by Katee Robert
He took a slow step toward her. “Yes, it is. You forget, Te. I know you. I’m good, but I’d wager that you’re better. If you wanted to rip out my throat any of those times we went round in the Warren, you would have done it.”
She didn’t retreat, just watched his progress with narrowed eyes. “And bring down Nicholai’s wrath? Don’t be stupid.”
“I attacked you first both times. You had justification and the videos would prove it.” He stopped a bare inch from her. “You chose not to.”
“Maybe I forgot.”
He snorted. “Give me a little credit, Te. That mind of yours is constantly examining paths forward and picking the best one to suit your option.”
“Not always.” She spoke so softly, he barely heard her despite being so close. “You touch me and I stop thinking. It makes me crazy.”
Something unfurled in his chest, though he couldn’t begin to say if it was relief or guilt. He’d thrown out the assumption that she loved him, but he hadn’t really known. Even when she fired back her response, he hadn’t known. “You do love me.”
“Yes.” She slowly, haltingly, lifted her hands to place them on his chest. “It’s still not a good enough reason not to kill you, let alone to trust you.”
He covered her hands with his own. “Don’t trust me, then. Use me. I’m a fucking valuable asset and I might just keep you and the people you care about alive. That’s worth a whole hell of a lot; don’t act like it’s not.”
“Tristan…” Her mask cracked and for a moment, she looked so agonized, he wanted nothing more than to yank her into his arms and hold her until the moment passed. It wouldn’t help, though. Not when he was the reason she had that look on her face to begin with. Amarante’s breath shuddered out. “I promised myself I wouldn’t ask.”
“Ask.” He pressed his hands more firmly against hers, anchoring her to him. “I’ll answer truthfully.”
For a moment, he thought she’d retreat. He couldn’t hold her if she wanted to go. He knew better than to try. The only option was to wait her out and see which side of the line she’d land on. Finally, Amarante looked up at him. “Why did you leave? Why did you choose him over me?”
It was like stepping back into the past. She’d stood just as close and all but begged him to stay in that shitty room that might have been falling down around them, but was theirs in a way nothing else in the world was. Tristan had walked away then. He wouldn’t make the same mistake ever again.
He cleared his throat. “I didn’t have shit to offer you.”
“I didn’t ask—”
“Let me finish, Te. You wanted the truth. I’ll give it to you. You just have to let me finish.” He waited for her nod of confirmation to continue. “Yeah, I taught you to steal, how to avoid the cops, and how to keep your family alive. But that’s all I knew. I didn’t have resources. I was barely getting by, and with your brother learning his computer shit, you were going to leave me soon.”
Her brows drew together. “I wouldn’t have left you.”
“No, you wouldn’t. You would have brought me with you and I would have lived under you the same way your siblings do. We wouldn’t have been on equal ground. No matter what you said, you’d start holding yourself back from me the same way you do from them.”
Now she was full on glaring at him. “That’s bullshit.”
“Maybe.” Tristan shrugged. “Hindsight is a bitch, and I don’t have a convenient time travel machine to test out your theory. But the fact remains, that’s what I was feeling back then. What do you want me to say, Te? I was twenty-three and scared shitless that I was going to lose you. I knew it would piss you off if I signed on with Zhao, but he offered me more money than I could have dreamed of and a promise for training to earn more. I always planned to come back for you once I had my shit set up.” He made a face, the pain of that day still lingering despite his best efforts. “But when I came back, you were already gone.”
“Of course I was already gone. The second you left, it was too painful to stay there. Every time I turned around, I caught myself looking for you. It was easier to simply leave.” Now it was her turn to shrug. “Ryu cracked his first account the week after you left, so we had money for the first time. We relocated to California for a few years while we built up the capital to make the island purchase happen.”
“And the rest is history.”
“And the rest is history,” she repeated. Amarante didn’t drop her gaze. “It wouldn’t have mattered, you know. Even if you found me when you came back. It hurt too much for me to stand looking at you.”
He released a pent up breath. “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I don’t expect your forgiveness. I don’t need it, Te. I just need you.”
“You can’t say things like that.”
“I just did.”
She clenched her fists around the fabric of his shirt. “It will never work.”
“Won’t know until we try.”
“My family hates you.”
“Your family has met me under less than ideal circumstances. I’ll grow on them. They won’t be able to help themselves.”
She didn’t smile. “Zhao and the others will likely attempt to kill us all.”
“Attempt being the key word there.” He let his smile drop. “We can keep doing this back and forth, but you already made your choice, Te. Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”
Her shoulders dropped the tiniest bit. “I’m… scared.”
He would fight literal dragons for her, but that wasn’t what she was saying. She wasn’t scared of some outside force. She wasn’t even scared of Zhao. No, she was scared of the hurt he could bring her. “I can’t promise never to make mistakes. Hell, I can practically promise that I will make mistakes. The only thing I can promise is that you will be my priority, Te. Just you.”
“This is a mistake.”
“Only one way to find out.”
She worried her bottom lip. “Okay.”
He held perfectly still, half sure he’d misheard her. “Okay?”
“Yes.” She tugged his shirt, towing him down to her. “We’re meeting in the morning to discuss our next steps.”
