Mike at Wrykyn

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Mike at Wrykyn Page 4

by P. G. Wodehouse


  CHAPTER VI

  IN WHICH A TIGHT CORNER IS EVADED

  FOR a moment the situation paralysed Mike. Then he began to be equal to it. In times of excitement one thinks rapidly and clearly. The main point, the kernel of the whole thing, was that he must get into the garden somehow, and warn Wyatt. And at the same time, he must keep Mr. Wain from coming to the dormitory. He jumped out of bed, and dashed down the dark stairs.

  He had taken care to close the dining-room door after him. It was open now, and he could hear somebody moving inside the room. Evidently his retreat had been made just in time.

  He knocked at the door, and went in.

  Mr. Wain was standing at the window, looking out. He spun round at the knock, and stared in astonishment at Mike’s pyjama-clad figure. Mike, in spite of his anxiety, could barely check a laugh. Mr. Wain was a tall, thin man, with a serious face partially obscured by a grizzled beard. He wore spectacles, through which he peered owlishly at Mike. His body was wrapped in a brown dressing-gown. His hair was ruffled. He looked like some weird bird.

  “Please, sir, I thought I heard a noise,” said Mike.

  Mr. Wain continued to stare.

  “What are you doing here?” said he at last.

  “Thought I heard a noise, please, sir.”

  “A noise?”

  “Please, sir, a row.”

  “You thought you heard—”

  The thing seemed to be worrying Mr. Wain.

  “So I came down, sir,” said Mike.

  The house-master’s giant brain still appeared to be somewhat clouded. He looked about him, and, catching sight of the gramophone, drew inspiration from it.

  “Did you turn on the gramophone?” he asked.

  “Me, sir!” said Mike, with the air of a bishop accused of contributing to the Police News.

  “Of course not, of course not,” said Mr. Wain hurriedly. “Of course not. I don’t know why I asked. All this is very unsettling. What are you doing here?”

  “Thought I heard a noise, please, sir.”

  “A noise?”

  “A row, sir.”

  If it was Mr. Wain’s wish that he should spend the night playing Massa Tambo to his Massa Bones, it was not for him to balk the house-master’s innocent pleasure. He was prepared to continue the snappy dialogue till breakfast-time.

  “I think there must have been a burglar in here, Jackson.”

  “Looks like it, sir.”

  “I found the window open.”

  “He’s probably in the garden, sir.”

  Mr. Wain looked out into the garden with an annoyed expression, as if its behaviour in letting burglars be in it struck him as unworthy of a respectable garden.

  “He might be still in the house,” said Mr. Wain, ruminatively.

  “Not likely, sir.”

  “You think not?”

  “Wouldn’t be such a fool, sir. I mean, such an ass, sir.”

  “Perhaps you are right, Jackson.”

  “I shouldn’t wonder if he was hiding in the shrubbery, sir.”

  Mr. Wain looked at the shrubbery, as who should say, “Et tu, Brute!”

  “By Jove! I think I see him,” cried Mike.

  He ran to the window, and vaulted through it on to the lawn. An inarticulate protest from Mr. Wain, rendered speechless by this move just as he had been beginning to recover his faculties, and he was running across the lawn into the shrubbery. He felt that all was well. There might be a bit of a row on his return, but he could always plead overwhelming excitement.

  Wyatt was round at the back somewhere, and the problem was how to get back without being seen from the dining-room window. Fortunately a belt of evergreens ran along the path right up to the house. Mike worked his way cautiously through these till he was out of sight, then tore for the regions at the back.

  The moon had gone behind the clouds, and it was not easy to find a way through the bushes. Twice branches sprang out from nowhere, and hit Mike smartly over the shins, eliciting sharp howls of pain.

  On the second of these occasions a low voice spoke from somewhere on his right.

  “Who on earth’s that?” it said.

  Mike stopped.

  “Is that you, Wyatt? I say—”

  “Jackson!”

  The moon came out again, and Mike saw Wyatt clearly. His knees were covered with mould. He had evidently been crouching in the bushes on all fours.

