by Anna Hill
Aileen walked into the room as she continued, “Sit down and listen. You owe me that much.”
In a small act of defiance, Rebecca strode past her mother and threw away the trash she still held in her hand. Then, without looking at Aileen, she made her way over to her bed and took a seat on the edge.
Aileen towered over where Rebecca sat, locking her hands behind her back and standing rigid, as if reporting to a military officer. “I know what happened to you all at the safe house. I heard about it not from your crew, but from an Aillil officer.”
“So they know,” Rebecca whispered. Her stomach plummeted and anxiety quickly ate away any of her lingering anger.
“Yes. The death of the entire Elite Squadron was hardly going to go unnoticed.”
“They know it was me? That I killed them on my own?”
“Not every Aillil soldier knows, but those who we must fear the most do, and that’s enough.”
Rebecca’s skin prickled. The Aillil army now knew how dangerous she was. They would surely come after her with all the force they could, and she would have no choice but to use her ability. She would have to kill again. Anxiety tightened her chest, causing her breathing to become shallow and laborious.
Sensing her daughter’s pain, Aileen moved forward and sat down beside Rebecca. She wrapped her arms around Rebecca and pulled her daughter into a tight embrace. She could feel Rebecca trembling and it weighed upon her heart. How much more would her daughter have to suffer?
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I’m so very sorry. I promised I would protect you, that I would be there for you. And I wasn’t. I failed you. I’ll never forgive myself.” Aileen squeezed Rebecca, fighting back tears as she lay her head against her daughter’s.
When she’d received word of the Elite attack, of what her daughter had done, Aileen had broken down. The last time she’d cried had been when they’d ripped Rebecca from her arms so many years ago. Now it felt as if, once again, they were tearing her away. She couldn’t lose her daughter again. Not to the Aillil, and not to this curse her daughter bore.
“I killed those soldiers,” Rebecca whispered. As angry as she had been at her mother, it all melted away the moment her mother took hold of her. The strange feeling of love that burned from somewhere inside her--a love she’d never known existed--fueled a yearning to be close to this woman she barely knew. Suddenly, Rebecca felt as if she needed to tell her mother the truth, to tell Aileen about the evilness that tortured her, twisting her thoughts and tormenting her mind. If she could tell anyone, surely, it would be her mother.
“I wanted to do--”
“It’s OK,” Aileen cut Rebecca off, unable to hear any more details. She inhaled deeply, giving Rebecca one more tight squeeze before pulling back. Aileen’s eyes met her daughter and saw within them the truth she’d so greatly tried to deny. The Feiceann side was taking hold. Rebecca’s mind was already losing the battle.
Aileen looked away and rose from the bed. “I need to go patrol the woods.”
A chasm opened up within Rebecca’s chest when her mother pulled away. How could she have been so warm and loving, and then so quickly become this cold?
Aileen headed toward the door but stopped as she reached it. “Promise me…” She turned to face her daughter, pain written clearly across her face. “Promise me you won’t let it beat you.”
“Mother, I can’t do this alo--” Trembling, Rebecca was trying to ask for the help she so desperately needed. But before she could continue, Aileen strode through the door, closing it tightly behind her.
* * *
“Rebecca!” the distant voice cried out for her. “Rebecca!”
Her heart leapt into her throat, its racing pulse ringing within her ears. She wasn’t sure how she knew, but something deep inside of her recognized his voice instantly. “Dad!” she yelled back, a flood of emotions overwhelming her. He was here, somewhere close. Finally, he’d come for her. He’d come to save her.
“Rebecca! Where are you?” he called out again. His voice seemed so close and yet so far away.
“I’m here!” Rebecca shouted, urging her body to move, desperately trying to search for him. But no matter how hard she willed herself to move, she remained immobile, utterly motionless. In fact, it almost felt as if there wasn’t even a body for her to move. Something was incredibly wrong.
Attempting to quell the panic that built within her chest, Rebecca took stock of her surroundings. There was nothing, absolutely nothing; no life, no color, no light, just emptiness…and yet he was here, somewhere. He had to be. “I’m here, Dad! Please! Please help me!”
