Of course, Skull had left something behind, something that keeps me determined when I feel like giving up. His baby, now inside me, but part of him too.
So, I stick it out, getting used to the loneliness that had never been labelled that way before Skull, believing that’s the best thing to do.
In the evenings I get a call, from Vi or Jay, and even from Pyro too. Steph seems to be on the rotation as well. I smile, thinking they have probably arranged they’ll all keep in touch, but won’t overwhelm me with more than one call a day.
Tonight, it’s Pyro.
“How you doing Mel? You need anything?”
“No, Ro. I’m good.” He can’t see the tear I’ve just wiped from my eye.
There’s a pause as though he’s unused to social calls on the phone. Then, “Will you come to the clubhouse this weekend, Mel?”
“I’m going to Denver…” I’d come to realise it’s time I told the truth to my mom and dad.
“Good idea. I’ll drive you.”
It takes more than a few minutes to convince him I’m perfectly capable of driving myself, and no, I don’t need a prospect following me. In the end I promise to text him when I arrive at my parents, when I leave there and, when I get back home.
I set out early on Saturday. On the way I wondered how to approach the two difficult subjects I was going to have to broach. Which should I start with? In the end, it’s a simple enquiry about my health which makes one option flow naturally.
Mom and Dad take the news they are going to be grandparents in their stride, with a mixture of congratulations and concern. Mom asks a ton of questions about whether I’m eating well. I’m able to reassure her that I appear to be one of the lucky ones and, knock on wood, haven’t experienced morning sickness, or not as yet.
Of course, the conversation comes around to the father.
“Where’s Skull, Melissa?” Dad frowns. “Not happy he let you drive here alone. Do I need to get my shotgun out?”
My face falls as my father’s joke fails to have the effect he was going for. Then a tear starts to roll down my cheek, fast followed by another. My mom’s arms surround me, holding me close, murmuring words of comfort while Dad stands to one side, his face taut and set.
When I can finally speak, I pull away from her and try to explain. “It’s not what you think, Mom, Dad… he’s dead.”
“What the hell? Where? When? How? Oh, baby girl, come here.” Quickly I find myself in Mom’s arms again, and I sob harder into her chest, just like I had as a child. Only then it was over a broken toy, not a broken life and dreams which have died.
Their questions are so hard to answer.
“You should have told us before,” Mom says after I’ve tried my best. “We’d have come down to Pueblo, been there for you. I hate to think of you going through this alone.”
“And he didn’t know you were pregnant?” Dad waits for confirmation.
“No. Look, the situation’s terrible. It breaks my heart Dad, but the club has looked at this every which way, then the other as well. The only explanation that makes any sense is that somewhere, out there, waiting to be discovered is a body.”
I sob again, having had to put it so starkly.
“And they’re going on…?”
“His phone can’t be reached or traced. Cad thinks it’s most likely damaged.” As is its owner. “He’s not used his bank or credit cards, nor touched his bank account.”
Dad’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t ask how the club knows. “Have you reported him missing to the police?”
“Yes Dad, no sign of him. He’s not been arrested or turned up injured or dead.”
Mom looks to Dad, then me. She places her hand over my heart. “What do you feel in here, Melissa?”
I draw in a deep breath. My eyes flick to hers. “At first I refused to believe it. But as time goes on, I’ve accepted he’s gone. I have to, or else I can’t move on. It’s hard, Mom, but I need to be strong for me and the baby. No point hanging onto an impossible dream. I won’t be seeing Skull again. I know it.”
Dad doesn’t seem to know what to say. He paces the room, shaking his head. Finally, he draws to a halt in front of me. “Skull dragged you into that motorcycle club…”
“The club didn’t have anything to do with him going missing. And he dragged me, as you put it, into a family who’ve given me so much support over these past few weeks. They’re not criminals, Dad. They’re as hurt about Skull being gone as I am. It’s been good to grieve together.”
“Are you still going to consort with them? Now that he’s no longer there?”