  “You young ass,” said Wyatt. “You promised me that you wouldn’t get out.”

  “Yes, I know, but”

  “I heard you crashing through the shrubbery like a hundred elephants. If you must get out at night and chance being sacked, you might at least have the sense to walk quietly.”

  “Yes, but you don’t understand.”

  And Mike rapidly explained the situation.

  “But how the dickens did he hear you, if you were in the dining-room?” asked Wyatt. “It’s miles from his bedroom. You must tread like a policeman.”

  “It wasn’t that. The thing was, you see, it was rather a rotten thing to do, I suppose, but I turned on the gramophone.”

  “You—what?”

  “The gramophone. It started playing ‘The Quaint Old Bird.’ Ripping it was, till Wain came along.”

  Wyatt doubled up with noiseless laughter.

  “You’re a genius,” he said. “I never saw such a man. Well, what’s the game now? What’s the idea?”

  “I think you’d better nip back along the wall and in through the window, and I’ll go back to the dining-room. Then it’ll be all right if Wain comes and looks into the dorm. Or, if you like, you might come down too, as if you’d just woke up and thought you’d heard a row.”

  “That’s not a bad idea. All right. You dash along then. I’ll get back.”

  Mr. Wain was still in the dining-room, drinking in the beauties of the summer night through the open window. He gibbered slightly when Mike reappeared.

  “Jackson! What do you mean by running about outside the house in this way! I shall punish you very heavily. I shall certainly report the matter to the headmaster. I will not have boys rushing about the garden in their pyjamas. You will catch an exceedingly bad cold. You will do me two hundred lines, Latin and English. Exceedingly so. I will not have it. Did you not hear me call to you?”

  “Please, sir, so excited,” said Mike, standing outside with his hands on the sill.

  “You have no business to be excited. I will not have it. It is exceedingly impertinent of you.”

  “Please, sir, may I come in?”

  “Come in! Of course, come in. Have you no sense boy? You are laying the seeds of a bad cold. Come in at once.”

  Mike clambered through the window.

  “I couldn’t find him, sir. He must have got out of the garden.”

  “Undoubtedly,” said Mr. Wain. “Undoubtedly so. It was very wrong of you to search for him. You might have been seriously injured. Exceedingly so.”

  He was about to say more on the subject when Wyatt strolled into the room. Wyatt wore the rather dazed expression of one who has been aroused from deep sleep. He yawned before he spoke.

  “I thought I heard a noise, sir,” he said.

  He called Mr. Wain “father” in private, “sir” in public. The presence of Mike made this a public occasion.

  “Has there been a burglary?”

  “Yes,” said Mike, “only he has got away.”

  “Shall I go out into the garden, and have a look round, sir?” asked Wyatt helpfully.

  The question stung Mr. Wain into active eruption once more.

  “Under no circumstances whatever,” he said excitedly. “Stay where you are, James. I will not have boys running about my garden at night. It is preposterous. Inordinately so. Both of you go to bed immediately. I shall not speak to you again on this subject. I must be obeyed instantly. You hear me, Jackson? James, you understand me? To bed at once. And, if I find you outside your dormitory again tonight, you will both be punished with e
xtreme severity. I will not have this lax and reckless behaviour.”

  “But the burglar, sir?” said Wyatt.

  “We might catch him, sir,” said Mike.

  Mr. Wain’s manner changed to a slow and stately sarcasm, in much the same way as a motor-car changes gear.

  “I was under the impression,” he said, in the heavy way almost invariably affected by weak masters in their dealings with the obstreperous, “I was distinctly under the impression that I had ordered you to retire immediately to your dormitory. It is possible that you mistook my meaning. In that case I shall be happy to repeat what I said. It is also in my mind that I threatened to punish you with the utmost severity if you did not retire at once. In these circumstances, James — and you, Jackson —you will doubtless see the necessity of complying with my wishes.”

  They made it so.