He carefully set his hands on her hips, relishing the ability to simply touch her like this. “Quite a few hours until then.”
“Yes,” she whispered.
He wanted nothing more than to rip her clothes off her and fuck her until the sun crested the horizon. To lose themselves in cementing this fledgling relationship. Because that’s what it fucking was, whether she’d put a label on it or no. A relationship. There was no one else for Tristan, and he’d wait as long as it took for Amarante to settle into that truth.
But they needed to survive the coming confrontation first, and that meant he couldn’t let his baser impulses ride shotgun. Amarante needed to be at the top of her game—they both did—and going into tomorrow exhausted would be a mistake.
“Come on.” He forced himself to step back and take her hand. He could do this. He could take care of Amarante, could prove that he was here for her, not just for what she could give him. In the end, it really was that simple. He led her into her bathroom, ignoring her amused expression, and turned on the shower. “Wash. Sleep. Fuck in the morning.”
Amarante released his hand and started undressing. “Interesting plan.”
“It’s a good plan.” He sounded defensive, but he couldn’t help it. Not with her stripping in smooth, economical movements right in front of him. She stepped out of her pants and walked into the shower without even looking at him. “It’s a good plan,” he repeated.
“Are you trying to convince me… or yourself?” She ducked beneath the spray, and his mouth went dry at the way the water coursed down her body.
Tristan fumbled out of his clothes and followed her into the shower. He couldn’t stop his body’s reaction, but he could ignore it. Damn it, he was determined to ignore it.
But Amarante turned around and stepped into him, slid
ing her hands up his chest and looping her arms around his neck. “I propose a compromise.”
He clutched her to him. He couldn’t help it. Fuck, she felt good, all slippery and restlessly shifting against him. “What kind of compromise.”
She rolled her hips, pressing herself against his cock. “We fuck in the shower. We sleep. We fuck again in the morning. Then we plan our attack.”
“You’re killing me, Te.”
“That’s not the point of this endeavor.” She nipped his jaw. “I’m being reasonable.”
“Are you on birth control?”
She went still. “Yes. It seemed prudent, if not necessary.”
Thank fuck for that. He leaned back so he could see her face. “I get tested regularly, but I’m not reckless with that shit. If you want—”
“I do.” Her lips curled. “Take me, Tristan. Now.”
Yeah, right. As if he was going to waste this opportunity with a quickie. Tristan guided her around and pressed her hands to the cool tile wall. He’d already scoped out the room while he waited for her, so he knew one of the shower heads detached. The others poured warm water over them as he reached above her head for it. He pressed against her back, holding her steady, and angled the water toward her clit. A small adjustment and she jerked against him. “Oh god.”
He held steady as she shook, her hips rolling back against his cock, seeking him. “Not yet.”
“I can’t. I—” She came hard, her fingers clawing at the smooth tile. Tristan looped an arm around her waist to keep her on her feet and replaced the shower head. Amarante lolled back against him. “What the hell was that?”
“Warm up.”
She laughed hoarsely. “Zero to sixty is not warm up. It’s practically the main event.”
“Then you get two main events tonight. Lucky you.” He moved back enough that he could guide his cock into her. One smooth stroke and he was sheathed to the hilt. She gave a moan that he felt in his balls. Tristan cursed. “We get together and I’m in danger of coming in thirty seconds like some asshole sixteen-year-old.”
“Mmm.” She began moving, sliding him nearly all the way out and slamming back onto his cock. “Your lack of control is noted.”
He gripped her hips, following her rhythm. It felt good. Too good. The kind of perfection that meant something terrible would show up on its heels. But that was tomorrow. Tonight, he had Amarante and the promise of a new beginning of sorts.
Tristan would fight tooth and nail to ensure the promise flourished into reality. He meant it when he said he’d never give her up again. If he had to fight the entire world in order to keep her safe and stand at her side, he’d do it and willingly.
Amarante came again, and the combination of his name on her lips and her pussy clamping around him threw him over the edge. He pounded into her, chasing his pleasure to completion. He braced one arm on the tile to keep them on their feet. “Feel better?”
She laughed, low and sinful. “I won’t lie. It helped.”
“Good.” He shifted back and they both quickly cleaned off and finished up their shower. Tristan turned off the water and Amarante stepped out.
She shot him a look. “Don’t you dare try to dry me off.”
“Call it pampering.”
“I won’t call it anything of the sort.” She threw a fluffy white towel that he barely caught in time. “I don’t need a caretaker, Tristan.”
He knew that. Of course he knew that. Amarante was the strongest person he knew, and she was more than capable of carrying the world around on her shoulders. It didn’t mean she should have to, though. He knew better than to say as much aloud, though. He simply dried off and went through the motions of getting ready for bed beside her.
It was enough.
For now.
Chapter 21
Amarante wasn’t sure what she expected after they finished getting ready for bed, but it wasn’t for Tristan to climb into bed with her. He tucked himself around her from the back and pressed a kiss to her neck. “Sleep.”
Sleep? How was she supposed to sleep with him here, let alone touching her? She blinked into the darkness. “I’m not really a cuddler.”