I shrug. Pyro, I’m certain, will stay a friend. Vi, Jay and Steph too. As for the rest of the club, whatever they say now, I can’t help but think but as time goes on and the memory of Skull begins to fade, any responsibility toward me will disappear along with it. So I’m truthful in my response.
“I’ve made friends, Dad, good ones. I’ll keep those up. But I won’t be part of the club any longer.”
“I’m just glad someone was there for her, Rufus,” Mom chides him, gently. “Would rather it had been us she’d come to, but I can understand. They were the ones who were out searching.”
“I’d have spoken to the police…”
“They’ve done that too, dear. I doubt there’s more that anyone could do. Now Melissa needs to think of herself, and that grandchild of ours she’s carrying.”
Mom turns the conversation back to womanly things with a genuine interest and growing excitement in my news. Dad gives a grim nod, realising continuing talking about Skull won’t bring my man home, or provide any more answers than those I’ve already given.
He leaves the room.
It’s a weight off of my mind that they know. I’d hated keeping such a big thing from them. Over the course of the weekend, Mom offered for me to move to Denver and live with them, but I’ve got my house, job, friends, and, for now, the club back in Pueblo, so I didn’t give it any serious consideration. Her offer to come and stay with me after the birth was gratefully appreciated and accepted. What do I know about looking after a baby?
Back home my house is quiet, and my rejection of my parents offer seems perhaps hasty. But telling myself things will get better in time, I resume my routine, determined I can do this by myself.
Not that I’m totally alone. I have become used to the sound of motorcycles along the road outside, sometimes stopping, sometimes driving on.
I begin to settle in my house, the ghost of Skull becoming easier to live with. Though they try to persuade me, I don’t visit the compound, fearing it would raise his spectre all over again, when I believe I’m slowly coming to terms with my loss. It still hurts, but sometimes I can get through the day without tears.
When it becomes clear I’m not returning to the club, Pyro begins to visit regularly. To my surprise, the prospects start tidying my neglected yard, and doing handyman jobs around the house. I’ve not actually got them painting the nursery, it’s still too early for that, but they have cleared some of the junk I have stored and moved furniture which would have been too heavy for me.
Violet, Jayden and Steph visit regularly, and even Mo’s popped around. I’ve resumed baking, and now usually have a tub of something or other for them to take back with them. I’m told everyone is grateful.
I go to work, and gradually the topic of Skull going missing thankfully is dropped. I’ve offers of help from Beth and the others, even Carter offering assistance if I need anything.
I know I’m lucky to have so many people looking out for me.
If I wasn’t pregnant, maybe I wouldn’t be able to cope as well. I miss Skull with every fibre of my being, and I wish he was still here with me, but he’s not. It helps that he left me with a new life growing inside. Something to live for, a new life to love.
I’m reminded every day, from sore breasts to the additional urges to pee, and now, to the growing evidence of a different shape to my stomach.
“You’re starting
to show,” Beth points out one day as we walk to our cars after work.
“I know,” I say, proudly, stretching my top over my bump to show it off, when normally I’d hide the size of my stomach.
“When do you find out if it’s a boy or a girl?”
“Next week.” I grin. I don’t know who’s more excited, Pyro or me. He’s still determined to be with me every step of the way. “Thursday.”
“Oh, I won’t be here.”
I snap my fingers. “Of course, not. You’ll be living it up in Vegas. I forgot.”
She jumps up and down with excitement. “I can’t wait. I’ve never been and always wanted to.”
“Me too,” I laugh back, her joy is infectious. “All the sights and sounds of the strip. Not that I’m jealous.” I pout.
“Maybe you can get your friend Pyro to take you.”
I slap that down immediately. “Pyro’s not that kind of friend. He’s just looking out for me.”
“Hmm. He spends a lot of time with you.”
Because he’s doing it for his dead brother. Not for me.
Sometimes I regret that. When he places that innocent kiss to my forehead whenever he leaves me, I have to resist raising my head and accidentally letting our mouths meet.
Must be the pregnancy hormones making me horny.