  CHAPTER VII

  IN WHICH MIKE IS DISCUSSED

  TREVOR and Clowes, of Donaldson’s, were sitting in their study a week after the gramophone incident, preparatory to going on the river. At least Trevor was in the study, getting tea ready. Clowes was on the windowsill, one leg in the room, the other outside, hanging over space. He loved to sit in this attitude, watching someone else work, and giving his views on life to whoever would listen to them. Clowes was tall, and looked sad, which he was not. Trevor was shorter, and very much in earnest over all that he did. On the present occasion he was measuring out tea with a concentration worthy of a general planning a campaign.

  “One for the pot,” said Clowes.

  “All right,” breathed Trevor. “Come and help, you slacker.”

  “Too busy.”

  “You aren’t doing a stroke.”

  “My lad, I’m thinking of Life. That’s a thing you couldn’t do. I often say to people, ‘Good chap, Trevor, but can’t think of Life. Give him a teapot and half a pound of butter to mess about with,’ I say, ‘and he’s all right. But when it comes to deep thought, where is he? Among the also-rans.’ That’s what I say.”

  “Silly ass,” said Trevor, slicing bread. “What particular rot were you thinking about just then? What fun it was sitting back and watching other fellows work, I should think.”

  “My mind at the moment,” said Clowes, “was tensely occupied with the problem of brothers at school. Have you got any brothers, Trevor?”

  “One. Couple of years younger than me. I say, we shall want some more jam tomorrow. Better order it today.”

  “See it done, Tigellinus, as our old pal Nero used to remark. Where is he? Your brother, I mean.”

  “Marlborough.”

  “That shows your sense. I have always had a high opinion of your sense, Trevor. If you’d been a silly ass, you’d have let your people send him here.”

  “Why not? Shouldn’t have minded.”

  “I withdraw what I said about your sense. Consider it unsaid. I have a brother myself. Aged fifteen. Not a bad chap in his way. Like the heroes of the school stories. ‘Big blue eyes literally bubbling over with fun.’ At least, I suppose it’s fun to him. Cheek’s what I call it. My people wanted to send him here. I lodged a protest. I said, ‘One Clowes is ample for any public school.”’

  “You were right there,” said Trevor.

  “I said, ‘One Clowes is luxury, two excess.’ I pointed out that I was just on the verge of becoming rather a blood at Wrykyn, and that I didn’t want the work of years spoiled by a brother who would think it a rag to tell fellows who respected and admired me—”

  “Such as who?”

  “—Anecdotes of a chequered infancy. There are stories about me which only my brother knows. Did I want them spread about the school? No, laddie, I did not. Hence, we see my brother two terms ago, packing up his little box, and tooling off to Rugby. And here am I at Wrykyn, with an unstained reputation, loved by all who know me, revered by all who don’t; courted by boys, fawned upon by masters. People’s faces brighten when I throw them a nod. If I frown—”

  “Oh, come on,” said Trevor.

  Bread and jam and cake monopolized Clowes’s attention for the next quarter of an hour. At the end of that period, however, he returned to his subject.

  “After the serious business of the meal was concluded, and a simple hymn had been sung by those present,” he said, “Mr. Clowes resumed his very interesting remarks. We were on the subject of brothers at school. Now, take the melancholy case of Jackson Brothers. My heart bleeds for Bob.”

  “Jackson’s all right. What’s wrong with him? Besides, naturally, young Jackson came to Wrykyn when all his brothers had been here.”

  “What a rotten argument. It’s just the one used by chaps’ people, too. They think how nice it will be for all the sons to have been at the same school. It may be all right after they’ve left, but while they’re there, it’s the limit. You say Jackson’s all right. At present, perhaps, he is. But the term’s hardly started yet.”

  “Well?”

  “Look here, what’s at the bottom of this sending young brothers to the same school as elder brothers?”

  “Elder brother can keep an eye on him, I suppose.”

  “That’s just it. For once in your life you’ve touched the spot. In other words, Bob Jackson is practically responsible for the kid. That’s where the whole rotten trouble starts.”

  “Why?”

