The thought drew her eyes to him again, and she found him watching her with an unreadable expression. Buttery sunlight glinted off his strawberry hair and made his green eyes bright. Hanna smiled at him, trying the gesture out. For so long it had been awkward—for the longest time she couldn’t bear to meet his eyes, let alone smile. Apparently pleased that she was enjoying herself, Derick sent a reserved smile back at her. Less than a second later, his attention was hijacked by the appearance of Ella, who edged in between him and the large wooden wheel that steered the boat. The wily little vixen. At least they weren’t eating each other’s faces off, though. That was something.
Hanna looked away, chiding herself for having so much bitterness in her heart toward Ella.
After all, it wasn’t Ella’s fault she had a perfect-ten body and a magnetic personality or that she managed to attract every male within a fifty-mile radius. That being said, it was a little harder to excuse the scanty bikini that did little to cover her curvy, naturally tan figure.
Recalling her earlier conviction to cheer Benny, Hanna turned to him and found him watching the very thing she was trying to avoid. There was a sadness in his eyes that wrung Hanna’s heart.
“You okay, Benny?”
He blinked, evidently surprised to find other people on the boat with him. “Yeah, I’m fine. She just reminds me of someone.” He inclined his head in Ella’s direction.
“Who, Ella?”
He nodded without taking his eyes from her. “Only in looks though. Phee was much more reserved.”
Phoebe, Hanna recalled. That was the name of his fiancée. Hanna didn’t know whether to prod him or let it go; she wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about it or not, but as he brought it up, she took a chance.
“Who was she?”
Benny gave her an oh, come on look. “Sophie already told me that you know.”
Hanna dropped her eyes. “She only gave me a synopsis. What was she like?”
His lips curved slightly, his eyes taking on a wistful glimmer as he spoke. “She was beautiful, but she didn’t know it—Ella’s polar opposite.”
Hanna looked over at the object of their hushed words and found Derick watching them with a detached sort of interest. His eyes cut from Benny to Hanna and back again, as if they were the only remotely entertaining thing on late-night TV.
A tiny tuck appeared between his brows, and Hanna found herself wondering what that little crease meant, or if it meant anything at all. He was probably glad that someone had finally taken an interest in his morose brother-in-law. All hope of reading anything in Derick’s expression expired when he put on his sunglasses.
“We were very alike,” Benny went on, finally focusing on Hanna. “I don’t think there could’ve been a more perfect match out there. That’s why I’ll never find someone else.”
When Hanna answered, she tried to do it softly. “It feels that way now, but I think once you open yourself up, you’ll see things differently.”
He gave her a skeptical look.
“You might find that someone less like you still suits you. Opposites attract, as they say.”
A mirthless laugh, a halfhearted grin. “But do they stay together?”
“I suppose that depends on how much effort they’re willing to put in.”
Benny considered her. “Maybe. Or maybe it only works for Paula Abdul.”
“And her cartoon cat boyfriend,” Hanna added, referencing the video for “Opposites Attract.”
“Isn’t that like bestiality or something?”
Hanna burst out laughing.
☼
Derick’s attention was snagged by Hanna’s peeling laughter. He hadn’t heard it in years—not since the time he always tried not to think about. What had made her laugh that way? It seemed to be her reaction to something Benny said, because he was looking down and smiling slightly himself, as if her response alone had reached him when nothing else could. What were they talking about?
Nothing Benny had to say was ever interesting, and that wasn’t likely to change, even for someone as kind as Hanna. She was probably just trying to cheer the poor guy up—it was precisely the kind of thing she would do. Still, Derick found her complete attentiveness to Benny a little much. There was being polite, and then there was being an enabler. Yes, Phoebe’s death was an unexpected tragedy and it wasn’t fair. But that was life, and wallowing in the pain didn’t bring it to an end any sooner. There was no reason to coddle the guy every second.