Chapter Nineteen
Pyro
Mel’s got this adorable little baby bump going on. I keep sneaking glances when she’s not looking. I can’t wait until she can feel it move, and perhaps she’ll allow me to place my hand on her stomach to experience it. That’s my niece or nephew in there, I keep telling her, but really, I’m feeling almost paternal. It might not have been my sperm that created it, my dick might never have experienced the inside of her cunt whether gloved up or bare, but it doesn’t stop me feeling I’ve been with her every step of the way on her pregnancy journey.
Only one thing better would be if I got up the nerve to tell her how I really feel about her.
She’s one hundred percent focused on doing everything right for the baby and is not in the market for a man, which is lucky as I won’t need to look for places to bury a body. I know I’d kill any fucker who touched her with his hands, let alone put his cock anywhere near her.
There are so many times while I allow myself the only liberty I can take when I wish my lips could feel her mouth, and not just touch the skin of her forehead.
I’d like to think we’re good friends now. I can make her smile, laugh, and I am happy she responds to me. Of course, she hasn’t forgotten Skull, but the initial pain has lessened considerably.
I don’t want to fuck our friendship up. If I press my case and try to get more, I may end up with nothing at all.
She’s eighteen weeks now, and today we’re going to see the baby. I’m so damn excited I keep dropping my tools and can’t keep the grip on the nut I’m turning.
“Yo, Ro.”
Now I’ve an excuse to give up. I stand. “Prez.”
“Just wanted to say I hope it all goes well today. Mel’s having her ultrasound, isn’t she?”
“Yes.” I nod. I’ve been trying to keep my reaction low-key and hide my feelings from my brothers.
“I wish I’d seen Theo, you know? Not met him when he was already seven months.” His face falls. “I let Violet down, I would have been there for her if she’d have felt she could come to me.”
I don’t know what to say, so settle for, “She knows that, Prez.”
“I’m pleased, Ro, that you’re going to be there for Mel. Fuckin’ sorry that Skull can’t be.”
We both raise our fists to our hearts momentarily. Still no body, but he’s dead, we all know it. Respect to our lost brother now always shown whenever his name is mentioned.
“Couldn’t leave her to do it alone, Prez. She’s club.”
“See if you can bring her around after, Ro, she’s stayed away too long. I bet a lot of us would like to see the picture of that new Devil she’s incubating.”
I’ve already decided to pay out for the best quality one they can offer. “I’ll do that.” Hopefully I can persuade her to come to the club. Surely Mel will enjoy showing it off? As long as it plays along, we’ll know whether it’s a boy or a girl as well.
Prez suddenly grins. “I’m jealous as fuck, you know? I’ll have to wait until Vi gets pregnant again.”
I smirk. “That’s up to you, Prez.”
As he laughs, I glance up at the clock. “Well I better get going. Don’t want to be late.”
“That you don’t. Get out of here, Ro.”
I show him my middle finger as I walk off.
I take a car, Mel’s stopped riding on the back of my bike now, not so much because she’s too big, but she’s terrified she’s going to fall off. I suppose our supposition that Skull was killed in a riding accident doesn’t give her confidence.
Pulling up outside her house, I toot the horn. The door opens, and she steps out. As normal my gut clenches at just the sight of her, and my cock starts to swell. Down, fella, down. I mentally recite all the parts of an engine.
By the time Mel’s eased herself in, my chubby has, at last, diminished.
“Ready for this?” I ask as I drive down the road.
“Don’t get too excited, Ro. The baby may not cooperate, and we might not be able to see what sex it is.”
“Just seeing it will be great. Hey, what’s the matter?” My hand closes the gap between us and squeezes hers. “What’s up Mel?” Is she wishing it was Skull sitting beside her? Be strange if she wasn’t, I suppose. But sometimes, like now, I have to force myself not to get jealous of a dead brother.
But she’s not thinking about her old man. She’s got something else on her mind. “I’m scared they’ll find something wrong with the baby, Ro. What if they do? What if its organs are inside out or something? Or it doesn’t have a head, or it’s not developing properly.”