  “Well, what happens? He either lets the kid rip, in which case he may find himself any morning in the pleasant position of having to explain to his people exactly why it is that little Willie has just received the boot, and why he didn’t look after him better: or he spends all his spare time shadowing him to see that he doesn’t get into trouble. He feels that his reputation hangs on the kid’s conduct, so he broods over him like a policeman, which is pretty rotten for him and maddens the kid, who looks on him as no sportsman. Bob seems to be trying the first way, which is what I should do myself. It’s all right, so far, but, as I said, the term’s only just started.”

  “Young Jackson seems all right. What’s wrong with him? He doesn’t stick on side anyway, which he might easily do, considering his cricket.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with him in that way. I’ve talked to him several times at the nets, and he’s very decent. But his getting into trouble hasn’t anything to do with us. It’s the masters you’ve got to consider.”

  “What’s up? Does he rag?”

  “From what I gather from fellows in his form he’s got a genius for ragging. Thinks of things that don’t occur to anybody else, and does them, too.”

  “He never seems to be in extra. One always sees him about on half-holidays.”

  “That’s always the way with that sort of chap. He keeps on wriggling out of small rows till he thinks he can do anything he likes without being dropped on, and then all of a sudden he finds himself up to the eyebrows in a record smash. I don’t say young Jackson will land himself Ike that. All I say is that he’s just the sort who does. He’s asking for trouble. Besides, who do you see him about with all the time?”

  “He’s generally with Wyatt when I meet him.”

  “Yes. Well, then!”

  “What’s wrong with Wyatt? He’s one of the decentest chaps in the school.”

  “I know. But he’s working up for a tremendous row one of these days, unless he leaves before it comes off. The odds are, if Jackson’s so thick with him, that he’ll be roped into it too. Wyatt wouldn’t land him if he could help it, but he probably wouldn’t realize what he was letting the kid in for. For instance, I happen to know that Wyatt breaks out of his dorm every other night. I don’t know if he takes Jackson with him. I shouldn’t think so. But there’s nothing to prevent Jackson following him on his own. And if you’re caught at that game, it’s the boot every time.”

  Trevor looked disturbed.

  “Somebody ought to speak to Bob.”

  “What’s the good? Why worry him? Bob couldn’t do anything. You’d only make him do the policeman business, which he hasn’t time for, and which is bo
und to make rows between them. Better leave him alone.”

  “I don’t know. It would be a beastly thing for Bob if the kid did get into a really bad row.”

  “If you must tell anybody, tell the Gazeka. He’s head of Wain’s, and has got far more chance of keeping an eye on Jackson than Bob has.”

  “The Gazeka is a fool.”

  “All front teeth and side. Still, he’s on the spot. But what’s the good of worrying. It’s nothing to do with us, anyhow. Let’s stagger out, shall we?”

  Trevor’s conscientious nature, however, made it impossible for him to drop the matter. It disturbed him all the time that he and Clowes were on the river; and, walking back to the house, he resolved to see Bob about it during preparation.

  He found him in his study, oiling a bat.

  “I say, Bob,” he said, “look here. Are you busy?”

  “No. Why?”

  “It’s this way. Clowes and I were talking—”

  “If Clowes was there he was probably talking. Well?”

  “About your brother.”

  “Oh, by Jove,” said Bob, sitting up. “That reminds me. I forgot to get the evening paper. Did he get his century all right?”

  “Who?” asked Trevor, bewildered.

  “My brother, J.W. He’d made sixty-three not out against Kent in this morning’s paper. What happened?”

  “I didn’t get a paper either. I didn’t mean that brother. I meant the one here.”

  “Oh, Mike? What’s Mike been up to?”

  “Nothing as yet, that I know of; but, I say, you know, he seems a great pal of Wyatt’s.”

  “I know. I spoke to him about it.”

  “Oh, you did? That’s all right, then.”

  “Not that there’s anything wrong with Wyatt.”

  “Not a bit. Only he is rather mucking about this term, I hear. It’s his last, so I suppose he wants to have a rag.”

 

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