“Rebecca,” his voice called again, cutting through the nothingness that engulfed her. “Come here now.”
“I can’t,” desperation strained her voice. “Dad, help me! I can’t--I can’t find you!” Anxiety and fear overwhelmed her mind, her panicked thoughts growing disjointed. Where was she? What was happening? Why wasn’t her father coming to help her?
“Rebecca, I can’t wait much longer.”
“No, don’t leave me! Please, Dad, I need you!”
Suddenly, everything around her began to fold inward, the heavy darkness plunging toward her, crushing her from all sides. No matter how hard she fought against it, there was nothing she could do to stop it, or even slow it.
“Help!” Rebecca cried out as the last bit of air was forcibly pushed from her lungs. “Dad…please…help me…”
But the voice that met her ears was no longer her father’s. It wasn’t a voice she’d ever heard before, and it was one she never wished to hear again. It was filled with such hatred that it chilled her to her soul. As the pressure on her body grew to be unbearable, her consciousness began to falter, and her will to live rapidly disappeared, its loathing words hissed in her ears.
“The Unworthy will die.”
* * *
Rebecca breathed deeply, desperately filling her lungs with the air they craved. Wrapping her arms around her chest, Rebecca squeezed herself tightly, trying to push away the sense of panic that clung to her mind. It had been a dream, she told herself, a nightmare. But she’d heard her father; she was sure of it. That had been his real voice calling out to her.
He knew she existed. He was searching for her.
Rebecca pressed her eyes shut as the other, malicious voice cut rapidly into her thoughts. It had spoken of death, her death, she was sure of that too. As much as she resisted them, her dreams were never wrong. One day, that voice would find her, and it would kill her.
Rebecca quickly put an end to this frightening train of thought. She rolled over in her bed, tightly pulling her covers around her neck and pushing her head deeper into her soft pillow. In this moment, she felt more alone than she’d ever felt before.
“Please, Dad,” she whispered into her dark room. “I need you.”
Chapter Eight
Rebecca slipped quietly out of the giant front door, shutting it softly behind her. Turning away from the house, she filled her lungs with the crisp, fresh, outdoor air, feeling it tingle as it drifted slowly through her nostrils. She held it in her lungs for a moment, relishing the sense of tranquility that washed over her. Then, exhaling heavily, she surrounded her face with the clouds of thick white vapor that poured from her lungs.
Rebecca zipped up her winter jacket the last few inches, covering her face up to her nose. The sun wouldn’t rise for another hour or so over the frozen landscape. But, as chilly as it was, Rebecca barely felt it. Her mind was too preoccupied with getting out of the house and into nature, where she could relax. Where every worry, every dark urge that haunted her, would melt away. Right now, all Rebecca wanted was to be in the one place that made her happy, where she could finally find some serenity.
Pushing her gloved hands into her pockets, she pressed forward, off the front steps and out into the ever-deepening snowdrifts. The night was clear, only small wisps of white clouds floated in the sky above. The moon was nearly full and, so far away from civilizat
ion, thousands of stars could be seen dotting the great expanse of night sky, bestowing the white snow with a soft luminescence.
As she passed through the tree line, about 400 meters from the house, Rebecca felt a heavy weight lift off her chest. Every breath suddenly grew a little easier, every movement became more driven and direct. She was home. She was where she needed to be.
Rebecca moved along slowly, savoring the freedom of the forest. She listened to the branches crackle above her, strained by the heavy snow that collected on their boughs. Every once in a while, small tufts of the snow would slip from a high up branch and float down to the ground around her, glistening in the glow of the moon. It was magical being amongst these gentle, wooden giants, as if she’d somehow been transported to another world; a world where all her troubles ceased to exist.
Finally, after close to an hour of walking, Rebecca came to a halt. She’d been gaining elevation gradually, and by now had ascended about halfway up the closest ridge. From where she stood, she could see the sun beginning to slowly kiss the distant horizon.