And then there was the way Hanna had greeted Derick with a partial, brief smile before seating herself next to Benny and beaming at him. And now, you would think they were lifelong friends rather than recent acquaintances, picking up an interrupted conversation right where it left off. The whole production made Derick feel as though he’d been in the sun too long.
“How am I doing, Captain?” Ella asked, calling Derick out of his thoughts with her big, flirtatious smile.
“Shipshape,” he answered, grateful for the distraction.
Evidently pleased, and simultaneously bored with standing motionless for so long, Ella stepped away from the helm and looped her arms around his neck instead. Derick grabbed the wheel just in time.
“I think I’ll let you take it from here,” she said, standing on her toes to kiss him.
Twenty-four hours ago he might have allowed it, but yesterday had somehow changed him, and he didn’t want to go back.
“You’re going to capsize us,” Derick told her as he positioned himself at the helm. “Besides, abandoning your post is grounds for dismissal.” He threw in a compensatory smile to soften the words.
“You’re no fun,” Ella complained, sticking out her bottom lip and flouncing off to sun herself on the bow with Sophie.
This is the problem with dating someone who isn’t old enough to have had her first high school reunion, Derick thought.
NINETEEN
BREACHED
It is something for a woman to be assured, in her eight-and-twentieth year, that she has not lost one charm of her earlier youth.
—Jane Austen, Persuasion
As the Laconia sliced through the late afternoon water of the harbor, Hanna lazed on the bow with Sophie and Ella. Even though the combination of sun exposure, swimming, and being wind dried had thoroughly exhausted her, she found herself enthralled by the process of docking the boat. Hanna watched Derick’s capable hands, the graceful yet effortless way he handled his charge, as if she was a horse he was rubbing down after a long journey. Each of his actions was an afterthought, a step in a dance he had long ago memorized. Benny said something to her, she couldn’t say what, but it was enough to break the trance and spur her into the action of disembarking.
As the whole party was positively ravenous by now, they decided to order a pizza at the marina before going home. While they waited on their order, Hanna fished her phone out of her bag and frowned. She had several missed calls and a couple of texts as well. As suspected, the missed calls turned out to be from Mary, no doubt wondering when she would return. The texts were from Eli, one to say he was thinking about her, the other to ask what her plans were for the day. A tingle of guilt coursed under her skin.
Of course she couldn’t have invited Eli along; that would be like lending out a book that didn’t belong to her in the first place. Deciding to kill two birds with one stone, she sent a message to Mary and Eli, asking them to join the group at the marina for pizza. From the tone of Mary’s answer—wouldn’t want to intrude—Hanna could tell that her sister was upset. Being fresh out of placating tactics in her worn-out state, Hanna determined to make it up to her later.
Eli responded by simply showing up. Hanna was surprised to feel a swoop of nervousness at his appearance, at the way he leaned in to say “hello” and brushed her ear with his lips. She hadn’t forgotten Eli’s master plan, but sometimes it was difficult to discern the boundary between charade and reality.
After dinner, Eli asked if he could walk Hanna home. It was
such a sweet offer that Hanna couldn’t refuse, even though she would much rather have gone home and gotten in her PJs. She really did feel entirely drained, much more than any other day she spent in the sun. Was it being on a boat that had done it? Or perhaps the sheer emotional exhaustion of the whole affair? Maybe she was coming down with something.
So engulfed was Hanna by her thoughts that she didn’t realize Eli had asked her a question until he repeated it.
“I said, what did you do today?”
“I’m sorry,” Hanna apologized. “We went sailing.”
“In the famed Laconia?” Eli asked, waggling his eyebrows and pulling a tired laugh from Hanna.
“Yes, actually.”
“That must have been weird for you after all these years.” Eli’s tone was saturated with implication.
“It was,” she admitted, her mind already rewinding to the moment she had stepped on the deck. “Like I had gone back in time or something.”
“How did you end up going with them?”
Hanna hesitated, though she didn’t know why. Eli was “in the know” when it came to her past with Derick. But it felt somehow traitorous to recount the experience at the Lymelight now, like trespassing on private property.
