I said and moved by the window. “Can you hear me now?”
“Kinda. What are we to buy again?” the children screamed in unison into the phone.
“TWO URLE OVES!” I was growing a bit frustrated.
“Two urple oves?” the children replied.
“Yes! That’s it!” I exclaimed, though I wasn’t precisely sure I’d heard correctly. “Bring them home whenever Mom’s cooled off.”
The kids did as they thought they were told and bought two purple gloves.
The rest, as they say, is history. We all felt so bad about the mishap that we filled the gloves with candy to make up for the faulty cell phone reception. But at least they’ll make a great tree ornament.
Enjoy your Two Purple Gloves! And whenever you sing the song in the future, you might consider singing the corrected lyrics.
Happy 2nd Day of Christmas!
The Traveling Elves
20
No Chances
Charlee’s palms were sweating inside her two purple gloves.
“Maybe you should take them off while you sleep, sweetheart.” Emily tugged on the blanket and tucked it down around Charlee’s sides. “I think you’d sleep better.”
“No, I’m okay.” Charlee held her hands above her face, turning them over and over and admiring the pair of plain purple gloves that had appeared on her doorstep just hours earlier. “Aren’t they so purple, Mom?”
Emily laughed. “Yes, sweetie, they’re very purple. I’m glad they made you happy tonight.”
Charlee rolled from her back to her side and interlocked her fingers, creating a fist pillow. She rested her head on it, her eyes locked on her mother.
Emily placed the back of her hand against Charlee’s forehead. “Hmm. You feel warm. I’m taking your temperature. Right back.”
Charlee watched her mother step out of her bedroom. She leaned over the side of her bed and checked the power on her walkie-talkie. It sat on a plastic crate nightstand and a green light reassured her that Miss Marva wasn’t far away.
Charlee missed her best friend. Even though disease and a browning winter field separated them, they’d been catching up each day, often chatting several times, but they hadn’t been in the same room since Charlee had been in Woodbrook Mercy Hospital.
She was tired of hearing radio wave descriptions of Miss Marva’s aprons. She wanted to see them for herself and help choose a spot for them on one of the many pegs and hooks.
She was tired of sending notes and drawings with Zach. They were nice, and Miss Marva usually sent back a note with a piece of candy or another surprise, but it wasn’t the same, and she suspected her friend would agree.
More than anything, Charlee missed her friend’s smile. It was big and wise. It made Charlee’s heart think everything would be all right, even when her ears heard arguments that told her otherwise. It reminded her of the goofy, mega-smile plastered on Melvin’s face, but she wasn’t a little kid anymore. She loved Melvin, but she knew his smile wasn’t by choice. It was by assembly line.
As much as she’d come to love Marva, Charlee had really grown to hate cancer. She’d learned words like chemotherapy, remission, and radiation. The big doctor words made her feel almost as sick as the drugs they gave her. The doctors had experimented with four different medications to help Charlee’s upset stomach, but even the one they finally said was working didn’t really make her stomach feel much better. It was still in knots.
Charlee looked up at the bottom of Zach’s bunk. They rarely went to sleep at the same time anymore because
she was forced to go to bed earlier than probably any kid in
27 Homes—maybe even earlier than any kid in all of Woodbrook.
Charlee imagined Zach sitting by the television and playing video games. She wished she could be sitting next to him watching him beat his high score or slay some evil enemy. Charlee would ask questions and cheer him on when he needed it, or encourage him to replay a level if he fell victim to a bad guy. Charlee knew those moments always made Zach happy, and Charlee liked to see him smiling.
Without looking, Charlee reached down to the nightstand and picked up the letter that came with her purple gloves. She read it once more and would have giggled again if she hadn’t been so exhausted. Miss Marva will never admit it, she thought, but she was already convinced the 13 Days of Christmas must have been coming from her.
“Miss me?” Charlee’s mother said, reentering the bedroom.
Charlee’s tired smile was her answer.
“Open up for the truth.” Emily carefully slid the digital thermometer under Charlee’s tongue and waited.
Charlee closed her eyes and willed her temperature down. She knew her parents called the thermometer “the truth” because she could fib about how she felt, but the digital readout could not.
They waited for the beep, and when it finally came, Charlee heard her mother take a deep breath as she pulled out the thermometer.
“Get dressed,” she said in a burst. She ran from the room shouting, “Thomas, 100.4!”
For Charlee, time went from slow-trickle seconds to a white-water rush.
Charlee was in sweatpants.
Charlee was in the minivan.