Closing her eyes, Rebecca fell backward into the soft, powdery snow that had collected in this small clearing amongst the trees, feeling the snowbank slightly envelope her. She lay there for a moment, listening to the world gradually awaken around her.
Lost in her own happiness, it took a moment for Rebecca to notice the small faint presence that had begun to bridge into her mind. Recognizing the familiar sensation, and how close the hidden individual had come to her, Rebecca grew stiff below the snow. She hoped she’d sunk deep enough so as to be fully hidden, but the presence was growing closer and she didn’t like how exposed she was in the small clearing.
Tensely scanning her surroundings, Rebecca began to slowly rise, remaining as low to the ground as possible as she crept back toward the nearest tree. She’d nearly reached it when she felt the presence grow stronger, as if it had connected to her mind. It only happened for a moment, and then it was gone. But even in that second, Rebecca realized who was there.
“Liam,” she called out with her mind, trying to locate him again. He must have gone invisible, for now she couldn’t even feel his soft presence. “Liam, I know it’s you. I know you’re there.”
She stood tall, waiting for a response, for him to reconnect with her mind, but nothing happened.
“Please, Liam,” she whispered, watching her breath swirl around her. “Don’t leave me.”
There was a long silence where even the forest grew still. Then, at the corner of her mind, she felt his presence again begin to bridge with hers, connecting slowly to her mind. “I haven’t left you.”
Rebecca looked up to see Liam’s figure materialize in front of the tree line. He advanced about halfway into the clearing and stopped, leaving a fair distance between them. Even in the soft light of the early morning, his golden, eagle eyes sparkled brightly. She faltered under his intense stare, suddenly unsure of what to say to him, unsure of what to do.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, dropping her eyes to the snow at her feet.
“I have no desire to hear your apologies or excuses. If that’s all you have to say to me, then it’s better if I leave.” Liam turned on his heels and began heading back into the woods.
“No, wait!” Rebecca cried out in her head. Forgetting her earlier discomfort, she rushed out into the clearing. Taken over by a will she couldn’t control, Rebecca ran straight up to Liam. He turned just as Rebecca’s arms wrapped tightly around his waist. She buried her head into his chest, pulling him as close to her as she possibly could.
For a second, Liam fought against the urge to reciprocate, holding his body rigid, his arms stiff at his sides. But it was no use. He needed this. He needed her.
Liam gently brought his arms around her back, feeling the sincerity and compassion in her affectionate embrace. Rapidly overwhelmed by the emotions he’d fought so hard to ignore, he pressed her quivering form even closer against his body, holding onto her as if he might never let go. Bringing his chin down to rest softly upon the top of her head, he breathed in her familiar scent.
They held each other for a long time, the tender silence saying more than any words possibly could. But, as the moment stretched on, Liam’s anger began to flow back into his mind. He missed her, immensely, but he wasn’t ready to forgive her for what she’d done to him. Not yet.
Taking a deep breath, Liam gave Rebecca a final squeeze and then stepped away from her, placing a small gap between them. She’d hurt him, deeper than he’d even thought possible, and he needed--he deserved--an explanation.
As soon as he’d pulled away, Rebecca felt an emptiness seep into her. She wanted to pull him in again, to hold him close and never have to face the truth that ate away at her heart. But, with every step he took away from her, she felt the emotional rift between them grow until, even though he stood only feet from her, it felt like they were worlds apart.
“You have to tell me what happened that day.” Liam stood tall, his bright, determined eyes locking with her own. “I deserve to know the truth.”
The weight of Liam’s words forced Rebecca to break away from his stern gaze. He was right. No matter how hard it was for her, she owed him an explanation. “I still have feelings for you,” Rebecca’s voice wavered with stifled emotion as she spoke, “I never stopped.”
“Then why?” Liam struggled to hide the anger in his voice. “Why have you been pushing me away?”
“Because,” Rebecca looked back up at Liam, pain ripping away at her heart, “I never stopped having feelings for him either.” It nearly broke her to admit it, to finally say the words she’d feared for so long. How could she still want Maverick after everything he’d done to her? After everything he’d put her through? But, no matter how hard she tried to fight it, she did. No matter how much she tried to convince herself otherwise, the truth was that Maverick still held sway over her heart.