“He invited a bunch of us to go,” she said lamely.
Eli took that in. From his expression Hanna knew that she hadn’t convinced him, so she changed the subject.
“What do you have going on tomorrow?”
“I’m actually leaving for the weekend,” he told her. “I’m showing some of my photos to a publisher in New York.”
“Wow, that’s great, Eli!”
He dimpled at her, slowing as they neared the house. Hands in his pockets, he looked up at her with an embarrassed grin. “I don’t suppose you want to come with me?”
Hanna was positively flummoxed. Had Eli just asked her to go away with him for the weekend? Where did that fall on the smudged horizon of façade? She couldn’t accept, of course. She had to smooth things over with Mary, and she hadn’t agreed to spend the summer here just to go gallivanting off to the city with someone else. And then there was the fact that she knew very little about Eli, when it came down to it.
“I’ll take that as a no,” Eli said, his grin drooping slightly when she didn’t answer. But she could read in his eyes that he had known she would refuse, that he hadn’t expected her to agree in the first place.
“I can’t take off like that. My family needs me here. But I’m flattered that you would ask me—even if it wasn’t for my benefit.”
Eli pivoted, looked around, then set his gaze back on her. “Whose benefit is it for, then? There’s no one else here.”
Here they were again, at the line. She simply didn’t have the energy for this at the moment. “I wish you’d stop that,” she said, her irritation bleeding into her voice just a bit.
“Stop what?”
“Confusing me. I never know whether you’re being serious or hamming up your act.”
He watched her for a moment, his dark eyes unreadable. “You’re right,” he finally said. “I’m not being honest with you, and it’s not fair.”
This gave Hanna pause. Her? He wasn’t being honest with her?
Taking a step in her direction, Eli reached out and secured a lock of hair behind her ear, his eyes softening as he took in her face. When he spoke, his voice was gentle. “The truth is, I really like you. But every time I get close to telling you or showing you, you start fidgeting.”
Hanna opened her mouth to protest, then clamped it shut when she realized that her fingers were busy twisting the tail of her braid into a tight cyclone. Eli smiled wryly before taking her hands captive in his.
“None of it has been an act for me,” Eli confessed. “I missed you today. Do you think you can decide how to feel about that while I’m gone?”
Hanna dared a glance up at him. His face held such an expression of perfect tenderness that she could only nod. He smiled a bit sadly, then carefully dropped her hand. “I’ll be back Monday. Will you have dinner with me then?”
“Of course,” Hanna assured him. “Text me when and where and I’ll meet you.”
“‘Kay,” he agreed, shifting his weight from foot to foot, as if he were deliberating. His eyes locked on her mouth, and then he slowly leaned in and touched his lips to hers with unmistakable gentleness.
Hanna froze. She hadn’t been kissed by anyone except Derick—ever. A horrible thought to have at such a moment, but there it was. Though she’d had her share of awkward first dates and unwanted seconds, she had never let anyone cross the unseen border before now. But Eli was proficient at softening edges and blurring lines. Hanna hadn’t even seen him approaching the boundary line until he’d breached it.
That being said, the rashness of his actions didn’t overpower the sensation of his kiss. Hanna thought of how long it had been since she’d felt wanted—the way she did right now. Burying her fingers in his curls, Hanna stepped over the remnants of her crumbling barrier and closed the space between them.
When Eli broke the kiss a moment later, Hanna was breathless. “You sure you don’t want to come with me?” he asked, his mouth just inches from hers.
Hanna drew a steadying breath and stepped back. “I can’t.”
“Well,” Eli said in a smug tone, “Now you’ll have something else to think about while I’m gone.” What was wrong with him? He didn’t seem to be jittery or shaky or any of the things that kiss had made her feel. Shouldn’t he be just a little unsettled? It wasn’t fair.