I don’t make platitudes and tell her it will be fine. What do I know? Tightening my fingers on hers once again, I just reply, “Then we’ll deal, okay? I’m right here beside you. Anything shows up wrong, we’ll find out the options and make decisions from there.”
Turning my head, I catch her eyes which are open wide. But I do hear her almost whispered reply as I focus my attention back on the road.
“What did I do to deserve a friendship with a man like you, Ro? I honestly don’t know how I’d have come this far without you.”
I have nothing to answer her with. Instead, I promise, “I’ll be with you the rest of the way too. You can’t get rid of me now. I’m like some nasty rash you’ve picked up and can’t cure, I’m here to stay.”
I turn toward her again, this time, to wink.
As I hoped, she laughs.
But she’s tense in the doctor’s office. I stay by her side, holding her hand as the nurse puts a clear liquid on her stomach, I go still when they place the wand to her skin. I hold my breath as the doctor moves it around, then feel tears prick in my eyes when I hear a cross between a fast thumping and a whoosh whooshing sound.
“There it is.” The doctor turns the screen around. “See? The head, there’s one arm, the other’s hidden, and there are the legs.
“Is it sucking its thumb?” Mel asks in wonder while I’m too choked up to speak.
“Looks like it, doesn’t it?” The doctor proceeds to take measurements and makes satisfactory sounds. “Everything looks to be exactly how we’d want it. And fits nicely with your due date.” Then she adds the words I hoped to hear, “Would you like to know what you’re having?”
“Yes,” we both say together.
“Now this is my best estimate,” she warns. “There’s still a chance I could be wrong, but from what I can see, I’m fairly confident you’re having a boy.”
A son. No, a nephew. Fuck, I have to remember that. But I couldn’t feel any prouder.
“Pyro, are you crying?” an astonished voice asks.
“Nope,” I deny it, brushing my t
ears away. “Got something in my eye.”
“Strangely that happens to a lot of dads,” the doctor says drily. “Must be dusty in here.”
Mel giggles.
“Can we have a photo, doc?” I cough to clear my throat.
“Of course.”
It’s not long before I’m holding a colour picture in my hands. I hold it reverently, before passing it and the cardboard envelope over to Mel. Her eyes are glistening, she’s completely oblivious to the nurse wiping the gel from her stomach.
“You can get dressed now.”
I sit stunned during the rest of the appointment. I’d known Mel was pregnant, sure, but actually seeing the baby? While I know it was still small, not quite six inches long and still with one fuck of a lot of growing to do, I already know I’d give up my life to keep him and his mother safe. I love him.
I don’t know how, or why, I just do. And however Mel will have me, as a friend if not a lover, I’ll be by his side as he grows. I couldn’t feel more for that blob on the screen if I was his true father.
“I didn’t expect that,” I tell her in the car, after we get in but I’ve yet to start the engine. “I didn’t expect he’d be so well formed. He was a recognisable baby.”
“Thank God,” she says with feeling, and follows her heartfelt statement up with, “I’ll tell you what I didn’t expect.”
“What?”
“You to cry.”
“If you say one word of that in the clubhouse…” I growl.
“If I promise I won’t, will you take me there now?”
I turn to her completely thunderstruck. She’s looking a bit nervous as if I’m going to refuse. For a moment I can’t say anything. My arguments to persuade her to filling my head, I find it hard to change direction. I ask to make certain I’ve understood her.
“The compound?”
She gives a small smile. “I thought going back would remind me of Skull, then I thought your brothers would soon forget me. But they haven’t, have they? Everyone who’s visited has tried to persuade me back. The club’s still got prospects doing the odd jobs. Because I hadn’t been, I kind of lost the nerve to go. But now? Now with the physical evidence of my baby inside, knowing he’s healthy and everything looks alright, I suddenly feel confident. You were right, Ro. This baby’s got more than grandparents, he’s got you and his other uncles and aunts who deserve to know him.”
Devil's Dilemma: Satan's Devils MC Colorado Chapter #4 Page 16