Liam took another step away from her. Even in the pale morning light she could see the deep pain etched clearly upon his face. It felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach, as if someone had torn her heart from her chest and stomped brutally upon it.
“I’m sorry,” she stepped toward him, anxiously reaching out for his hand. “I never meant to hurt you, to hurt either of you.”
Liam ripped his hand away from hers, not allowing her to touch him. Without saying another word, he turned and began marching out of the clearing.
“Please,” Rebecca fell to her knees. The emptiness in her chest spread throughout her entire body, hollowing out every last ounce of strength she had. “Please, don’t leave me. I can’t take this anymore.” Rebecca collapsed forward into her gloved hands, her body shivering with grief, tears chilling her skin as they rolled freely down her frozen cheeks. “I can’t do this alone.”
The sound of her weeping echoed in the penetrating stillness of the woods. For one horrible moment, Rebecca feared she might shatter underneath the weight of her grief.
Then, he was there; his strong arms pulling her up as they wrapped tightly around her trembling form. Instantly, his warmth enveloped her whole, surrounding her with the serenity and security she so desperately needed. Nuzzling her tear-stained face against Liam’s sturdy chest, she savored the comfort of his closeness.
“You’re not alone,” Liam whispered as he slowly stroked her hair.
Measuring her breaths, Rebecca worked to rid herself of the desolation that had consumed her. Ever since that day, ever since she’d slaughtered the Elites, the darkness within her mind had been growing, clawing dangerously at the edges of her sanity. As much as she believed she had to face her Feiceann side alone, she wanted help. She needed Liam.
As her heartbeat finally began to slow, she leaned away from Liam, looking up into his golden eyes. “You mean more to me than you know. I would do anything for you, Liam, anything.” Rebecca’s voice shook, yet she held his eyes in her fervid gaze. “But I can’t be with you right now. I can’t be with anyone. I
don’t trust myself anymore. My Feiceann side is too strong. I can’t be with someone until I know I won’t--”
“Stop,” Liam cut her off, sorrow dimming his eyes. “Please, for my sake, let’s not speak of this anymore.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“No,” Liam sighed, brushing back the hair that had fallen across her face. “I’m sorry. I should have seen what you were going through. I shouldn’t have pushed you the way I did.”
“I’m losing the battle, Liam,” Rebecca felt herself begin to tremble again. She had to tell him, she had to tell someone what was happening to her. “I can’t control it anymore. I can’t control the urges. I’m so scared that the Feiceann side is going to take me, that I’m going to lose myself to it. What if it’s who I’m meant to be? What if this darkness is who I truly am?”
“Rebecca, you can’t think like that.” He squeezed her tightly, his face growing stern. “It only wins if you let it. You’re stronger than you realize. You have to fight back.”
“I am!” Rebecca nearly shouted, her anger and panic getting the best of her. Tearing herself away from him, she stepped back and wrapped her arms around her chest, closing herself off. “I’m trying, Liam, but you don’t know what it’s like. You have no idea what I’m going through.”
“You’re right, I don’t, but I can try to help…if you’ll let me.” Liam took a step closer, closing the space that she’d created between them. He placed his hand on her arm and gave it a soft squeeze, causing her to look up and meet his affectionate gaze.
Rebecca blinked, the last of her tears falling from her misty eyes, “I’ve missed you.”
A soft presence slowly entered her mind, connecting with her, calming her in a way that no one else could. “I’ve missed you too.”
Chapter Nine
Throughout the following week, Liam and Rebecca trained incessantly. From sunrise to sunset, they worked together, practicing the different aspects of her ability until she could take no more. As hard as the work was, as much as it drained her both mentally and physically, Rebecca was grateful for it. By the time she crawled into bed each night, she was too exhausted to think about her mother or the darkness that still lingered within her mind. On most nights, she was even too worn-out to dream.