Hanna’s prior exhaustion returned with a vengeance, and she feared that if she didn’t go inside she might just collapse on the back porch. “Good luck with your meeting,” she told him as she slid the door open. “Let me know about dinner.”
Eli grinned like a rogue, dropped her a wink, and turned away. As Hanna clocked in for her damage-control shift with Mary, she couldn’t help feeling that a door had just closed in her life. She hadn’t necessarily left the door open on purpose, but as it clicked shut she knew that some part of her had guarded that door from closure at all costs. The thought made her sad, but maybe it was time to move on. After all, Derick had done so—and she had every right to do the same.
TWENTY
FISHING for COMMITMENT
He found too late, in short, that he had entangled himself.
—Jane Austen, Persuasion
Hanna had been right about Mary—to say the least, she was put out about Hanna’s outing. To be fair, at the time Hanna didn’t know it would turn into an all day thing, so she told Mary she would be home sometime around lunch. Charles was in an equally bad temper. He’d planned to go fishing but was obliged to change plans to accommodate his wife’s fear of being left home with the kids like always, in Mary’s words.
Hanna offered to baby-sit the following night so Charles and Mary could go out on a real date. The look on her brother-in-law’s face told Hanna that she wouldn’t really be doing him a favor with the gift, but she decided to cut her losses. She was too tired to stay up trying to make the whole world happy.
With the feel of her first kiss in ages still on her lips, Hanna’s head hit the pillow, and sleep took her only a moment later.
Her dreams were beyond odd, as dreams sometimes are. They had a too-bright, surreal feel about them and made no sense whatsoever. She stood on the beach with Eli, just as she had earlier that night. He kissed her again, but when she opened her eyes it was Derick before her instead of Eli. There was a raw emotion in Derick’s eyes that hadn’t been present in Eli’s. When she discerned the contrast, Eli suddenly appeared as well, manically snapping shots of them with his camera.
When Hanna woke the next morning, the first thing she felt was a skull-splitting headache. The second was a ragged soreness at the back of her throat. Groaning, she swung her legs out of bed and sat with her head in her hands.
So, it hadn’t just been fatigue yesterday; she had been coming down with something after all. Determi
ning to get ahead of the illness, Hanna donned her hoodie and went downstairs to make herself some herbal tea. She unplaited the French braid she’d slept in and then set the kettle to boil. As she opened the tea bags, Charles came in through the back door, followed by Adam, Derick, and Benny.
“Let me just go tell Mary,” Charles told his companions before sprinting up the stairs.
Benny, who saw Hanna first, nodded a greeting.
“What’s Charles telling Mary?” Hanna asked him.
“That he’s going fishing with us,” Benny answered.
“He says ‘telling’ but I’m pretty sure it will be more like begging.” Derick added dryly. Was it Hanna’s imagination, or did his eyes do a quick up-down, taking in her appearance?
Suddenly self-conscious, Hanna pulled the hem of her hoodie down to compensate for the inadequate length of her PJ shorts. Then, realizing the action made her look like a flasher, she abandoned the venture and rescued the screeching kettle from the burner.
“My sister wasn’t very happy with me for taking off yesterday,” Hanna said, pouring scalding water over the tea bag.
“We’ve heard,” Adam said with undeveloped laughter in his voice.
“It will be good for Charles to get out this morning,” Hanna said, setting her mug down at the table and going after honey and lemon. “Can I get you guys anything? The water is hot.”
“I’ll grab a coffee at the marina before we head out,” Benny said, pulling a kitchen chair over and sitting backwards in it. “You feeling okay, Hanna? You look a little flushed.”
Great, she mentally muttered. I should just wear a sign that says “this is the color of my face, please don’t ask about it.”
Derick shook his head ever-so-slightly at Benny’s query, just enough that Hanna perceived the action.
Aloud she said, “My throat is sore and I have a huge headache.” She squeezed a generous blob of honey into the tea, then pinched a lemon wedge over the mug. Stirring, she added, “I think I’m getting sick.”
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