Charlee was watching a confused Zach wave good-bye from behind the trailer’s screen door.
Charlee was clutching Melvin with one arm and still wearing two purple gloves.
Charlee was in the emergency room, then an elevator, then the ICU.
Charlee was watching doctors gather and swarm over her as her temperature climbed.
Finally, lying in a bed that was not hers with a tube back in her arm, Charlee heard her mother’s words separate themselves from the loud, messy current. “I am so sorry, Charlee.” She leaned in close. “The doctor said we just can’t take any chances.”
Charlee nodded and let her heavy eyelids win the night’s long argument.
Emily kissed Charlee’s forehead and whispered, “No chances.”
December 16
On the 3rd Day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Three French Hens
Dear Charlee:
Did y
ou think we wouldn’t find you in the hospital? Nice try!
It’s true, we had to change our plans a bit to sneak past security, but we made it while you were napping. Never underestimate how close we are and how many others are watching you. Some you see, some you don’t, but we’re watching you and hoping you can go home soon.
On to Day Three!
After the shenanigans of the first two days, we were determined to get this one right. We traveled by sleigh to the heart of Paris, France, to find three genuine French hens for your gift.
The weather was warm, the cheese was soft, and the people were friendlier than usual. Ah, yes, it was a day to remember!
We happened across a little bakery tucked in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower. In the kitchen were Three French Hens working hard at the afternoon batch of hot bread and singing a lovely sounding song. Of course, we didn’t understand the words, but nevertheless, we could tell they worked in perfect harmony.
Thankfully they could speak English. We made our pitch and asked if they would like to be part of history by being your gifts for this 3rd Day of Christmas. They were thrilled! They took off their aprons and joined us in the sleigh. All was right in the universe. That is, until we were airborne.
We were not ten miles outside of Paris before we heard whimpering in the backseat.
“I miss the bakery,” one of the hens said.
“Me, too. I’m lonely,” another followed in a thick French accent.
“Is it too late to turn back?” the third hen asked loudly.
My sweet wife turned to me and suggested the Three French Hens were too homesick to leave their beloved homeland. “We should turn around. We can’t do this to them.”
I muttered under my breath, “Chickens.”
“No, dear—hens.”
We returned them to their bakery. To make up for their change of heart, they gave us this gift of four beautiful loaves of French bread. They called it “Buy Three, Get One for the Tree.”
Happy 3rd Day of Christmas!
The Traveling Elves
December 17
On the 4th Day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Four Calling Birds
Dear Charlee:
Let’s be honest. You were probably not expecting these kinds of birds. It’s true, we’ve spent years trying to explain to well-meaning folks all over the world that we never meant live calling birds that fly. I mean, how original would that have been? And yet despite our best efforts,
this Christmas, all over the world, people are thinking
of four singing birdies when they sing our song. It’s a shame.
But tonight, the misunderstandings end once and for all!
The truth is that while we were writing the fourth verse, we had a run of bad luck, and my wife had to take a side job in Los Angeles to help the family get by. She worked the phones as a telemarketer selling circus tickets. She made hundreds of calls a day and was quite good at it. In fact, she climbed up the corporate ladder and became head trainer of all new telemarketers.
One day, her boss pulled her aside and warned her that an unusual and challenging group of trainees was starting that day. They were a bunch of starving artists,
divas, and aspiring actors, and they all were trying to find their big break in Hollywood. In the meantime, they needed some extra work to pay the bills. She would have to manage their supersized egos very carefully.
She walked into the conference room to meet the newbies and couldn’t believe her eyes. They were an odd assortment indeed! They went around the room and introduced themselves.
“Hi, I’m Big Bird.”
“My name is Woodstock.”
“Call me Tweetie.”
“Meep meep, Road Runner.”
She looked past the feathers and learned to love all four birds. She took them under her . . . um . . . wing . . . if she had one . . . uh . . . you know what I mean.
She wanted them to pursue their dreams and even helped them land auditions with some of Hollywood’s hottest producers.
The rest, as they say, is history. All four birds went on to have big careers in television. Some continue acting even today. But we hope you never forget how they got their start—as four calling birds.
So, Charlee, tonight we’re happy to present you with these four small stuffed animals. We wanted to have the real Big Bird, Woodstock, Tweetie, and Road Runner show up and meet you personally, but they’re shooting a Christmas special.
Please enjoy your Four Calling Birds, and may you never again hear the song and think of four flying, messy, chirping birdies.
Happy 4th Day of Christmas!