“Do you want me to move?”
Did she? She didn’t know. That was the problem with Tristan. So many of her truths shifted when he entered the room. She thought she had things down, and then he’d say or do something and she’d question the very fabric of the universe. She didn’t cuddle. When she and Cora spent time together, they invariably parted ways not too long after the fact. Cora had places to be, and neither of them wanted to deal with their respective siblings getting wind of their complicated friendship. The thought of Wrath knocking on her door made her shudder. She had enough trouble without borrowing that.
Tristan smoothed a hand down her side. “Do you want me to leave?”
“No.” That, at least, was the truth. She rolled to face him. “I don’t want you to leave. I just don’t have a frame of reference for having you in my life. Fucking and plotting is one thing. Sleeping together is different.”
He nodded slowly. “What do you need from me?”
A time machine, ideally. Even as scarred emotionally as she was a kid, she’d still been innocent in some ways. She and Tristan had done any number of things required to stay alive, but with each other there was an almost precious innocence. Neither of them had that shine anymore. “I don’t know.”
He gave her a half smile. “If you ever land on an answer, let me know.”
“I will.” This was wrong. It felt awkward and strange and she was so tense, she might shatter. On impulse, Amarante moved forward and pressed her face to Tristan’s neck. She inhaled the faintest traces soap on his skin and, beneath that, the scent of the man himself. He immediately draped his arm over her hip. This wasn’t so bad. She could relax into this…
Amarante opened her eyes to find herself alone in her bed.
She sat up and pushed her hair back from her face. A quick glance at the clock confirmed that it was well past six in the morning. She’d slept through the night. She climbed slowly to her feet. If not for the faint ache in her body, she could almost convince herself that last night had been a fever dream, that she hadn’t walked into her room to find Tristan on her bed.
The bathroom door opened and the man himself emerged. “Morning, sunshine.”
“Stop that.”
He grinned around his toothbrush. “Stop what?”
“Stop being so…” She waved her hand vaguely in his direction. “Tone it down until I’m fully awake.”
“As my lady commands.” He disappeared back through the doorway, and she heard the sink running.
Amarante closed her eyes. There was so much hanging in the balance. She needed to ensure she was fully present so they could plan accordingly. Unfortunately, before they could get down to business, she’d have to deal with her siblings’ reactions to Tristan. She couldn’t very well let Kenzie or one of her brothers kill him. Not now. Not ever.
With a muffled sigh, she got ready. A quick shower. Makeup. Clothing. She skipped the reinforced clothing since they were on the Island of Ys. The only time Amarante dressed like that was during the Wild Hunt, when both enemies and allies came close to compete. No one had tried to slip a dagger between her ribs yet, but she’d be foolish not to take precautions.
By the time she finished, she found Tristan on her bed, flipping through one of the many novels she had stashed on the small bookcase next to the bed. He spoke without looking up. “Young Adult, huh I’m surprised.”
He hadn’t exactly asked for an explanation, but she gave one anyways. “Good always conquers evil in those stories. There’s always a fight, always losses, but the main character always prevails.”
He chewed on that for a moment and shut the book. “I retract my earlier statement.” He finally looked at her and whistled. “Damn, Te. I didn’t realize how into menswear I was until about a week ago.”
She willed herself not to blus
h. Tristan could be charming when he wanted to be, and he obviously wanted to be right now. Whether it was to put her at ease before the coming confrontation or for darker motives, she couldn’t be sure.
No, that was a lie.
She couldn’t keep pretending she didn’t trust him. He’d had her life in his hands half a dozen times. If he wanted to kill her, she’d be dead by now. Twice now, she’d slept at his side, completely defenseless. She couldn’t even pretend she thought Zhao had sent him at this point. Zhao didn’t give a fuck what she planned, because he had his own plans in place. With the might of his people, plus the other three families, they would win. There was little Amarante could do to fortify the island against that kind of attack, and even if she and the others ran, there were few places they could disappear to that didn’t put them dangerously close to an enemy. He’d be focused on moving against them as quickly as possible.
She had to make sure she moved first.
“It’s time.”
Instantly, the amusement disappeared from his face. He rose and moved to stand in front of her. “We’ll figure this out and kill the bastard before he has a chance to hurt anyone.”
“Anyone else.” Her chest felt too tight. “He’s hurt far too many people already.”
Tristan nodded slowly. “Anyone else.”
“Let’s go.” The impulse to take his hand rose, and she couldn’t stop herself from doing exactly that. The small touch grounded her in a way she didn’t know how to deal with. But then, Tristan had always grounded her. It was one of the reasons she’d valued his company so much. He saw her, looked past the carefully curated mask to understand the strengths and weaknesses beneath. In all this time, he’d never once flinched away from her truth. She couldn’t say that about anyone else, not even her siblings. At one point or another, they’d seen the depths she was capable of and turned away. Never for good, but it was enough to remind her that she stood apart. That she would always stand apart.
Tristan didn’t allow that distance.
She kept a hold on his hand and led the way to the hub. Everyone was already there, all six of their expanded family. Amarante stopped in the doorway, Tristan at her side, and waited for the inevitable confrontation.