The Traveling Elves
December 18
On the 5th Day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Five Golden Rings
Dear Charlee:
Our spies tell us you’re still under the weather at the hospital. Will you please get better soon? It’s getting tough to sneak past the guards downstairs.
Speaking of hard to believe, the adventure behind the 5th day and verse is just that—hard to believe. Almost.
“Five Golden Rings”—easy enough, right? We spent a lot of time searching the globe for rings to match the song. We needed five special rings, each with its own significance.
Obviously we started our journey in space, choosing a ring from Saturn. No one seemed to notice it was missing, though we did have to retrofit the sleigh with a special trunk addition.
The second ring was from a small village in Africa called “Around the Collar.” It wasn’t as attractive as the Saturn ring, but it was definitely unique.
The third ring came from the “Lord of the Rings.” We weren’t sure if we made the right choice, but then one of the kids started cradling the ring in the backseat and mumbling “My precious,” so we thought it must be special.
The fourth wring was found on the mysterious island of Yerneck. We’ll let your mother explain why this one was so special.
The fifth and final ring came from the Olympic logo. Did you know there used to be six rings? We’re hoping no one notices.
So that was it. We had our five glorious rings. They represented the fifth verse perfectly! All we had to do was drop them on your doorstep tonight.
Well, Charlee, a funny thing happened on our way to your neighborhood. You see, my wife needed to pick up some new toenail clippers at Walmart. While she sampled the latest models, I browsed the store, already looking ahead for tomorrow’s items. And then I saw it . . .
It was an illuminated green display with white letters and a dash of red . . .
The smell was intoxicating, like fine, aged elf cheese—but better . . .
I approached and found a box of six small golden rings. I opened it and slowly pulled one of the rings from the box. It was soft, ever so sticky, and simply beautiful. I took a bite, then another and another, and soon everything around me seemed to turn in slow motion. That’s why, to this day, verse five is sung more slowly than the rest and with extra gusto!
I looked at a man standing nearby. “What are these delicious rings?”
He answered with two of the tastiest words ever uttered in the history of the world: “Krispy Kremes.”
I decided without a moment’s hesitation that these rings needed to be yours. The rest of the family agreed, even though we had to eat a few more boxes of golden rings, just to be sure.
The famous rings we had gathered were donated to charity, and tonight we present to you a box of the real “Five Golden Rings.” Please think of these when you sing the song hereafter and forevermore.
Happy 5th Day of Christmas!
The Traveling Elves
21
Just Waiting
Marva’s eyes were fixed on the alarm clock: 6:16 a.m. When it buzzed at 6:17, she let
the noise fill her bedroom until it chased off the silence. At 6:22, she turned it off and pushed herself up in bed.
She couldn’t remember a time in her life when she’d been so tired. Not after doing laundry all day, not after cutting her own grass when she still could, not after staying up for days waiting for news from her son in Vietnam, not even when her husband was dying and, for weeks, Marva defeated sleep in a nightly battle.
Every limb ached. Marva felt each one, listening to them the way elderly people do. She waited for answers, but only heard what sounded like a debate about which leg hurt the most.
Marva wasn’t hungry; her appetite had disappeared with Charlee’s return to Woodbrook Mercy Hospital. If she really thought back in time, however, she wasn’t sure she’d truly been hungry since Thanksgiving.
Marva looked at the walkie-talkie on her nightstand. It hadn’t broadcast Charlee’s voice in four days, but still she picked it up and turned it off and on again. If she didn’t hear from Zach or Thomas or Emily by lunchtime, she’d use the walkie-talkie for an update and pretend it was Charlee on the other end.
Marva stretched her arms in front of her and the creaks sounded like a heavy man walking alone down a hardwood hallway. She hugged herself and bent forward until her spine begged her not to go further.
She put her hands at her sides and pushed up from the hard mattress, teetering on her feet a moment and using the headboard for balance. She breathed in deeply and shook her head to clear the gray colored white noise. Then Marva picked up the phone by the alarm clock and felt a breeze of relief at the sound of a dull dial tone.
Marva shuffled down the hallway in her long-sleeved nightgown. The house was cool, and Marva stopped at the thermostat in the living room to turn the temperature up. The kitchen floor was cold, and Marva considered going back to her room for socks, but she knew she’d be back on the other end of the house soon enough anyway.
She opened the curtains above the kitchen sink and looked across the field to Charlee’s trailer. A single light came from the kitchen window, and Marva imagined Thomas sitting at the table eating breakfast, or praying, or wondering how he and his family would make it through another day without Charlee’s spirit replacing the sadness in their small home.
The 13th Day of Christmas Page 10
